Secrets
by merdermcdreaming
Summary: A MerDer fic about them both being spies for different, enemy agencies. Bad summary, so if you could read and check out the summary in the fic. It's pretty new and interesting! DISCLAIMER: Greys Characters belong to Shonda rhimes!
1. Chapter One

_**A/N: Hey everyone! This is the start of my new fic, and it's pretty different. The beginning might be a little confusing, but as you read things will clear up. Promise! :) If you could read and review, that'd be super helpful! I really like this fic idea and plan on continuing it for a while, so imput would be awesome! Thanks for reading everyone!**_

**Summary**_**: Meredith and Derek are both spies, both for enemy agencies. They know that they're spies, but they don't know which agencies each other works for. Therefore, they have to keep their relationship secret, but things get a little complicated… **_

Meredith rubbed two black streaks of eyeliner around her eye and fluffed her hair one more time. If she was going to be the hardcore, fearless agent that everyone saw her as, she had to look the part, of course. It was part of playing the role. Then again, she wasn't just playing it. It was true- she was one of the best agents the agency had seen in a long time. And she wasn't about to let them down.

Then again, Meredith didn't have your everyday career. To put it frank, Meredith was a spy. Yes, one of those kicking-bad guys-butts, show-no-mercy, knows-how-to-handle a gun spies. She knew it, and so did everyone who worked with her.

She worked for the NPA, or the National Protection Agency, one of the highest leading protecting agencies in the United States. And by protecting, that meant protecting some of the most important plans in the US- plans to build future buildings, highways, routes, war strategies, and security systems. If they got in the wrong hands, things could go very, very wrong. She was one of the highest-ranking spies, just like her mother was, and it was a giant responsibility.

Meredith sighed and walked out of the bathroom, tightening her belt one last time. She rubbed the red lipstick across her lips as she entered her kitchen, grabbing a coffee someone had laid out for her. A note sat on the table;

_I'm off to work, try not to get into too much trouble ;-) Enjoy the coffee, love you! _

_- Derek_

Derek. The name of the man she had loved for about a year now. Calling him a boyfriend would be a little off-base, as he certainly wasn't just a boyfriend. They both knew he was more than that, and both were a little scared to admit it- because of the _work _factor. Meredith flashed back to a few weeks ago…. She and Derek had revealed to each other their careers- spies. Both of them…_spies. _The thing was, they didn't know which spy organization they worked for. Revealing that wouldn't be safe… although Meredith trusted Derek with her life.

Mer had always assumed that Derek was a part of the HRGM, or the High Risk General Missions Department. He was always saying how dangerous his job was. Little did Meredith know: He did nothing like that. At _all. _

Derek ran his hands through his wavy black hair and sighed. He sat in his large black boss-like chair as his assistant rambled about the current state of the President's security again. He was sick of it. He was a doer, and didn't like all the planning. He was ready to strike, but he knew that things didn't work like that around there.

"Okay, okay…" Derek cut his assistant off, getting annoyed. "We'll deal with this later."

"B-b-but Agent Shepherd…" The girl rambled nervously.

"Get out, _now."_ Derek growled at her, and watched her scramble away from his chair nervously. He let out another exhausted sigh and swung his chair around, facing the big screen that projected the recent and current data. The letters APP flashed on the screen as well. The logo for his agency.

Attacks, Protection and Prevention was what APP stood for, of course. To most Americans, the APP didn't protect or prevent anything for them. To most Americans, the APP were whom they feared. The APP were the bad guys.

Little did those people know, the APP were trying to protect them from the governments plans for the future, some that could put the ecosystem and society in danger. Because the APP were trying to protect the Americans from the government that involved infiltrating the government, which made the US view the APP as the enemies.

"Derek!" Someone shouted from the end of the hallway. No one called Derek 'Derek' at work- it was always _boss _or _agent shepherd, _or even _agent 42A. _Well, no one except Mark, Derek's spy partner. He was a few ranks lower than Derek. Derek was one of the leaders of the agencies, behind first agent Webber and second agent Johnson.

He swung his chair around, "Mark!" He exhaled, "What's up?"

Mark waved a flash drive around in his hand. "We have attack plans." He smiled cockily. Derek sat up strait and felt adrenaline pulse through his veins. This is what they had been waiting for.

"Attack plans? From who?"

Mark smiled again, "The NPA."

Derek sighed with a smile and then got serious again: "What's their plan?"

Mark plugged the flash drive into one of many openings of Derek's large computer screen. "They're sending an agent to infiltrate the facility tomorrow. But…" Mark smiled slyly, "we got their plans."

Derek chuckled, "Yes, we do."

"What do you want us to do when we see her?"

Derek narrowed his eyebrows, "Capture. Show no mercy. They've got some questions to answer." Then he added loudly, "Prepare the facility. We'll see our little agent tomorrow."

"You want me to infiltrate the APP?" Meredith sighed, thinking about their enemies. "Tomorrow?"

Her spy partner, Cristina, nodded and smiled. "Yup. Orders from Agent Bailey herself."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." They sat in the cafeteria, eating some dry sandwiches and drinking coffee. They discussed the plans that Bailey had given her a copy of earlier that day. "It won't be easy, but you're Meredith Grey. You can do it."

Meredith took a gulp of coffee and groaned. She knew she could do it- she had done it many times before- but she just wasn't in the mood. She and Derek had dinner reservations tomorrow night, and she was guessing she now wouldn't have time to make it. "Okay."

Cristina gasped, "Okay? That's all? This is great! Bailey's actually trusting you with a mission like this." She muttered under her breath, "It should have been me."

Meredith glared at her, "What?"

"Nothing. Nothing." Cristina said, taking a bite of her sandwich. "Ignore me."

"So tomorrow, I'm infiltrating our enemies at five am?" Meredith clarified. When Cristina nodded, Meredith groaned.

"I can take it off your hands, if you want. Opportunities like these don't come around often…"

"No, no." Meredith smiled lightly, "I'll do it."

- - - - - - - _later that night _- - - -

Meredith arrived home with a sigh. She had been briefed the whole evening from Agent Bailey, and was exhausted. The house smelled like chicken. "Hello?" She called out.

"Hey!" Derek emerged from the kitchen smiling. "I made you dinner."

"Dinner?" She smiled and exhaled, "Perfect. I'm exhausted."

"Me too." Derek agreed. "But I made chicken parmesan. I mean, it's not exactly iron chef worthy, but it's still food." Meredith walked over and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks, it sounds, and smells, great."

He cocked his head to the side and smiled, "What are you thinking about?"

"Tomorrow." She couldn't lie to him, "I have a big day tomorrow."

"Me too!" He agreed wholeheartedly.

"I'm kind of worried."

He kissed her again, "I'm sure you'll do fine."

"You think so?"

"I do."

_**A/N: there it is! What do you think? Comments = love! Thanks for reading everyone! Have a great day!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the comments! They were all SO kind. They inspired me so much that I decided to write another chapter! I hope you like it! Comments = so much love! They make my day!**_

Meredith crawled through the large air vents of the APP agency, her knees aching. She had been crawling for two hours now, and was pretty sure the tiny, barely visible, kneepads she wore were wearing through. Even so, she could help but to smirk to herself. The APP still hadn't caught her- they didn't have good security systems apparently. All she needed to do was to grab the info they had about the war plans, and that's it. And they _still hadn't caught her. _The usual drill would be if they caught her, she'd escape within a second and no one would have a clue who she was or why she was there. That was the art of being a spy.

She sighed triumphantly as she arrived at the air vent she needed to get through to arrive in the hallway of the tech rooms. She whipped out her little laser sensor, and scanned the area for sensors or lasers or alarm systems. Not to her surprise, she found a few lasers and a security system. She quickly and flawlessly turned them off using another laser tool, which had come in handy before. She then went to the security system box, which stood on top of the vent. _Wow, _she thought, _this is just too easy! _Meredith turned the security alarms off effortlessly and smiled to herself. She used her laser to open up a hole in the metal vent and dropped through, landing on the ground with barely a sound. She brushed off her pants happily.

Meredith then pushed her hair out of her eyes as she searched down both hallways of the corridor, spotting no guards. Something occurred to her just then: that was a little _too _easy to be true. To be safe, she placed a few barely visible traps along the hallway. They'd beep if someone was behind her, giving her warning of any approaching enemies.

She tiptoed down the hallway quickly, aware of any and all her surroundings. She had to take a few guards out as well, kicking them in the head and knocking them out. It was elementary. She would shove them into supply closets or any other open space she could find, hiding them from sight. She even laughed to herself a few times at how simple the whole thing was. I guess she owed it all to Bailey, for getting the helpful plans to her. It made the thing much easier.

As she approached the high security room which was rumored to hold the war plans, she heard a noise. It was high pitched and quick- so quick, if she hadn't been paying attention she wouldn't have heard it. But it _was _there. And that noise meant someone was following her.

She felt her breath quicken immediately, and she pulled herself up flat against a wall and turned her head towards the hallway, listening to any more sound. _Beep, beep, beep, beep. _Four more. How many people were following her?

Meredith silently shunned herself, angry for not being more careful about walking around. She listened intently, frozen. Her heartbeat with quickening by the second. _Beep, beep, beep, beep…. _And then it was silent.

She turned her head to the right slowly, and she felt a blow hit her head. Someone had punched her. She reeled back, rubbing her cheek and looking up. Three guards were behind her- they must have been following her. She angrily replied with a hit to the stomach- a tough uppercut. He moved backwards in surprise. She smiled coyly at him, bragging, but before she could run, another guard showed up behind her and whacked her in the back of the head. As she turned around rapidly, she felt someone do a sweep to her food, knocking her down. She fell with a thump, and felt a sickening crack in her foot which followed with searing pain. _I just need to get out of here, _Meredith thought, ignoring the pain. She staggered to her feet as someone punched her in the stomach.

Before she could retort, she felt someone grab both her hands and yank them behind her back. She struggled to get out of the tight hold. "Let me go!" She said angrily, twisting herself around to get one of her hands free. Much to her dismay, another guard grabbed _that _hand that she had gotten free before she could do anything. She tried to kick, but her legs were stuck in the tight hold of cuffs. She let out a reluctant sigh and thought, _I'll do what any spy is trained to do. I'll regain my energy and not tell them anything, and either they'll let me go or I'll run away. It'll be simple. _Little did she know that it wasn't going to be quite that easy…

- - - - _Derek _- - - -

"Derek! Derek!" Derek turned to Mark, who was running down the corridor towards him. He spun around, lost in his thoughts.

"Yes?"

"We got her! We got her!" Mark shouted. Derek's ears perked up.

"Seriously?"

Mark groaned, "Yes! And she definitely knows things. Come down to hallway A4, and hurry!" He added, "And make sure you put on your angry, hardcore face. I can tell this chick isn't going down without a fight."

Derek grinned, "Of course." He followed Mark, who walked out of the room promptly, hurrying towards the exit. Derek grinned to himself. He knew how to make people talk, and he was eager to show Agent Webber what he could do. Then he would be bumped up in his ranks and be given a promotion. And that was always a confidence booster. Maybe he'd even get up the courage to ask Meredith to marry him…

He entered the end of the hallway, and Mark was already at the end, yelling at a girl that struggled away from two large guards. He smiled to himself. Derek walked down the hallway towards them, and began: "Well, well, well, looks like we finally~" But stopped midsentence. He froze as the girl looked up at him. The girl struggling and fiercely yelling back at Mark wasn't some airhead agent. It was Meredith.

He watched as Meredith looked up at him, shock flooding through her eyes. Mark laughed cockily, "Lookie here! We got her!" Derek watched in horror as one of the guards accidentally stepped on Meredith's foot, and she yelped in pain.

"What happened?" He said. Big mistake. Mark turned to him and gave him a why-do-you-care look.

"I think I may have broken her foot, Agent Shepherd." One of the guards answered promptly. Meredith looked up at Derek in pain and disbelief. She couldn't believe it. Was it really him?

"Get her some help," Derek responded. Mark grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"Dude, what are you doing?" He said in a hushed whisper. "She's an enemy. The weaker she is the better. Right?" He looked at Derek, confused, "What's going on with you, man?"

Derek shook his head, "You're right. You're right." Derek turned back to Meredith, bracing himself. "Send her to a cell. She's now our…" He gulped, "…hostage." He looked away.

"Never." She growled at him, defiance flickering in her eyes. Mark looked at Derek, nudging him to say something.

"Uh…" He took a deep breath and put on his best mad face, "Shut up. You're now our captive, and there's _nothing _you or your stupid organization can do about it." He snapped at her. "Take this _prisoner _to her cell. Feel free to _drag _her, she'll live without medical care." Meredith's eyes widened. He felt sick as he said, "Yes, that's right. Do it. _Now. _I'll be back to question this failure _later._" Mark smiled at him, obviously approving of what he said.

The guards began to drag Meredith along the hallway, and Derek could hear her cry out in pain reluctantly again. They kept moving her though- all of him wanted to yell at them to stop as they continued, making her yelp even more. But both he and she knew he couldn't.

He was numb as Mark placed his hand on his back and said cockily, "Dude, that was great. Nice work!"

"Of course it was, Mark. Aren't I always?" He replied automatically. He began to walk in the direction of the cells.

"Where are you going?"

"To question the agent… alone." He retorted. "You can go report to Webber that we got her, okay?"

Mark obviously was excited that he'd be the one to break the news, "Sure thing, Derek! I'll come by later. You know how good I am at making people talk."

"Yeah." He responded, already nearing the cells, fear and sorrow filling his eyes.

- - - Meredith - - -

Her foot was searing with pain, shooting through her whole body. She'd try to get up, but the pain would rattle her again so she'd collapse to the floor again. She still wouldn't comprehend that Derek was working in her enemy's association. He wasn't evil. He couldn't be. That wasn't who he was…

She twisted her ankle painfully to get a better view of the cell. It was black, barren and empty. Nothing was in it to help her hoist herself up to a standing position, which made her quite vunerable. She sighed- getting out of here was definitly not going to be easy…

She heard a door open outside the door and she listened intently. There were only two footsteps, so whoever it was was alone. She grinned slightly- maybe she could take him down. She could hear someone turn off the security cameras. Then the door slid open, and it revealed… Derek.

She groaned, looking down. She wasn't about to let him see her weak. Especially after what happened. He stood at the end of the cell, looking down at her. "What do you want?" Meredith snapped.

"That's no way to talk to your captor." He said quietly.

"Knock off the act." She said, looking up at him. There was a silence that surrounded them. "What, you aren't going to yell at me? Question me? Go ahead, I can take it!"

"You know what? Just shut up!" He said angrily to her. "How could you do this?"

"Me? Do this?" Meredith retorted, disbelief ringing in her voice. "You're a _villain, Derek! A VILLIAN. _How could _you?"_

Hurt struck across his face. "I'm not a villain. You just… you don't understand."

"Don't understand? Are you kidding me?" She lowered her voice, her foot still throbbing. "What you're doing is wrong, Derek."

He shook his head and leaned on the wall. "If only you could understand." There was another silence that followed that filled up the whole cell. Meredith cautiously tried to get to her feet, but the pain shot through her again and she screamed out in pain. Derek rushed to her side and caught her. "I'm so sorry." He whispered. Sadly, Meredith glared at him and rolled away from him, hitting to the floor with a thud. Derek backed away, luckily before Mark and Webber rushed in.

"Agent Shepherd." Richard said nodding at Derek. Derek backed away, still looking sadly at Meredith. "Has she said anything?"

"N-no. Not yet." Derek said, looking down. He didn't want to have to yell at her, but he knew that something like that was going to have to happen eventually. Both of them knew it.

"She'll talk eventually." Mark growled at her, stepping forward.

"Mark…" Derek said quietly.

"What? She deserves everything we're giving her. She's a traitor. She works for those… those…" Mark spat angrily. He looked at her. "Do you even realize what some of your plans could do to the people of the US? Do you even REALIZE?"

Meredith just looked up at him, not saying anything, defiant. He kicked her leg and she yelped. "Mark!" Derek said angrily, watching Meredith whimper. Mark turned to him, astonished. The chief looked onto him as well, both confused.

"What's your problem?" Mark said to him.

He stuttered, "Nothing. It's just… We shouldn't… I don't…" He sighed. "Isn't it a little rude to do that?"

"Rude? What's rude is what her plans are going to do to America." Mark added in. Webber sighed and left, unannounced. Meredith looked up at Mark and Derek, fear in her eyes. Meredith hadn't remembered feeling fear in a long time, and she didn't like feeling it again. Mark looked down at Meredith again, "And you think you guys are the good guys, the heroes. You're not." He retorted angrily, yelling now. He turned on his heels as well, leaving the room as he muttered, "I'll be back later."

Derek looked down at Meredith, "Meredith…"

"Just GO." She said angrily. Then she let out a sigh.

"I guess… I'll be back later…" He said quietly. He added, "I can't believe this."

"Me neither," Meredith muttered. This was the man she trusted her life with. Could she really believe this was happening?

_**A/N: So… what did you think? Don't yell just yet! I hate seeing Meredith and Derek in peril, but I'm trying to make it a little angsty! Ah! I hope that wasn't a total fail. xD Anyways, hope you liked it! **_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Comments. Make. Me. So. So. So. Happy! Thank you so much everyone! Sadly, I won't be able to update for a week or so I think, and I hope you enjoy this chapter! Comments = lots of love! **

Meredith continued to sit on the cold hard floor, her foot pounding, wondering how she was ever going to get out of it. She tried to rack up millions of plans in her mind but couldn't focus at all- Derek's handsome face kept showing up in her head. His words and actions rang over and over again, repeating themselves painfully. She hit her head against the wall, and it was filled of exhaustion. She wanted to rest, but how could she? She knew she wasn't going to rest until she fixed this- whatever it was. The first step was definitly getting out of there. The question was how.

- - - - Derek - - - -

Derek sat in his large black chair, staring at a million questions. Webber stood next to him, along with Mark. "I'm counting on you to do this Derek!" Richard Webbed said to him firmly and seriously. Derek sighed and ran his hands through his black raven hair.

"I know, I know."

"I need you to get the answers out of her, Derek. It's important. If you want me and Johnson to consider bumping you up, even slightly, this is necessary." Before Derek could open up his small mouth to talk, Richard added harshly, "Do you like your job Derek? Do you like doing this?"

"Yes, sir." Derek glared at Richard.

"Then do it. Get it done. Now." Richard said to him before walking out promptly, his shoes hitting the ground firmly as he left. Derek sighed again as he felt Mark pat his back.

"So, are we gonna do this or not?" mark said. "This is your chance man! You can get bumped up if you can just get her to answer the Chief's questions!"

Derek felt his head pounding, "Right." He followed Mark out of the room, plodding on the tile floors slowly. He didn't want to have to get the questions out of Meredith. He wanted so badly to hand it off to mark. So badly. He had had to be harsh with some of the spies he had interrogated, and was silently hoping he wouldn't have to be with her.

Before they arrived at the cell, Mark turned to him, "Derek, what's up with you? You've been acting weird ever since that little spy got here…"

Derek turned to him and snapped, "No, I have not!" Mark could NOT find out about them. It would end badly. And put Meredith in so much danger…

Mark narrowed his eyes, "Prove it! You and your sympathy is putting both of us at risk." He then sighed and added, "It's a tough job, Derek. Prove you can do it."

Derek sighed and turned away, mumbling okay and sliding the door open to Meredith's cell. Meredith groaned and looked up, "You two again?" Mark and Derek ignored her the best they could. She was certainly feisty. And sassy. And…strong.

They slid the door shut, and Meredith tried to stand, but her foot gave out and she fell again. She stifled a moan, hiding her pain, and looked up at them with a sigh. She certainly wasn't getting up. "Now, little spy, we just need you to answer a few questions for us. Answer them, and we'll let you do. You'll be okay." Mark said in a mocking voice.

Meredith glared up at him, defiant, "Right." Then added, "Um, no."

Mark sighed and shook his head. He then turned to Derek and whispered, "Hello? Earth to Mr. Sympathy?" Derek shook his head out of it and turned down to Meredith.

He talked evenly but firmly, "Listen, you're going to answer the questions." He said to her tightly. She looked up at him.

"No."

"Yes." He said louder, angry.

"No!" She replied.

Mark sighed and looked at Derek, both of them stunned. Derek didn't want to have to hurt her. He couldn't. He started from a different angle.

"What were you after when you came here?" Derek said through clenched, angry teeth.

Meredith just looked up at him, laughed and shook her head, "You don't get it do you? I'm not going to answer any questions, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Derek squatted down on his knees and shouted surprisingly loud, "TELL. US." Meredith reeled back. All she wanted to do was cry, Derek, you're scaring me! But she knew she couldn't. She was strong and hardcore, and she had to stay that way.

"N-no." She said, her voice growing weaker. She had never gotten scared in an enemies facility before, but there was something about Derek yelling at her in such infuriating rage that scared her.

Derek stood up and shook his head, and Mark looked up at him. "Want me to do my thing?" He questioned. Derek shut his eyes and ran his hands through his hair and nodded. Mark then squatted down next to Meredith and put his hand on her leg- a warning. Meredith looked at him, challenging him, and also wondering what he would do. She was about to swat his hand away, but she realized her hands were in cuffs. She looked at him angrily.

"What?" She snapped.

Mark talked to her slowly and firmly, "You see my hand?" No answer. "I'll twist. I will twist, and it will hurt. It will hurt bad." Meredith glared into his eyes. "Or I can push down on it, I'm sure that will feel great. How about that?" Meredith took a deep breath in but didn't say anything. He leaned a little weight on it, making her groan. "So you're going to answer the questions this nice man asks you, okay?" She didn't answer. Derek looked down on her.

"What did you come here to get?" He growled at her. The pained expression on her face was making him sick to see.

"I…" She trailed off, looking at Mark who was threatening to twist her foot more. "I came to get those war plans you stole." She spat.

Derek nodded at her, pleased. "Who sent you?" She didn't answer, knowing that it would give away too much. "Which agent?" He shouted at her, hitting his fist on the wall for effect. She looked up at him, fear in her naturally defiant eyes.

"No." She answered quietly. "No. You're not going to get me to talk." Mark looked at her and sighed.

"I'll do it." He warned. Even Mark- hardcore Mark- didn't want to have to hurt her.

"Fine." She stuttered angrily. Derek then watched in horror as Mark twisted the top of her foot around and she yelled out in pain, pressing up against the wall.

"Tell us!" Mark yelled to her angrily, continuing.

"N-n-no!" She cried back, still defiant, but in intense pain. Mark twisted more, causing her to yelp out again, until Derek couldn't take her pain.

"That's enough. Mark, that's enough!" He shouted at Mark, who released Meredith's foot in shock. She slunk her back down the wall and lay whimpering on the ground, and Derek's eyes met Marks. Mark stood up.

"What~"

"I said, that's enough!" He said sternly. "You can finish later." Mark looked angrily at Derek as he stomped out, obviously confused and disappointed. Derek then shut his eyes for a quick second, attempting to process the risk he had just taken, but then dropped down on his knees next to Meredith. "Meredith…" He said, barely below a whisper.

"Why are you doing this?" Her voice was small, weak.

He forgot where he was, what he was doing, who he was, and he kissed her on the cheek. He forgot their differences as he cradled her and said, "I'm s-so sorry…"

"You don't have to do this…" She responded back to him. Derek kissed the top of her head and whispered back, "I'll get you out of here." He stood up promptly, one million ideas buzzing around his brain and blocking out the world. He slid the door shut and rushed out of the room, his footsteps pounding. He was about to turn the corner of the hallway, going to rush to the security information room, but someone grabbed his forearm tightly. He turned around and there was Mark, his mouth agape.

"What?" He said to him.

Mark narrowed his eyes, "What's. Going. On." He said. Derek was about to ask what, but looked up to see a light.

The light that signaled the security cameras were still on.

And Mark stood underneath the panel- He had seen the whole thing. "Dude, what's happening?" He then looked at Derek in shock. "You know her, don't you."

Derek looked down, speechless and lost. What was he going to do now?

_**A/N: So, what did you think? Like? Dislike? I hope you all thought it was okay! Don't let the cliffhanger drive you crazy! I hate to leave it off like that! Anyways, thanks again for the comments! They're what inspire me to keep writing :-)**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: THANK YOU FOR THE COMMENTS! It inspired me so much that I had to write a quick chapter to ease the suspense! I'm sorry about that, haha! Okay, so NOW I won't be updating for a week! Enjoy and comment, comments = love! **_

"What's going on?" Mark demanded after Derek had pulled him into one of the many random rooms that the APP's facility held. He looked around for any hidden security cameras and let out a sigh.

"Mark…" He began, sighing and running his hands through his dark wavy hair.

"You do know her!" He shouted angrily at him. "You know that spy!" He then narrowed his eyes. "Oh… you _more _than know her!"

"Mark!" Derek repeated, feeling sick to his stomach. Mark was his best friend, and the last thing he did was wanting him finding out. "Just calm down. Lower your voice." He pleaded.

"How long have you been seeing her?" Mark snapped at Derek angrily through clenched teeth. Derek sighed. "How long, Derek?"

"About a year." Derek said quietly, looking up at Mark. Mark gasped and shook his head, not wanting to believe it.

"A year?"

"We…we didn't know… We didn't know that we were…enemies." Derek said. "Well, until she came…"

Mark hit his fist on the wall in frustration. "You can't DO this Derek! We're in enemy operations. We're against different things. And you let something like this happen… this could send you to your own cell, Derek!" Mark added, "Stop it with her. You don't know her. If you didn't know her before, you never are going to!"

Derek looked onto him and said fiercely, "You don't know what you're talking about."

"This can't… you can't… This breaks so many rules!" Mark sighed and quieted his voice. "Why are you doing this?" Derek frowned.

"I love her." He said truthfully. Mark looked at him in disbelief.

"But~"

"I know you don't understand why I'm doing this… I wouldn't either. But I love her. I have ever since I met her. And that's not going to end." He then added, pleading to Mark, "Please. Don't say a word. I won't let this get in the way of your job. Just.. please, Mark. I am really begging you." Mark let out another sigh and rubbed his temple, not knowing what to do. He finally looked up at Derek with a warning.

"Fine. I get it, man. But Derek…" He put his hand on Derek's arm. "Webber is going to want answers. You can't let this slow you down or ruin your chances, okay?"

Derek sighed, "Okay." Mark checked his watch (which doubled as a gun) and moaned. "Chief wants to see us… again. Probably something to do with… what's her name?"

"Meredith." Derek whispered.

"Okay. Well it's something to do with her, so we should go!" Mark looked at Derek once more before leaving, "Are you okay to do this…again?"

Derek sighed, "No. But I'll do it." Mark looked worried at Derek once more and then left, leaving Derek to follow him. "Listen, you go get the chief, and I'll… I'll see you at the cell."

- - - Meredith - - -

Her foot ached like crazy. She was feeling like she was going to begin crying, but she didn't want to do it in front of any of them. It had been eight hours since she had been captured, and that was longer than she had ever been captured before. She honestly didn't know what she was going to do. Before she could stop herself, she did begin to cry softly, shielding her face so the cameras couldn't see. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to see her cry.

"Meredith." A voice whispered to her. Of course it was Derek's. The door slid open. She wiped the tears off of her cheek.

"Just go away, Derek." She said, not caring that she was using his name.

"I came to bandage the foot." He replied to her. They'll be in here in a second. I just wanted to help you.

"You've helped enough." She whimpered, but without a protest he bent down beside her and bandaged her foot tightly, bracing it.

Listen." He whispered to her. "I know how to get you out of here, okay? Don't worry."

She sniffled. "No, you don't."

"Yes. I do." He responded. "You just need to trust me. And we have to do it after Webber questions you. I'm sorry." She looked down. He used the pad of his thumb to wipe away a tear. "Hey. You'll be okay. I promise."


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Hey guys! The comments that I am getting on this fanfic is making me so very happy. Each one makes my day all over again, and it means so much! I first made this one long update- 3012 words- but I decided that it'd be a little better to split it in half. I am very proud of it! Comments are so appreciated! **_

Meredith could finally stand up. She leaned against the side of the cell, using her hand as a firm balance. She used her free hand to run it through her hair, exhausted. She wasn't looking forward to her interrogation with the Chief, they had quite a history…

The chief and her mother had had a thick affair with each other as she was young. They were both on the TCA, both of them hardcore and intense. When the board found out about Ellis and Richard, they were ready to fire both of them. Richard then abandoned the TCA for the APP, leaving Ellis and the board infuriated. They were broken up officially then, and later in the years Ellis developed Alzheimers and couldn't continue spy work. Richard continued with his life, leaving her behind in the dust. Meredith had only seen Richard two times before in her adult life, but wasn't looking forward to talking to him. At all.

- - - _Derek _- - -

"Now, before we go in there…" Richard turned around before they opened the captive jail door to face Mark and Derek who stood beside him. "I need you to know something. I have a history with this girl, and what you hear in there…" He narrowed his eyes, "Doesn't go anywhere."

Derek looked at him, curiousity flooding his brain, thinking _what kind of history could Richard possibly have with Meredith? _But then again, he couldn't be talking. He and Mark both nodded at Webber, and they exchanged glances as they walked in. Derek groaned internally, another questioning of Meredith was not what he wanted to happen. He reassured himself that he'd be getting her out of there shortly. The thought was reassuring, but also frightening. There were so many risks to what he was about to do.

- - Meredith - -

"Agent." She heard a deep voice say, and she looked at the door of her cell that was now open. There stood Richard, the man named Mark and Derek, his soft eyes looking at her. He was presenting her with an apology in an advance. She and he both knew that with the chief there, he couldn't go soft like he usually did. And that's what she was afraid of. "Meredith." Richard added slightly, causing Mark and Derek to look over at him in surprise. He knew her name.

She looked up at him and hissed, "You don't get to call me that. I'm agent. And that's all I'll ever be."

Derek watched as Richard was taken aback, the words obviously hurt him. But Richard was a good spy, so he shook it off and retorted, "MEREDITH. I will call you whatever I want." He slid the door shut behind him, shutting Meredith's only route to escape as well. She felt vunerable. Sure, she could take three men in a fight no problem, but not these three men. She knew that they could hurt her in less than the count of three. All three of them were levels above her. She sighed, this wasn't going to be easy. "You're here to answer some questions." He growled at her. Derek knew that it was his turn now.

"And you're going to answer them." He snarled, looking at Meredith with apology still flooded in his eyes. She met his defiantly.

"No."

"Yes, you are. You are going to answer them now. We don't want to have to do anything to you that we'll regret." Mark said, looking to her. Sure, it was Derek's girlfriend or lover or whatever, but he was in no way going to let that stand in way of his job.

"I'm not answering any questions!" Meredith snapped back at him. "I don't care what you guys do to me, I can take it. But I won't answer anything."

"Meredith…" Webber began with a sigh.

"Don't call me that." She glared up at him.

"I don't want to have to hurt you. After all that's happened with your mother…"

"Do not mention her. I won't let you." Meredith snapped back at him.

"MEREDITH GREY." Webber yelled back at her fiercely. "I am warning you. We have plenty of methods in this facility that could make you talk. I don't want to have to use any of them, so we are trying every possibly method to make you talk. If you just answer the questions, you will be out of here." Mark looked in shock at Derek, who shook his head, utterly confused. He didn't like where this was going.

Meredith rolled her eyes but was quiet as she said, "Do your worst." She was up to the fight.

Richard didn't want to have to make any extreme measures to make her talk, he really didn't. He groaned frustrated and opened the sliding door, pulling Derek outside and leaving Mark in with Meredith as he closed the door. "Richard?" Derek asked him, wondering what the urgency was.

"I need you to get it out of her, okay?" Richard said, gritting his teeth together angrily.

"What? But I…"

"Derek, I know you are a good… yeller. You're good at making people talk. I'll be in there, yes, but I don't want to be the one to do it. I need you to go this for me."

"You're better at me than this. I don't~" Derek stuttered.

"I need you to do this! Now." He added, "Do you want the promotion? Do you want me to throw you off your boss chair?"

"Richard!"

"Then you'll do this. Yell. Hit. I don't care. I just need you to get the answer out of her." Derek looked at him, glaring.

"Fine." He said angrily, marching back in with Richard behind him. He ran his hands through his hair once, not knowing what he was going to do. Sure, if he did this he would reassure the chief that there was nothing going on between him and Meredith. And that meant everything if his plan was going to work.

He shut the door fiercely, and turned to face Meredith, his eyes flaming. She looked back at him, wondering what the Chief had asked him to do. "Tell us." He said, his jaw clenched. He moved towards her, and she backed up against the wall.

"What…?" She whispered. He was moving towards her quicker, a face full of anger and hatred towards her. She felt fear flicker in her eyes and she tried to disguise it immediately. She looked past his broad frame towards Mark and Richard, both of their faces looking onto Derek. What was he going to do?

"Tell us. Who sent you?" He growled. He immediately backed her up all the way against the wall until she couldn't go any further. Meredith felt the cold wall against his back as she pressed against it, the palm of her hands turned towards it, grasping it as if she was holding onto it for strength.

"I'm n-not telling you." Her voice was small and shaking, different than her defiant voice that usually rang through the cell. She jumped as she felt a large slam- It was Derek. He had hit his large hand against the wall, about three inches from her face. The sound echoed off the cell, and she turned her head again towards him. She was scared.

"You're going to tell us, and you're going to tell us now. I'm sick of your games." When Meredith didn't respond, he took a deep breath and clamped his large hands across her shoulders, grabbing each one. She looked up at him as she struggled to get out of his grasp.

"Let me go!" She whimpered.

He pulled her up and shoved her against the wall again. Seeing the fear in her eyes made him feel weak in the knees. Why was he doing this? "Tell me!" He shouted.

The pain of the blow rattled her body, knocking the wind clear out of her. She looked up at him, his eyes threatening to do more. She shut her eyes and whispered, "Agent Bailey." And with that he let her go, and she shrank down the wall, huddling to her knees. She tucked her head between them, shutting out the world, shaking violently.

Richard nodded at Derek. "Good work." He said firmly as he walked out with Mark. Derek was about to follow but lagged behind, hovering outside of the cell, ready to put his plan into action.

Derek ducked outside in the hallway, checking both ways and making sure there were no guards in sight. He nodded to himself, his pulse racing and his adrenaline rushing faster and faster. He walked back into the cell quickly, turning off the security cameras and motion sensors quickly. He said in a hushed whisper to Meredith, "Meredith." She didn't respond at all, she simply ignored him, still shaking on the ground. "Meredith, come on. We're getting you out of here." He knelt down beside her. "Come on. It's our chance, Mer!"

_**a/N: For the record, Derek is NOT a violent nor abusive guy. He NEVER will be. He was doing his job, and you'll see where this goes in the story. Trust me. Thanks for reading everyone! Comments = Love! **_


	6. Chapter 6

Her heart was beating fast, filled with nerves that were battling each other. What was he saying? The words rung in her ears. She wiped her eyes that had begun to water and looked up at him. "What?"

"Just come on."

And she looked up at him and her tears began to fall freely, "Derek… why did you have to do that…"

He looked at her sadly, "Can we talk about it later? This is our chance. Please, let yourself take it…"

She sighed shakily. Her whole being was scared of him and she was extremely worried he'd do it again. But she also knew he was right.

"Come on!" She didn't move. "Meredith, you have to trust me."

Trusting him was the last thing she thought she could do right now, after what he just did. But she nodded and stumbled to her feet. "Okay. B-but we're talking about this later."

He nodded and added, "It's not going to be easy. Just follow my lead, okay? We have to move fast if we want this to work." Meredith nodded at him and they rushed out of the cell door, Derek's hand in hers- The same hand that had smacked the wall next to her face firmly, rattling her senses.

The ran down the hallway, there minds rushing and brains pumping oxygen running thoughts through them a mile a minute. "We'll get out of here." Derek said to her as they sprinted through the hallways, heading towards the door. "I turned off all the sensors in these hallways, so we should be go as far as getting out this way!" He said excitedly. He dragged her along- he was always a fast runner.

The ran and ran and ran, the wind whipping through her hair and sending it flying across her face, hitting her in the hair, mouth and eyes. She ran with him, rushing, racing, flying until they neared the back exit. He swiped his card quickly and the door opened. It was late at night obviously, just as she thought. She looked at him and he sighed. "This is it."

"No." She responded.

"What?"

"You're coming with me." She responded, her voice shaking as she said it. She didn't want to trust him. But she knew she had to.

He laughed in disbelief, "What?"

"It's not like you to be like this. Derek, listen to me. Come with me. Run away from here." She reached up on her tiptoes and brushed her lips against his, "Please."

He looked at her, a million thoughts battling through his head and going against each other. She was right. He was sick of being mean to people, sick of yelling, sick of it. Sure, he loved his job, but he loved her…

"Okay." He said, the words ringing, repeating in his head. What had he done?

He stepped out of the door and looked out onto the sky, taking in the fresh air. He locked the door behind him and looked at her. "Lets go." And then they ran into the night, nothing stopping them. They both knew something that would hold them back as soon as they got back.

- - - Derek - - -

"Mark, calm down!" He shouted into the phone. He had done some work on it so that it's signal couldn't be traced, but Meredith had insisted he called Mark.

"You can't do this! Derek, you can't just disappear." He shouted back at Derek in disbelief. "I knew it. It's because of the girl. The chief is happy he got his answer, but he's going crazy about you! Just wait until he hears~"

"No!" Derek stopped him. "You can't tell him. Mark, you can't tell him." He felt his voice begin to shake. There was no telling what the agency would do to him if they found him out. He was scared. "Please, Mark. Don't tell him." He took a shaky inhale.

"What am I supposed to tell them, Derek? You just disappeared, miraculously on the same time that that chick disappeared too!" He yelled.

Derek sighed, "Tell him this: Tell him she escaped underneath my nose and I felt so bad about it that I didn't feel like I was doing my job right so I left. I needed a break. Took some space." There was silence on the other line and Derek added, "Please, Mark. I'm begging you. This is me begging." The silence continued until Derek heard an angry sigh on the other end.

"Fine!" He snapped before hanging up the receiver. Derek looked at disbelief into the black phone, wondering what exactly he had just done. He let out a shaky sigh and looked at Meredith, who was typing information into her computer rapidly. She looked up at him.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing." Derek said nervously. He then muttered, "What we're doing… It's not safe."

Meredith closed her computer and stood up quietly. "I know." She walked away, off into the bedroom without saying anything else. Derek noticed there was a chill in the air, not the normal loving feeling he felt when he was with her. He ran his hand through his hair and walked into the bedroom where Meredith sat, brushing her tangled golden locks, her small back towards him. He smiled and sighed lightly to himself as he tiptoed up behind her, smelling her lavender scent. At least he was here with her.

He put his careful hand on her shoulder and began to talk, "Meredith…" But to his surprise, she jumped and let out a yell, falling off of her chair and sending the brush to the ground with a crash. He stood back, startled as she turned to him. There were glistening tears in her beautiful eyes. "Mer?"

"D-don't!" She said tearfully. "Don't hurt me again." She backed away from him, picking up the chair and scrambling to her feet.

"I would never~"

"Are you just saying that?" She shouted, her tears streaming. "I didn't think you ever would either, but I guess what doesn't apply to work!"

He was taken aback, hurt. "I'm sorry, Meredith!"

"Derek!" She whimpered angrily. "You scared me! You were scaring me…" She walked away from him, shoving the brush into a drawer. He felt the room spinning. He had hurt her. He didn't mean to… he never meant to, but he had, and he felt terrible. Was he a terrible person? "Why'd you do this to me?" She cried, sitting on the bed.

"It was… my job. I thought it was the most important thing." He said quietly, tearfully sitting next to her. "All I could think about was what would happen to me- to _us- _if they found out. I'm so sorry…" He whispered, and added, his voice cracking, "I never meant to hurt you."

She cautiously laid her small head on his shoulder and she cried into it openly, knowing the soft words he spoke were the truth. "I know." She responded quietly. "I know you." He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer, breathing her in.

"I… I love you." He said, looking at her foot which was tightly bandaged. He felt terrible. All he wanted to do was breakdown on his knees and beg for her forgiveness. "I am so…so sorry…" He added with a whimper, feeling weak.

"It's okay. It's over now~"

"No, it's not okay!" Derek responded, scaring himself with the intensity of his voice. She moved back, wondering what he was doing. "What kind of person does that? _Who would do that to you?" _

"Derek…" She whispered to him, "It's okay!"

He put his head in his hands and weakly mumbled to himself, "I'm a terrible person… I'm a terrible person…"

He felt a hand on his chin and it was Meredith's, grabbing him firmly and twisting his head so he was looking into her piercing eyes. He could barely look at her without remembering her hurt and scared expression she wore in the cell. "Listen." She said firmly, not taking her eyes off of him. "It's okay. It wasn't okay then, but it is now. It was your job. We were on enemy services. You're not a terrible person, you were just doing your job. But you got me out of there alive. And now you're here with me." She looked at him and pulled his face in, kissing him gently. "And I love you."

He looked at her and kissed her again, tangling his hands into her hair. "I love you too. I love you so much." Was his reply when he took a breath. Their eyes met again, sharing a secret and silent promise to each other.

"You're coming with me to work in the morning." She breathed, and idea striking her full brain. He ran his hands through his hair.

"What?"

"You'll join our service. Just for a little bit. You'll be known as the brave, single man agent that rescued me, and you'll work for them for a little bit." She smiled uneasily.

He looked at her, her eyes begging him silently to follow. Her lips were pursed- she waited for the answer she was hoping for more than anything. "Okay." He responded to her, wondering what they were getting themselves into.

_**A/N: So! What'd y'all think? I hope you love them! Oh, and did you guys hear the new Meredith and Derek spoiler? Go read it. It makes me so undescribably happy, it makes me dance it out with joy! Just thought I'd share that! Comments = love! Thanks for reading :-) These last two updates took me two days to right, I hope it's really worth it! Have a great day. **_


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Here's another update for everyone! I hope you all love it. I can't thank you enough for being loyal readers. Reviews mean so much, and even the act of just reading is so kind. Thank you all! Meredith and Derek FTW :) **_

Meredith let out a moan as Derek massaged her shoulders for the second time today as she sat in her boss chair. She closed her eyes and soaked in the peace of the moment. It was nice to be back at work, even if she was only a captive for a day. Right then, at that moment, she had nothing to worry about- well, besides the fact that Derek was an ex-APP. At least she knew she could trust him. Her mind flashed back to when Derek first arrived at the agency a week before.

_He straitened his tie for the last time and looked at Meredith as they entered the facility. He was still tortured by the thoughts of what he had done to her the day before, but her constant reassurance was helping him cope. ____He didn't know how he was going to get over it though. He found himself apologizing prefusely all the time, constantly. And it was hard. "Are you sure I look okay?" _

"_You look great, they're going to love you. I've arranged a conference with the board and Bailey to see if they'll, you know, accept you." Meredith flashed him a smile. "Listen, I'm not the kind of person with confidence coming out of my mouth twenty four seven. But I have complete confidence in you. _

_Before he could reply, Meredith dragged him into the conference room and he looked around, his small mouth agape. The room was beeping with sensors, charts and graphs. Around a huge round table sat many agents, and to his surprise they all clapped. These well respected, strong, talented agents were clapping for him! He smiled greatfully as he heard choruses of 'It's the man who saved Grey!' 'Look at him!' 'Thank you!' and 'You must be very skilled!' He replied with a kind thank you as the short woman at the end of the table stood up. _

"_Welcome, Agent… Shepherd…?" She said, checking the paperwork laid out in front of her. _

"_Yes. Thank you." He replied, taking a seat next to Meredith at the end of the conference table. All eyes were on him. He had never seen so many high ranking spies with smiles on their tight faces. _

"_Well, we all want to thank you for helping on of our best Agents, Agent Grey, out of that terrible captive place." She didn't smile, but her words sounded like she was. "And…" She trailed off, looking at Meredith. "We'd like to welcome you to the TCA, if you're looking for a spot." _

_He widened his eyes, "Already? I~"_

"_You saved her, and there's nothing any of us could repay you for that. I mean, she would've gotten out eventually, but thank you." A small, tight looking Asian girl with curly locks exploding from her head in every direction. She looked smug, but there was a warmth that glistened from her eyes. You had to search, but it was there. "Yang. Agent Cristina Yang." _

"_Nice to meet you." Derek smiled at her. He felt so welcomed. He turned back to face Bailey, her fingers rapping on the table again and again. "I… I would like to accept your invitation." He waited for the reaction, and he again was greeted by smiles. He smiled back, unable to contain his excitement. He was already accepted by them, and it felt amazing. He grabbed Meredith's hand under the table. _

"_Alrighty then," Agent Bailey said instantly accepting his offer. "We'll have a nametag and everything written up for you." She flashed a quick smile and he caught a glimpse of it, "Welcome to the TCA, Agent Shepherd." _

It was now two weeks later, and the agency had taken to him more easily than she had ever seen. He had already been on six missions (none to the APP, thank goodness) but they all still meant something.

He was allowed in all the research labs, had access to almost all the rooms in the area. Bailey had even promoted him to a rank below her, something people worked years to achieve. And he had gotten it in less than two weeks. It also made sense. He was an amazing, extraordinary spy, who was extremely talented and always had been. It wasn't a surprise to her that he was already moving up ranks, already two above her.

Cristina couldn't stop talking about how fabulous he was. Never to his face, of course. But she did think he was amazing…and he was. But no one could know about their relationship. It would eventually be accepted, but Meredith's main goal was to keep making Derek trusted in the facility, and it was working. Bailey was even coming to him with advice by now. She never asked any one for advice.

"Thanks," Meredith swooned at him as he turned around to face her. She loved his mid day backrubs. They were always so helpful.

"Bailey was talking about you today," He said, pulling up a chair and sitting next to her.

"Really?"

"Mmm, she was talking about you and she said she loves you," He cocked her head to the side and smiled at her.

"No!" Bailey didn't 'love' anybody.

"Yes. She thinks you'll be as great of a spy as your mother." He watched Meredith's face change. "What?"

"Nothing." She said timidly. Parents were not her favorite topic.

"Yes, there is something." He responded. "You never bring her up."

She looked at him, her eyes sad and drooping, "She has alzheimers." For a second, she double taked, not believing that she really told him. She never shared that with anybody, ever. Only Cristina knew. Derek's expression turned to pity and sadness as he reached out and put his hand on her arm.

"Oh, Mer, I'm so sorry…" He said quietly, rubbing her arm.

"It's… it's okay." She responded lightly, "Just, I don't like to talk about it. I just don't like to talk about it." She repeated. There was a silence following after that.

"I understand."

She eyed him, "What about your family? I know your dad's not around anymore. But… what happened to him?" She was afraid to know, but it was true. She was curious.

He hesitated. "He was… he was killed." The silence that followed that was earie and unfamiliar.

"Oh, Derek…"

"I don't like to talk about it either." He responded, looking up at her and running his hands through her golden hair. "I love you, it's just not territory I like to cover." He put his hand on her chin. "Is that okay?"

"Yes. Yes." Meredith said, looking into his piercing eyes. Of course she understood. Parent issues were familiar to her, definitly. And she understood why he didn't want to talk about it. She stood up from the chair. "I have a mission I need to go check on."

"Okay," Derek replied easily, smiling at her. He grabbed her waist, pulling him towards him. His hands snaked around to her back and he pressed his lips to hers tenderly, trying to express his love for her. It was impossible to put what he felt in words. Well, there were always the words he wanted to say to her for such a long time. _Marry me. _

He was waiting for a long time to say them, waiting for the right moment. He knew he wanted to say them. He really did. And it was especially hard because of their battling with jobs. But now that they were together, maybe it could happen. His mom had given him the ring a long time ago, after first meeting Meredith. She knew he was the one. He just wondered when he was going to have the confidence to prove it.

When they released, Meredith took a breath and ran her hands through Derek's raven hair. How she loved his hair. He could run her hands through it the entire day, of course. Who wouldn't? "Thanks," She breathed, "I needed that. I really did."

"I love you." Was all he said in reply, releasing his hands from her back. He looked into her eyes. "You won't forget that, will you?"

"Never." Meredith replied. She then added, "And I trust you." Without hesitation.

He looked at her, "You do?"

"I do." She said. She added with a sigh, "After everything that happened, you'd think I'd run. I _am _a runner. I do that a lot. I always have, I think I might always as well. But… ever since meeting you, I've learned to give people a chance, to give things a chance. I don't just ditch, I don't sprint from problems, I face them. Or at least I try. And that Derek… that means the world." She put her hands on his cheeks gently and pulled him in, breathing in his sent and kissing him again. "Thank you so much for being there."

"Anytime. Anywhere. You can always trust me, Meredith. I love you." In that moment he knew what he needed to do. All he could think about was the one thing he was now ready for.

The ring.

_**A/N: Can I say I'm proud of this chapter? I needed a fluffy MD fix. I love them so much, and they're so extraordinary. Thanks for reading! Thanks for reviews! Comments = love! **_


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Hello my lovely, amazing readers! I hope everyone is having a great day! Here it is- eeep- I hope you enjoy it! Thanks so much for the comments! **_

Derek stared at the object that stood in front of him, staring at him, daring him to find a way to use it right. It was shining and glistening from a light shining above. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. There was the ring. _The _ring.

He didn't know how he was going to use it at all. He was stuck. He was ready to use it, he really was, but he was worried as heck to not screw it up. He was depending on his choice of proposal, and he was stuck. He planned to do it the next day, if possible. He was proud of himself, finally getting up the courage to do it. But there was always the nervousness that rattled his brain. He didn't want to do it wrong. He didn't want to screw it up. He _couldn't _screw it up.

Derek shoved the ring into his laptop bag, careful to keep it's little ring box snug into the corner so it wouldn't bounce around. His dad had wanted him to have it, so it had sentimental value of course. He would never waste it on the wrong girl, and he had no doubts he was making the right decision. Meredith was the real thing.

He walked down the hallway. It was bright and sunny, as the sun had just came up. Only half the people at work were there, and he knew it was the perfect timing. Derek had recently learned that he couldn't call Mark from his phone anymore, because it could be tracked. It was hard enough to try and make sure it wasn't, and he was never going to put Meredith or the agency at risk. Ever.

So, his solution was to send a message to Mark personally from the TCA system, because he knew it couldn't be tracked. The TCA obviously had a good security system, and they had certain ways to send untrackable, untraceable messages to other agencies. He cracked the password used to get onto that messaging system (as any messages sent to the APP at all wasn't allowed, unless sent by someone with the highest rank possible) and began his message to Mark.

_Mark, you haven't heard from me in a while. I just wanted to let you know that I've decided I want to take a bigger step. _

He then stopped, and switched his normal writing into code writing. He and Derek had come up with an uncrackable code a long time ago, with an elaborate system of switching numbers into letters. He retyped it using the number and symbol system, knowing it would be safer. If anyone else saw the message, just in case, at least they wouldn't be able to understand it. He leaned back at the keyboard and tapped his chin, wondering what to say next. He began to continue, but he felt someone behind him. Someone was behind him…

He felt his heart stop and breath quicken as he turned around. Behind him stood Cristina, gaping as she looked at the screen. "You're… you're…"

"It's… it's not what~"

She backed away from him and screeched, "You're sending a message to the APP! In code! How would you know what their coordinates were…?" She snapped her fingers and gaped at him, "Y-you worked for them! I knew I've heard of your name before… you… you…"

"Cristina! Keep your voice down, it's not what you~"

"You're sending plans! How… how!" She screamed as she hit a button on her utility belt, and before Derek could process what was going on, a loud beeping noise and red lights were flashing throughout the hallways. _Code NINE, Code NINE _rang through the hallways.

"It's not right, Cristina! Shhh!" He said desperately, running out into the hallway. She followed him, yelling.

"How could you do this? How could you do this? AGENT BAILEY! AGENT TORRES!" He looked down the hall in horror as two rows of guards came running down, along with Agent Bailey, Torres, and Meredith.

"It's not, it's not what, you…" He stuttered, backing away. Before he knew it, guards had his hands from his back as well, grabbing tightly to them. He struggled to get away. "What are you doing? Let me go!"

Meredith ran up across from him, looking at him with wide-eyed disbelief. "What's going on? What's wrong? Let go of him!" She said angrily. She moved towards him, but Miranda and Cristina held her back. "Now let go of me! What are you doing? Derek!"

Derek struggled against the many guards who dragged him back, away from her. "Meredith!" He shouted, angrily attempted to shove the guards. This could not be happening. Not now. Not with them.

"Derek! Derek!" She shouted. They were both being pulled away from each other, looking at each other with tearful and loving eyes. She watched in pure horror as he was dragged behind the corner by the rest of the guards and Callie Torres, hearing the words 'isolation' muttered by them and ordered by Bailey. Why would Derek be going into isolation. "Derek!" She yelled again, a million thoughts pounding in the back of her brain.

- - Derek - -

"Let me go!" He repeated angrily. "You don't understand." Torres and the rest of the guards pushed him into the black white room, fastening his hands into two straps that protruded from the wall. They were about two feet long, and he shoved against them but they were tight and he guessed indestructible.

Callie looked at him in disbelief, "I can't believe you. We trusted you!"

"You don't understand!" He said, fighting against the restraint-type-things. He pulled his wrists up angrily, but they stopped him of course. "Please, Callie!"

"You don't get to call me that." She said flatly, before shutting the door, leaving Derek in the plain white room, all alone with his own painful thoughts. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening, things weren't supposed to happen like this. He was so, really, very ready to take the next step. If Meredith found out what happened, she would back up. He flashed back to the words, _I trust you, _and the tears came before he could stop himself.

- - Meredith - -

"WHAT is going on?" She demanded, pacing around the conference room. The board was there, and everyone was yelling at each other. Meredith's head was racing, her thoughts battling each other constantly.

"Derek's been put in isolation!" Cristina yapped back at her angrily.

"I know that!" She snapped. "Why?" Cristina was about to open her angry mouth but Bailey stopped her. Callie walked in and was fuming. "Someone tell me, why!"

Bailey walked over to Meredith, placing her hand on her arm, "Meredith, you're not going anywhere near that isolation room, okay? You two are… good friends. And You are _not _going to speak to him."

"What?"

"The only people you will be speaking to is the board. They are going to ask you a few questions, and you are going to answer them." Callie fumed.

Meredith shook her head in disbelief, "This is crazy. This is… this is crazy. I don't even understand… what's going on? Why do I need to speak to the board?"

"Because you're Derek Shepherd's _friend." _Cristina hissed. "You're his _friend." _Meredith glared at her.

"If it's so important that I'm his friend, why can't I see him?"

"Meredith." Bailey said calmly, but there was always that tone of her voice that signified she was worried. "You will not be going _anywhere _near the isolation, do you understand?"

"But~"

"DO YOU, understand?"

Meredith sighed and stomped her foot on the ground impatiently, "YES. But why do I have to talk to the board?" She really didn't care why she had to talk to the board; all she wanted to know was that Derek was okay. She ran her fingers through her wavy hair messily.

"Just, _go." _Bailey said. Meredith stormed away, tempted to sprint to the isolation area and hold Derek in her arms, but there were guards parading the hallway. What was going on? Meredith padded down the hallway towards where she was supposed to meet the board, wondering what was happening to her and Derek. Had they found out about them a freaked out? No. Bailey may torture her with obnoxious cases for a while, but she wouldn't do anything like that. She sighed as the entered the small room with a few agents in chairs, and the door shut behind her.

"Hello, gentlemen." She said to them with a sigh, sitting down. No one replied.

"Was it your idea for Agent Derek Shepherd to join us?" One man pounded, sending her aback.

"Pardon me?"

"Was it your idea?" He said flatly.

"Well, no. I mean yes, but ultimately Bailey decided." She said, looking frantically from each one of them to the other. "Why?"

They all exchanged silent, knowing, worried glances and the man turned back to her. He took his black glasses off of his face and looked at her. "Agent Grey…Do you know what he did?"

- - Derek - -

Derek pulled at the straps that held him to the wall angrily. He groaned to himself. He knew none of them were going to let him explain what was going on, and even if he did, how would the take it from him? How would they believe him? He had gained all of their trust, and he might have just lost it all away. And he knew they wouldn't let Meredith see him, and that was all he wanted. Then again, did he want her to see him like this? His eyes had finally dried from letting his tears get the best of them, but it left them watery and red. There were red marks around his wrists from yanking and yanking, attempting to get away. He backed up against the wall again, leaning against it with a sigh. He didn't know what was going to happen to him, and he didn't know what he was going to do.

- - Meredith - -

They wouldn't tell her. They wouldn't explain what was happening. All they would do was pound her with questions for three hours, all about Derek and his history. All about if she ever had any suspicions of him. What did that even mean?

So there was, fleeing down the hallway, her hair whipping across her face and whacking her in the face. She blew it away and pushed it out of eyes, running faster. The guards were on their lunch break, and now was her chance. She was smart, and she knew how to crack the codes to get in. It would be a piece of cake. She licked her lips nervously and twiddled with the codes, breaking in and cracking them through. She listened as the door with the shiny sign titled _Isolation: DO NOT ENTER _clicked open. She let out a relieved sigh and ran into it, seeing another door with a small sliding window. She ran to it and slid it open. It revealed glass, which made her able to see Derek on the opposite wall. His arms were in the few foot long straps, and he looked exhausted. She pounded on the glass. "Derek!" She whispered. "Der!"

He looked up and blinked his eyes, making sure it was really him and not some sick hallucination. It was her. She rapped on the glass again, ecstaticly. "Meredith! Meredith!" He cried out, his voice rising. He pulled himself towards the door, only to get stopped again. He yanked again, frustrated.

She looked at him, smiling tearfully, "We're going to get you out of there, okay? You're going to be fine. It's probably just a mistake. Or a drill even." He widened his eyes at her. She didn't know. But, before he could say anything else, she looked next to cell door and said, "Hey! Here's your data sheet." Derek squeezed his eyes shut. Data sheets told them why the person was in Isolation- aka, who they were. Derek froze as he could practically hear Meredith's eyes scanning across the page. She heard as she let out a gasp, turning back up to him.

"D-derek…" She said, her voice small. "It says… it says you're in there for…" She eyed him. "Betrayal?" He winced.

"Meredith…" His voice cracked. "No, it's not like that. It was just a misunderstanding…"

She had tears in her bluish, greenish eyes, "It says you were sending information… to the… APP?" She pounded her fist on the door. "What is this about?" She shouted tearfully again.

"I didn't! I wouldn't!" He said back, feeling his own tears come to his eyes.

"I trusted you!" She was crying freely now, leaning her head up against the glass. "I TRUSTED YOU!" She yelled, causing the glass to cloud up from her breath.

He rushed towards the glass, but the restraints still held him tightly. He fought them angrily. All he wanted to do was be with her. "Meredith, please, you still can!" He pleaded her tearfully. "I wasn't sending a secret message to them. I was trying to send a message to Mark." She continued to cry openly, and he watched as the tears rolled down the glass window. He felt his heart ache. All he wanted to do was to collapse onto the ground and shut everything out. He knew he couldn't.

"Then why was it in code?" She sobbed.

"It's… I…." He stuttered. "I didn't want anyone to read what it said."

"Why?" She snapped. "Was it our codes? Our plans?" She glared at him, her tears running down her face.

"No!" He denied. "Meredith, I promise. I PROMISE YOU." He cried desperately. "Meredith, I love you. I love you. You love me….right?"

She raised her eyes to look into his. They were his beautiful Derek eyes, only they were desperate and pleading. She could tell. "…Yes. I do. I really do, Derek." She cried out.

"Then please, please, please believe me. Please trust me. I would never do this to you." He said weakly but truthfully. "Listen to me. I love you." The silence that filled the air was frightening to both Meredith and Derek, as they gazed into each other's eyes longingly. She looked into his eyes gently as she typed in the code to get in, ignoring if she would get caught, and shoving the door aside. She ran into his arms. Although he couldn't wrap his arms fully around her because the strap-like-restraints wouldn't allow him, he still held her as tight as he could.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Meredith said on loop, sobbing into his shoulder.

"Don't apologize. Don't apologize." He responded back to her. "I would never…"

"I know, I know." She whispered to him. "I know you better than that."

He buried his face into the top of her shoulder, "I screwed everything up." He said shakily.

She cupped his face in her hands, "No, Derek, you didn't. We're going to get through this, okay? They're not going to do anything bad to you. I promise. We'll work this out."

"Work what out?" Derek heard from the doorway. He looked up, and there stood Bailey and Torres. "Please tell me this is not what I think it is." Baileys angry voice pounded off the sides of the cell. Meredith stepped back.

"It's not what you think it is." She said weakly.

"You're going to your own cell, Grey!" Torres growled, moving towards her. Derek pulled his fists up, ready to pounce, but they were stopped by that wall once again. Bailey kept her eyes on Derek.

"Callie, stop. She doesn't need to. She just has to answer a few questions. And you, Shepherd…" She glared at Derek, "Have a lot to answer yourself."

"It's a misunderstanding!" He said firmly.

Much to everyone's surprise, Miranda's reply was, "I know." Derek was taken aback as she looked at her. "But we have to figure out how to convince the board of that." Derek looked at Meredith sadly, worried. Meredith looked back at him in as much reassurance as possible. Things were going to be okay, as soon as they figured out how. And in the back of Derek's mind, all he could think about the ring. As soon as he got out of there, he knew exactly how he was going to do it.

_**A/N: Alright guys. Don't hate me. I feel like I pulled a Shonda postponing the proposal, but THERE WILL BE A PROPOSAL. And it will be lovely. I'm all for MerDer getting married. MORE MERDER LOVE AND COMMITMENT, I SAY! I'm sorry, I'm rambling! For now, I hope my angst isn't completely screwed up. Comments would be really appreciated on this one, they make my day. And it would be reassurance that I didn't fail this chapter! Have an amazing day everyone, thank you so, so, so much for reading! MEREDITH AND DEREK FTW 3**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: Oh, my lovely readers. Thank you so, so much for reading each week. It means so much. The comments are amazing. You all are so kind to me, and it really encourages me to keep writing. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks for reading.**_

Meredith sat outside the conference room, her shoulders shaking, the wet and sticky tears rolling like waterfalls down her red cheeks. She wiped them again, but the effort was obviously useless. New tears just replaced the dry red streaks in a moment after she dried them off. It was obviously pointless. She hit her head against the wall in angst, knowing all the pain she was feeling reflected to what had happened earlier.

_- - Derek - - (earlier that day)_

_Derek had been brought into one of the board conference rooms immediately after Callie and Miranda had left. He was shoved and pushed all the way, obviously treated like a prisoner. He was treated like a prisoner in the place that had felt like a second home for the last two weeks. He hated it. Not only did he hate the fact the way they were treating him, but he hated that he had lost all the trust he worked so hard to gain. He felt like they were their second family already, and it hurt to know that they distrusted him this much. And more importantly, that they _hated _him this much. _

_They sat him in one of the chairs, two guards by his side, and his wrists had tight metal restraints secured around them. The TCA obviously took their security not very lightly- and that was why he was there in the first place. As the members of the board walked in, he kept his head hanging low and heavy on his shoulders. He couldn't bare to look up and see their faces, their angry, shocked and disappointed faces. Most of these people he had had drinks with before. Most of them were her friends. And every single one of them had trusted him. And seeing the disappointment and distrust on their faces hit him more than he thought it would. _

"_Agent Shepherd," Bailey said, clearing her throat. He looked up at him, sensing the protectiveness in her deep, big eyes. She didn't say welcome. She didn't say hello. She turned to the rest of the board, "We're here today to discuss the discoveries and accusations witnessed with Agent Derek Shepherd."_

"_Continue." One of the board members said loudly towards Bailey. She nodded at him and took a deep breath. _

"_Derek Christopher Shepherd has been charged with, uh, betrayal of the TCA." She looked at him sadly. "This morning, Agent Cristina Yang witnessed him sending a message that appeared to be in code~" _

"_Not appeared to be. It was." She corrected, frustrated from across the table. Derek looked at her. _

_Bailey cleared her throat from across the table. "Okay. She witnessed Derek sending a report to the APP in an unrecognizable code, from the locked computer." There was silence about the room. "Today, we have to figure out what our plan of action is, and what we are going to do about this. And if we believe him." Everyone turned to Derek as one of the board members asked him; _

"_What do you have to say for yourself?" _

_Derek cleared his throat and lifted his head, looking at everyone's worried eyes. "I…" His voice was shaking- all these people that trusted him. "I was sending a message to…" What would happen if he told them why he was sending a message? What would happen if they found out that he used to be in the APP? "I _was _sending a message to the APP." _

_A loud chorus of erupting 'what?' and 'why? And 'how?" filled the room. He looked at them sadly, as he felt the guards move closer to him. He hated feeling this vunerable, like he was some sort of threat. _

"_But! It wasn't for the reason you think. It wasn't for any plans or coordinants. It was for something…" He cleared his throat, "…personal." He could hear murmmers around the room as someone piped up. _

"_What could you POSSIBLY mean by personal? They're the APP, they're horrible, cruel enemys of the United States." Derek felt himself begin to shake as he looked across the table to Cristina, as she looked at him defiantly. _

"_He worked for them." She spoke flatly, daring him to argue. There were gasps and shouts spread about the room- even Bailey was shaking her head in disbelief. _

"_WHAT?" The head of the board yelled angrily. _

_He watched as people slammed him with questions. _

"_IS THIS TRUE?"_

"_WHAT?"_

_Derek looked frantically, tears filling his exhausted eyes. "…yes." He squeaked. The whole room went silent as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Yes. But I didn't betray you. I never would. You have to listen to me, I never would!" _

"_You were a member of the APP! How could we ever listen to you?" A member spat angrily. _

"_I _was _a member. But now I'm not. I promise you!" He pleaded loudly. "I was sending a personal message. I couldn't send it from my phone. And I needed to get it across." _

_Someone stood up from the table and hit their fists against it, "No! You're a liar! You lied to all of us!" _

_His voice was small, powerless, "I would never~" _

"_How can we possibly expect to accept this man!" The angry woman yelled. "He's a disgrace! He lied to everyone! He's a member of _them!" _Derek felt the tears come again and he looked down at his chair, at his silver restraints. They really did hate him. Who knew what they would do with him now. _

"_No!" He heard a shrill voice yell, he turned and the door opened to the conference room. There stood Meredith, her eyes tearful and her voice determined as he had ever heard it before. _

"_Meredith…" He tried to stand up, but he was powerless in the tightly strapped chair. _

"_Do you all realize what you're doing?" She yelled at them. "This is an amazing man. An EXTRAORDINARY man. Sure, he worked for the APP. For years, he worked for the APP." Derek winced. "But you know what he also did? He's been my friend for a year. And when I was trapped in the APP cell, ready to give up, ready to be done, and he was there. Sitting in that cell, hurt and powerless all day, I began to give up. I didn't understand how I could feel so much pain. I couldn't understand. I was scared and alone- and me, I never get scared or alone. And Derek broke me out. He found out a way to get me out of there, and he did safetly. He saved my life. Who knows how long they would've kept me there if I hadn't have gotten out." She said, with a large exhale. "And then he agreed to join us. He dropped everyone to help us. Do you understand what that means? He's putting his life on the line to help us. To join us. Derek is an extraordinary, truthful man. And if you all can't see that, then you're not the spies I thought you were." _

And then Meredith sat outside the conference room, crying into her hands. Her icy greenish-blue eyes were red and soaked, and her whole body felt numb. She was awaiting the results of what the board was going to say, and it was all she could think about it. She couldn't remember herself being that nervous before.

What if he didn't make it? What if he wasn't accepted? What would happen to him? What would happen to _them?_ The thoughts made her cry harder, pounding her fists to her forehead in an effort to stop the uncontrollable flow of tears. She kicked her feet on the ground angrily, rebelling against all that was going on in her world. She didn't understand why it couldn't be normal. Why it just couldn't be normal.

She heard the large, dark blue door open and Meredith wiped her eyes rapidly, turning to Bailey standing in the door. She looked down at Meredith, expressionless, worried. "Meredith…"

She shot up from her seat on the floor, scrambling to her feet. "What? What is it?"

Bailey shut the door behind her, pursing her lips. "He's free."

- - - - - - - later that day - - - -

Meredith held her hat on her head, the windy Seattle day blowing her hair around. Her long black coat that reached her knees were buttoned tightly and firmly, not allowing any air to breeze through and hit her skin. She already had goosebumps. November was always so cold. "Where am I supposed to go?" She asked Cristina again. Cristina checked her phone, "To the docks. Something's going to pick you up."

She hadn't seen Derek since she heard Bailey's news. He was on probation from work for a week, and had to be taken in for some more explanation after that, but then Cristina had gotten a message from Derek telling her where to lead Meredith. And there she was at the edge of the city of Seattle, looking out onto the reflecting water. The light played and danced about it. It was nighttime, and the cities lights were reflecting more than she had ever seen it. It was beautiful. "Okay. Goodbye, Cristina."

"Mer? I'm sorry." Cristina said shortly, with a quick smile.

"I know." Meredith said to her before walking along the pavement towards the dock, and much to her surprise, a ferryboat was parked along the dock. She looked onto it, and there were candles lighting the way up onto it. Curious, she padded onto it, the creaks filling the nights quiet. She followed the trail onto the upper deck, where rings of glowing candles circled around it beautifully.

"Hello?" She called, listening to the echo off of the invisible wall of water.

"Hey." She whirled behind her, and there was Derek, in a…suit?

She smiled widely, her whole face glowing up. "Hey." He walked down the stairs towards her, smiling brightly. It made her want to melt. They walked towards each other in silence, as Meredith realized Derek had something in his hands. It was a plate of strawberry ice cream? "What is this?" Meredith chuckled, looking up at him curiously.

"Eat it." He smiled at her.

"What?"

"It's not that much. And it's your favorite. So, eat it." He pushed, handing her a delicate silver spoon. She took it in bites, starving, savoring the bright taste and the colorful dish. It melted in her mouth instantly, and she watched him, smiling. She picked up the last bite of ice cream, putting it into her mouth and slurping. She saw something in the bottom of the bowl. It was a small black sack. Tiny even.

She pulled the little object out of the black sack, and has her eyes came into focus, she noticed the tiny donut-like shape. It was silver. And it had a bright, chisled, diamond part at the top. It was… "A ring?" Meredith choked, wiping it on her jacket to be sure.

She watched with wide eyes as Derek looked at her, taking her hands. "Meredith. I love you. What you did in there was amazing. It was brave. It was sincere. You trusted me, even when you didn't have any reason that you should have. For the last year, you've always been there for me. Every time I needed you, you were calm in a crisis. The secrets that we kept from each other could've broken up any other couple. But… not us, Meredith. Not us. You kept me going when I needed it." She looked at him, her mouth wide, her eyes tearing up.

"Derek…"

"And you will keep me going, I can tell. You're always there for me. Always. And you make me who I am. I wouldn't be me without you. When you were locked up.. my world was colliding. It was ruined. I was lost without you, and I will be when you're not here. So Meredith Grey…" He smiled at her. "I love you. I never, ever want to be without you. Will you marry me?"

Her eyes roamed his face, tearing up, looking for signs that it was a joke. It wasn't. She let the tears fall against her will. "Yes!" She said joyfully. He pulled her into a tight kiss, pushing his small lips and against her tender face. They kissed deeply, her hand tangled in his raven black thick hair, pulling and twisting. His arm roamed her back, touching her waist, and moving back to the back of her neck. When they released she repeated, "Yes!"

"I love you…" He said gently, quietly, and meaningfully. "You've changed my life."

She looked at him, wiping her happy tears. "I love you too, Derek." She yanked him in and kissed her tenderly again, tightly. They then pulled into a hug, and for a moment in time, the world felt perfect. Everything was in it's place, just as it was supposed to be.

_**A/N: So… how did you like it? How was the proposal? I hope I gave Meredith and Derek the scene they deserve. I love them so much, and I loved writing this chapter! Comments = so much love! **_


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: Felt like doing a happy, fluffy fic filler chapter today! Lots of MAGIC and MD cuteness. Comments = so so so much love! Getting a new one makes me happy, so thank you all so much. Thanks for reading!**_

Meredith breathed in a deep sigh, taking in the deep, thick, steamy air of the bathroom. Her damp hair stuck to her shoulders as she let the pounding of the hot water hit her. It ran down her back gently, the small beads of water trickling down like a spray of a waterfall. Meredith always counted on the shower to be a place where she could think. It was peaceful. She could cry if she wanted to, and the tears would wash rapidly down the drain, disappearing without a trace. That day, though, there wasn't a reason to cry.

No, that day she didn't wake up early to take a shower because she needed to cry. That morning she took a shower because she wanted to figure out how she was going to tell Cristina about Derek's proposal. She didn't know what to say. She could feel that every single part of her was a jittery mess with excitement and she wasn't exactly sure how she planned to contain it.

There was also the issue of confronting the board, but she didn't let that bother her. She was floating on a cloud of bright & shiny-ness, and nothing was going to bring her down. She couldn't remember the last time she was this happy. Everything about him made her flutter, of course, but him proposing to her and beginning to make it official made it all the more realistic to her. She could feel herself begin to smile.

She finished washing her hair and exited the shower, toweling off her wet body and dripping hair. Her feet stepped onto the cold tile, and she could see the mirror completely fogged by the steam. She had always taken really hot showers. It was just a thing of hers. Wrapping the towel tightly around her chest, she stepped out of the bathroom, turning on the fan and hoping the smoke detector wouldn't go off. The rush of cool air as she stepped out of the shower sent a wave of goose bumps across her body. She shivered involuntarily.

She padded over to her dresser and grabbed some clothes, throwing them over her head happily and sighing. Showers in the morning always cheered her up. She toweled off her hair and walked over to Derek's bedside, jumping on him playfully. "Derek…" She cooed into his ear as she straddled his back. She ran her hands down his back as he groaned.

"No… too early…"

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, wake up!" Meredith said playfully as she bounced a little on him. "Come on!"

He groaned and rolled over, grabbing her ankles and making her collapse on top of her. She giggled. "I don't want to get up." He then observed, "You showered? This early?"

"Yes. I like showers." She replied, running her hands through her wet hair. "Now, get up. You're going to be late." She climbed off of him and grabbed his large, warm hand, pulling him halfway up. He sighed and agreed, pulling himself off the bed and rubbing his tired eyes. He let out an exhausted sigh.

"It's been a big few days. You'd think they'd let a guy rest."

"There's not a lot of sleep in spy work." Meredith replied.

"Yeah, I got that." He said, smiling at her. He hopped around the room, throwing on clothes and planting a few kisses on Meredith every now and then. He walking into the bathroom to brush his teeth rapidly, scrubbing and scrubbing. The sound echoed as he said, "Sheesh, how hot are your showers? The mirror is still fogged!"

"Well…" She replied with a grin. "I like things _hot." _

"I guess that's why you like me then." He laughed, only half-jokingly. Meredith walked up and wrapped her hands around his waist. She reached up and kissed him.

"Maybe," She giggled, then walked out of the room and down the stairs to get something to eat. She opened the fridge and searched with a sigh, knowing very well that they both needed to go grocery shopping. She hesitantly chose a banana, and grabbed one for Derek as well as she shouted, "Come on, we gotta go!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Derek responded stubbornly as she heard him thump down the stairs. They both hopped in their car and got it started, as Derek asked timidly, "I wonder… what exactly does being on probation mean?"

"You know what it means."

He sighed sadly, "I know, I know. I've just never been on it myself before."

"Derek…" She trailed off, taking her eyes off the road for a second. "It's going to be fine. Everyone loves you and everyone trusts you. They just want to be sure you're in the all clear. Okay?"

"Okay." He responded flatly as she continued to drive.

- - - - later that day - - - -

Meredith sat in the cafeteria, waiting for Cristina to come out of the lunch line area. She tapped her foot nervously. The beginning of the day had gone fine, everyone had welcomed Derek back a little uneasily but still, they welcomed him back, and that definitly said something. Now it left her telling Cristina, which was going to be easier said then done. Cristina was her person, and she had no idea what she was going to do if Cristina didn't approve. If Meredith was going to start a life with Derek, she needed support, and she couldn't think of anyone better to give her it.

Without Cristina pushing her along, she wouldn't be able to get past little stops or rough patches. She needed her encouragement. So desperately needed her encouragement.

"That lecture with Bailey was brutal," She said plopping down next to her, rolling her eyes immensely.

"Cristina…"

"I mean, I know she's my superior, but I didn't have to sit there for an hour and be treated like a baby. I could understand her. She even talked slowly to me, like I didn't understand the human language."

"Cristina!"

"It wasn't even entirely~"

"CRISTINA!" Meredith said loudly, causing half the heads in the cafeteria to look over at them. She smiled sheepishly.

"What was that about?" She snapped. "They don't need anything else to talk about."

"Like I care if interns talk about us. They don't know a gun from a laser. Anyways. You need to listen to me."

She took a bite of her salad and swallowed, "Okay, okay. What?"

Meredith inhaled deeply, trying to savor the oxygen like it would breathe confidence into her. She focused intently at Cristina's face. "Derek proposed."

Cristina widened her eyes. "He did what?"

"Proposed. Last night. On the ferry."

"Proposed?"

"Proposed." They sat there in the silence for a moment, staring at each others faces and trying to decipher what each other had on their minds. It was hard of course, as Cristina was great at hiding her emotions and Meredith really just wanted to know what she was thinking.

"Are we happy about this?"

Meredith let her face break out instantly into a large grin, unable to hide it. "Yes! Yes, we are so happy!"

Cristina returned the smile, "I knew McDreamy would do it."

Meredith raised her eyebrow, "McDreamy? That's what we're calling him now?" She shrugged her shoulders. "Hm. I like it."

"Yeah well, so do I." She said, her salad crunching in her teeth. "Are you going to tell Izzie?" Izzie was another one of their spy friends. She'd been distant for the last week, working on a large missions and preparation project, but was now back at work full time.

"Of course I'll tell Izzie. I just needed to tell you first. I mean, you're my person." She said, taking a sip of her coke.

"I'm your person." They sat there and continued to eat, before George plopped down next to them, quickly followed by Alex. "Mer's engaged."

"Cristina!" Meredith snapped, turning red and looking at George and Alex's faces. They were both Meredith and Cristina's friends as well, part of the little circle of friends between all of them and Izzie. She looked at them sheepishly and added, "She speaks the truth."

"Meredith? Our dark and twisty chick? Engaged?" Alex said, taking a bite of a sandwich. "Congrats. Is it to rebel dude?"

"Derek," Meredith corrected, annoyed. "Yes."

George smiled gently at her, "Congratulations, Meredith. I'm really happy for it."

She smiled warmly back at him, "Thanks, George." They all ate some more, happily enjoying their break from the busy spy schedule. Lunch was really their only alone time or time to socialize, and it was nice for them to be able to talk.

"Did you tell Bailey yet?" Alex snorted.

Meredith shot back at him, "No. I will."

"Good luck." Alex said to her with an eye roll.

"I don't think that's the confidence she needs," Said George to Alex, taking a sip of his apple juice. "She needs some support, or something~"

"Support my butt. I'm wishing her good luck. Because, she _needs _good luck." Alex replied simply, taking another bite of his sandwich.

"Gee, thanks, Alex." Meredith glared at him.

"Where's Izzie?" Cristina said, noticing the usual perky one of their group wasn't there. "Isn't she done with her research project?"

"I think she's doing some more research before she presents it to Bailey today. Or something." George responded easily enough.

"Her and her projects." Cristina laughed.

"I miss her. I haven't talked to her in weeks." Meredith said to them with a sigh.

"Don't worry, she knows all about your little fiasco." Alex snorted at her with a chuckle.

"Really?"

"Dude, the whole facility knows about it." Meredith looked around, and surely enough, people were glancing at her from every which way.

She sighed, "Oh."

"It's okay, Meredith." George reassured, but whispered under his breath. "People are staring at her like she's a green flamingo."

"I can hear you, George." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Green flamingo? Where do you even get that?" Cristina looked at him oddly.

He shook his head at her, "It's the first thing that came to my head!"

"Makes me wonder whats going on up there, exactly." Alex joked, knocking on George's head for effect. George glared at him.

"Me- and my head- are completely normal." He took an angry bite of his food.

Meredith sighed and laughed, looking at her friends. She was so lucky to have them. "Do you guys want to come over later tonight? You know, we can invite Izzie, drink, you guys can formally meet Derek. Oh, and I found a few spy files that used to belong to my mom. We can watch them."

Everyone nodded happily, obviously glad to have something to do after work. Meredith was glad to; she loved her friends, and couldn't wait to introduce them to Derek for real. She didn't know what she'd do without them.

_**A/N: Well, there you go! I hope you all liked it, I needed a sweet little fic chapter. I read some depressing fics by accident, and during the Emmy's today they played the scene where poor Derek got shot, and that sent me into hysteria. ANYWAYS. I'm rambling, as always. Comments make me so happy! Thanks for reading.**_

_**HINT: Looking for some suspense? Next chapter, something happens during Meredith's party that puts it on hold- big time. And could change the spies lives forever.**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N: GUYS! I'm so so so excited to give you this long, long chapter! It is actually the longest chapter I've ever written- on my Microsoft Word it comes up as 12 pages! This is a big accomplishment for me, so yeah. I really hope you guys enjoy it. I really, really appreciate all the readers. You all are wonderful, thank you so much for reading! Comments would be GREATLY appreciated for this chapter especially, I spent a very long time working on it and encouragement would mean a ton. Like I said, thank you all for reading, and enough with the rambling! Enjoy!**_

"Penguin… no, goose! No… uh… swan!" George shouted at the top of his lungs. Cristina waddled around some more, frustrated. Meredith's party was in full swing, and she, Alex, Cristina, George, Izzie and Derek were all playing charades. It was Meredith, Alex and Derek on one team and Izzie, Cristina and George on the other. Cristina had immediately complained, but everyone ignored her, and they played as they would anyways.

"Come on!" Cristina huffed as she waddled some more.

"No talking!" Meredith laughed, taking a sip of her drink. Alex sat in the corner of the room, looking onto them and scoffing. Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Uh… Platypus?" Izzie tried. "Cristina, DO SOMETHING ELSE!"

Cristina was about to start another motion, but the buzzer rang on the table, full of a loud vibration. "It was DUCK." Cristina shouted in disbelief. "How did you not get DUCK?"

"We were getting there!" Izzie retorted. Meredith laughed again, amused.

"Your friends are kind of weird," Derek whispered to her, putting his arm around her waist. She smiled at him in agreement. She was glad that when they were introduced to Derek, they finally got along. Izzie doubted him for a few minutes, but after talking and drinking and laughing, they were having a great time together.

"Your turn." Cristina huffed. Meredith picked up a card that said _Santa Claus _and smiled to herself, knowing it'd be easy. She got up from her seat on the floor and pretended like she was laughing, grabbing her stomach and making it seem like she was fatter than she really was. She smiled big, and in less than a minute:

"SANTA!" Alex yelled from across the room. Meredith did a fist pump and high fived him happily.

"Take that, suckers!" Meredith laughed at Izzie and Cristina, who were silently fuming.

"Okay, okay!" George said happily, taking a card and standing up. Cristina put her head in her hands and rubbed her temples.

"Lost cause," She whispered, and George slapped her arm. He then made some weird gestures around his mouth, back and fourth and in circles. "Eating!"

"Chewing!" George shook his head silently, continuing to do what he was doing.

"Licking something?"

"Puking!"

"Crying!"

_Buzzzz._

"SERIOUSLY?" George said to them. "It was brushing my teeth! What is wrong with you?"

"You're terrible at this game." Cristina muttered under her breath. She grabbed some pretzels from the bowl on the table and shoved them into her mouth.

"How do you not get brushing your teeth?" He redid the motions slowly, emphasizing on what he was doing.

"Oh!" Izzie giggled. Cristina shot her a look.

"If you get it, _why didn't you shout out the answer?"_

"Because I didn't get it then, but I do now." Izzie replied, then rethought what she had just said. "Well, I guess what doesn't help much."

"No kidding." Cristina glared at her with an eye roll. Izzie shrugged, popping a piece of candy into her mouth. Everyone sat for a minute and snacked on what was placed on the small brown polished coffee table. Alex continued to make fun of the losing team, and Cristina looked like she was about to punch him in the face. Meredith couldn't keep herself from laughing. Her friends were definitly something else.

"I'll go get some more food." Derek laughed, groaning as he got up from the couch and padded into the kitchen with the now empty food. Izzie laughed.

"Did I really eat that much?"

"Yeah, you did." Alex grinned at her. Cristina and Meredith exchanged a look. "What?" He snorted at them.

"Are you two… together?" Meredith said timidly, twirling a straw in her drink. The ice cracked together in the awkward silence. "You know, a thing?"

"A thing? Us? What? Why would you think that? I mean, did you hear something? Like, who told you? Did someone tell you something? What are you~" Izzie rambled, but Cristina interrupted her.

"Easy there. We're just asking." She raised her eyebrow, "Because it seems like you two totally are." Alex shrugged his shoulders with a sly grin, obviously not revealing any more information. Izzie just shook her head and slurped her drink quickly. George sat in the background, stifling laughter. Alex shot him a glare and he smiled smugly at him.

Meredith leaned back on her hands, "Well, this is fun. I haven't had you guys over in a long time." She smiled at them happily, then called into the kitchen. "Derek? What's taking so long? We need food before Alex and George kill each other."

Silence.

"Derek?"

Silence.

"Derek? Come on, that's not funny. We're hungry." But it was then that Derek emerged from the kitchen, his face drained of color. He ducked on the ground instantly under a window, and all the friends looked at him. "What? What's wrong?"

"Where's our food?" Alex added with a sigh.

When Derek looked up at them, his eyes were filled with panic and stress. Meredith frowned, "Derek, what's wrong?"

He talked in a slow, quiet, even whisper, "Everyone. Duck. Now." He told them firmly, keeping his posture in the same place perfectly, not moving a muscle.

"Is this some kind of~" Cristina snorted, but Derek interrupted her harshly.

"Get on the floor NOW." He hush-whispered harshly, obviously not allowing any more questions asked.

Meredith searched his blue eyes frantically, "Derek, what's going on? What is it?" She watched as herself and all of her friends get down, crouching on the ground. "Derek!"

He moved them slowly, crawling on the polished wood floor and whispered, "The APP. They're here." Meredith felt the blood flush from her face, and her strong pulse became weak.

"What? What are you~"

"They're outside the door." He spoke evenly, as even as he possibly could in a situation like that. He gulped, and everyone could see a bubble of air go down his throat. "They're trying to get in."

"Oh my… Meredith… What's going on?"

"Why are they here?"

"What do they want?" Her friends pounded her with questions, and she wanted to answer them, but she was speechless, choking on any words that came to mind. She could see them all crouch lower, barely breathing and barely moving. Alex's hand was over Izzie, in a reassurance. George was positioned, frozen by the window, so Derek asked him firmly:

"O'Malley, look outside the window. Don't show yourself. See what you're able to see, okay?" George nodded shakily, barely moving as he extended his body upward a sliver to peek outside the window. He immediately ducked down. "What do you see?"

"They're… they're…" George stuttered, then added a nervous sigh, "They're outside. They're trying to figure out a way to get in." Derek nodded, his suspicions confirmed.

"What do we do? What are we supposed to do in a situation like this?" Izzie said, panicking.

"Iz, calm down," Alex said gently, but even hardcore Alex had worry deep in his throat.

"Stevens, I need you to calm down," Derek said, his voice deep with thought. "I think I know why they're here. Ellis Grey, Meredith's mother, has quite the rivalry with them. They probably want something from her." Even though no one was moving, Meredith could feel all the eyes of her friends looking onto her. She look a deep and shaky inhale.

"Are you sure it's them?" Cristina questioned, speaking for the first time. "How do you know?"

Derek sighed internally, "The man leading them is, I'm guessing, new Agent Hunt. They had talked about hiring him for a while, but obviously didn't get around to it until I left. He has six people with them- the strongest guards they have at the APP." Everyone gulped in unison. "And I'm guessing Mark is leading back up a few streets down."

"Should w-we go out the back? Or something?" Izzie tried. Cristina shook her head.

"These are the APP we're talking about. They obviously have already planted more guards and I'm guessing explosive devices, we can't go out any doors." She shook her head again. "Dang."

"What do we do? What do we DO?" Izzie said, her voice trembling.

"Calm down, Izzie, just calm down," George said behind her, his kind voice monotone. He obviously wasn't sure what they were supposed to do either. Meredith looked back at all her friends, and as strong as they were, they were all nervous. Izzie looked on the verge of a breakdown, Alex was obviously trying to calm her and Cristina and Derek both looked like they were trying to come up with plans. George was still peeking through the window.

Meredith tried, "Derek, you know all about these guys. What do you think we should do?"

Derek let out a stressed sigh. These people had become his friends, and they were obviously depending on him to get them out of there. He shook ideas out of his head, frustrated. He was becoming impatient with himself. "Well, I haven't worked with Hunt. He's pretty rough, I've heard. So I'm guessing their plan of attack will be to find a way inside." Everyone looked onto him, begging him to continue. "Uh, and one they get in, there's no telling if they'll choose to lockdown and search or… attack and search. I have a strong feeling it would be lockdown, or else they wouldn't have brought all the guards."

"So, what does that mean?"

"It _means _that they will come into the house, lock it down internally so no one can escape, keep everyone in a hostage huddle and search for whatever it is they're looking for."

George's voice escaped from the corner, "They're almost in."

Derek let out a frantic groan. "I-I think I know what we should do." He let out a shaky breath and looked at all of his newfound friends, and at the love of his life. "It will require some tough work. But if it works out the way we want…" Everyone nodded, eager and a bit nervous to hear his plan- and so see if it would work.

"Two people are going to have to stay down here." He began nervously.

"WHAT?"

"Shhh… Two people are going to have to stay downstairs. It's going to make it seem like it was only you two home, and that way they won't search for the others." Everyone nodded numbly. "Then, one is going to stay upstairs and keep watch, moving swiftly and quietly throughout the house and taking notes on what the APP are doing. The last two are going to hide upstairs and search for the thing that the APP is searching for."

Everyone looked at him, confused. He sighed. "Okay. Who are the two strongest people here? Well, I guess I should say strongest _willed." _He watched as Cristina and Alex raised their hands, and he nodded. "You two will stay downstairs. I'll figure out what they're after, and Meredith and Izzie you should stay upstairs and figure out how we are going to get out of this."

"But~"

"Listen." He said quietly, meeting everyone's gazes. "It's not going to be easy. It's certainly not ideal. But we have to do this. It's our best plan." Alex grabbed Izzie's hand and Meredith looked onto Derek, wondering how it was all going to work. Then there was a bang on the door. They were close to getting inside.

"Okay, Izzie, Meredith, into the attic, _go! _I'll report back to you when I figure out what they want, and Meredith, I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out." Meredith and Izzie nodded, scrambling silently up the stairs, avoiding the windows.

_BANG._

"Cristina, Alex, you guys stay down here. Act innocent. No matter what they say or do, we're counting on you not to give anything away. Got it?" They nodded, sitting back onto the couch, determined. Derek took a deep breath. "I'm going upstairs. I'll be watching what's going on. Okay?" They nodded again.

_BANG._

"You guys can do this. Remember, don't give anything~"

_BANG! BANG!_

"…away." He gave them one last look before he ran upstairs. He could hear the door downstairs open with a bang, and Cristina shriek. He took a deep breath and positioned himself on the edge of the stairway, crouching so he'd have an easy escape if they decided to come to the upstairs.

- - - Meredith - - -

She scrambled upstairs, grabbing Izzie's hand to drag her along. Izzie was smart, and good with planning things, but she wasn't good with pressure. Like the fact that six, heavy, strong men were about to get in downstairs. Izzie was shaking already. "Come on." Meredith urged. She pulled and pulled to the secret way to the attic. She could luckily hear things going on downstairs, because the ceiling wasn't soundproof. But sadly, that meant that people downstairs could hear them as well. They would have to whisper.

They positioned themselves in the small, musky corner, away from the opening just in case. Izzie curled her legs up in front of her, folding them tightly as if to hold herself and make herself stop shaking. Meredith put her hand to her lips signaling to be silent, so she could hear what was going on. She winced as she heard a giant crash downstairs, signaling that they had broken in. She had confidence in Alex and Cristina's skills, but neither of them had dealt with APP experts before. She thought about Derek, hoping and praying that he'd be okay.

- - - Derek - - -

Derek crouched by the stairway as the loud crash echoed throughout the house, sending a thud and a ripple of noise throughout it. He was as far away from the stairway as he could, and peeked out through a little sliver of the bar that he could see.

A man who had flaming orange hair- The man who he guessed was Owen Hunt- burst in the doorways, shouting loud orders to the five men that followed him. He recognized all five of them as some of the strongest agents of the facility. Agents G2, G4, G6, G7 and G10. The higher the number, the weaker the agent. And the highest number in the facility was 100. These were obviously very, _very _strong guards. He hoped Alex and Cristina got the hint, and wouldn't try to attack them. It would end badly. He noted:

_(Derek's) Note to self: Some of the five strongest men means they are after something big._

He watched as they immediately slammed the door behind them and rushed into the living room, as Alex and Cristina sat, faking their fear. He ran his hands through his hair, knowing they wouldn't have to fake their fear soon enough. The APP knew what they were doing. Derek let himself breathe in relief to see that Alex and Cristina did _not _fight.

"Sit down!" Owen shouted at them. They both did it. A guard sat behind them, holding onto their shoulders. Another one was next to them. Owen then studied their faces. "Neither of you are Meredith Grey." They were silent, just like they were supposed to be. He nodded. "Ah, I see. Fine, don't answer. We all know you aren't."

"What are you doing here?" Alex spat. Derek silently applauded him. He had asked him a question without giving away who he was. Smart.

Owen cackled, "All we want are the files."

_Note: FILES. _

"Files?" Cristina piped up. The guard tightened his grip on her shoulder.

"The PRESEC files," He added.

_NOTE! PRESEC!_

Cristina nor Alex had the slightest idea of what he was talking about, so they didn't have to fake their utter confusion. "Well, that's a shame you don't know where they are. I'm not surprised. But, you two are going to sit right here as we find them. Got it?" Silence as Cristina grinded her teeth together. "Good. Guards! It's time." And Derek knew this was his cue to tell Meredith what she needed to know."

- - - Meredith - - -

Meredith was staring at the wall, unable to do anything except focus on a group of dirt collecting in the corner. She willed it to give her some answers, but of course it didn't. She didn't know what to feel. She was scared of these people now, although she still had that defiant spark she was famous for. She knew what she could do. But she also knew what they could do to her.

She sighed and squeezed Izzie's hand harder. Izzie was still shaking, causing a mini vibration in the corner of the dusty attic. There were only a few things in the attic, a few boxes titled "Teddy Bears," "Toys" and the rest were all things like "Picture frames," "Winter clothes," "Surgical books," "Med books," "Surgical tapes," etc.

_THUMP._

Meredith's thoughts were interrupted as she saw the flap entering the attic pound up, and she cringed back. She silenced Izzie's whimpering and eased towards it, listening to the sounds beneath it. She felt her adreneline pump faster, rushing through her veins. Luckily, a sound put her to ease. "Meredith, it's me. Open, fast!"

She opened quickly, revealing Derek. He hoisted himself up with her help, and she yanked him in with a quiet thump. Dust clouded around them. He coughed, "Presec."

"What?"

"Presec." He pressed. She shut the flap and looked at him, confused.

"What are you~"

"That's what the plans that they're looking for are called. Presec." He eyed her. "Does that ring a bell? At all?" Meredith racked her brain through and through, trying her hardest to remember something. Anything. Her brain was blank. "Meredith!"

"I'm trying! I'm trying!" She said, frustrated. She racked her brain continuosly, squeezing her eyes shut until a memory came into focus.

"_Meredith, Meredith, I've got to go. Mom has to go on a work trip again." Ellis Grey rushed around frantically. She had just gotten word of a dangerous mission she'd have to take, one that would risk her life more than ever before. She was grabbing her things before she'd have to bolt out the door._

"_Another one?" Thirteen year old Meredith Grey sighed. "Who am I going to be staying with?"_

"_I-I don't know. Call a sitter. Or go stay at a friends. Okay? I have to go." Ellis grabbed a file of papers before heading out the door. She turned to Meredith. "I don't know if you'll ever understand this, but you need to remember this: PRESEC files are in the black box."_

_Meredith twisted her face and looked up at her mom, "What?"_

"_PRESEC files are in the black box." She repeated. "J-just remember that." She said before heading out the door, leaving Meredith looking out at her in confusion and loneliness as the August wind blew through her hair. _

"Oh my gosh…" Meredith gasped, and Derek looked at her nervously.

"What?" he said desperately. "What is it?"

"The PRESEC files are in the black box," She whispered. "My mom… she told me that a long time ago. Before she went on a mission."

Derek looked at her, silently freaking out, "Where is the black box?"

"I-It's under our bed. It's under our bed. A little black fireproof box that has a combination on it. The files must be in there," She looked at Derek. "That's what they want, isn't it?"

Derek sighed, "Yes. It is."

"It must be something important…" Meredith huffed, running her hand through her tangled golden hair. "We can't let them get it, Derek."

"I know," He breathed, "I know."

- - - Derek - - -

He crouched by the doorway of the bathroom. Owen and the rest of them were still downstairs, taking the house apart and trying to find what they were looking for. He could hear his breathing become more rapid as he stood as still as a plank behind the door, shutting his eyes and praying for the right moment to grab the box.

- - - Meredith - - -

Meredith was upstairs with Izzie, who had calmed down and now was rummaging her brain for a solution to the problem. Meredith was pacing quietly, barely making any noise on the thin attic floors. She was a master at tiptoeing by now. It was one of her favorite skills she had. She had a silent approach, and was often known as the untraceable one. It wasn't helping her now.

She then realized that Derek was down there by himself. He didn't even know the combination- well, neither did she, but she was sure she could help. And then, against her better judgement, she said, "I'm going down there."

"What? Why?" Izzie said, looking at her frantically.

"I have to go down." Meredith responded, quietly easing her way to the opening.

"Mer, no. You can't do that. We were told to stay up here and~"

Meredith cut her off promptly, "The man I love is down there, by himself, okay?" She said gentler, "I need to go down there and help. I feel useless, I feel trapped, sitting up here and doing nothing to help the situation. You're good at planning things, Iz, I'm sure you'll come up with something. Okay?" Izzie nodded numbly, obviously worried for her safety. "I'll be back soon, I promise." Meredith said to her gently as she left the attic, off to help Derek in every way she could.

- - - Derek - - -

"Derek!" he heard a small voice behind him, and he almost screamed but jumped and turned around, ready to take the attacker down. It was Meredith.

"Meredith! What are you doing down here?" He said in a hushed whisper.

"I'm helping."

"No, you're going back up. Come on." He ordered her. "Meredith, you can't get hurt."

"Listen, Derek." She responded quickly. "I love you. And I'm helping you, whether you like it or not, because that's what girlfriends- _fiancés- _do. So you can accept it, or you can deny it. It's up to you. I'm staying."

He let out an exasperated sigh and reluctantly said, "Fine. We need to go get the files. Okay?"

"Okay, we can do this." She responded as they eased out of the bathroom, silently moving towards the bedroom. They didn't create any creaks on the floor at all, barely letting on that they were breathing. They could hear people downstairs. Meredith stopped by the stairwell by mistake to listen, and she heard Cristina yelp.

"Come on, Mer," Derek urged.

"I-I…" She listened again, and another yell followed in response. "I have to see what's going on."

"No, Mer, we have to~"

"Go into the bedroom and look for the safe. I'll be in there in a second. Okay?" She didn't wait for his answer as she crept down the stairs.

Meredith roamed the downstairs quietly, sneaking behind doorways and under tables, around chairs and along the wall. She waited and watched for guards, yet didn't attack of course. They were big, and fierce, obviously too big for her to take down on her own. She used her judgement and watched them pass. She slinked around the kitchen, hiding behind the island and stopping her breath to make sure no one could hear her moving. Her adrenaline was racing, and her head was pounding during every corner she turned.

The last thing she did was check on Cristina, who was fine- maybe. They must have hit her or something, but she was on the couch with one black eye, and no tears. She sat there straight as a pole, not giving away any of her emotions. Meredith wanted to shout to her that she was going to be okay, that it was all going to end okay, but she knew she couldn't. Oddly, as she looked around, there weren't as many guards as she had seen before. She let out a sigh and took her time going up the stairs, being as silent as she possibly could.

When she arrived at the top of the stairs, she heard something.

_THUMP. _

She froze, her heart beating like crazy inside her chest and creating loud echoes to herself.

_THUMP. THUMP. _

Meredith noticed the sound was coming from the other end of the hall, and so she tiptoed down silently, turning her head every which way. "Derek," She dared to whisper. "Derek Shepherd, answer me." No response. She let out a sigh, reminding herself that he won't be responding, because he had to be quiet. Yeah, that was the reason he wasn't replying. It had to be the reason. Right?

She turned into the bedroom, ready to see Derek holding the box with his face gleaming, but it wasn't what she saw.

It wasn't what she saw _at all. _

"Derek…" She whispered, her voice cracking in the middle.

Derek was in there all right, but he wasn't holding the box. He wasn't holding the box at all. Owen Hunt stood on the edge of the room, smiling wickedly, and two guards held Derek's hands behind his back. The last one stood next to Meredith, ready to grab a hold of her at any second. She felt her breath catch tightly inside her throat. "Meredith," Derek said to her weakly. She noticed they must have punched him- hard- he had a bruise on his cheek already, and a cut as well that was bleeding. She sucked in her breath. "Let go of him."

"Oh, no, Miss Grey, we won't be letting go of anyone until we get the plans." One of the guards said to her sharply. He grabbed her arm so tight, she could have sworn her circulation was getting cut off.

"What plans?" Playing dumb was a spies best friend.

"Oh, don't act so innocent, Grey." Owen snarled from across the room. "We know that you know exactly what we're talking about."

"I don't~" And before she could reply, a guard sent a blow into Derek's chest, causing him to double over. She froze, her mouth agape, staring at him. She couldn't stand to see them treat Derek like that.

"You do know. And we want you to tell us." Meredith could smell the faint smell of blood in the air, and it was making her sick to her stomach. She stayed silent, and shut her eyes before she could see them hit Derek again. She was queasy, and didn't know what she was going to do. She felt the guards hand on her face with a slap; the sting that followed was wicked. She moaned and looked at Owen.

"Tell us, where are the plans?" He said sharply. One of the guards was about to whack Derek again, but stopped when he heard:

"Don't you lay another hand on him." Meredith screamed. Her face was still stinging, signifying that it was going to leave a painful mark.

"Oh but we will." One of the guards holding Derek laughed. The both pressed down on his shoulders, forcing him onto his knees. His swollen eyes met hers, and they both exchanged a signal of pure love and sorrow. The guard used his broad hand to slap the back of Derek's head, and Meredith could see clearly that Derek was wincing heavily. She wanted to break down. She wanted to collapse on the old carpet and cry and beg for him. The guard raised his hand again, and Meredith could hear Derek say quietly to him, "Please, don't do this."

Meredith looked from Derek to Owen to the guard holding her arm tightly. The whole world was spinning, a complete buzz around her. She felt sick. Her thoughts were conflicting each other, battling inside her brain. She knew that the only thing she could do now was think, stay calm, and not panic. The thing Derek had always told her to do. "Okay, okay!" Meredith squeezed her eyes shut as she began to think of something, seeping into her memory.

"_Mom!" Meredith yelled, running out the house before Ellis could leave._

"_What do you want?" _

"_What did you mean about the PRESEC?" _

_Ellis took a deep breath and crouched down to Meredith's tiny height of 4'10. "Meredith, I just need you to always remember that. No matter what happens in your life, remember that information. And also… remember this: The PRESEC files are in the black box." She looked at Meredith, "Remember that the false is always on the top." Meredith was more confused as she ever had been as her mom sped away, leaving her alone again. _

Meredith blinked. _The false is on the top. The false is on the top. _And she knew what she was going to do. "Fine." She said, her voice steady. Her eyes met Derek's again, both of them knowing what she had to do.

_**A/N: So there it is! A long fanfic chapter! I hope you all enjoyed it, as I enjoyed writing it. Comments = love, they would mean a ton if you took a few minutes and told me what you thought of it. Special thanks to Ash (darkandtwisty03) and Cher (cherlovesgreys), both for helping me out and helping me with my story. Thank you all for reading! And thanks for commenting as well, getting a new comment makes me feel great! I'm rambling again. Anyways! Thanks for reading!**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N: I CANNOT possibly thank you guys enough. I got so many comments on this fic! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea how much getting a comment means to me. It really encourages me to keep writing, and it's just so great of you guys. Thank y'all ever so much! And thank you readers as well, taking time our of your day to read this story makes me feel soooo great! Thank you!**_

_**So, because of all the encouragement, I decided that I'd spend my night writing. This is a pretty long chapter as well- more than 3,000 words- and I am pretty proud of myself! Anyways, I hope you enjoy! Let me know if you're confused, and I'll try to answer your questions. Thanks for reading!**_

Meredith's pulse was racing, rushing faster and faster as she reviewed the steps to the plan that she was organizing in her head. She knew it wasn't perfect, and she really wasn't in the right situation to be making plans. But a spy's got to do what a spy's got to do, and seeing Derek on his knees with his face bleeding, she knew she had no time to think it out.

"What?" Owen responded, a bit shocked that she had said fine this easy. Nobody said fine that easy. At least not any spies rumored to be as good as Meredith was.

"F-fine." She said, not taking her eyes off of Derek.

Derek could feel his face stinging from where they had punched him, and he had a headache echoing from the back of his head too from where they had slapped him. Then again, Derek had a strong pain threshold, and he wasn't a weak one by nature. He just took them as they came, though each blow was intensifying in pain. He may have been strong, but he certainly wasn't a super hero. He took a deep breath in and eyed Meredith, wondering what she could possibly mean by _fine. _He knew Meredith well and there was no way that she was giving up that easy.

"I said, fine. Do you understand English? Or is that not in your vocabulary, _sir?" _Meredith hissed at him, squirming under the guards firm grip.

Owen scoffed and stared her down, focusing on her face and looking for any small hints that would show him she was lying. Every spy knew, though, that lying was one of the most important principles of spying. It was taught again and again, and training courses and pop tests were often used in the TCA. Her mother even taught her when she was young, before she even knew what spy work was.

"_Mom! I told you, I didn't take the last cookie!" An eight year old Meredith whined, lying. Of course she ate the last cookie. She always did. _

"_Meredith, I know you're lying."_

"_So?" Young Meredith had quite the sass, after years of living with Ellis who was barely home at all anyways. _

"_So!" Ellis stomped her fit. "Lying is an important skill, Meredith!"_

_Meredith twisted her tiny face into a look of scrunched up confusion. "Skill? Mom, you always tell me never to lie to you!"_

"_I said that you should never lie to _me, _I didn't say you should never lie." The subject was too big for Meredith to understand. "Do you get it? Do you?" _

"_Mom…" She whined. _

"_Never, ever let your voice shake when you lie, okay?" Ellis said impatiently, checking her watch furiously. _

"_Okay." _

"_And keep eye contact. Don't look at the floor like you did to me, okay?" _

"_Okay."_

"_Meredith, this is serious. If you ever need to lie to someone for an important reason, you must _always _remember this. Okay?"_

"_OKAY." Little Meredith still had not a clue why her mom was teaching her this. It had already confused her plenty when her mom tried to teach her how to break someone's ribs with her forehead when she was seven. She never thought she'd need to remember that. _

When Owen obviously believed her with a sigh, he snapped at her. "We do not want any funny business. Do you understand?"

"I do."

"If there is any at all, your friends will be sorry. All three of them." He looked at Derek and chuckled rudely, and something occurred to him. _He doesn't know who I am_, Derek thought immediately, snapping into attention. As long as Mark didn't show up, he could avoid all the chaos of what could happen if they found out. Luckily, none of the guards recognized him. He let out a sigh of relief, hiding his relief.

"Okay." Meredith responded flatly, not looking away. Staring down the enemy was also the key to intimidation. Owen rolled his eyes, obviously getting uncomfortable. He sent an order to one of his guards, who ran downstairs to check on Cristina and Alex.

Meredith and Derek exchanged a look. Meredith nodded her tiny head at Derek as well, trying to reassure him that she knew what she was doing. Derek looked at her, nervous but attempting to trust her as much as he could. He kept telling himself that she knew what she was doing, but it was hard. He knew how talented she was, but he also knew how strong the APP was.

By the time the guard returned upstairs, Owen was staring from Meredith to Derek, his eyes intent and angry. "Is this your girlfriend?" He mused.

No reply.

"Well now… we wouldn't want anything unfortunate to happen between you two, now would we?" He sighed. "No, no, no. The agency would not appreciate that at all. We can't risk this man here helping out little agent Grey, now would we?"

Derek looked from Meredith, hiding the nervousness that tortured his beautiful eyes. Meredith glared at Owen, struggling roughly against the guard that held her. "He won't."

"Well, we can't be so sure now can we?" Owen said back to her, obviously glad he was causing her angst. Derek dared to shift his weight nervously between knees as a sigh escaped his mouth. "What was that?" Owen snapped over at Derek.

"Nothing…"

"See? They obviously have some sort of plan going, now don't they?" Owen said to one of his guards. They both nodded rapidly and fearfully.

"We don't!" Meredith defended- a little too quickly- and she instantly regretted it. She felt a gulp travel down her throat thickly.

"Oh, but you do," Owen sighed again, grinning wickedly. "Guards? This man could use some ITP, please," He said to them. Meredith watched, curious and fearful, as one of the guards fumbled in his pocket for something.

Derek struggled beneath their weight, trying to figure out what ITP was. _Was it a type of explosive? No… It could be one of the sleeping pills? Or maybe it was~ _Derek was distracted in his thoughts when he felt something sharp jab into his arm. The stab itself was not extremely painful, but the shock of it was, so he winced largely. He felt his muscles go limp, almost one by one, feeling weak and shaky. Before he could figure out what was going on, he felt his whole body collapse beneath him, out of his control. He hit the ground with a thud.

"What did you do?" Meredith shrieked after seeing Derek's body hit the ground, and seeing the shocked look on his face. She struggled against the guard, willing all her might to move over to his side of the room.

"No need to worry, my dear," The guard spoke, his milky deep voice mocking her.

"It's instant temporary paralysis." Owen spoke now, chuckling to himself rudely. "His body, from the neck down, is now paralyzed for a little while." Meredith took a deep exhale, glad they wouldn't be beating him anymore, but also felt weak as she thought that he wouldn't be there to assist her in her plan.

Derek moaned in pain, trying to roll his body around, but it was impossible. He couldn't feel anything at all from the neck down, just as the guard had said. He pulled and pulled, trying to grasp his inner strength, but he let out an exhausted groan when he couldn't find it.

"T-that's not humane… it hasn't been approved by any spies…" Meredith said, her voice shaking in disbelief.

"He'll live." Owen snorted, cutting her off before she could say anything else. "Now, I need you to tell me where the files are kept, okay?" She glared at him as she watched the guards lift Derek up and plop him on the bed, him struggling helplessly, stuck. "Just because he's paralyzed, doesn't mean we can't~"

"Okay, okay!" She snapped, taking a deep sigh inward. "The files… they're… they're under the bed." Her voice was thin and fragile, but strong as she could manage. He looked at her curiously.

"Okay. Go get them." He reminded her, "No funny business."

Meredith sighed angrily as she crept over to the bed, the guard still having a tight grip on her forearm. She glanced over at Derek who had given up the struggling, and lay helpless on their bed. She took a shaky sigh as she moved her body downward slowly, each movement precise as a machine.

She crouched slowly, landing on her knees, and the guard gave her forearm a tight squeeze to remind her who exactly was the captive in the situation. She retorted him with an eye roll. Her hand roamed under the bed slowly, making sure not to make any sudden movements. She could feel tiny clumps of dust, crumbs, and a few other insignificant items along the scratchy carpet, but her breath hitched in her throat when she felt a cold metal box underneath her fingertips.

"What is it?" Owen snapped, shifting his weight towards her anxiously.

"I…I got it." She breathed, slowly and robotically pulling the box out from under it. The guard immediately put his arm on it too, making sure that she wasn't going to use it as a weapon against any of them. She groaned, "Do you want this thing, or not?" The guard rolled his deep black eyes at her and let her ease the cool black box up, hoisting it onto the bed beside Derek.

He looked at it with nervous eyes. It was caked with dust of course- years had passed since it was touched. It was also imprinted with various scratches too. The thick black outside of the metal made it obvious that it was fireproof too. Owen and Meredith exhaled in unison. "Open it," He ordered to her.

She looked up at him with a gulp, and she looked down at the combination. "I…"

"What?"

"I don't…" She stuttered, nervous. He gazed on her with disbelief in his eyes.

"You don't know the combination, do you?" He said angrily. He sighed roughly. "I suggest you remember it. Now." Meredith watched as a guard raised his broad hand above Derek's head, threatening to bring it down.

"Stop! Wait! Just give me a minute!" Meredith pleaded, not helping but to sound desperate. Owen looked pleased, glad that we was intimidating her. Meredith racked her brain, trying her best to pull up memories. _Think, Meredith, think! _She begged to herself. She was pulling up memories as quickly as possible, but almost none were clear enough to remember. Until she remembered that one:

"_Mom, where have you been?" Twelve year old Meredith inquired. Ellis had been gone a long time, two nights to be exact, and Meredith had had to fend for herself. _

"_It was amazing, so amazing," Her mom said, in a trance, off in her own world. "He's my world, Meredith, did you know that?" _

"_What are you talking about?" _

"_He's the kind of person I would trust with anything, you know?" Ellis wasn't hearing her daughter, she was completely lovesick. "He's trustworthy. He'd keep any secret of mine locked up in a safe." Ellis laughed to herself as she danced upstairs. _

"1034" Meredith said, shaking her head to break free of the memory. And surely enough, as she touched the cold metal dialed, she could hear it click open. 1034 was Richard's agent number. _He'd keep any secret of mine locked up in a safe. _She could hear the airtight seal release as it opened.

Owen, Meredith and Derek all stared at the inside of the case and what it held for a long time, as if just looking at it would give them all the answers they needed. Inside the black case, it was velvet and black, darker than a rich night sky itself. On top of that velvet there was a single microchip, green and glistening in the dim light of the room. She and Derek stole glances at each other nervously, but not before Owen pounced to grab it. The guard held Meredith back tightly.

Owen held the technology in his hand gently, examining it from every angle. He was almost hysterical as he said, "We have it!" Meredith shrunk back as the guard pulled her away from Owen, nervous that she'd do something wrong. She sucked in her breath and watched as he fastened it into a compartment on his supply belt. "Well, Grey, I must say I'm pleased with your cooperation. It's a shame that we had to mess with this fine man over here." He gestured to Derek, who was still laying on the bed, limp. Derek glared at him. "But, it all worked out for the better, don't you think? Guards!" The guard behind Meredith grabbed both of her hands together tightly, fastening them together with a cable. He let go of her, knocking her to the ground. She sat with her hands behind her back, unable to move to get up off her twisted ankles. She watched as Owen and the guards moved away, slowly backing out of the door. "We should do this again sometime, really. It's been a pleasure." Owen said rudely before disappearing behind the door, his guards trampling behind him.

As soon as they were out of sight, Meredith used all her strength to get to her feet. "Derek! Derek…" She cried out to him, leaning over to kiss him on the bed. He kissed back the best he could. "We need to get you to the med center, okay? We need to get out of here." She struggled out of her cables swiftly, a skill she had learned a while back. It was very, very useful. They dropped to the floor, and she looked at Derek happily.

"You're out," He said, obviously impressed.

"Out." She replied, moving to the bedside. She dare touch the cool metal box again, running her hands across the velvet's individual fibers gently. She felt around carefully until she came across a groove, and she pulled it open, lifting the velvet cover up. Underneath it, it revealed another micro chip.

_The _microchip.

_The _PRESEC files. Whatever they were. "The false is on the top," Meredith breathed to herself. Derek looked at her, amazed.

"Are those…"

"Yeah." She whispered, taking the chip and tucking it deep inside her pocket. She let out a shaky sigh of relief, giving herself a second to realize that she had been right. _She had been right. _

She was about to turn around to go get Cristina and Alex (And bring Izzie down from the attic) but she heard something.

_THUMP._

A yell. She backed up.

_THUMP. WHACK. _

Another yell.

_POUND. _

Someone was coming up the stairs. Then, before she knew what was happening, Owen was back in the room, yelling angrily as he moved up to her, his hand on his back. He had a gun, or most likely a laser. "THIS ISN'T THE CHIP!" He boomed, grabbing her by the collar.

"Let go of her!" Derek yelled from beside her. She struggled under Owen's firm grip.

"I don't… know what… you're… ta…talking…about…" She gasped.

"WHERE ARE THE PLANS?" Owen boomed angrily. The guards followed him. Meredith took as deep a breath she could before using all of her strength, shoving him back and causing him to stumble across the floor. He hit the wall with a crash. The two guards were moving towards Meredith slowly, pounding their fists together.

"No, you don't!" Meredith heard a shrill voice behind them, a quick sound of something spraying, and both guards were on the ground. It was Izzie. In her hand she gripped a can of some sort of aerosol spray. Meredith looked up at Izzie's wild blonde hair as she chuckled smugly:

"Sleep gas. They let me have it from the lab earlier today. It's experimental, but I figured it'd come into some use…" Meredith nodded at her enthusiastically, but before words could escape her mouth, she noticed that Owen had scrambled out of the room. Meredith and Izzie both ran after him, their footsteps pounding on the floorboards as they chased him downstairs.

As soon as they skidded to a stop on the bottom step, they could see the bottom floor was chaos. Cristina was in total combat with one of the guards, her twisting his arm completely behind his broad back. Alex was kicking one of the guys repeatedly in the shin, then sweeping him by his feet so the guard would land on the floor with a thud. George on the other hand was attempting to hold onto Owen: He was desperately hanging onto his back as Owen raced to the door.

Meredith pushed her silky hair out of her eyes. "Oh my gosh…" She groaned, as she and Izzie immediately hopped in to help. Now that Alex had the guard on the ground, he straddled him, letting Izzie kick his sides repeatedly. Meredith sprinted over to the guard that Cristina held onto, and sent a swift kick to his thick nose. His head reeled back and Cristina let go, sending him smashing into a table and falling unconscious to the hard floor.

Izzie then flipped around and landed on the guards leg, giving him a sickening snap as he howled out. She tossed Alex her spray swiftly, and he sprayed it directly into the guards face.

"Guys… he's running away!" George yelled at the top of his lungs. Meredith spun around just in time to see Owen bolt out the door, yanking the door so hard that it smashed a crack into Meredith's beautifully painted wall. Before any of the friends could get to him, he disappeared into the night, faster than any of them could run.

Meredith leaned over, relying on her knees for support as she breathed heavy and uneven, trying to savor all the oxygen she possibly could. She didn't understand what had just happened. She still couldn't process it- the past was numb in her brain. She could feel Alex's warm hand on her back as she shook. "Mer, it's okay. The guards are unconscious. They're gone." Meredith shut her eyes and nodded, breathless. She shook her head again, trying to put herself in denial. It didn't work. What had just happened?

"Derek!" She shot up, running back upstairs. Her small feet pounded on the floor, and it sounded like echoes throughout the quiet house. She bolted into the bedroom. "Derek, Derek, are you okay?" She hummed to him gently.

"I'm fine." He said. He attempted to sit up, but remembered sadly that he couldn't feel anything. "Just give me a little bit, and I'll be okay."

"We-We're taking you to the medical center at the TCA."

"No."

"Derek, that stuff they used on you hasn't been tested before. We have no idea what it's doing to your body. Okay?" She felt his forehead, warm to the touch. "I think you have a fever. And you're sweating." He sighed defiantly as she wouldn't let him speak. "Guys, come up here!" She yelled down to her friends. Moments later they all came pounding up.

She took a deep breath. "Okay. Izzie, Cristina, you guys are coming with me to the TCA. George and Alex, call the TCA security hotlines IMMEDIATELY. Don't let them put you on hold. Report the attack and they should be here soon. They'll take care of these, and you guys can meet up with them, okay?" Everyone nodded in unison, still not fully aware of the events that had just happened.

They noticed Derek on the bed, frozen, and Cristina asked, "What happened to Derek?"

"Temporary paralysis. That's why he needs to get to the med center. Immediately." Meredith snapped. She ran her hands through her golden hair with a sigh. "Sorry. It's just…"

She felt Cristina's hand on her arm, "We know. Lets go."

Derek let out a shaky sigh, blinking his eyes and willing for sleep that he knew wouldn't come. His legs were still numb, which was making him nervous and worried. He didn't know what was going to happen, and he didn't want to think about it. He couldn't feel Meredith and Alex pick him up. He couldn't feel them drop him in the backseat of Meredith's car as they drove away, speeding for too many reasons to explain.

_**A/N: What did you think? How was the action scene? Okay, I hope! I decided against having them beat up Derek for now, because I love him and it was pretty hard to write. ANYWAYS. Thanks for reading everyone! And another special thanks to Cher (cherlovesgreys) and Ash (DarkandTwisty03) for their help with this, it was awesome. Comments = love! **_


	13. Chapter 13

_**A/N: THANK YOU THANK YOU! For the comments! (Do I start out every chapter like that? Oh, well! It's true!) Your comments mean so, so much to me! Once again, I was going to wait to update, but your comments gave me so much encouragement that…well… here it is! Thanks for reading everyone!**_

"Talk to me, Grey," Miranda Bailey walked into the bright medical center, the lights streaming across the room and shining bright white into everyone's eyes. They were bright enough to give you a headache, but precision and accuracy were important with the delicate and rare injuries in spy work. It had been about ten minutes since Meredith had arrived at the TCA.

Everyone in the base had been debriefed, and everyone had heard the news. They sent a group of people to Meredith's house, closing down the area, alerting the government, the works. Meredith now stood by Derek's side on the gurney, waiting for a nurse to come by to check him out. Because it was so late at night, there were few on duty. She tapped her foot impatiently. "I just heard what happened." She then looked down at Derek, "Shepherd, what happened to you?"

"Can't, move," He said, his voice strained.

"What?"

Meredith moved her hand down to Derek's giving it a squeeze. "They used temporary paralysis on him. Oh, and he got a little beat up."

"Temporary paralysis? That… hasn't been approved before…"

"I know." Meredith's voice cut like glass. "That's why we're here." They stood in the silence for a minute, until Meredith muttered, "Where are the nurses? We don't know what this could be doing to Derek's body, we don't know…" She felt Miranda's rough hand on her shoulder, giving her a gentle squeeze.

"I know. He'll be okay, Meredith." There was another uncomfortable silence that followed. She then added, "The guards are all here. Locked up in isolation. We'll question them later."

Silence.

"Meredith…"

Meredith looked up at Miranda, her voice shaking and her eyes dark. "They broke into my _house_, Bailey. My house!" Before Bailey could respond, she added, "They broke into my house, threatened my friends, and paralyzed my boyfr-… fiancé!" Miranda nodded, looking down. "It's just…"

"I'm sorry, Meredith. I am so… sorry. It's tough, I know." She then added, "Do you have the files?"

"Of course I have the files!" Meredith breathed, yanking them out of her jean pocket. She passed them to Bailey. "The stupid files that put all my friends in danger. Take them."

"We need to talk about these~"

"I got it, Bailey. I know we do. I'll be by later to talk about them, or discuss them, or _whatever._ I'm staying with Derek now." Meredith said, making the statement loud and clear and upfront. Bailey nodded, glancing down at Derek and sticking the file into a secure portion of her supply belt. Meredith then heard chaos coming from the back of the room and knew the nurses were back and ready. Miranda nodded, noticing it too. She gave Meredith one more tiny, quick squeeze and walked out.

- - - Derek - - -

He felt terrible. His head was pounding with a repeated rhythm in his head, each beat with an intensifying pain. He still couldn't move, and couldn't feel what was going on behind his neck. His face stung, and he could feel the cut- it was deep and still bleeding. Meredith had done what she could to stop it, but it started again, and that was a bad sign.

He remembered when he used to talk to Mark and Richard at the facility about new experimental things like the ITP. He used to talk about it with enthusiasm. He had never thought that it would be used like that- on attack, with fearful intensity.

He groaned, trying again to will all his strength to move, but of course it didn't work. He felt Meredith's small hand on his head. "Derek, just stay calm." She breathed to him gently, rubbing his forehead. He looked up at her and smiled as much as he could without his cheek stinging.

"I am calm," Was his dry reply. She smiled and laughed weakly.

"Sure you are. The nurses are here okay?"

His voice didn't sound familiar as he mumbled, "S-stay. Stay here, with me?" He tried to fix the desperateness of his voice by adding, "If you can."

She kissed his forehead, her lips brushing gently against his soft skin. "Of course."

Before he knew it, nurses were buzzing around him, slamming Meredith with questions as if he wasn't there. Of coursed he was paralyzed, but that didn't mean he wasn't there to talk. "What happened?" The short read-headed nurse named Olivia asked, checking Derek's pulse.

Meredith explained the temporary paralysis to them and Derek watched as their faces fell. Olivia shouted out orders to the other nurses. "Heather, you go to research. Ashlee, go get the IV meds. Cherie, please take some labs. Sarah, go and try to get a CT. We don't know how this has affected him. We need to figure out how to fix this, before it gets any worse."

"Worse?" He heard Meredith croak from above him. All he wanted to do was to hold her hand and reassure him, but he couldn't.

Things were buzzing around him, moving in a blur. He watched as people moved around him, taking blood, putting in an IV. Beside him, Meredith held his hand tearfully, though they both knew that he couldn't feel it. "We're going to take you to the CT now, okay?" Sarah spoke to him gently, the first time anyone had talked to him in the blurry time that had just passed. He could see that they had begun moving the bed slowly.

"Okay," He said quietly. The bright lights in the exam center were scorching his eyes and giving him more of a headache, which he certainly didn't need. Meredith stroked his hair back gently and walked beside him, her tiny footsteps making barely a noise in the bustling area. They could tell that outside of the med center was a mess, obviously caused by the chaos of the threat of the APP. Derek chose not to think about it, and he shut his eyes. The room felt like it was buzzing.

"Are you doing okay, Agent Shepherd?" Olivia's gentle voice was beside him. She had always been nice and helpful to him, and had trusted him as well.

"Yeah. It just… it feels like… I'm dizzy." He admitted, being as frank as possible with her.

"That's an affect from the meds they injected you with. Our lovely research staff was able to find out a lot about it. It's very experimental, so we don't know how it's effected your body yet. The CT will help us show it, okay?"

"Mhm." He hummed, not really processing the information. The pounding was increasing, probably from the stress of being frozen in place. Meredith was still walking beside him, her tiny hand holding tightly onto the gurney as if it were keeping her afloat in an ocean.

- - - Meredith - - -

"He'll be okay, right?" She paced impatiently, her feet tapping on the floor. Olivia was outside the CT with her, attempting ease her mind.

"He should be fine. There may be a few minor effects, maybe some soreness in the future, but it should turn out oka~"

"Should turn out okay? _Should?" _Meredith questioned her harshly. "I know that you guys are supposed to sugar coat things or _whatever._"

"Agent Grey…" Olivia responded gently. "He's going to be okay. Trust me."

Meredith took a deep, sharp inhale and responded coolly, "Okay. Okay."

As if with perfect timing, Sarah appeared from the CT machine, her brown hair tied up in a ponytail. She rubbed her forehead. "He looks okay."

"_Looks?" _Meredith snapped. "What do you mean by _looks?" _

"I mean, by looking at the scans, he looks like he's going to be fine. As the paralysis begins to undo itself with the help of some IV meds, he'll start to become nauseaus, sick, the works. You can already see that he's having a pretty pounding headache. When function returns to his legs, he'll be unsteady on them for a while. We recommend a day of rehabilitation to help out." Meredith ran her hands through her hair tiredly. "And they'll be sore. But after a few days, he should be back to normal. It's obviously weird for him right now, not being in control of his body. But you guys will get through it, okay?"

"Okay," Meredith responded flatly, for what seemed like the twentieth time that day.

"He should most likely rest for a while now." Meredith nodded at her. "We'll page you when he begins to regain feeling in his chest and shoulders. He'll be in a lot of pain."

"Okay." Meredith repeated, feeling numb.

"Right now though, Agent Bailey has requested you ASAP to conference lab 22A."

"I have to stay with Der~"

"It's important, Meredith," Olivia added gently. "We'll watch over him. It'll take a little while before he begins regaining feeling."

Meredith felt her body become numb again, as if _she _couldn't feel anything. She wiped two tears that she felt were running down her cheeks, creating a trail of glistening dampness. She frowned and said again, "Okay."

"They are the PRESEC files, Meredith! The _PRESEC files!" _Bailey said loudly to her, angrily almost. Meredith was confused. She knew that Bailey couldn't possibly be angry with her, not after everything that had happened.

They sat in one of the high tech technology labs, surrounded by other people from the board and other high ranking spies. They all whispered nervously and excitedly amoung themselves. Meredith ignored them and tied her hair up into a tight ponytail. "Okay! What are they? What's the big deal?"

"What's the big DEAL?" Bailey shrieked, her voice high and ecstatic, which was on rare occasion.

"Yes. I want to know why these men broke into my house and did all this to us. I wan to know what's so important about these files." She could feel everyone's eyes on her and sent her eyes down, looking at the dark wood table.

"Do you know what the PRESEC files stand for, Grey?" Callie spoke evenly, looking at her intensely.

"No!"

"Think about it." Silence. "The PRESEC files are the _PRESIDENTS SECURITY files._"

Meredith felt her heart stop for a moment as she darted her eyes up, studying everyone's faces. It wasn't some kind of joke. Her mouth was dry as she mumbled, "Presidents… security?"

"Yes. Some of the _rarest files in the United States. _Maybe even the world. They map out key points of interest and security files of the President of the United States." Bailey talked evenly, though Meredith could tell she was about to burst.

Meredith on the other hand felt like the world was spinning. Everyone was always talking about what would happen if they could find the sacred PRESEC files. Some people called them a myth. Some people spent their lives searching for them. If one person got their hands on it… if the _wrong _person got their hands on it… it could change everything. And her mom had had it the entire time.

"They broke into your house because someone must have found out that your mom was the one who kept them." Another board member spoke. Meredith rapped her fingers noisily on the table.

"I…" She trailed off nervously, not knowing what to say. The large screen on the wall flashed various technology readings and such, running along the screen in rapid impulses. She watched, amazed at all the information the one little chip held. She tried to run her hands through her hair, but remembered it was pulled into a tight ponytail.

"They're safe now," Bailey whispered to herself. "And we are going to keep them safe. The board may want to ask you a few questions later, but…" Her gaze met Meredith's. "You did well, Grey." Meredith nodded numbly, feeling sick and twisted. She didn't know how she was supposed to be feeling. She did feel tiny teardrops sitting comfortably in the corner of her eyes.

- - - Derek - - -

The nurses had sedated him for a few hours, and when he woke up, his head was pounding even more than before. He had one of the few private medical rooms in the facility, and he was grateful. He could feel some slight tingling coming back to his shoulders as well. He was happy it was returning, but they also stung, pulsating with pain. He wanted to rub them or touch them, but he still couldn't move his hands. He coughed, the gesture causing his chest to sting. He winced and groaned, squeezing his eyes shut to ignore the immense pain. He knew the worst had yet to begin, though, and he tried his hardest to stay positive.

He heard the door slid open, but didn't want to turn his head, as it would mix with his painful headache and cause him to whimper in pain. He kept his eyes close until he felt someone's breath by his face. The sweet voice whispered, "Derek, I'm here." It was Meredith.

He blinked his eyes. "Hey," His dry throat whispered. He cracked a small smile. "How'd it go?"

She held her composure as much as she could until she felt herself about to burst, and let herself explode into sobs. "It's going to be okay," She cried, putting her forehead up to his. "It's going to be okay." They sat in pure, comfortable silence for a few minutes, Derek listening to Mer's tears of relief and him holding in the pain of his burning shoulders. "Are you okay?" She whispered, using the sleeve of her sweater to wipe away her tears.

"Fine." He bit his lip in pain.

She stroked his hair back tenderly, "No you're not." She then kissed him lightly, brushing his lips against his. "I'm right here. This whole time, I'll be right here."

He finally let it out as he whimpered in pain, but Meredith was true. She stayed by his side and stroked his hair back, whispering, _Shhhh _and telling him it was going to be okay. His shoulders hurt still, but having her there with him made it all the better. He shut his eyes, attempting to shut out the world and the pain, and waited for feeling to return to his stomach so he would start throwing up. Something he wasn't looking forward to.

"Derek?" Meredith's voice piped up quietly.

"Yeah?"

He felt her lean down to kiss him gently. She kissed his lips, then neck, then shoulders and whispered, "You're going to be okay. I love you." His eyes fluttered open and he smiled gently, kissing her back; and knowing that if there was anywhere he wanted to be, it was with her.

_**A/N: So, what did you think? Like? Dislike? Comments = so, much love! Thank you for reading everyone, have a great day!**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**A/N: Hi everyone! Yay for super long chapter! More than 4000 words, which is more than I usually write. I hope you guys like it! I'm trying to improve my writing with every chapter, which is pretty hard! Anyways, comments are really, really appreciated. I can't even describe it! It really keeps me going! Thanks for reading everyone, hope you enjoy this chapter!**_

Lights.

Too many lights.

That's what Derek Shepherd was thinking of as he lay in his hospital bed, his whole body aching and scorching as it came down from its state of paralysis. The lights above him were searing his eyes, boring a whole in the back of his brain. " 'ights," He mumbled weakly, his throat incredibly dry. He was down to his chest now. His heart felt like it was beating too wildly from the shock of being able to feel again.

He moaned and twisted his head, avoiding staring into the lights, causing the dry, papery sheets to crinkle beneath him. He could feel his lungs open up wide with every deep breath he took. It was a weird transition- going from feeling nothing but his head, to feeling his heart beating, his blood rushing, his lungs pumping.

His head was pounding too, causing a deep headache to creep through his head and make it's way to the front of his skull. It sent shooting pulsations of sharp pain and he groaned again. His IV meds were supposed to be helping. "Mer…" He mumbled weakly, through his thin, dry lips. She snored softly on the chair next to the bed, having dozed off from sheer exhaustion. "Mer…" He tried again. He remember the nurses telling him that talking would be hard for him, as his body would be overwhelmed from everything that was going on. He sighed and waited. Her small body flinched and twisted, her hand flying up and rubbing her forehead.

"Mmm…?" She said, still half asleep and not understanding what was going on.

"Mer…" He wheezed a little louder, his lungs still adapting to the feeling of breathing. She snorted once and then she was awake, rubbing her eyes and running a hand through her hair out of habit.

"Mmm… Morning… I…" She then blinked and came into full awareness of the situation. "Oh! Hi, Derek. How are you feeling?"

"Water…" He smiled weakly and croaked at her. "Better, but I 'ant water."

She smiled back at him. "You're talking more. That's good. Right?" He watched as she stood gently, shaking off any traces of sleepiness that still clung to her. She made her way to the small jug of water that stood by the sink. He could hear it pour quietly into the cup. "How far is your paralysis progressing?" She stifled a yawn as she padded over, holding the cup with the straw to his lips.

"Chest, about to the stomach…" Was his reply, before sucking down the water gratefully. It trickled down his throat, soothing his burning and scratchy skin. He let out a sigh of content relief as he polished it off.

"Good," Meredith smiled gently at him, kissing his forehead.

"Sure," He mused quietly, testing out his newly slick throat. "It'll be good if…" He coughed. "…if you can handle puke." He smiled weakly up at her. She chuckled, her laugh filling the icy room.

"Of course I can. I don't have a light stomach, you know." She reached her thin hand up and stroked his chin. He felt his stomach churn slightly, which was a good and bad sign. It meant he was beginning to regain feeling, but he wasn't looking forward to the throwing up and the nausea. He looked up at her, studying her face.

"Really? Because you know…" He felt his stomach lurch slightly. "…you don't have to stay. If this will totally gross you out. You can have…" Churn. "…a nurse stay, if you want." She giggled again and rubbed his face.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, I have seen worse. It's fine." She reassured him. He could be so stubborn.

He felt his stomach twist forward as he gained more feeling of his body. His hands had gained power already, and he was still getting used to it. He reached weakly over to Meredith and plopped his hand on top of his. " 'Kay." He coughed. His stomach lurched forward again, a sudden movement that made him gag.

"You okay?" She said, her voice dipping low with worry.

He swallowed, "Just…talk to me. About something. Anything."

"Talk to you?" Her face scrunched up in confusion.

"Distraction." He clarified.

"Oh!" She nodded, understanding. She thought hard, about something that would interest him. "The PRESEC files… I can't believe my mom was hiding them the whole time. She had the files that everyone was looking for." She shook her head in frustration. He nodded weakly.

"I was…" He felt himself gag. "I was thinking… more of…" And before he knew it his whole body lurched forward, and he felt a glob of sickness rise in his throat. Meredith noticed instantly, grabbed a bowl from one of the nurses tables and pulled it over, holding it steadily in front of Derek's face. He let it fly, gasping and coughing and trying to catch his breath. As he let out a few more wheezes, he ended with a shaky sigh, looking away in disgust. "…wedding plans."

She smiled a broken smile and threw the bowl into the sink. "Wedding plans?"

"You know…" He mumbled weakly, nestling himself deeper into the covers. "Wedding stuff. Our wedding." She gazed at him as she handed him another blanket, and he took it gratefully.

"Okay," She agreed, pulling her chair over and sitting down next to the bed. "Fair enough."

"Who will be your…" He coughed. "…maid of honor?"

She let out a sigh and smiled lightly, "Cristina, Derek. Of course Cristina." She let her fingers dance along his arm. "Who's your best man?" There was a silence that followed, obviously because he didn't know how to answer. He still had never got his announcement out to Mark. Once Mark found out, would he even talk to Derek anymore? Meredith swallowed uneasily.

"I'll 'igure it out." He said in his raspy voice. "What about… bridesmaids?"

Meredith's face relaxed, "Izzie and Callie." She paused, thinking. "Would it be bad if I threw George in to?"

Derek laughed at her joke and smiled at her, wincing only slightly at the sudden movement of his chest. "Cake flavors?"

"Oh, gosh…" She began, running her fingers through her hair and putting on a thoughtful expression. "Do they make strawberry cake?"

Derek found himself laughing lightly at her again. "Maybe. I've never done this before."

"Me either." They smiled at each other gently, sharing glances. Derek gazed at her soft features, and she was obviously still tired. He sighed. The clock on the wall flashed 4 am the day after what had happened. He felt bad about waking her up.

"You know, you can go back to sleep or something," He tried, making the conversation light. She shook her head.

"I'm fine right here. Besides, being up early is part of a spy's job." She reached up and patted his hair back, feeling his soft black curls. A chill was sent through his body and he shivered violently involuntarily. "You alright?"

"J-Just… cold…" His teeth chattered together and he shivered, making a tiny, suddle vibration in the room. She frowned.

"Let me get you another blanket." She said quickly, getting up from her chair and crouching to rummage through the ugly pale cabinits in the room. Her hand explored the space, and she felt her fingers land on a soft fabric. A blanket. "Got it," She whispered, yanking it out and standing up. She padded back over to Derek, smiling softly as she placed it over him. "How's that?"

"Better," He said with an exhale. "Much better." Much to her dismay, he was still shivering.

"Derek, you're vibrating like a massage chair,"

"No, really," He said, his voice breaking. "I'm fine. See?" He used his inner core to attempt to hold himself together. Sadly he was still weak, so his shivering only intensified with his try. She stared at him, watching his frame shake.

"I'm sorry, Derek," She said quietly, taking his hand. "You'll feel better soon." She then added, "Don't they turn on the heat?" Under her breath.

"I know," He said to her, looking into her eyes. "It's just obnoxious as you-know-what right now." She nodded, deep in thought.

"Want another blanket?"

"I don't think that'll help." He said honestly, shaking his head with exhaustion. He felt another rush of cold hit his body wherever the thin blanket didn't cover.

He frowned, wincing. The wind patted outside their window, in a full downpour. They both gazed outside, using it as a distraction. Derek shivered, _again. _Meredith looked at him gently. She then got an idea. She pushed her unruly blonde hair out of her eyes and walked towards his bed, easing herself up onto the spare space on it. He looked at her. "What are you doing?"

She didn't respond, she just smiled lightly at him. She finished climbing up and nudged him over gently. She scooched herself down so her frame was in line with his, and she snuggled as closely next to him as he would let her. She could feel every little shake clearly. "Warming you up." She whispered. "Snuggling makes body heat." She wrapped her thin arm around him gently, splaying out across his chest. He smiled at her, immediately feeling her comforting warmth.

They lay there, in perfect harmony, listening to the rain bounce around outside as it cascaded down from the sky. It fell faster and faster, gently hitting the pavement and roof and creating small taps and pats at spontaneous times. Meredith held onto Derek tightly, willing herself to warm him up as much as possible. His shaking slowed, and her honey blonde hair tickled his shoulder, although it was covered tightly by a blanket. "How does that feel?" She whispered to him gently, kissing his cheek.

"Better," He breathed, admitting it. He shut his eyes and thought for a second before saying, "Do you know what I did?"

She smiled at him, curious. "No. What did you do?"

"I..." Cough. "...wrote you something. It's a song.. no, it's not a song. It's kind of a.. melody. Only not really." He rambled. He didn't want to be the one to have the cliche song or anything like that. Meredith definitly wasn't that kind of girl. She looked at him curiously. He looked back at her, searching deeply for the right words.

"A song? Or melody?" She mused at him, obviously taken aback by his words. She watched as he nodded his head weakly. He licked his dry lips, attempting to give them a little more moisture than they actually had. Which was, about, none. He blinked.

"Y-yeah," He said quietly. He continued to look up at the ceiling, hoping that when she looked at him she wouldn't be making a face twisted in confusion and annoyance. He blinked again. Silence followed, slicing through the thin atmosphere in the room.

Meredith bit her lip, "I'd like to hear it." She looked at him as he continued to stare at the ceiling, willing himself to get up the courage to actually sing it for her. She watching him lick his lips again and she could see the lump in his throat that he swallowed down.

He gulped. "O-okay." He took a deep breath, savoring the crisp air that entered his throat, and began to murmur quietly, in a singsong voice. "Merrily we fall out of line, out of line…I'd fall anywhere with you…I'm by your side," He sang out gently, humming, his words cracking every now and again. He coughed and took a deep breath. "Swinging in the rain," Cough. "Humming melodies, we're not going anywhere until we freeze." He coughed out, he took another breath before continuing. "I'm not afraid anymore, I'm not afraid…" He blinked and felt his voice shake. "Forever is a long time." He paused, gently shutting his eyes and whispering the melody. "But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side." His voice was warm and gentle, matching his facial expression and causing the whole room to glow. Though the words were whispered, they filled the air, the lyrics swirling around Meredith's ears and filling her up. The deep, soothing melody was wrapping her up gently, as if he was hugging her. Sure, he wasn't the greatest singer. But there was something about his voice was comforting.

"Derek…" Meredith whispered, shocked by the sound of his quiet almost-singing. She felt tears prick to her eyes. She could barely hear him as he half breathed and half hummed the last verse.

"Carefully we'll place for our destiny, you came and you took this heart…" He paused, swallowing. "…and set it free."

There was a silence that followed after that, but it wasn't bad. It was awkward. It was nice, and both people were obviously in peace with themselves. Meredith felt herself holding tighter onto Derek and she felt his heartbeat beneath his chest thumping hard. "Derek… I…" She felt a tear roll down her cheek, leaving a shiny damp streak in its track. "I love you." She whispered. She used her hand and pulled his head to the side gently, looking into his eyes. "I love you…so much," She kissed him tenderly, matching her lips against his. He kissed her back gently, breathing in the moment. He used up all his strength to lift up his weak, newly tingling arm and plopped it around her back, so that he could hold her closer.

"I 'ove you 'oo," Was his weak throats response. He cleared it, gulping down the thickness and tried again. "I love you too." He whispered to her, pulling her in and kissing her again. She used her hand to wipe his forehead. "It wasn't…cheesy?" He croaked to her, letting the corner of his mouth curl into a smile.

"You? Cheesy? Never," She laughed quietly at him. He laughed again, letting his entire mouth smile with her.

He was finally looking like himself again. His face warmed up, going back to being that perfect tan color rather than the unwelcoming icy phase. He was moving his fingers, happily tapping them on the bed. Every time he threw up, it wasn't filled with pain. He finished and laughed it off, only slightly embarrassed. He didn't mutter curses after every new lurch of pain he got when feeling started to return to his thighs. He was back to being Derek. And that Derek was strong.

_Tap tap tap. _A small rapping on the door interrupted Meredith and Derek, mid conversation about the color of the cake frosting. Meredith smiled at him, kissed his forehead, and stood up to get the door. She felt the frosty handle against her palm as she yanked the handle and let outside light stream in, cascading across the room. She blinked, and when she came into focus, she saw Cristina and Alex's figures through the doorway. "Alex, Cristina," Meredith observed out loud. She looked past them. "Uh, where's Izzie?"

Cristina pushed past her. "Hi, Mer, nice to see you too."

"Izzie's being questioned," Alex added with an eyeroll. He followed Cristina into the room. Meredith snorted and shut the door, listening to the click that assured it was closed all the way, and watched as Alex sat in her chair and Cristina sat up on the counter by the sink.

"How ya' doing, Shepherd?" Alex said, shifting his gaze over at Derek.

"Fine. But, if you have a weak stomach, it's probably not the best idea to be in here."

"Meaning…?" Cristina said, pulling a granola bar out of her pocket and ripping the crinkly wrapper. She took a bite and chewed loudly.

"I'm throwing up. A lot." Derek clarified, glancing over at her. She looked down at her granola bar, back up at Derek, and set it down on the counter. "That's what I thought."

"I hate throw up." She mumbled. She then shook it out of her head and added, "No, but seriously, how are you doing?"

"Dude, you were paralyzed or whatever." Alex added for effect, leaning back in the chair and kicking his legs up on the bed, causing it to wrinkle beneath his feet.

Derek looked down at Alex's foot with displeasure and looked back at Cristina, "I'm doing fine." He repeated.

Meredith decided to chime in as well, as she leaned up against the pale cream wall. "He's regained feeling up to his thighs, so he's almost done." She then added, "But he's been in pain. I mean, his body is coming out of paralysis." Derek glared over at her. "What?" She whispered, shrugging her shoulders.

"But, I'm fine." Yup, Derek was definitly back to his cocky-I-can-conquer-anything state.

"Right," Was Alex's response as he eyed Derek's form. Derek glared back at him, searching over his face. Derek scowled. "Anyways, did the board bring you guys into questioning too?"

Cristina rolled her eyes, "They brought us in."

Meredith eyed them, "Well, I did for a little bit in the beginning. But that's it. I'm sure they'll want to see me and Derek, you know, when he's feeling better." Cristina nodded. She then looked down at her granola bar, as it was obviously bothering her, and hopped off the counter to throw it into the trashcan. She froze in her tracks as Derek's body lunged forward, lurching. He put his hand to his lips as he felt the lump of bile rise threateningly in his throat. "Bowl! Alex, hand him a bowl!" Alex messed around, looking quickly for the ugly pale pink bowl next to him. He grabbed it and forced it at Derek, luckily before Derek let loose everything in his stomach.

Cristina coughed and stared at him, "Seriously?"

"Told you," Derek coughed out with a sly shrug. He grinned at her and set the bowl to his side- the side closest to her, of course. Meredith laughed.

"Seriously, Cristina? It's just a little vomit."

"A little vomit is when a baby has to upchuck because it didn't like what was in it's bottle. That, Derek, is not _'a little vomit.'" _She snorted at him in disgust and rolled her eyes. Derek snickered and leaned back, raising his hands slowly behind his head and wincing. Meredith watched him, analyzing his every move, until he looked satisfied after setting his hands in one place. She let out a large exhale.

"Anyways…" Cristina trailed off. "How did you _not _know that the PRESEC files were in your house for years?" She pressed, "Not just days, not just months, _years._" Meredith let out an exasperated sigh and ran her hand through her hair as she leaned back on her chair again. She knew they would want to know. Of course they would have. If some of the most important files in the spy world was in their possession for years, she would have wanted to ask questions. But she still felt pressure build up in their chest when she tried to answer them.

"I just didn't know." She said gently.

"Dude, how did you not know?" Alex retorted to her and smiled cockily.

"I just… I didn't. My mom never told me. I mean, she did… but she didn't. At least not directly." Meredith rambled, darting her gaze from Cristina to Alex to Derek. Derek chuckled to himself. "Now what's so funny?" Meredith said to him.

"They were just asking, not interrogating you." Derek laughed, and then his face went flat. Interrogation wasn't a term used lightly in spy work.

"Well…" Meredith rolled her eyes up to the ceiling with a sigh, obviously done with the conversation. "Whatever. They were my moms files, not mine."

"Come on, Mer. The Meredith Grey I know doesn't say whatever to files as huge as the PRESECs!" Cristina said, looking at her with disbelief. Alex and Derek watched them in amusement.

"It's just… I don't know, Cristina!" Meredith said to her, exhausted from the conversation. There was a silence that followed after that, cutting through the air sharply. It wasn't a comfortable silence, either. It was the kind people would do anything to get out of. Meredith watched as Alex and Cristina shared a glance. "What?" Meredith said, frustrated.

"Nothing."

"I'm serious. What?" Meredith said, looking at them with eyes filled with pressure. They both looked at the floor spontaneously , which set her off. "Are you guys giving each other the _oh, look at Meredith, she's so stuck _look? Because if you are, I'm going to be mad. Really mad. Because I swear, I am fine. Everything's fine. So tell me what's going on? I'm not the kind of girl who likes secret glances, especially when they are probably about me." Silence. "GUYS!" She raised her voice.

Cristina's voice dipped low, "Meredith…"

She leaned back against the wall for support. "You're using your _oh no, she's going to flip out at this _voice. What is it? Just tell me." She took a sharp inhale. "I can take it." Her hands felt clammy against the wall.

"Okay," Alex said, shooting Cristina a look. "Cristina, tell her."

Cristina's eyes reached Meredith, and they locked in an icy gaze. Cristina took a deep and shaky breath. "When they were questioning us, they told us…"

"What?" Meredith said, not controlling her slightly panicky voice. She moved slowly to Derek's side of the bed and slipped her hand into his for comfort. Worry was creeping up her throat. Her voice sounded milky and thick, out of control.

"They said… they want us… they want us to go on… a mission." Cristina said carefully, studying Meredith's reaction. It stayed blank. "All of us. On a mission. To the…" A pause. Silence filled the air as Derek locked his eyes into Meredith's. "…the APP."

Derek froze, and he could feel the pounding intensify in his head. The lights all of a sudden seemed brighter, fuller, and seared thick into his eyes, casting a horrible laser of brightness. He squeezed them shut, as the words rang in his ears over and over again, mocking him and what had happened to him previously.

"What?" He heard Meredith's voice echo in his ear, although he was barely present in the situation. He felt like the room was spinning, twirling around his head. He squeezed his eyes tighter, even though they were already shut. He squeezed them until they were hurting, sore and uncomfortable. He ignored them and tried to focus on the conversation. When he opened them again, the room was blurry. Was it from tears? Or sheer shock?

"They want to send us- all six of us- on a mission to the APP. In a few weeks... After Derek's better, you know," Cristina said easily.

"But… why?" Meredith gasped, leaning on the frigid bar of Derek's bed.

"They want us to make sure they're not planning anything big. They want to find out why they tried to steal the plans." Alex said. Cristina was looking down.

"Derek." Meredith called to him in his semi present state. He heard the echo, and shook his head.

"What?" He said, snapping back to attention. He let everyone come back into focus.

"Derek, are you okay?" Meredith called to him, rubbing his forehead and massaging his scalp. She watched as his breathing slowed and he looked up at her.

"Fine."

Meredith turned back to Cristina. "Why us? They know that Derek was directly involved in the APP." She said, aggravated.

Cristina let a sigh escape her lips. "I think… that's the reason why. They want Derek's expertise." Derek felt her gaze on him. "What do you think, Derek?"

Derek felt himself nod, but he really didn't feel like he was nodding. It felt like he was out of his element, like he was nodding from afar. Like he was numb. He shook again, trying to snap himself back into it. "Man, he doesn't look so good," Alex said. Meredith shook Derek's hand gently.

"Derek, come on. Are you sure you're okay?"

Derek took a sharp inhale and let himself explore his thoughts, digging as deep as he possibly could and trying to find his pocket of strength that would hopefully help him. He knew, that they were up against their enemy. And even though it was going to be hard, they could do it.

Derek knew that what was happening was a roller coaster. A complete roller coaster, full of constant ups and downs. One minute they were happy, living their lives and going about how they wish. The next minute, people were breaking into their houses and trying to get files. It was a spy's life.

But spies were strong. They also knew how to win a fight. They knew _how _to fight, which was more important. And, of course, they weren't going to go down _without a fight. _Spies got through pain, no matter how bad it hurt, but they got through it. They always did.

And Derek was one of the best. He knew what he was doing. He also knew, more importantly, that he could come up with a plan. He knew what he was doing.

The APP had threatened Meredith. Enough was enough.

He felt a splatter of confidence hit the back of his throat as he cleared it, returning to reality and casting his gaze a pon all of them, taking a deep breath. He could feel the defiance wrestling inside him, and he flashed a quick smile. "We can do it." He breathed. And he instantly went to work, gears turning in his head, thinking and thinking. He leaned back and took a deep inhale, knowing that he could come up with something. He felt Meredith squeeze his hand.

He could do it, and he would.

_**A/N: There it is! Don't hate me for more drama. I love drama. I'm kind of a drama addict. But you must remember, being a spy is a roller coaster of a job. Derek is going to test everything he is in a few chapters, and I'm looking forward to it. The man is amazing. He can do it. Have faith, people :)**_

_**The song that was used was "I Wouldn't Mind" by He Is We. I found the song from DarkAndTwisty03 (another fic writer) and although my fic won't be filled with song, hers is and it's amazing. You should check it out. I got the idea from how Derek sang to Addison (was watching that episode a few nights ago and had this idea), and I couldn't help but to switch it around so he sang to Mer. That wasn't super cheesy, right?  
**_

_**I want you all to know that summer is coming to a close which means I'll be writing less frequently and more long, spread out chapters. I really hope you all stay with me, your reviews are extraordinary and really keep my writing going! Thanks for reading, have a great day!**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update, guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Just a notice: This story is **_**fast paced, **_**keep that in mind. :) I should be able to get a more intense one up tomorrow night, so that'll be fun. Anyways, some positive comments really, really encourage me to update, so it would mean a lot! Thanks for reading, I'm grateful to my readers for taking the time to do so! **_

Meredith sat, studying Derek's face as she pulled her brush through her hair, feeling the softness underneath her fingers. She felt the brush reach the tips of her silky locks and the tension release, signifying she was finished. She placed the brush on the shiny wood of the desk and let out a sigh, her mind searching for what he was really thinking. The day had been pretty laid back… and that would be the understatement of the year.

"_You sure you're ready to go?" Meredith said; her hand clasped around the cool metal handle of the wheelchair. In it sat Derek, his hands on his lap, rapping his fingers together quietly. He was strong enough to leave then, he had been in physical therapy for a few hours and was recovering well. Of course, the up tight nurse had said with her honey rich voice, 'Agent Shepherd is doing fine, the therapy went well. He will need the wheelchair for the rest of the day, he should take it easy on his legs for at least six more hours.' Derek was reluctant, but a fine patient and followed the directions. He had a frustrated scowl on his face. _

_He looked up at her, "Yes, Meredith." He flashed a fake- sad smile. "Because I'm just so broken and hurt," He mocked, chuckling. She grinned and rolled her eyes as she continued to push the heavy chair down the white hallway, the wheels rolling smoothly as they passed a few rooms. _

"_We have to stop by Bailey's room, she wants to make sure we understand the assignment." Meredith added slightly, eyeing Derek's reaction. Derek continued to tap his fingers together, and nodded at no one in particular. They had already been debriefed on the mission. It had been two days since they got the news, and they were both holding up well. Derek was confident, and it was clear that many ideas and thoughts were running circles around his head. "Derek?"_

"_Okay," He said bluntly, as if snapping to attention. It was evident he had been thinking. He smiled reassuringly up at her again. "Okay." _

_She pushed the wheelchair against her body as she rolled it into Bailey's spacious room they had just approached. The room was white, as was most of the building, and had more than five computers displaying different information against the wall. The main table in the room had clean papers splayed out about it, showing charts and data or many other types of important info. "Derek, Meredith," She addressed them formally, creasing her hands into her lap. She sat in a large leather chair, her feet kicked up on the table. For an important high ranking spy, Bailey sure strut her stuff whenever she felt like it. _

"_Hey, Bailey," Meredith smiled gently, nodding. Bailey looked back at her, smiling as well. Which was rare; Bailey wasn't known for her smiling. _

_She swiveled her chair and moved her head to Derek, "Shepherd, how are you feeling?" Her voice had a hint of caring in it, swirled in the mix of formality and importance. _

"_Fine. I'm fine." Derek responded, grinning, using his features and warm skin tone to attempt to match his words. _

"_Sure," Bailey replied, but before Derek could open his mouth to protest, Bailey began, "You guys know what you're doing tomorrow?" _

"_Yes," Meredith said, slightly uneasily, as she leaned on Derek's wheelchair. Derek folded his hands in his lap. Bailey moved forward in her chair, propping her chin up with her hand. Meredith continued, rambling, "We need to go to the APP, find Agent Hunt and scan their computer system for anything having to do with the PRESEC files." She let out an sigh against her will. _

"_Yeah," Miranda added a sigh as well, and her eyes flickered across the table as if she was searching for something. Maybe she was looking for a place to avoid Meredith and Derek's eyes. "Will y'all be alright?" _

_Meredith looked at Derek, her eyes searching his face yet again as she mumbled, "Yeah. I mean… well, Derek's trying to come up with a plan. Or something." She ran her hand shakily through her smooth hair and put her other one on Derek's warm shoulder. His fabric felt soft under the pads of her fingers. _

"_Shepherd," Miranda said, dismissing Meredith's hopeless rambling. Derek looked at her. "What about you? You and your perfect hair haven't talked this whole time."_

"_Pardon me~" _

"_Spit it out. How are you feeling about it?" He let out a frustrated sigh and looked down to his lap, trying to focus on anything but what was going on. He placed his hand on the cool bar of the sides and looked up again, shaking his head to nothing. _

_He looked at her defiantly, daring her to question him again. "I'm fine. I know I can do this. I know I can."_

"_That's not answering my~"_

"_I am fine." He said bluntly, staring her down even more. She rolled her eyes into the back of her head in exhaustion, about to protest but stopping the words before they escaped her lips. She sighed in defeat and turned back to her papers. _

"_Whatever," She mumbled. She then reached her short and steady hand out with a stack of glossy papers in her hands. "Here are some files. You can take them home and review them. They're in basic TCA code, you should be able to read them. Tomorrow night, guys." _

_Meredith took the paper, feeling the cool, smooth sheets rub against her fingers. She opened her bag and carefully placed them inside, then hesitated before adding, "Bailey, can I ask you something?"_

_Miranda looked up from the table, moving her gaze up to meet Meredith, "Mhm?" She hummed out of the crease of her lips._

"_Why are they rushing into this?" Meredith blurted, darting her gaze to Derek and then back to Bailey. "Derek is barely recovered. And… it just happened a few days ago. I don't understand why we can't just wait a few more days." She found her voice thick, dripping like honey and dipping up and down. There was a certain tone that was encircling it. She couldn't figure out if that was more of a sad tone, or more of a nervous tone. Or maybe, it was a defending-her-future-husband tone. _

_Miranda let out another sharp sigh as she responded, "Well, first of all, the board want to make sure the files will be fresh in the APP computers, if there are any. And we also want to make sure you have Agent Hunt fresh in your memory."_

"_It just seems ridiculous. Derek deserves a break." Meredith protested, her voice was raising a little bit. Bailey and Derek were both taken aback by the sudden strength in her voice. "He deserves a break. A few days ago he was paralyzed. Now we're being sent into the enemy's field. It's just…" Her voice was shaking, trailing off as it swelled the room. _

"_Meredith," Bailey said calmly, running her tongue along her teeth and pushing a sigh out of her mouth, "Listen. I know it's hard. I know you feel like you're always moving. But Grey, that's the job. That's… the job,"_

_Meredith found herself hanging her head low, letting her neck crane and hold all the weight on her. She found herself frowning, staring at the white shiny floor. When she looked back up, she raised an eyebrow. "Okay." She grasped the handles on Derek's wheelchair. "We have to go." She could practically feel Derek's gaze upon her. _

"_Grey~" Bailey started, putting down her pen and rubbing her forehead with her palm. Meredith had already began to turn around though, swiveling the wheelchair and angling it out of the room. It squealed as it rubbed against the white floor. Meredith lifted one of her hands, not stopping to turn around as she raised her hand above her head in the universal sign for _bye.

"Derek?" She said gently, her voice dipping low. She raised her eyebrow and walked out of the hotel bathroom. He had wheeled himself out to the bedroom. The TCA was providing them with a deluxe hotel suite to stay in for a few days, after the traumatic experience of the APP attack, as well as for their safety. Luckily the luxury suite was all expense paid by the TCA. She could see the TV lights sending flashes across the bedroom. "Derek, are you okay? I'm worried about you,"

"I'm fine," His voice was deep and rich, each word smooth- a little smoother than they should have been.

"You have said that word so many times today, Derek Shepherd!" Meredith said bluntly, running her hands through her freshly cleaned and brushed hair. No response. "There's something bothering you. I'm really trying to figure out what it is, but I can't. I have a lot on my mind, Derek. Just… please, tell me what's wrong. If you don't believe I can help, well, at least I can try."

She could hear Derek take a deep inhale, obviously savoring and letting the oxygen sink into his chest. "I'm in a wheelchair," was all he muttered. His foot tapped impatiently and gently on the hotels clean carpet.

"Is that what this is about? A wheel chair?" Meredith sighed, padding across the smooth ground to the windows. She opened the curtains, peering outside. They were on the fifteenth floor, with a good view of the city. The lights glowed casting tiny dots into the rich night sky that fell like a blanket of black velvet. "I know you don't like feeling weak."

"I don't feel~"

"So if that is what this is about, tell me." Meredith instructed, spinning on her heels to face him, her eyes darting to his icy blue gaze.

"I'm in a wheel chair," He repeated coldly. Looking up at Meredith's expression, he changed his voice to a kinder tone. "Sorry," He muttered. "It's just… Because of them, I'm in a wheelchair. I don't _need _to be in a wheel chair, I can walk, but they… they just…" He struggled for his words, frustrated. "I was paralyzed and I left you guys to fight them off by yourselves."

Meredith felt his words sink in, penetrating her skin as she felt a realization bubble up in her throat. "That's what this is about? Derek, please, don't feel guilty," She said softly.

"We can't let that happen again," Derek said, rubbing his forehead and sighing once again. "I won't let that happen again." He was repeating sentences, but it was clear he was trying to make a point. Derek tended to do that.

"Derek," Meredith whispered, moving over to him slowly. Her feet hit the floor softly, and she felt the squishy bed barely squeak as she sat down on it across from him. "I know, you won't." Sometimes the best thing to do was to agree with him. "You'll think of a plan. No, _we'll _think of a plan. Okay?"

Derek nodded at her, "Okay." He looked into her whirly aqua eyes, studying them. He moved his eyes, looking around her face, stopping on her eyes and lips. And then there was her hair, her soft, tufts of golden hair that framed her face. They had fallen out of her up-do as they usually did- it was one of his favorite traits about her.

"I love you. And we can do this." Meredith said to him, gently, easily. She leaned into him and felt herself kissing him, tenderly taking his face in her hands. When they released, she smiled as gently as she could at him.

"I love you too," He said, a smile creeping across his face. It was barely there, but it was visible. He kissed her again. "What would I do without you?"

"I don't know," She said, a giggle catching in the back of her throat. "But I do know tomorrow we are going to kick butt. We're two hardcore spies." She smiled warmly at him as she stood up. "We can do it." She continued to smile, feeling confidence rising in her stomach. It was like reverse butterflies. She knew they could do it.

She walked into the bathroom, brushing her teeth and listening to the rubbing and scrubbing of the toothpaste in her mouth. She spit it out as she felt the tingly sensation that followed. Smacking her lips, she shut off the light in the bathroom and pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail.

Derek sat in his wheel chair, looking up at her with a soft, reassuring smile. He managed to wheel himself over to the king sized bed. Meredith eyed him as she fiddled with the coffee maker on the mahogany desk opposite the room. Noticing his muscles flex as he tried to ease himself up, she walked over to his side. She placed her hands on his warm forearm and offered her support. He gazed over to her, his expression soft. He eased himself up, leaning on her, and transferred himself to the bed.

He flopped down on it, the extremely comfortable bed sinking underneath his weight. It felt like a giant cloud. It felt so good underneath his sore back. He smiled back at Meredith, who made her way around the bed to the other side, dropping down beside him on the bed and letting a comfortable sigh escape her throat. She let her eyelids droop and eventually flutter shut, creating a black shield that blocked out the light. She felt herself smiling contently.

Derek looked at her and grinned, reaching his arm across his head to pull the switch on the bright bedside table lamp next to him that was casting a white glow across the room. The room went dark, the light disappearing immediately. He looked out the window, seeing the flickering, beautiful glow of the city lights. He blinked, racking his brain for more planning and ideas. What Meredith had said had filled him with a sudden burst of unexplained confidence.

Sure, they knew who he was. But that gave him the major advantage of knowing who _they were. _Of course it was going to be hard, but spy work was. Spy work was something that moved at a constant pace, rushing, racing, running; but he was prepared. Preparation always came along with the job. He knew what he had gotten into when he started, and he wasn't planning on stopping. He tucked one of his hands under his pillow, feeling the soft, high-thread-count sheets and sighing with relaxation. Tomorrow was going to be stressful, but he was a spy. And stress was a normal part of the job.

He heard Meredith mumble something sleepily, and he turned his head towards her. He gingerly touched her cheek, feeling her soft skin underneath the pads of his fingers. "What?" He whispered.

"I'm glad…" She said in a tired voice, barely classified as a whisper.

"You're glad about what?" He said, studying her face. Her eyelids fluttered open, and she smiled when she opened her eyes to see him looking at her.

"I'm glad I'm… marrying you," She breathed, blinking her eyes shut again as she continued to smile. The words made his heart feel like it was doing a somersault, and he leaned over and kissed her gently but passionately. Her lips barely moved, as she was already dozing off, but he could feel the chemistry still. Like a tiny, comfortable, amazing electric shock, that radiated love, sending a quake throughout his body. He smiled to himself, moving himself underneath the fluffy down comforter.

"Me too; so glad. I love you, Meredith," He whispered to her, though he was sure she was already drifted off into dreamland. He didn't feel like he would be falling asleep anytime soon, but there was a large comfort knowing that Meredith, the love of his life, was asleep contently, happily, right next to him.

Right where she belonged.

_**A/N: I hope you liked it! Ready for the next chapter? Remember: **_**These people are hardcore, great spies. Have faith in them**_**. Anyways. Thanks for reading! Comments = LOVE :)**_


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N: Yay, for long chapter! I hope you guys like it. A little drama is coming your way in this fic, but don't worry! It'll probably be a little bit before I update again, but it shouldn't take too long. Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter, and reviews would be appreciated! Thanks for reading!**_

Meredith felt her eyes blink open rapidly as the mocking of the alarm clock beside her screeched in her ear. Her vision focused, adjusting to the darkness of the room, and the tiny red numbers beside her blinked 2 pm. She let out a soft moan and snuggled herself deeper under the covers. She had allowed them both to sleep in late, given that they hadn't gotten to bed until three am, and that they had a big night ahead of them. She was grateful, but when she turned to her side, Derek was already awake. "What are you doing?" She mumbled, her voice cracking as it adjusted to the morning. He eyed her.

"I ordered room service." He admitted, with a small smile. Meredith yawned, extending her arms above her head in a stretch and smiled back.

"You weren't up all night, were you?" She snuggled closer to him, folding herself between his warm arms. He rubbed her back.

"No, I've just been up for a few minutes. Before the fire alarm of an alarm clock went off." He chuckled, kissing her nose. She giggled. Yawning again, she mustered, "What did you order?"

"Pancakes. And eggs." He began, then added, "And orange juice."

"Nice choice," She said with a content sigh, happily cozy in his warm embrace. They could barely hear the hotel buzzing around him, and the thick curtains were shut so the bright light of the floor to ceiling windows wouldn't be seen. She added, questioning about the inevitable, "Did you… you know… think of a plan?" She looked up at him, studying his expression.

He shifted his position and looked down at her, "Yeah." That was his entire response. _Yeah. _Meredith continued eyeing him, searching his face for any hints about his feelings. He gave nothing away.

"What is it?"

"I'll explain to you guys later, okay?" He responded gently. And although it was kind, it was clear he didn't want any more interrogation about the topic. Meredith nodded. "But, I think it's… a good one." Meredith felt herself smile, hearing the confidence swirling about his voice. His voice was warm, enveloping the room as she suddenly smelled the waft of food outside the door.

_Knock, knock. _A thin, velvety voice tinged with an accent called out, "Room service."

Meredith kissed his forehead and climbed out of his arms, twisting her foot around and walking quietly to the door, rubbing her eyes. She put her hand against the cool metal, pressing down on the handle, and the door clicked open. A rolling tray filled with food was outside, along with a small room service lady with unruly curly hair and bright red lips. Meredith nodded her thanks and pulled the cart inside, shutting the door with a click behind her. "Nice choice," She observed to Derek happily, studying the contents that sat on the top of the cart.

Derek sat up in bed, studying the cart. "Thanks," He smiled. Meredith rolled the cart over to them, picking up the warm tray gingerly and hopping back onto the bed. Derek reached across and grabbed his tray too, smiling as he placed it in his lap. The warm plate radiated heat onto his thighs from the tray. The sweet, swirl of smells reached up and found his nostrils, and he breathed in happily. Meredith looked at him.

"There are cinnamon rolls on here!" She smacked Derek's arm playfully. "Derek, you know how much I love cinnamon rolls, but I can't keep having them. They go to my hips."

Derek winked at her, "Meredith, don't start the whole OH MY GOSH I'M FAT issue. I can't deal with it." She smiled at him through the waterfall of soft golden hair as she took a bite of the warm pancakes, sighing with happiness. Meredith turned to Derek and gave him a quick peck on the lips, a sweet taste of pancakes on her lips. He smiled at her. Sure, things couldn't always be perfect, but moments like those made the not perfect ones worth it.

- - - - _later that evening, 8:30 PM_

"Der, what time did they say we had to meet them?" Meredith whispered to him quietly, her thin breath hitting the exterior of his ear. He shivered.

"8:32 pm," Derek clarified, checking his watch for the third time in the last ten seconds. Meredith nodded, checking his watch over his shoulder. She let out a sigh, peering around the busy city street. They sat in a Starbucks downtown, casually sipping lattes. Looking like a civilian was a part of a spy's life, of course. The warm drink cascaded down his throat, causing his adams apple to bob up and down as he drank. They were supposed to watch the street outside to see Cristina appear, then walk two blocks down and meet Alex at another coffee shop, and then meet Izzie and George in a designated spot right out of town. The whole thing was part of making sure no one traced them, or got suspicious of them all together.

Just as excepted, Meredith put her hand on Derek's firm muscular arm and breathed, "There's Cristina." Sure enough, Cristina stood outside on the sidewalk, pretending to talk on her phone. The wind whipped her maroon scarf around wildly, and Meredith hopped off the stool, along with Derek. Together then made their way outside, the crisp November air hitting them in the face roughly. Derek licked his lips as he could feel the cold wind trying to dry them out.

Meredith and Derek casually walked over to Cristina, and Cristina's spy reflexes backed her up and she noticed them right away. Then, without saying anything, they walked to the east, the way where they were supposed to meet Alex.

The pushed through the busy streets, making their way through the pedestrian traffic. The wind whipped around Meredith's hair, making it hit her in the eyes and sticking to her lip-gloss. She used her hand- covered in mittens- to push it out of her face, right before they saw Alex sitting in the Starbucks, gulping down some sort of drink. Immediately, he placed the drink in the trash and opened the door to the outside, and they watched as a large burst of air whack him in the face. He snorted and joined Meredith, Derek and Cristina, and they all made their way out of the city.

They walked for a long time, a few hours, without speaking as they exited the main city. The sun was going down, and the moment they saw Izzie's blonde head as well as George, and Meredith could feel everyone's tension release a little bit. She sat on a bench near the train station, reading a magazine. She had a pale pink hate on her head as she sat, noticing them immediately. She joined their group, and Meredith couldn't help but to smile. So far, things were working out. They had all met up without any APP people seeing them or noticing them, or looking suspicious. Meredith reapplied her lipstick on her lips.

"Together," Derek spoke for the first time in two hours. They had stayed silent exiting the heart of the city. Another burst of wind cut through their group, creating a large hum. Izzie smiled brightly at them. Her lips were pink from the wind… or maybe it was lip-gloss.

"Finally," She said to them. They all began to walk south together, their feet tapping on the ground in rhythm. The cool air swirled around them as the sunlight began to get dimmer and dimmer. She wasted no time in adding, "What's our plan, by the way? I feel like I'm wandering in the dark here." She ran her fingers through the bottom of her long strands of blonde hair. And George shifted his weight nervously beside her.

Derek paused from walking, spinning around to face them. Everyone stopped short, eyeing him. "You want to hear the plan?" There was a unison of eager nods that responded, and he felt a sigh rise from his throat. Another cool whoosh of wind whirled around them. "Okay. Well, it will require some splitting up… again." Everyone's expressions grew soft. "But it worked out well last time."

"Yeah, up to the point where you got paralyzed." Cristina muttered. Derek shot her a look, and she shrugged apologetically. "Sorry. But I guess you're right. It did work."

"Here's what we'll do; Izzie will go with Meredith again, and you guys will search for the files. I'll give you the map of the rooms in the headquarters. Alex and Cristina will both look for Hunt. And I'll go make sure security systems and sensors are turned off."

Meredith voice cut through his lecture like glass, "You're going alone?"

He was taken aback; "Yes." She gave him a stern look.

"No, you can't go alone. That's not fair." She shook her head at him firmly, angrily. He couldn't go alone. That wasn't fair.

"Listen," Derek said, almost forgetting that Izzie, Alex and George were there as he placed his firm hands on her cold, shivering shoulders. "I'll be fine. I know the facility better than anyone else. I know the guards powers, I know everyone's skill level. And I know where the security camera's are and how they're hooked up." He stopped her before she could respond, "And I know I need to protect you."

"But~"

"Trust me. We're wearing headsets, if I need anything I'll say it." He said gently, placing a warm kiss on her pale forehead. He smiled reassuringly at her. She was about to say something else but felt the words get stuck in her throat. He took that as an okay and continued to talk; "We'll enter the building from one of the back entrances. I still know the key code, but if they changed it, Izzie can crack the code. I'll go in first and make sure the hallway is secure, and then Cristina and Alex will follow. I'll direct you to the area of field work and active training, where I'm going to guess Hunt is. Then, Meredith and Izzie, and George, you guys will work your way down the halls and get to the tech file room. You'll have to crack all the codes and make sure there is no trace of what you did. Meanwhile, I'll be in the security room, and I'll disable all major sensors in your areas." He let out a breath after he realized he had said everything rapidly. He studied their faces, making sure they understood what he had said.

"Okay," Was the only response he heard. The wind whistled beside them, and he realized it had grown so dark that the bright city lights were the only things keeping the area around them visible.

"We'll have to cut through this forest… their base is a few miles from here. It's disguised as a warehouse. Keep your eyes peeled."

- _later _-

Meredith could feel the sticks that poked throughout the underbrush sweep against her legs, scratching her even more than she was before. The chilly air sent continuous goose bumps along her arms as she reached out to pull some branches away from her face. They had been walking for an hour and a half now, and her legs were tired. Her muscles were tight, but she knew they were only getting warmed up.

She could hear the footsteps in front of her stop abruptly, so she froze, every muscle in her body tense and frozen. They moved in a single file line, Derek leading, then Cristina, then Meredith, then Izzie, and Alex was keeping a lookout in the back. Only the sounds of Derek's footsteps hitting the hard ground guided her, as using flashlights were too dangerous and could be easily visible from a distance. "We're getting close," She could hear Derek say, his voice barely louder than a whisper. He then continued to walk, his feet crunching on top of the leaves.

They continued to walk through the night that filled the sky like black velvet. The stars weren't out, which wasn't helpful to their mission, and there was only the quiet rustle of leaves or the simple chirps of crickets. At every loud noise Meredith could feel everyone get tense, though, every nerve on thier body ready and alert.

Moments later Derek's reassuring footsteps stopped again, and Meredith froze. Letting her eyes adjust, she realized they stood yards away from the giant metal door of a building. A few bands of light escaped through the cracks. "We're here." She muttered, and she could almost hear Izzie and Alex gasp in awe behind her. It was _big. _That she knew.

Derek whirled around to face them, and although Meredith could not see his face, she knew his expression was full of urgency and adrenaline. "Well, this is it. Are you guys ready?" Meredith could feel tiny drops of rain form, patting down from the sky in a light sprinkle.

"Ready."

"Ready."

"So, ready." Meredith could hear her friends whisper back, determination and anxiety ringing from deep in their voices. She felt a pump of adrenaline race through her veins as she felt Derek reach around Cristina and take her hand, squeezing it. She could also hear him whisper faintly, only to her: "We'll be okay. I promise."

Derek led the pack towards the door swiftly, letting the rain spritz his forehead. He could see the keypad of security attached to the side of the door and he nervously put his hand to it, feeling its cold metal surface beneath the rough pads of his fingers. He took a sharp inhale as he pressed down on the first number, feeling his insides quake with determination and nervousness. He clicked the next ones, and could practically hear the people behind him holding their breath.

_Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. _

He finished, clicking the last one and feeling his heartbeat begin to quicken. They all paused, and there was a stillness about the air. Then came the sound they were waiting for:

The door clicked open.

Derek grabbed the handle, grasping the cool metal in his firm palm, and pulled down hesitantly. It clicked again as he pulled the door away from the frame, the airtight seal squealing as it opened up. The light from inside opened, casting a bright white glow across them. Derek turned his neck, craning it so he was able to see them. "This is it," He repeated, his voice low and quiet. He could feel the blood rushing through his brain at lightning speeds as he stepped into the building making barely a sound. The rest of them did the same.

Meredith's eyes adjusted to the lights immediately, and she recognized the smooth black hallway. It was where she had entered last time. Just thinking about what had happened last time made her remember how important it was that she didn't get caught.

She watched as Derek gave her a final glance as he directed Cristina and Alex on where to go, urgently nudging them along. Time was of the essence, and it felt as if there was a giant clock ticking around them. Constantly, ticking, mocking them over and over again. She snapped back to attention as she felt Derek's hand on her shoulder. She glanced up just in time to see Cristina and Alex darting down the hallway at lightning speed. "Meredith, are you ready?" Derek clarified, although no wouldn't have been an answer.

"Yeah," She said quietly, looking into his eyes. "Yeah, I am. Just… where do we have to go?" Her eyes searched the hallway, running up and down the corridor and making sure that there weren't any newly emerging guards coming down.

Derek murmured the directions to her and Izzie, and Meredith nodded absentmindedly. She knew she should have been focusing, but it was overwhelming. George looked nervous next to her. She gulped, shoving all fear down her throat, and felt Izzie's tiny hand pull on her arm. "Mer, come on. We have to go." All Meredith did was flash Derek a look as he said _good luck _to her and fled off in the opposite direction, towards the security room. She on the other hand, followed Izzie, flying down the hallway and feeling like her feet were pounding heavily on the smooth floor.

- - _Derek _- -

Derek's head was overflowing. Too many thoughts were flying through his brain, hitting and rebounding in his head and causing some messed up, twisted map of ideas. He knew he had too much on his mind. But that was a part of the job.

He knew he had to reach the security room before they reached their destinations. The amount of pressure placed on him was overwhelming, but he also knew it was for the right reasons. He was flying down the hallway and all senses were alert, every nerve on end, making himself ready and prepared for anything that would happen. Or, at least he told himself he was.

Although he knew he had a clear mission, there was also one pounding in the back of his brain that wouldn't let up. He had to make sure they didn't see his face. He knew that _someone _would eventually, but in that moment, he couldn't help but have the need to protect himself. If the wrong person did see and recognize him… and capture him… that could indeed provoke some unruly and messy issues.

With those thoughts as a constant reminder in his head, he swiftly made his way into the security head room, making his breathing silent as he noticed the two guards with their feet kicked up on the control panel, chatting and staring at the security camera screens. Derek drew in a sharp breath, trying to savor the oxygen in his lungs as much as possible. He silently moved to the space in between the chairs. In one easy move he threw a punch at both the grumpy guards, knocking them out instantly. Derek was definitly good at punches.

- - _Meredith _- -

She was under stress.

Stress wasn't a new concept to her, necessarily, but it wasn't welcoming either. She new pressure was what helped move people along, what made a lot of people continue to keep going- but on her, at that moment, all she wanted to do was to make it go away. She and Izzie had already had to take out two husky guards and drag them into a supply closet to hide them, and the stress pounded at them like angry rain. "

"We just took out a fifth guard," Cristina's crackly voice rang through her headset.

"Fifth? Gosh, there must be a lot of guards around there." Was Izzie's reply. They continued moving silently down the halls, making broad strides.

"Yeah well, it is the field training area," Alex responded, his voice breaking a few time in the headset. Then came Derek's voice, as Meredith and Izzie turned a sharp corner.

"Okay, I've managed to crack the codes and turn off security cameras in the field training area. I've yet to get the entire tech wing, so Mer and Izzie, be careful."

"We always are," Was Meredith's response, her feet gently tapping on the slick floors. She was stopped short as they spotted another guard and froze, pressing their backs against the cold wall. The guard walked away luckily, preventing any unpleasant and unneeded encounters. Meredith exhaled.

Izzie then guided them both into a small room, many computers on the wall. She whispered quietly, "Is this it?"

Meredith studied the wall, her eyes searching the multiple set up of computers. "No," She sighed, frustrated. "There's a bigger room. With more computers." She pulled on Izzie's arm. "Come on." She felt a wave of frustration hit her body, making her quake slightly. She had thought it had been easier than this. Her thoughts may have been clouded earlier, distracted by Derek, but everything was being put into a clear reality now.

"We got the wrong room," Meredith said hotly into her headset, waiting for a response as she glided out of the room with Izzie at her side.

"Keep going down the corridor," Was Derek's response, his voice smooth and thick on the other end. Meredith nodded to herself and to Izzie, and waited for the action team's response. There was none. Meredith paused, holding onto Izzie's form so she could wait for a reply.

"Hello? Alex, Cristina? Have you got Hunt yet?"

Cristina's voice rang through on the other line, as it crackled, "Mer, that's~" But it stopped abruptly, cut short. Izzie and Meredith exchanged a glance.

"Cristina?" Meredith said, her voice higher pitched than she meant it to be. "Cristina? Alex? Come in, Cristina." But there was no response, except for the prominent buzzing of an empty radio on the other side. Meredith felt her heart raise in her throat. "Cristina!" She repeated. Still, no response. Izzie looked at her, worry splayed across her eyes. George put his hand on Meredith's arm, trying to calm her down.

Meredith tried to calm her shaky voice as she said into the headset, "Derek… Derek… what's happening?" She had a tiny bit of hope that he could see what was going on, given that he had access to the security cameras.

His response deflated her; "I can't see." The silence that hung in the air was eerie, and made it seem like Meredith's heart was beating even louder than before. Her stomach dropped.

"Mere~!" Cristina's voice rang through the ear piece frantically but was cut off once again, abruptly, and the words turned to a loud buzzing.

"Something's wrong," Meredith said flatly, both to Izzie and into the comlink. "Something is so wrong." She stopped moving for a second, but turned on her heels.

"Where are you going?" Izzie whispered hotly.

Meredith turned to her, pleading from the core of her eyes, "We have to go see what's wrong. Izzie, please."

Derek's voice gave an urgent warning through the headset, "Meredith, stay where you are."

"N-no," Meredith said defiantly. "I'm going to see what's wrong." She began walking in the opposite direction, her thin tunnel of focus on the urgency of Cristina's voice. She could hear Izzie's footsteps behind her, tromping down the halls trailing behind her.

"Meredith, listen to me," Derek's voice was steady on the other line. "If you're going back there… I'm guessing she's in a wrestle with one of the guards. So if you're going back there, be careful, be quiet, and make sure you're paying attention to _any and all _of your surroundings." He took a sharp inhale. "Okay?"

"Okay," Meredith replied, her feet pounding on the floor as she picked up pace. Her hair whipped in her face.

Derek stood in the security room, nervously watching the cameras. Thoughts battled in his head, and he decided, with little hesitation, that he needed to go make sure everything was okay as well. He spun on his heels, leaving the room behind, and making his way down the hallway. A plan was echoing in the back of his brain, giving him a tiny spurt of confidence. His job was to protect them, and that was exactly what he was going to do.

_**A/N: What did you think? Don't worry too much about the small cliffhanger- Remember, they are **_**good at what they do. **_**Keep that in mind :) I feel bad for leaving you at a cliffhanger, but try and stay positive! Comments = love; I appreciate them so much! They **_**REALLY**_** mean a lot. Thanks for reading everyone!**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N: Here it is. I don't know how to introduce this chapter. I guess it'll speak for itself. Thanks for reading! Comments = LOVE. **_

Meredith pressed her back against the smooth wall in angst, breathing heavy and deep and making sure her scraggly breaths couldn't be heard. Her heart was pounding, as if rebounding off her chest. She could feel her knees shake beneath her, a warning.

Around the corner came Derek, fleeing down the hallway. It had taken him longer than expected, as he had to swiftly take out three guards and stash them in one of the control rooms, but he had gotten there. He held his breath the whole way, savoring each moment of peace he was blessed with. Arriving to Meredith's side, he let out a hot wave of pent-up air in his lungs. Although he tried to remain unruffled, his squeezed facial expression gave away his thoughts, an open map to his concern.

"Cristina," Meredith breathed. "Something is going on with Cristina. I can hear her… she's around the corner…" Meredith pressed her back even firmer against the wall, secretly using it as a support to her quaking body. Cristina was her _person._

"What's going on?" He pressed, as he surmounted his wave of fatigue. Spies couldn't get tired. Not at times like these.

"I… I haven't looked," Meredith admitted through her teeth, blinking her eyes hastily. "But I know something's wrong." Derek eyed her, nodding, making a silent pact. George and Izzie stood on their heels, alert, their eyes searching every inch of the hallway they possibly could. Derek extended his spine as he peered around the corner, trying to keep his body in check. His eyes made way down the corner, a flicker of entanglement in the corner of his eye. He gulped.

Meredith was right. Around the other side of the corner was Cristina. Not to his surprise, she was fighting a guard, kicking and punching and whacking all the right places. She herself looked a little weary, which _did _surprise him, because Cristina was never one to get tired. Next to Cristina there was no Alex in sight. He flicked his head around urgently, searching the area, but there was still no Alex. It began to impede his positive attitude.

Cristina hit the guard again, sending him reeling back and smacking against the wall. There was a loud, sharp noise that reacted, but then he fell, unable to hold his stance, to the ground. His form was limp and unconscious. Cristina nodded to herself in approval and rubbed the back of her skull, wincing. He must have gotten a hit there. She shook it off, and she could be seen trembling as she whispered, "Alex! Alex, where are you?" There was no response. "Alex Karev, come out _now! _This is so wickedly not funny." She mumbled with a sassy hint to her voice. That hint didn't hide the urgency, though. "Alex!"

Derek whirled around, feeling his own heart rise unwelcomingly into his throat as he choked out, "Lets go." Him, Meredith, George and Izzie fled from their corner, turning around to where Cristina was. Meredith let out a sharp respire, feeling her breath cut raggedly into her throat.

"Cris!" She whispered, nervously checking the area one more time before rushing over to her friend. Cristina looked over at her, a little taken aback by the fact that she was there. "Cristina," Meredith began, looking down at her friend, startled. "Cristina Yang, your hand is bleeding!"

Cristina looked down, an amused expression crossing her face, "Oh, I guess I am." George and Derek stood on the edges of the hallway, keeping guard, as Meredith awkwardly searched her tool belt. In it, she found a retractable gauze pack, and she pulled on it, ripping a small piece off. "Seriously?"

"Just use it," Meredith spat. Cristina placed it on her hand with a scowl. "You had us so worried! Derek even left his post to come and make sure you were alright."

Cristina perused her face and quickly responded, "I'm fine. See?" But there was something in Cristina's tone that didn't match the words in her mouth. Concern flooded Meredith as she mumbled something.

"Where's Alex?" Meredith hadn't even thought about that. She had been so concerned with Cristina…

Cristina looked at her, her thin, small brows furrowing together in unison. She said delicately, "I don't know."

Meredith could feel panic knocking at her gut as she murmured, "What do you mean, you _don't know?"_

"I…he… just disappeared. Four guards showed up. He took out one, I took out one, and then I turned around and he and a guard was gone. Just… gone. Like dust in the stinkin' wind." She said messily, running her hand through her hair for affect.

Meredith's pulse was rushing and she was beginning to feel nauseous. She, and all her friends, were very clear on the fact that their goal was _not to get captured. _She knew it and they knew it. But it was easier said than done, and that was something else they knew. "Okay." She said bluntly, shutting her eyes for a second. Before she could open them, a panicked voice joined their huddle.

"Alex is missing?" Izzie squealed, unable to keep her composure. It was forthright that Izzie was a better lab agent than field agent…that was for sure. She was a good spy, but being unable to keep her self from getting emotional was one of her major flaws. Meredith sighed.

"As of right now. But we'll find him. This place isn't too big." A lie. She herself had scaled it when searching for plans, and it was huge.

"Oh my gosh…" Izzie breathed, her breaths ragged and uneven, as she struggled to stay as strong as she could maintain to be. Meredith could see her begin to shake. She placed a hand on her thin arm.

"He's going to be fine," Meredith reassured her. "He's Alex, remember?" She cracked a broken smile, and left Izzie with Derek to explain what was going on.

Derek knew what a major dent the news was going to put in his artfully prepared plan. As he watched Meredith speak frantically, high pitched and quick words rolling out of her mouth at a rapid pace, he couldn't help but to shake his head in frustration. It was going to be a hindrance in his plan, that was more than plainspoken. "So what do we do?" Meredith said, out of breath from her own rambling.

"I…" Derek began, until he lost his train of thought. His idea process was obstructed, and it was making it hard to come up with the precise plans he needed to succeed. He studied the hallway. It was no guess that more guards would be making their way soon, so he knew he had to work expeditious. He continued in a conscientious articulation, trying with all his thick will to make it so Meredith could understand him. "Listen to me. My guess is that they're taking Alex into a cell, so our best bet is to cut through those hallways to get him back. They probably haven't gotten him to Mark of Richard yet, so we should be able to get him out no problem." Meredith nodded, but he added one more thing of importance, "Wait… We also need to complete the task we came here to do, and that is to look up the files. You and Izzie need to go finish that. I'll take George and Cristina."

Meredith put her hand on her hips, forgetting the lack of time they had or the urgency of the situation as she snapped, "What, can us girls not fight?"

Derek looked her over and kissed her forehead, her warm skin pressing against his thin lips, "No! No, Meredith, of course not. You and Izzie are just the best at the technology stuff. And I know my way around this place more than anyone else."

"Then I'll go with you."

"No, you won't. You're going to get the files," He said to her, masked in a whispered, firm tone. She pouted. "Please don't fight with me on this."

"I just…" Her eyes flickered with defiance. "Fine," He looked over her, his eyes begging with a silent apology. He kissed her again as he backed away.

"I'm sorry. Just trust me." He added gently, and he swiveled to turn around to George and Cristina to tell them the plan. Meredith listened intently again, as she felt a new flood of urgency flood over her like a tidal wave. Izzie and George both acquiesced his idea with nodding their heads, but Cristina interjected.

"I'm going to look for Hunt." She said flatly, in a no-questions-asked tone. Derek sighed.

"We don't have time for this!"

"Part of our mission was to find Hunt, I'm going to find Hunt." Was her no nonsense retort. "Listen, I'll locate him, then I'll radio you guys and we can get him after you guys get Alex. Okay?"

Meredith brushed her hand by Derek and mouthed, _Let her do this. _Derek nodded reluctantly, and he felt himself shiver with trepidation but ignored it. He needed to trust Meredith, trust Cristina- Trust everyone. "Okay." Derek confirmed, more to himself than her, as she spun around and darted down the hallway. He turned to Meredith and kissed her again before he left, fleeing, watching her face disappear as he made his way down the black halls.

- - - _20 Minutes Later _

"Agent Shepherd, we've been walking for such a long time," George whined, dragging his words out in long, obnoxious emphasis. Derek sighed again. This was this fifth time he'd said that in the last five minutes. George wasn't known for his stamina. Bravery, yes, loyalty, of course, stamina, no.

"I get that!" Derek groaned through clenched teeth, adding an exasperated sigh to accompany his frustration. They had been walking for twenty minutes, making their way slowly and surely to the cells, hoping and praying they'd find Alex there, or at least around there. They had knocked out six guards total, and Derek was starting to get edgy. If they kept hiding them, the APP leaders would for sure suspect something. They had been making their footsteps careful, their breathing hushed, their heartbeats whispers… and they were finally nearing where they were supposed to be.

"Is everything okay?" Meredith's voice crackled through the speaker in his ear, and he felt about half his tense muscles release when he heard her honey sweet voice. Sure, it had a few tinges of worry and a few hints of urgency, but it was still Meredith.

"O'Malley's just being lazy," Derek whispered, rolling his eyes to himself. He could almost see her shrugging her shoulder and mustering that sweet smile of hers. He sighed. He couldn't wait to be done with the whole problem… So they could just be together.

He knew that the spy life could never be as simple as he wished. There would _always _be fresh, unavoidable crisis's that he could never predict. There would always be new challenges, new adventures, new problems looking to be solved- there was no escaping that. But he knew that as soon as the conflict of APP vs. TCA that was going on at them time was finished, there would be at least a sliver of more time for them. For Meredith and Derek.

He neared the edge of the training area, and stepped across the line to the highly secure and confined cell and detention area. He knew he'd need to be exact and precise with every move- there was no making mistakes. He slid along the silky floors, gliding quietly and keeping every nerve alert so that he could sense any security cameras or movement lasers. It was more than important. It was everything.

Derek and George quieted their heartbeats below a whisper, although they both felt that they would explode out of their chests and deflate from exhaustion on the floor. But they knew they couldn't do that. Stamina was important. Derek glanced over at George who was disguising his tiredness, and dragging his feet. Derek refrained from rolling his deep swirls of blue eyes and reminded himself that George had quick wits, was probably the most loyal out of all of them, and could always be depended on when he needed help making a decision. George was a good man. Everyone knew it.

The moved along swiftly until they got to a closed door, which had a lock key secured next to it. Derek rubbed his hands together in heavy pressure, as George whispered, "What's this?"

"The back entrance into the minor cell division."

"Minor cell division…?" George questioned, eyeing him.

"It's where they keep captors that they get on short notice. Karev would be kept here. The back door has less security, and will be easier to get in. Plus, it'll have less guards." He looked at George. "Crack the code, O'Malley."

"What?" George gasped in disbelief. "Me?"

"Yes, come on, we don't have all day," Derek nodded with a small reassuring smile, but they all knew he was in full seriousness. If they were going to do it, they had to do it right then. No doubt guards would be appearing soon. George looked at Derek, holding back more protests, but cracked his knuckles. He spun to the key pad, eyeing it as if it was an enemy in a match. Which, it kind of, was. He blinked his eyes and determinated, pressed his fingers to the rubbery white key pads. With a few swift movements of his large fingers, it clicked, reassurance that they were _in. _"Nice work O'Malley," Derek breathed as he moved into the hallway. Cell doors lined it, and he looked for the green lights that signaled they were occupied.

"Thanks," George respond, breathlessly, still sounding amazed he was able to do it. Derek nodded at no one in particular and searched the cells, his eyes desperately pleading for a green button. And luckily, he found it. _Green: New Prisoner, Captive. _

He smiled to himself and typed in the lock code he had memorized and used many times before. The airtight seals popped open, resulting in a small squeal from the door opening. Derek was impressed he had gotten in so quickly. Meredith was right, they _didn't _have the best security.

"Shepherd?" Alex's voice pounded from inside the black cell. The small enclosed, black space was made to make the prisoners feel helpless, but Alex didn't look like it. He had a bruise on his cheek, though, and his arm was bent funny.

"Yeah. You okay?" Derek said, checking his watch (which doubled as a laser) and fiddling with a magnetic grappler on his supply belt. Noticing a security camera in the corner, he shot out his wrist and sent a quick shot to the camera, which quickly burned and broke down. He blew on the smoke plummeting from his black watch.

"They just twisted my arm, it'll heal," He said, cracking a smirk. There was a hint of pain, but knowing Alex, it was nothing he couldn't handle.

"Alright. Ready to go? O'Malley's keeping guard outside, we have to go meet Cristina before she gets herself injured," He muttered, his no nonsense tone clanging against the thick metal sides of the cell. Alex nodded seriously, easing himself up from the bench that protruded from the wall, and standing wobbly on his feet.

"You sure you're alright?"

"Completely fine," Alex lied, but they didn't have time to stop anyway, so Derek pressed forward, talking into the comlink on his ear.

"Meredith?" He whispered as he could hear Alex and George trailing quickly and quietly behind him, their footsteps barely tapping on the shiny floor. "Yang? Stevens?" A pause.

"Yeah?" It was Cristina's voice.

"Oh, have you found Hunt yet?"

"I'm close," Cristina's voice said toughly, plotting. "Really close. Why?"

"Karev is here," Derek muttered, exiting the back door and letting George and Alex follow rapidly behind him. He smiled despite himself though, happy that his mission had been accomplished.

"Awesome," Cristina replied, out of breath, running. Derek smiled to himself again but stopped when he heard something behind him….

"What about the cameras?" George questioned innocently, still running behind Derek. When Derek stopped, so did Alex and George, waiting for his response.

"What cameras?" Derek questioned, wondering what they could have meant. He eyed them, still on a slight high that he had gotten Alex with no problems, no questions asked. Well, until now.

"You know, the ones in the room where Meredith and Izzie are. Those ones. I was just thinking… You shut them off, right?" A pause. "Right?" George pressed, his smile turning into a slight frown, the corner of his small mouth tilting downwards.

"Of course I…" Derek began, but he then felt his heart drop. Did he?

_He swiftly made his way into the security head room, making his breathing silent as he noticed the two guards with their feet kicked up on the control panel, chatting and staring at the security camera screens. Derek drew in a sharp breath, trying to savor the oxygen in his lungs as much as possible. He silently moved to the space in between the chairs. In one easy move he threw a punch at both the grumpy guards, knocking them out instantly. Derek was definitly good at punches._

_He leaned back in the chair and moved his fingers rapidly to type coordinates and codes into the many computers. _

_SECURITY ROOM: OFF_

_HALLWAY 42A: OFF_

_HALLWAY 22A: OFF_

_HALLWAY 23A: OFF_

_HALLWAY 24A: OFF_

_HALLWAY 44A: OFF_

_MINOR CELL HALLWAY: OFF_

_MINOR CONTROL ROOM: OFF_

_He then heard Meredith's frantic voice ring through the line on his comlink, as he heard her conversation with Izzie he froze…_

He felt nauseaus. Had he turned off the Major File Room Security Cameras?

Sweat beads formed on his forehead.

He hadn't.

He leaned against the wall for support. He felt…out of it. Like he was watching some sick, twisted event play out. He shut his eyes, blinked, breathing heavily, attempting to savor the oxygen. But it was escaping him, leaving him weak and breathless. He felt his legs shake weakly beneath him, a threatening warning that he would fall. The area was spinning. The colors of black and gray on the wall melted into a mad palette, and his brain felt like it was small and pointless.

"Agent Shepherd?" George's voice came off, sounding like an echo coming off from the distance. Derek tried to focus. "Derek?" George's messy swirl of a face came into focus, and his face masked an array of stress and wonder and worry.

"Shepherd?" This time it was Alex who snapped, even his voice a little more frantic than usual.

"I didn't… I didn't…" Derek stumbled, forgetting his vocabulary, forgetting his everything. "Oh my gosh. I forgot to turn them off." He literally thought that he'd throw up. He bent down, trying to steady himself so he wouldn't fall. Alex's hand was on his back as he breathed heavily, in and out.

"You didn't?" George's voice was near panic, which made Derek even more stressed. He straightened up, a flood of panic rushing over him. He could feel the color drain from his face. Before he knew it, he was running.

His brain was trying to stay aware of everything, trying to absorb everything, trying. But there was too much. Too much stimulation, too many things… The black walls meshed together and swirled together, giving him a dizzy spell, but he couldn't let it matter. He ran as straight as he could, feeling sweat dripping from his forehead and by the nape of his neck. His skin was warm, his hair raised… Behind him, George and Alex followed, trying to keep a lookout on everything to try and keep everything in order. Derek knew they shouldn't have had to do that, _he _should have been in charge. But he couldn't focus on anything except the fact that he had forgotten to turn off the security cameras.

He ran for ten minutes straight, until his chest ached and his head was spinning. His feet were worn out, and his breathing was stinging the tightness of the back of his throat. He tried to catch his breath, but he couldn't, and ignored the lack of air as he sent a wave of energy for the last stretch towards the room. By the time he had neared it, he was completely out of breath, lacking both oxygen and energy. The sick feeling that was torturing his stomach wasn't going away either, that he knew too clearly. He took as deep a breath he could, ignoring the pain from the air in the back of his throat, and he could feel Alex and George catch up with him.

As he neared the room- just a few yards away- he heard something that made his heart stop and drop and roll in his chest. His stomach churned again, and his anxiety took over as he took a gulp of air and bile that had risen in his tight throat.

"Shepherd, I know you're out there somewhere!" A voice cackled from the inside of the room that stood just a few yards away from his worn out shoes. He froze. "Shepherd! Derek Shepherd!"

It was Agent Johnson.

He leaned flat against the wall, his palms pressing flat against the cool metal and he tried to breath. It felt like there was a wall up, preventing him from getting enough oxygen. "Shepherd!" The voice called cruelly, mocking. Alex and George stood beside him, both of them frozen and breathing barely. "Shepherd," It came as a growl this time, a threatening growl of… revenge?

Derek turned to Alex and George, his voice dipping low like he hadn't heard it before. "Alex… George…" He shoved out of his lungs, anxiety splattered like paintballs in the back of his throat. "Go."

"What?"

"Go. Run. Find Cristina. You all… hide in section 4A. Find an empty closet, and hide. Until you hear further. Understand?"

"What about~"

"Go, _now," _He begged them, using his eyes as a convincing factor. The looked at him nervously but didn't deny orders as they fled, listening to exactly what he said. He let out a breath, shutting his eyes, and continuing to listen. Each word pounded, hitting him, reminding him of what he had done weeks ago. He inched towards the room to get in a clearer view of what was happening. All he could see was a sliver of light, though.

"Shepherd," The voice cackled. "I know you can hear me. I have your little girlfriend here. In case you're wondering." He felt sicker than before. He had Meredith. He had Meredith. "Nothing will happen to her. If you just come out. And _surrender." _He snarled. Derek blinked back tears that were threatening on the edge of his eyelids. He would not cry. He was a spy. Spies do not cry. "But if you _don't _come out, take off your supply belt, and put your hands up like a good little captive, something bad will happen." Silence. "You don't believe me?" Silence. "Alrighty. Well, come in here. Come on, you'll see. I promise my guards won't grab you. Until you surrender." Derek felt his heard beat. Thump, thump, thump. He then found himself taking a step forward numbly, and before he could comprehend it, he was in the room.

"There you are."

He stood, observing the scene, feeling sick once again. It was bad. "Meredith?" He murmured weakly.

One of the husky guards held Izzie tightly, his broad hand on her mouth. Her eyes were squeezed shut, obviously afraid. She looked on the brink of tears. He gulped. And then there was Meredith, held tightly by Johnson along with another large guard, struggling weakly. His eyes roamed down to her side, where Johnson held something against her. It wasn't a gun- thank goodness- but it was a HyperLaser. It was something the APP had invented. It wasn't death on impact, it just depended on how long you held the trigger. The longer you held it, the bigger an impact it had on the victim. The victim went unconscious, then got sick, and then, if they didn't get medical care….

Derek felt the lump in the back of his tight throat build. "Well, Shepherd, how lovely it is to see your face again. You have a choice, my dear friend."

"Let go of her," Was all Derek growled, forcing the sound out of the depths of his throat. He couldn't take his eyes off of Meredith, her eyes defiant but flecks of fear stood out in them as well.

"A choice," Johnson repeated evenly, flatly. He nudged Meredith to remind Derek who had the power. "You can leave, take your friends with you, except for _this one._" He nudged Meredith again, and she winced but stayed defiant. Derek winced too, after seeing her wince. "Or, you can give yourself up, and your friends will stay safe," Derek made a move towards Meredith's form, but Johnson jabbed her again and reminded him, "Tsk tsk, keep in mind who has the power here, Agent."

Derek took a sharp inhale, looking from Meredith, who looked at him in helplessness and anger, and Izzie, who had a few stray tears sprinkling down her cheeks already. He felt himself begin to crumble weakly, feeling his knees quake against his thick will beneath him. He didn't know what to do. He was lost.

_He met Meredith's eyes again, staring into them, feeling his lip begin to quiver. _

_"Hey!" Derek emerged from the kitchen smiling. "I made you dinner."_

_"Dinner?" She smiled and exhaled, "Perfect. I'm exhausted."_

_"Me too." Derek agreed. "But I made chicken parmesan. I mean, it's not exactly iron chef worthy, but it's still food." Meredith walked over and kissed his cheek._

_"Thanks, it sounds, and smells, great."_

_He cocked his head to the side and smiled, "What are you thinking about?"_

_"Tomorrow." She couldn't lie to him, "I have a big day tomorrow."_

_"Me too!" He agreed wholeheartedly._

_"I'm kind of worried."_

_He kissed her again, "I'm sure you'll do fine."_

_"You think so?"_

_"I do."_

_** X **_

_"Derek…"_

_"And you will keep me going, I can tell. You're always there for me. Always. And you make me who I am. I wouldn't be me without you. When you were locked up.. my world was colliding. It was ruined. I was lost without you, and I will be when you're not here. So Meredith Grey…" He smiled at her. "I love you. I never, ever want to be without you. Will you marry me?"_

_Her eyes roamed his face, tearing up, looking for signs that it was a joke. It wasn't. She let the tears fall against her will. "Yes!" She said joyfully. He pulled her into a tight kiss, pushing his small lips and against her tender face. They kissed deeply, her hand tangled in his raven black thick hair, pulling and twisting. His arm roamed her back, touching her waist, and moving back to the back of her neck. When they released she repeated, "Yes!"_

He took a shaky breath as he tried to push the thoughts out of his head, but they kept coming. The tears were popping to his eyes.

_"Derek?" Meredith's voice piped up quietly._

_"Yeah?"_

_He felt her lean down to kiss him gently. She kissed his lips, then neck, then shoulders and whispered, "You're going to be okay. I love you." His eyes fluttered open and he smiled gently, kissing her back; and knowing that if there was anywhere he wanted to be, it was with her._

He looked at Meredith, and she looked at him, sharing a secret bond. Million of emotions battled inside of him. What would he do?

_She smiled at him, curious. "No. What did you do?"_

_"I..." Cough. "...wrote you something. It's a song.. no, it's not a song. It's kind of a.. melody. Only not really." He rambled. He didn't want to be the one to have the cliche song or anything like that. Meredith definitly wasn't that kind of girl. She looked at him curiously. He looked back at her, searching deeply for the right words._

_"A song? Or melody?" She mused at him, obviously taken aback by his words. She watched as he nodded his head weakly. He licked his dry lips, attempting to give them a little more moisture than they actually had. Which was, about, none. He blinked._

_"Y-yeah," He said quietly. He continued to look up at the ceiling, hoping that when she looked at him she wouldn't be making a face twisted in confusion and annoyance. He blinked again. Silence followed, slicing through the thin atmosphere in the room._

_Meredith bit her lip, "I'd like to hear it." She looked at him as he continued to stare at the ceiling, willing himself to get up the courage to actually sing it for her. She watching him lick his lips again and she could see the lump in his throat that he swallowed down._

_He gulped. "O-okay." He took a deep breath, savoring the crisp air that entered his throat, and began to murmur quietly, in a singsong voice. "Merrily we fall out of line, out of line…I'd fall anywhere with you…I'm by your side," He sang out gently, humming, his words cracking every now and again. He coughed and took a deep breath. "Swinging in the rain," Cough. "Humming melodies, we're not going anywhere until we freeze." He coughed out, he took another breath before continuing. "I'm not afraid anymore, I'm not afraid…" He blinked and felt his voice shake. "Forever is a long time." He paused, gently shutting his eyes and whispering the melody. "But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side." His voice was warm and gentle, matching his facial expression and causing the whole room to glow. Though the words were whispered, they filled the air, the lyrics swirling around Meredith's ears and filling her up. The deep, soothing melody was wrapping her up gently, as if he was hugging her. Sure, he wasn't the greatest singer. But there was something about his voice was comforting._

_"Derek…" Meredith whispered, shocked by the sound of his quiet almost-singing. She felt tears prick to her eyes. She could barely hear him as he half breathed and half hummed the last verse._

_"Carefully we'll place for our destiny, you came and you took this heart…" He paused, swallowing. "…and set it free."_

Derek took another deep breath, and reached his hands, trembling, slowly down to his supply belt. He unlocked the latch on the side and it fell, a loud echo, to the floor.

_SLAM. _

Meredith met his eyes and began to shake her head, but another jab to the gut stopped her. He them shook a little as he took a stun-gun out of his pocked at dropped it to the ground beside him.

And then he put his hands up.

Meredith shook her head faster and yelled, "Derek, NO, don't do this, Derek!" But Johnson jabbed her so hard that she doubled over, concealing her large wince of pain. Derek looked solemly at the ground. He felt the guards wrap their firm, hot palms around his hands, and the last thing was the mocking click of the handcuffs attaching. He winced at the sound.

"Good," Johnson said smoothly. He then snapped to his guards, "Take them all to their individual cells. Agent Shepherd here, to the special high security containment unit." Meredith's lips trembled, and she looked as if she was about to cry as well. Derek then looked at her, his eyes dry and defiant and ready for a fight.

_I have a plan _he mouthed. She concealed her gasp. _And I know it's going to work. _

Because Derek did have a plan. The small radio transmitter was still in his ear. The comlink that could let him send messages to Alex, Cristina, George, and most importantly, the TCA backup team.

_**A/N: Please, don't yell just yet! It is going to be **_**okay. **_**I know Derek's plans have been a little iffy, but this time, **__THIS TIME, __**oh, you just wait. I'll try to get an update tomorrow. Did I do good on the emotional part? I'm trying to make you guys "feel it (Their emotions)". Hopefully it worked! Try not to worry too much about our extraordinary McDreamy. The man knows what he's doing, and he's got a plan. A plan that **__he knows is going to work. __**I'm not going to pull a Shonda. He's not going to get majorly injured.(Nothing like the finale that sent me into a panic attack and more xP) He and Meredith are **_**EXTRAORDINARY **_**together. Remember? Keep that in mind, guys! Stay positive about this story, if you can :) **_

_**Anyways, comment, please? It would mean SO MUCH. I seriously spent a very long time cramming in this for you, hopefully it was worth it! Thanks so much for reading, and thanks so much for commenting. PS- We're SO CLOSE to Season Seven! Just saying :)**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! And thanks so much for reading! It means so, so, so, so, much! They mean so much. My only warning is to try not to worry to much for this chapter. :) Though drama is present. Thanks again for reading! Comments = LOVE.**_

Derek wasn't a pacer.

Meredith was always the one pacing, making invisible traces on the floors in their home.

But at this point, he couldn't think of anything else to do except pace.

Too bad he was unable to.

Derek precariously sat in the high-security cell, his hands locked firmly to the cold metal wall behind him. They had locked him up for a reason, whether to maintain security and safety or to make him feel helpless. He didn't know. Derek waited for a vexation to occur, as if on his toes and nervous. He didn't just feel helpless, he felt beleaguered, alone.

No, he hadn't made an imprudent decision. He knew what he was doing when he gave himself up. But all he could feel was alone, knowing Meredith was far away, off in a cell of her own.

As he sat, he tried to depreciate the situation, but reminders were pounding at his head constantly. He was simply waiting for something to happen. Although his hands where stuck, he kept himself on full alert, making sure every cell and every nerve tip in his body was prepared for whatever they were going to do.

What where they going to do?

It was imminent that he was going to get questioned or interrogated somehow, sometime. The subject was unavoidable. Until he was able to fully construct this plan that was bubbling around in his brain, he needed to stay calm. Though, he coveted to just be free, to just be relaxed.

Relaxation wasn't a part of the job.

He looked around, swiveling his head the best he could, searching the cell with his oceanic eyes. Sure, he'd worked there, but he'd never been _in _a cell before. As a prisoner. He felt himself gulp, the lump traveling down his tightened through. A _captive. _

His eyes roamed the small, black, dim room. The air was thick and made it seem as though there was a damp fog that swirled around his head. There must have been two security cameras, a few sensors, as well as a few hidden ones. The cell was barren except for a bench, which he sat on, and the hand cuffs that were attached, protruding from the wall. A dim, small light slipped through the cracks in the ceiling, barely giving him enough light to see throughout the entire cell. He shuddered. The cell was small, too, giving him a full sensation of being crammed in. Helplessness. Alone.

- - - _Meredith _- - -

She felt like her duty was to Izzie. Her friend. Her slender, gorgeous, blonde haired Izzie, the one who kept everyone optimistic. The one who always had hope, no matter how dim the situation, or how much doubt hung in the air. Only as Meredith and Izzie sat in the cell, the doubt and anxiety pressing down on them was too much to bear. Even Izzie's spirit was dampened, not glowing off of her clear complexion. The smile she wore daily had disappeared too, lost in the swirl of fear and worry.

Meredith felt like her obligation was to make sure Izzie was alright. She couldn't _not _do that. Izzie's lip was still quivering- it had been for the last hour, but no tears were shed. She was trying to keep herself composed, but it was hard.

Luckily, they had been put in the same cell together. But at the same time, unluckily, two buff guards stood their ground right outside their cell. Microphones and video cameras lined the place, making it nearly impossible for Mer and Izzie to have any secret conversations, about things like escaping. Meredith sat next to Izzie on the cold, unwelcoming bench, her hand squeezing Izzie's shaking wrist.

As Meredith sat there, she didn't know what she was supposed to do. She remembered clearly Derek mouthing to her that he had a plan he was positive that would go well. But after she watched them drag Derek away roughly, she didn't know what she was supposed to do. She felt helpless as well. Was she supposed to just sit around and wait for something to happen?

She felt a shiver take over her body and she shuddered against her will as she thought about the way Johnson had talked to Derek. A sudden burst of anger bubbled deep inside her chest.

That bubble of anger was suddenly overcome by a large wave of anxiety, though, and before she was able to react, she felt herself choke on her own breaths. Johnson had _Derek. _The APP had _Derek. _

Derek was the ex-agent who ran away from them without an explanation. No matter how you look at it, Derek betrayed them by helping her, guiding her out of danger and bringing himself with. She knew that the agency would, in no way, be very forgiving to that kind of gesture. She shuddered again, a wave of heartache overtaking her chest and causing her breathing to become ragged and thin. The oxygen in the air felt scare.

Invariably, Derek was her rock in the storm. Things had been wishy-washy lately, that was true. But she knew that Derek was the one she could lean on no matter what the circumstances, and knowing that he was captured, a few hallways away from her, and she couldn't do anything, made her feel sick. She felt helpless herself. She felt like there was something she was supposed to be doing.

"What's wrong?" Izzie's quiet, milky voice seeped through the silence of the cell. Meredith took a sharp, obstinate inhale and pursed her lips.

"They have Derek." She said, her voice hushed. She knew they could clearly hear their conversation, but talking about Derek couldn't hurt anybody. They couldn't talk about Alex, George or Cristina of course, as they were still out of harms savage way.

"Oh," Izzie said, her eyes spanning down to the cold, hard floor. "I'm sorry, Mer."

Meredith nodded numbly, "Mhm." She paused before adding, "I just… I don't know. What are they…" She trailed off, her train of thought deepening and penetrating into her heart. She took another shaky inhale, trying to let the oxygen sink into her lungs. It bounced off though, reluctant. "What are they going to do?"

For the first time since they entered the cell, Izzie's eyes looked up into Meredith's, a mix of feelings swirling around and around. "I don't know," Izzie replied solemnly, gently, trying not to let the words hit Meredith like a rock.

But they did. She shut her eyes and leaned back against the wall, holding her eyes shut, keeping her emotions in and not allowing them to escape.

- - - _Derek _- - -

Derek had been expecting this. It was nothing new. Nothing by surprise.

Loud noises echoed, thundering from outside the cell. There was the click of a keypad, a swipe of a card… his spy trained ears could hear a few metal gears turn in the door.

_One, two, three. _

The door slid open after a final click. The air whooshed in, and a ray of light streamed into the cell. It was so sudden that Derek shut his eyes, twisting his neck away from the entrance at the immediate burst of light. As he let himself blink, there was sudden burst of bright white light in his oval eyes. He let his eyes focus, and he could see Johnson standing by the door. There was a conspicuous notion that he wasn't alone. Derek blinked again, straining his eyes.

Beside Johnson stood Webber, which was definitely expected, and behind them stood a broad frame of a man. That man who stood cockily on his heels was Mark, whose eyes stared directly at the ground. Derek could feel himself gulp.

The door slid shut behind them, shutting out all the light once again. Derek tried to remain unruffled, as he focused his entire being on a concentrated will power. To his surprise, he could feel himself recoiling, pressing his back against the cool, firm wall. He drew in a sharp breath. "Derek," Johnson's voice echoed, bouncing off the walls of the small cell- which seemed much smaller now that everyone had entered. "Derek, Derek, Derek," He continued, his voice in the same tone as if he was a mother scolding a child.

Derek didn't respond. His eyes were focused invariably on Mark, watching his tight, unhappy facial expression. "I don't know where to start." More silence followed, enveloping the dark room. "I guess we can start with the simple, slightly cliché phrase, of, what do you have to say for yourself?"

Derek glared at up at him, shifting his gaze. "Nothing," Was his cold response, his tone flat and unimpressed.

"Really?" Johnson looked amused. "We can start with the fact that you helped that little spy- is Grey her name?- out of our captivity," His eyes narrowed, his brows furrowed in anger. Derek didn't flinch. "I take it she's your girlfriend?" His tone was surprisingly a mix of a balmy musk of pleasure, and Derek didn't understand where he was going. He did feel himself flinch. They did know about Meredith.

"How did you…?"

"We know things, Derek." Johnson spat, anger returning to his tone. "We know a lot of things. How's the TCA going, by the way?" Derek felt himself freeze up, every muscle in his body becoming a tight strain of a mess. He swallowed deeply. "Yes, we know that too," Johnson mused.

Richard's voice came in, cutting like glass, sounding out of place. He blurted, "How could you, Shep?" Derek was taken aback. Richard was his friend. What was he supposed to say?

His throat was dry and cracking as he mustered, "I…" He tried again, "I needed a…change." A pause. "Yeah. I needed a change." It was a confirmation, more for himself than the rest of them. Richard shook his head, a look of sheer frustration and anger spread across his aged, dry face.

"Well it's NOT okay!" His voice boomed, clanging off the sides of the cell like a bullhorn. Derek pressed his back firmer against the wall, bracing himself. He knew firsthand that the APP was rough. Very rough. He had had to be rough when he was there, and he tried to prepare himself for the worst. _Bring it on, _were the thoughts that patted at his head. They didn't sink in. And he didn't believe them.

Derek eyed Richard, who looked like he wore a mask of anger and frustration. He didn't respond. Instead, Johnson's rough, deep, robotic voice shook him up. Johnson was a big man, but his words were more powerful than any type of physical characteristic. He stepped closer to him as he sneered, "You needed a change. You're getting one, all right."

Derek replied hotly, "Just let us go. I'm not a part of this anymore." He still was being slightly insensible about the situation, his adrenaline preventing him from worrying. Johnson shook his head in mock resentment.

"Oh, but Derek, the fact that you're 'not a part of this' anymore is exactly why you all are here." He snickered. Derek could feel his breath on his cheek. "If only you hadn't done any of this."

"It was WRONG, Derek!" Richard's voice shook the cell. Derek looked beyond Johnson at Richard, his thoughts pressing against his head. _Richard was his friend. _

"I didn't think…" He began unsteadily. He wasn't regretting his decision to leave the APP, but seeing people like Richard and Mark so mad at him made a swell of sadness and frustration appear in his chest. He sucked in his breath. "Richard, I~"

"Don't, Derek! Just don't!" Richard replied, cutting Derek off, slicing rudely and loudly through his sentence. Derek gulped. "You made the wrong choice. You chose wrong. You left us all here, Derek… you LEFT and you… It's just… What is wrong with you? Did you have a sudden impulse to run away? Or were you lying to us the whole time, using your balmy beguile to your advantage? Is that what you were doing? Or was this your plan all along?" Richard spat. Derek felt the words sting briefly."You… you're a…" Richard stuttered, blinking as he searched for a word. His eyes narrowed as he said it. "…BETRAYER."

Derek opened his mouth, but realizing he technically was, he didn't know what else to say. The room felt like it was growing smaller, the walls creeping in onto him. "I~" He began, but was stopped short.

_SLAP._

Johnson's hand slapped across Derek's face, whacking him. There was a crack in the air, a fast noise of skin hitting skin. Derek winced heavily and shut his eyes as he could feel the aftershock, his check stinging and tingling. He turned away, keeping his eyes shut, holding in the pain. He attempted to raise his hand in the air to touch his cheek- which he could feel begin to redden- but he couldn't. His arms were strapped successfully, securely behind his back, pressed against the wall. "You're a disgrace," Johnson snapped to him. Derek didn't turn to face them again, he felt himself keep his eyes closed, his eyelids trying to keep his eyeballs from releasing any sort of emotion. His cheek still felt the sting, his skin beginning to get hot. He winced against his will again.

"I can't look at you," Johnson spat out of the side of his mouth as he backed up. "We'll deal with you _later." _Those were the words that Derek didn't want, nor need, to hear. Johnson and Richard took strides and marched out of the room, a scowl on both of their faces. Derek blinked his eyes open and looked at Mark, who's normally cocky face was downcast. His eyes were deep and sullen, his features exhausted and sunken.

"Mark…" Derek whispered firmly.

"Just… shut up," Mark said tensely, a little more tense than he meant. He opened the crease in his mouth to apologize, but stopped himself before any words came tumbling out. "Do you see what you've done?" The cold words put a chill through Derek's heart, but he stood by himself.

"I know you think I'm wrong." He whispered fiercely. "But I will always support what I did." There was a thin silence that hung in the air afterwards. His guard was placed, and he kept it up as firmly as he could. He didn't let on how he felt. He _wouldn't. _Nope.

As he sat there, helpless, caught, he felt himself begin to shake. It started as a small vibration, evenly pulsing throughout his veins, but the more he looked at Mark the more he felt sick to his stomach. The shaking turned into a trembling. "Mark," He said quietly. "Mark, how's Meredith?"

"She's fine," He responded with a sigh, leaning his broad frame against the sensitized, cool wall. "Just _fine._"

Derek nodded, hanging his head below his head. He felt heavy. Unfamiliar. He thought about Meredith, probably helpless, probably needing him. He bit his lip as he added in a voice quieter than a whisper; "What's going to happen to…me?" He dropped his head down, shutting his eyes, and he could feel Mark's large, warm hand placed gently on his back.

- - - _Meredith _- - -

"You better have not done anything to him, you cruel, insensitive jerks!" She screamed through the tiny slot in the door of her cell. "YOU BETTER HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING!"

Izzie tried to pry her away from where she was hanging onto the door, her tiny hands gripping tightly around Meredith's waist, "Shh, Mer, let go!"

Meredith felt on the verge of a breakdown. She had stayed strong… she had _tried. _The last three hours in captivity were torture. She could hear the guards joking conversations outside the cell, deep and pouring into the room. They had just had a debate about what the APP 'would do to Derek.' And Meredith couldn't handle the things they were doing. She pounded her tiny, ineffectual fists against the wall of the cell, her tearful voice full of fury, "HE HAD BETTER BE OKAY!" She felt Izzie's warm hands pull on her, but she gripped the smooth metal of the door like a life vest. Before she knew it, the guards were cackling outside her door, and she frowned, shaking. She ran her hand down the wall and felt herself begin to cry, her chest heaving with dry, broken sobs. She felt numb as Izzie pulled her away, gently easing her onto the bench.

"Shh," She whispered gently, wrapping her hands around her. "He'll be okay." Meredith couldn't respond. Splatters of sadness hit the back of her throat again and again, and numbness seeped around her body, creeping and crawling. "He's Derek Shepherd. He'll be fine,"

"I…" She croaked. "I can't do this without him! I can't just sit around and listen to all the things they plan to do to my husband! I can't listen to them describe the different ways to punch! I can't…" Her chest heaved, writhed with pain. "I can't!"

"I know," Izzie soothed, rubbing her back. "I know."

Meredith composed herself, reminding herself dryly that spies _don't cry. _Spies aren't supposed to. She dropped her head into her hands and tried to get her train of thought back on track, trying to focus on what was important. Derek's face kept popping back into her head, forming a ghostly picture of all she needed. She sniffled.

"Are you okay?" Izzie's voice questioned, gently.

"Yes," She told herself firmly, sitting back up and wiping her eyes. "Yes, I am. And I'm not backing down."

Izzie nodded, not understanding what Meredith meant, but Meredith knew exactly what she was talking about.

- - - _Derek _- - -

He had decided something.

No one- not the APP, not the TCA, no one- was going to get the best of him and his friends.

He was going to let them get away with that.

Nervously, he spoke into his comlink, after hitting it against the wall so that it'd turn on. (he couldn't reach his hand up, so his only hope was hitting the side of his head it was on against the firm, cool blackness) He would only get one shot at this. Once the APP saw that he had sent a message in their technology readings, he'd be in big trouble.

"Derek to TCA, Derek to TCA. We need back up. STAT."

He breathed a shaky sigh of relief. Backup was on their way.

_**A/N: There you go! What did you think? Was I able to convey the emotions well? I'm trying to make sure I have a strong tone in my stories, so thoughts would be appreciated! Thanks for reading, everyone! Comments mean a lot! **_

_**Quick apology to my Blur readers! : I know I'm kind of on a hiatus with that story, but good things are to come! **_


	19. Chapter 19

_**A/N: I don't have much to say about this chapter. It really speaks for itself. One thing you should be warned of, though. It's intense. Really intense. And fast paced. It's a lot to take in, but I figure it'd be better than leaving you with a cliffhanger.**_

_**Anyways, I hope you enjoy. Comments really encourage me to update faster, and they are really appreciated! Thanks for reading everyone.**_

_**READ ME: Keep in mind: Meredith does **_**not **_**know that Derek ordered back up. **_

Meredith couldn't take it.

Meredith was a doer, and do-ers didn't sit around and wait for things to happen. They did things. Spies were supposed to do things.

For better or for worse.

- - -_Derek_- - -

When Derek blinked his heavy eyelids open, he wasn't in the same cold, tight cell as he was before. He was in a room he didn't recognize. It was obvious he hadn't slept for long- his eyelids felt like they were weighing down his face and he wasn't rested. The clock on the wall read 1:07 am, and he groaned, very aware of the fact that it was getting late.

He tried to move his wrists, but they were bound tightly to the armrests. He was in a chair, strapped, stuck. Even his chest was tightly bound to the back of the hard chair. He groaned again, a rumble erupting in his throat. The room was a gray white, plain, except for a table and a chair on the other side…An interrogation room.

He, himself, used to be good at making people talk. The difference was that his methods of doing it was filled with compassion, while the others resorted to more… drastic, measures.

Another groan.

With interrogations came beating up, he assumed from what he could remember, at least. He sighed, leaning back in the chair fully and trying to get his confidence back up to a high. He did have a high pain threshold, so he knew he could take it.

He then remembered the urgent call he had made to the TCA, and they had probably received it by then. He did a quick calculation in his head: They'd have to round up background, figure out a route, get some objective facts and information, and travel to the headquarters. That meant they'd arrive in about three hours. He tried to force those facts to seep in, trying to gain some confidence again.

The door slid open after a few torturous moments. It was Mark. He took large strides in, dark circles ringing his eyes deeply. "I didn't get to sleep for long," Derek observed, looking Mark in the eye. Intimidation was important.

"You weren't supposed to," Mark retorted, looking away. Derek gave himself an invisible pat on the back, obviously happy he was intimidating Mark and making him nervous. He felt bad, but that was the only way he'd be able to get through it all.

"Touché." He murmured. "You look like you could use some sleep yourself." Mark fiddled with one of the cameras on the wall and didn't respond, keeping his back to Derek. "Alright… so you're not feeling particularly talkative today?"

Mark groaned and mumbled, "What is it to you?"

Derek frowned, "Just wondering how you're doing."

Mark eyed him, "I…" He shook his head. "I've been wondering the same thing."

Derek moved his head so the face with the still-red mark from the hard slap was facing him, "How do you think?" Mark avoided his gaze and continued to mess with the security cameras. "How are you, man?" Derek added with a sleek whisper, his voice dipping low and his mocking tone shifting to a more serious one.

Mark shook his head again, at nothing in particular. "Fine," Was his response, and it was as thin as the air around them. Before Derek could reply, he added in a loud and frustrated tone, "What are you doing, Derek?"

"What do you mean…?"

"You just… left. And you came back. And you…" Mark stumbled for words, "You just can't seem to make up your mind, can you?"

Derek winced at his words and responded, "I didn't want to be a part of this anymore." He then added, "Mark, can't you see? What we- you guys- do here is _wrong. _I know that we never meant for it to mean any harm, but… It does. Our goal is to help protect America, and we're hurting so many people instead of helping them." The silence that followed cut through the air like glass.

Mark sucked in his breath, causing his broad chest to rise tightly, "You're wrong." Denial was slinking through his voice like a fish in warm water.

"No. No, I'm not." Derek responded, forgetting where he was, and what was happening. He wasn't watching his words anymore as he added, "After being…captive… here, I can really see. We aren't doing things right… _you guys _aren't doing what's right. You used my fia- girlfriend to lure me in. Someone could have gotten hurt. Your new head field operative paralyzed me, leaving Meredith and her friends to fend all of the guards off. They _broke into her house. _Her _**house, **_Mark! That's not right." Mark was silent as he messed with the camera more, his fingers hitting it more intensely than before. "I~" Derek began again, but was cut off.

"You're engaged," He said flatly, his eyes piercing Derek's, warning him not to make the mistake of lying.

"What?" Derek tried.

"I saw the mark on her finger. From the ring." Derek's mouth dropped open, and he blinked his eyes twice.

"Mark, I…"

Mark ignored him and shouted down the hall, "Guards! Agent Shepherd needs to switch rooms, the cameras aren't working."

Derek didn't know what was happening as two guards came and took him firmly by his shoulders, guiding him out of the room. "Mark!" Derek called, but was met by a warning nudge from one of the guards to be quiet. He obeyed solemnly… did he just loose his best friend?

As Derek was deep in thought, he realized the pressure from one of the Guards holding tightly onto him was gone. He whipped his head around, and before he knew it, the other guards tight hold was released as well. Both guards were gone, falling simultaneously to the cold ground with a quiet thud. Derek froze until he felt a small hand on his shoulder, whipping him around. He let his eyes attempt to focus after the quick, rapid movement.

Behind him was Meredith. Behind her was everyone else. His jaw dropped, and he wondered if they had given him some sort of secret medication that made him hallucinate. "Me…Mer…Meredith?" He fumbled for words, but they were lost in the air.

Her smile crept across her face as she put her hand to the back of his neck and stood taller to kiss him. He felt their lips touch, a warm burst hitting his face. "Yes, it's me." He could see past her shoulder that everyone else was busy lugging the unconscious guards into some open floorboards.

"How… you…?" His brain still wasn't functioning; he was still numb from the feeling of her tender kiss.

She smiled at him again and gently ran her fingers through his hair. The feeling gave him a shiver. "I couldn't just sit around and wait for something to happen. So… I took it a pawn myself." She added, "I couldn't just sit there and think about what would happen to you."

Derek nodded, letting his mind and body sink back into the situation. He then remembered something, thoughts slamming at the front of his head now that he was aware of what was going on. "But I sent for backup!"

"Backup…?" Meredith's face twisted into a thin film of confusion, but before she could ask any questions, sirens began blasting, ringing down the black and gray hallways. "No matter what, we need to get out of here." Derek wholly agreed with her statement, his eyes flickering up and down the halls. Guards would be raiding soon.

Alex trampled to the front of their group, panting, "We need to get out of here. Come on," He tried to rush them along. Derek nodded to Meredith, and before he knew it, they were running.

The sirens around them blasted, screaming, and Derek was flying down the hallway faster than he remembered he could run. His feet pounded as he ran alongside Meredith, who took short, jagged breaths. The sprinted down the hallways as Alex guided them, showing them which way to go. They twisted and turned around the maze of hallways, each of them zooming, blocking out the world.

Derek ran quickly up to Alex, taking the lead. He showed them the way to one of the various back doors, until he shouted to Alex, "Go, Karev, Stevens, O'Malley!" Meredith and Cristina ran behind all of them. They all shoved the door open, using all of their strength, and shot out of his like racing darts. Derek followed, shooting out of the door, until he heard something. It was the quiet noise of something misting around them, as if it was coming out of a hairspray can.

He then realized something as he flew out of range of the misty cloud. It was IDSM, Instant Deep Sleep Mist- it was something APP scientists had created. It misted a thin film outside the doors when someone was trying to break out of the premises, and it would put them into a deep sleep into a matter of minutes. Derek felt his heart drop as he yelled, "Mer, Cristina, _HOLD YOUR BREATH!" _

But it was too late. They both came shooting out of the mist that surrounded the doors like rockets, and they landed with a harsh thud onto the cold ground. Derek motioned for Alex to run over to them, as Cristina collapsed onto her knees, out of breath, and Meredith stumbled around. Derek took Meredith into his arms. Her eyelids were beginning to droop. He shouted over to Alex, "How's Cristina?"

"She must have heard you," Was his distant reply. "She held her breath."

"Meredith didn't," Derek whispered, looking onto Meredith's beautiful, exhausted face. "Meredith, Meredith, stay awake,"

"I'm… trying…" She gurgled, a low noise erupting from her throat. She leaned on him for support.

"Meredith, _please," _Derek pleaded her, his own voice shaking as he could hear guards from inside beginning to near the door. "Did you breathe it in?"

"Ye- Yes…" She said quietly, her eyes blinking and then dropping even lower. "You should… just… go…" She stifled a yawn as her legs grew weaker beneath her. "Get away from… Here…"

"No," Derek responded firmly. The shouts from inside the APP were getting louder. "No. Lean on me. Come on, Meredith, please, please try."

Meredith nodded weakly as she placed her thin arm around his warm neck, and he tried to get her in a comfortable position. "Good. Now… can you try running a little bit?"  
"I can…" She breathed, her eyelids drooping. "..try," Derek nodded frantically as he watched Cristina and everyone else begin to run away. He hadn't noticed it was raining- the rain slicked the leaves in the forest and pounded down from the sky. Thunder shook the ground.

Derek pulled her along as she ran, leaning on him for support. That was all he needed. He sprinted, breathing hotly in the dark forest. Sticks and rocks protruded from the muddy ground, and branches glistening from the moonlight and the wetness seemed to jut out from every direction. They whipped the sides of his body as he struggled to keep up with the rest of the group, lightning sending bursts of light outlining the forest. Meredith tried her best to run beside him, but with each footstep she got more tired. Derek mumbled encouraging words, and yards behind him the APP had sent out a group of guards to find them. Every part of him shook violently with every twig that snapped and every leaf that shook.

The whole group ran together, trying to dodge the forests mangling branches and swaying trees. Every thunderclap grew louder, echoing around the entire forest. Rain poured down Derek's face, drenching him, and his hair stuck firmly to his forehead and the nape of his neck.

"They're getting closer!" Izzie cried out as they ran: the footsteps and shouting behind them grew less quiet.

"Just keep running, keep running," George said frantically, a few steps behind the pack. Alex darted in the front, trying to warn them of rocks and odd things that stuck out from the ground. Derek tried to push himself until his lungs felt like they were going to explode. Suddenly, Meredith's thin footsteps stopped, and her feet dragged instead. She murmured something about being too tired to run, and her grip on his neck loosened as she collapsed to the soaking ground. She was almost asleep.

He bent down next to her quickly, shouting, "Meredith, no, open your eyes! Meredith, open your eyes!" Her thin eyelids fluttered, her soft features drenched with the down pour, and then they closed.

"So… tired…" She said, drifting. The footsteps behind them got nearer.

"Stay awake!" He pleaded, as rain cascaded down his face. She shut her eyes again and stopped responding.

Asleep.

"Wake up, Meredith, please _wake up!" _He shouted, shaking her. He tried to get her to stand, but she wouldn't wake, and every attempt resulted in her falling again to the cold, damp ground. "Meredith!" He cried, pulling on her again. It was useless though, every attempt was useless. She was deep in sleep. The rain slapped them in the face, and thunder rolled across the forest again. Trees sent rain swirling down on them.

He panted, and grabbed the crook behind her knees. He used his other hand to grab her small back, and with a grunt and a giant heave, he pulled her up. She lay, asleep, draped across his arms as rain hit her, drenching her clothes. He blinked raindrops off his eyelids and used all his strength to run as fast as he could, balancing Meredith's fragile body between the fold of his arms. His feet pounded especially hard against the muddy ground, splattering and hitting the bottom of his jeans. Soon he was alongside George, breathing jaggedly. His lungs were full of pent-up air. His heart was beating faster than he could keep up with.

The air was being shoved down his throat as he ran, trying to keep himself aware of everything. His arms were growing weak from carrying Meredith. In front of him, Alex was helping Izzie across some rocks that were in the middle of a thin stream. Cristina ran ahead of them, grunting and fleeing as fast as she could. George was right behind him, trying to keep everyone positive. That was pretty much an impossible job.

By then, his clothes were so drenched that they added more pounds to his exhausted body. He continued pushing himself… faster… faster… faster.

Twigs snapped under his shoes, and leaves crunched beneath him. Rain poured down his face in waterfalls, and lightening would cause flashes that broadcasted silhouettes of trees across the landscape. All of a sudden, a sound made him freeze.

"They're right behind us, they're right there!" Izzie screamed. She stood on a high rock above them, looking out across the forest. She was right. The APP were only a few yards from catching up. Derek strained his neck and he could see their feet creeping up the hill. He gulped.

They tried to run, but there was no way that they'd be able to outrun them. It wasn't possible. Izzie had tears streaming down her face as she told everyone they were almost there. It only took Derek a moment to decide what he had to do. "Karev!" He shouted, pulling Alex over. He dropped Meredith into his arms, kissing her soaked sleeping forehead and saying nothing.

"What are you doing?" Izzie screeched through the rumble of the storm.

He looked at all of them. "Run. I'll keep them distracted."

"What?" Alex shook his head, "No."

"We're not leaving you!" Cristina added, bouncing on her heels.

"There is no time for debate. I'll be fine. Just _go!" _Derek shouted at them. They gave him a final glance and ran off. He turned around and began to walk, slowly, in the direction of the enemy.

- - - _Meredith _- - -

_He bent down next to her quickly, shouting, "Meredith, no, open your eyes! Meredith, open your eyes!" Her thin eyelids fluttered, her soft features drenched with the down pour, and then they closed. _

"_So… tired…" She said, drifting. The footsteps behind them got nearer. _

"_Stay awake!" He pleaded, as rain cascaded down his face. She shut her eyes again and stopped responding._

_Asleep._

Meredith blinked her eyes open, and she was greeted by streaks of bright light that seared her eyes. They seeped in and she blinked again, studying her surroundings. She wasn't in a cell. She wasn't in the woods. She was propped, upright, in one of the exam beds in the TCA headquarters. She coughed in disbelief. "Earth to Meredith?" Someone's voice called from beside her, and she turned her head around, yawning. It was Cristina. Izzie, Alex and George sat beside her, and Miranda Bailey was messing with a computer.

"Hi," She whispered.

"Welcome back, Grey," Bailey's voice greeted her, and she added, "How are you feeling?"

"Like I took way too long of a nap." She responded, stifling another yawn.

"How about that you infiltrated the APP and survived?" Bailey tried with a slight smile. Meredith nodded lightly and turned back over to her friends.

Cristina's hand was bandaged, Izzie's arm was in a sling, and George's foot had a thick bandage wrapped around it himself. They _had _survived. Wow, her friends were hardcore. "Nice work, guys," Was her quiet, milky response. Everyone nodded.

"So, what do you remember?" Izzie said, taking a sip of what was supposed to be Meredith's water.

"Everything," She sighed dryly. Then, letting her train of thought come back to her, she reached into her pants. Inside, was a pocket. Silently she pulled out a small microchip, and watched Bailey's more-than-shocked response.

"What? I thought you were captured before you could get the…" Bailey stuttered, eyeing the tiny chip.

Meredith smiled, "Well, I broke out, and me and Izzie went to get this. After that, we went to get George and Alex, you know? And _then _we heard Mark talking to…" She froze, her eyes darting around the room rapidly. "Derek?"

Everyone exchanged a glance. "Where is he, anyway? I want to see him. Alex, can you go get him?"

"No," Alex's response caused her to reel backwards.

"That wasn't really a question, Alex. The man saved my life. I need to thank him." She responded, but he didn't move. He stayed stationary. "Go get him!"

"I…can't…" His voice came from deep in his diaphram, and it wasn't like him. He gulped, and she could see his Adams apple bob.

"What do you mean you can't?" She frowned at him. Everyone dipped their eyes low, exchanging secret, solemn glances. "What do you mean you _can't?" _She tried again angrily. There was no response again, everyone just shifted their gaze to an object of to the cool marble ground. All of a sudden, she felt her face drain of color. She reached and wrapped her tiny hands around the cool bars of the bed. "You can't get him…" She began, her voice foreign and unfamiliar. "Because he's not here."

Cristina's eyes met Meredith's and she whispered, "They sent out a search party this morning."

"He's not here…" Meredith repeated to herself, not comprehending the words she spoke. "He's not here…." The room was quiet, and everyone looked onto Meredith, their eyes overflowing with pity. She looked up at them, and her heart felt like it was being crushed. Her eyes were beginning to sprout tears. "You _LEFT HIM?" _

"No, Mer, we~" Izzie tried, but was cut off by Meredith's shrill yelling.

"You _left him _in the woods? To fend off the APP on his OWN?" She yelled at them tearfully, her voice thick. No one responded or met her furious gaze. She added ruthlessly, "Get OUT!"

"Meredith, they said~"

"JUST GET OUT OF HERE!" She yelled at them, tears splattering the sheets beneath her. She squeezed her eyes shut and tightened her grip so her hands turned white against the railings, and kept yelling until she could hear every footstep fade away.

When they were gone and the door was shut, she opened her eyes numbly. The room was empty. She blinked her eyes again, more tears falling.

"_I'm… trying…" She gurgled, a low noise erupting from her throat. She leaned on him for support. _

"_Meredith, please," Derek pleaded her, his own voice shaking as he could hear guards from inside beginning to near the door. "Did you breathe it in?"_

"_Ye- Yes…" She said quietly, her eyes blinking and then dropping even lower. "You should… just… go…" She stifled a yawn as her legs grew weaker beneath her. "Get away from… Here…"_

"_No," Derek responded firmly. The shouts from inside the APP were getting louder. "No. Lean on me. Come on, Meredith, please, please try." _

"Derek," She sighed out to no one, and a sob escaped her throat. She cried out again, "Derek!" She pulled a pillow out from behind her and grasped the corners as she put her face into it, tears rolling down as she sobbed and cried Derek's name. Her cries were filled with scraggly, jagged breaths. She breathed in quickly, trying to get as much oxygen as she could. Each breath and sob cut her like chest, and her body was rattled by her heaving chest. Tears were soaking the pillow and the sheets.

Before she knew what she was doing, she jumped out of the bed and ran, shoving the door open and running past the medical center. Tears cascaded down her face, "Derek, Derek!"

She sprinted past multiple rooms, fleeing as fast as her bare feet would let her. She ran towards the door, tears blurring her vision as she pressed her palms to the cool glass and shoved it open. A burst of air hit her, shoving it and penetrating it into her lungs. She sucked in her breath and looked over the hillside, "DEREK!" She screamed, trying to get her voice to travel as far as she could get it. It echoed a few times but there was no response. She faced the giant forest beneath her as she yelled again, "Derek!" She did it again and again until her throat was raw and sore. Sobs shook her body, erupting loudly from her lungs. The hill that she stood on gave a good display of the forest, but not good enough. "Der…" She yelled, …ek!" Between cries.

She then collapsed onto the grass, throwing her head into her hands and crying harder.

"_Meredith, no, open your eyes! Meredith, open your eyes!"_

She sobbed, picturing Derek's blurry vision in her head. She squeezed her eyes tight, willing her body to be anywhere but where she was.

"_Meredith! Meredith!" _

She cried and cried, and soon dry sobs were wrecking havoc on her body. She trembled and shook, hearing Derek's voice in her head.

"_Meredith!" _

She couldn't imagine life without him. He had been missing for hours. She needed him _there. _

"_Meredith," _

"Derek!" She called out one last time as it spanned across the hillside, but a loud echo was her only response.

She sat there, numb, on the cold ground for hours, just watching the forest and waiting for something to happen. When it got to the point where her fingers and toes were numb, she stood up shakily. Tears had plastered onto her face, and her eyes felt heavy. With one last glance to the forest, she turned away to head back into the TCA's back door.

"_Meredith!" _"Meredith!"

She froze. Had the voice in her head sounded really real? She shook her head to herself and continued walking, hoping her hopes weren't driving her insane.

"MEREDITH," But she stopped again. This time, it wasn't a voice.

She swiveled rapidly on her heels, facing the forest, watching, waiting. No one was there. When her hopes began to dry up again, she heard: "MEREDITH!"

It was weak, but it was there. She stood there, watching…

And then a man emerged from the forest. The man was badly beaten up, weak, limping, but still struggling. He marched towards her, along with another man. The man with the broader shoulders was much more beaten up. The smaller man steadied the bigger man as best as he could.

The smaller man was Derek. Beside him was…

… Mark.

_**A/N: Slight cliffhanger, but it's not to bad. (HMM, Why would Mark be with Derek?) But I needed some sort of Meredith and Derek relief though. We're not out of the woods yet! (Get it?) SO, what do you think? Comments = LOVE. Thanks for reading everyone! **_


	20. Chapter 20

_**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for the comments, they mean so much to me! Thanks for reading as well, it's amazing that I have this many readers. Seriously! **_

_**Sorry, this chapter isn't as long as I wanted it to be. I wasn't very motivated, to tell you the truth. It'll get better. I hope it's not completely terrible! Haha. Anyways, I hope you like it! It's pretty much setting up for the next chapters, and I love me some sweet Meredith and Derek!**_

Meredith felt Derek collapse partially onto her, leaning with all his weight. She struggled for a second but held him upright as best as she could. "Derek!" She gasped, noticing that Mark was down beside him, on his knees and panting. She felt panic sweep across her. "Derek! What hap~"

"Help… Get Mark… Help…" Derek gasped between widespread, sunken breaths. Meredith widened her eyes and nodded.

Tears blurred her already-foggy vision as she stuttered, "O-okay… Wait here. Just…wait here." She placed Derek gingerly on the ground and swiveled to run back into the building, not bothering to let herself think about why Mark was there.

Fleeing into the medical center, she screamed, "Help! Someone! We need _HELP!" _

Minutes later, Meredith was sprinting out the doors again, her pulse whizzing and her breath getting shoved down her throat. Three agents- Bailey, Cristina and Alex, and three nurses followed behind her, attempting to keep up with her frantic steps. When they arrived, Mark was fully sprawled out across the ground and Derek was beside him, trying to get him to stand up. Derek himself was limping, and didn't look like he had much strength left in him. Soon, everything was an unsteady blur.

"Get him up!"

"Nurses, nurses, we need more nurses!"

"He's drifting out of consiousness!"

"Can we get a gurney over here?"

"Page anyone else who can help!"

The winter air swirled them around them, sending chilling fierce winds whipping her chapped cheeks. She sucked in her breath as she stood on the hard frozen ground, watching as they hoisted both Derek and Mark onto a gurney. Derek didn't look even close to how weak Mark looked. A shiver rippled down Meredith's spine as she forced herself to move her legs as she made her way to Derek's gurney.

She ran beside them as the agents pushed them into the building, shouting orders and screaming for people to get out of the way. Before she knew it, the facility was full of a buzz. She watched with feverish sight as Mark got wheeled into urgent care, and she stood by Derek's side as the pushed him along. An oxygen mask was secured on his amazing face. They wheeled him into a crowded exam room as she clasped his cold hand. "Derek, I'm right here, you're okay," She murmured, her eyes not moving from his.

Derek's eyelids fluttered, then blinked, and he raised his hand up to snap the mask off his face. "I'm fine, Meredith. Okay…" He whispered, blinking his eyes again. He looked out of sorts, unaware of the whole situation. Meredith felt her lip quiver.

She felt someone's hand on her shoulder. The rough palm rubbed it, with some sort of sympathetic hint. Meredith turned from Derek to be facing Bailey. "Grey, you've got to get out of here now, okay?"

She gasped, "What? No, I'm staying by Derek's side."

"Grey, listen to me: You need to go, get some air… We'll take care of him, and his friend, and we'll get you when he wakes up, alright?"

"But I~"

"I mean it, Grey."

Meredith gave her a hard glance, and then swiveled on her heels out. She stomped away, wiping her face with the back of her hands furiously. She tearfully ignored the distant calls from Cristina as she stormed away, her knees feeling shaky and her head swirling with weakness.

She took large strides out of the room, her feet gliding off of the clean floors as the walked out. Her whole body felt unstable, as if it was a house of cards, one swift blow from caving in and falling.

Before she knew it she was running down the long white and gray hallways, fleeing, sprinting. She ran until her legs burned, until her lungs held so much pent-up air that she couldn't take it anymore. She stopped, her breaths jagged, hair wild. She leaned over and put her hands on her knees for support, taking as deep inhales as she could muster.

Looking around, she realized she was in one of the far corridors of the facility. A smooth wall catching the corner of her eyes, she pressed her back against it and slid down quietly, creating barely a noise. She hit the floor with a soft pat and put her face in her hands, hoping it would support the weight that pounded at her brain. She took a shaky inhale.

After a few moments, she felt the soft palm of a hand resting on her back. She sniffled and looked up. Beside her, was none other than George. His soft features creased into a tiny, reassuring smile as he whispered, "They found Derek?"

"Yeah," She said, wiping her eyes with her sleeves. George patted her back supportively again.

"He'll be okay. Derek's strong."

"I know that," Her voice was thick and syrupy with tears, so she cleared it and tried again. "I know that. It's just…" Before she knew it she was sobbing, tears bursting out of her tear ducts and streaming down her cheeks in waterfalls of salty water. George pulled her in, and she rested her trembling head into the warm crook of his neck.

"Shh… It's okay… It's okay…" George said quietly into her hair as he held her. She sat there and shook and cried for a good few minutes, until her tear ducts were too reluctant to shed any tears anymore. When she was done she looked up at George.

"S-sorry," She sniffled.

"It's fine, Mer."

Meredith was so grateful for all her friends. Without them, she wouldn't have known what to do. They were what kept her grounded. Them and Derek where her family. "I just don't… know what I would do without him." She coughed. "And then he just disappeared… and showed up…"

"I know,"

"They hurt him again, George. _Again." _

"I know,"

"I just wish things could be normal sometimes."

There was a silence as some thin rain patted on tiny windows above, and leaves rustled from the wind outside.

"I know."

- - -_Three Hours Later _- - -

Derek blinked. He smacked his lips together as his vision focused, the blurry pastels of colors on the wall morphing into cabinets and drawers. A few nurses drifted in the corner, and Meredith snoozed in the chair beside him. He slowly licked his teeth and lips. The pain in his foot wasn't very bad, and the scratches against his arms and back weren't as painful. His hand was still swollen, but none of that took his focus off of Mark, and what had happened.

_He had been running, pounding across the forest's cold, hard ground. His feet were sore, his legs burning from all the movement, and his lungs felt like they were going to become swollen and explode. The rain swirled in a rush of a downpour around him, but he kept fleeing. He had taken out ten APP already, and he had arrived at the main group. When he got there, sadly, two of the guards had gotten him, and he was pinned against a tree by the time Johnson arrived. His evil, deep cackle echoed through the forest as the rain created distorted images around them. Mark stood behind Johnson, shifting his weight nervously. "Oh, just get rid of him," Johnson said angrily to the guards that had Derek pinned. Derek tried to struggle out of them, but both of them had broad shoulders and were a good foot taller than him. _

"_Get rid of him?" It was Mark's voice that peeked behind Johnson's form. _

"_Yes… I don't care how, just do it," Johnson snarled. Derek glared at him, hate in the deep corners of his eyes, which had pooled into a dark blue. _

"_Weren't we going to take him back to the base?"_

"_That would just take time, money, effort, resources… the list goes on and on, Sloan." Was Johnson's less than enthusiastic retort._

"_But~"_

_Derek watched as Johnson swiveled on his heels to face Mark. "What is your problem, Agent?"_

"_My problem, is that this was never part of the plan!" Mark said angrily back at him, defiance engulfing his deep voice. Derek studied the situation, taken aback by the tone of Mark's voice. _

_Johnson had hate seep into his voice, "What do you mean?" _

"_You know exactly what I mean. No matter how much you hate him now, Derek- Agent Shepherd- was a part of our team. And you're saying to 'get rid of him?' That's just… it's wrong, no matter who you're dealing with! What is wrong with you?" Mark spat at him. Angry thunder rolled around in the sky above them and lightning bolts lit up dark silhouettes of the trees. _

_And with that, Johnson yelled, "No. What is wrong with _you, _traitor?" And from there, a punch was thrown, sending a loud WHACK in the forest, but the sound was engulfed by the screaming wind that surrounded them. _

"Derek!" Meredith's voice cried out as she blinked her tired eyes awake. She burst out the chair she was sitting on and leaned into him, pulling his exhausted form into her arms. He savored her warm embrace around him, and he shut his eyes.

"Meredith,"

"Oh my gosh, Derek Christopher Shepherd, I was so worried!" She buried her head into his shoulder and let a few spare tears roll down her cheeks and onto his bare shoulder. He shivered at the feeling of her fat tears rolling down his shoulder and stretching across his back. "Don't ever… ever… do that to me again!" She sobbed, holding on tightly to him as if he were a life vest, keeping her up for necessary air. She let out a shaky, hot breath into his shoulder and the warm crook of his neck. Monitors beeped to their side.

"I'm so happy to see you," His voice broke, honesty filling the tone. It cracked in the middle, and Meredith noticed. She extended from him, and ran her fingers through his silky raven hair.

"Shhh… You're alright," She whispered, pressing her lips to his forehead and kissing him lightly. "I was just so scared."

He craned his neck up so his lips could meet hers, and they kissed again, the warmth sending tiny shockwaves down his spine and distributing them throughout his body. "I know, I know, I'm fine. Now, I'm fine,"

They sat in the quiet for a few minutes, simply wrapped in the entanglement of their embrace. Derek's breathing meshed with Meredith's and they sat there, together.

"How's Mark doing?" Derek's voice cut through the comfortable silence.

Meredith sucked in her breath, "They're not sure yet. He's still going, though… looks like he was beat up pretty bad."

"Yeah…" Derek gulped, then hesitated. "He was."

"I'm sorry, Derek," She said gently, being careful with her words. "I'm sorry that had to happen." They both spontaneously glanced down at his swollen hand- the one he had used to send a few punches to Johnson and his guards with. Meredith gulped down a stubborn lump in her stretched out throat.

"It's okay. We're spies. It's our job." He nodded, more to himself than to her. She nodded too. She moved her chair over to the bed then and sat down, generously plopping herself into the squishy seat. She was so tired.

"I love you," She murmured, taking his hand in the firm grasp with hers. He smiled weakly at her, but meaningfully.

"I love you too." They shared a glace, their gazes locking with each others. A silent pulse drove the room, directing the silence in the right places.

Meredith sighed, "When is this all going to be over?"

"I don't know. I just… I don't know." That time, the silence that engulfed them wasn't nearly comfortable. It was erratic and awkward, cutting through their thoughts and making it hard for either of them to think straight. Derek gulped again, his Adams apple bobbing.

"Did you really carry me?"

He turned to her, looking into her light blue, beautifully expressive eyes. "Yes."

"All the way through the forest?"

"Yes."

"Derek…" She choked. He really _had _carried her. No one had ever done that… It was indescribable what he had risked. He could have just left her and ran, kept him and everyone else safe, and the problems would have been over. But he didn't. He stayed with her and carried her for miles, running, all at the same time keeping her friends safe. She felt a lump of unwelcomed tears rise in her throat. "Derek, I…" Wind blew outside as trees shook, and gusts pounded the sides of the windows. "Thank you," She breathed, her eyes filling to the brim with tears. She shook her head, trying to shake the tears away, but they stayed if not fell down her cheeks. Derek cupped her face in his warm palms and she looked at him- her eyes meeting the very man that saved her life.

"Don't ever thank me for that. I love you. Of course I…" He fumbled for the right words desperately, looking into her eyes and willing the right words to come to him. He licked his lips and sighed, "I love you. I love you so much. Meredith, I couldn't live without you." He pulled her face in and kissed her passionately, matching his lips to hers in unison. They kissed more, both feeling nothing but the presence of them together, finally.

Still, Meredith wondered in the back of her mind, _what exactly was going on with MARK?_

_**A/N: What'd you think? Comments = love and MOTIVATION :) Next chapter, we'll learn more about why Mark is there! Hope you're ready!  
**_

_**Ps- HAPPY GREYS SEASON SEVEN! FINALLY!**_


	21. Chapter 21

_**A/N: I have a very, very busy week, and have had a very, very busy day. BUT. I went online and read all your reviews, so tada! I crammed a chapter in for you tonight! I hope you like it. Comments are such motivation to keep me going. And you guys just reading the story means so much. Really. So, thanks! Enjoy!**_

For the first time in a while, Derek Shepherd was scared.

- - - _Meredith _- - -

"He's hiding something." Meredith said frustrated, as she paced outside the exam room. Her friends sat beside her.

Izzie piped up, attempting to make her voice borderline positive, "Oh, he wouldn't be~"

"He _SO _is." Cristina cut her off shortly, tapping her chin. Meredith felt a shiver dart down her spine. Cristina was backing her up, and so was Alex. The positive ones, George and Izzie, were the only ones denying her. So odds were, she was right.

Another shiver.

"But what could it be? He told me what happened in the forest."

"What did he tell you?" George inquired calmly.

"He told me that he had stood up for Mark, they got into a fight, and now they're here." She said, flustered. "But what is he leaving out?"

Izzie let out a sigh and went back to reading her magazine intently, and Alex sat beside her, holding her small hand. George was filling out some paperwork, and Cristina sat by Meredith. It was imminent she was trying to figure something out. "I don't know, Mer,"

"Well I'm going to find out," Meredith grumbled fiercely, then marched into Derek's room before any of her friends could make an objection. After entering, she closed the door with a click, her palm grasping the cool handle. Derek lifted his eyes up to hers and greeted her with a small, barely visible smile. Meredith didn't return the favor.

"What?" He furrowed his brows in confusion at her cold response.

"What is going on with you, Derek?"

"What are you talking about?" He replied coolly, easing back into the bed. He shut his eyes and pursed his lips.

"Oh, don't give me what, Derek! I can tell you're not telling me something."

"I explained what happened in the woods~"

"But what aren't you telling me?" Meredith fumed angrily at him, staring at him through his closed eyelids. She made her way to his side of the bed, not bothering to sit in the ugly pastel colored chair. She wrapped her fingers around its handles as she stood angrily, on edge. "Please, just tell me. I can't function if I feel like something's wrong with you…" She brought her voice lower, dipping it so that it had a swift note of comfort. "I really just want to know. And please, Derek, don't deny it. I can tell something's wrong. I can't sleep… I can't sleep when I think that you have something on your mind. We tell each other everything. Derek, I'm begging you. This is me begging. Please?"

Derek lay icily on the bed, trying not to react to what she was saying…

_Derek watched with wide eyes as Mark threw the punch at Johnson, the wind whipping around them and swallowing the loud crack of the blow. Johnson stumbled back, shocked, and brought his hand up to his lip, which was now bleeding. Derek felt the grip of the two guards on his shoulders loosen slightly, and they were both not expecting what was going on. Derek gulped as Johnson straightened himself up and glared at Mark through the rain. Without the slightest warning, Johnson muttered through the rain: "Why you…" and punched Mark back, hard, causing Mark's head to whip back with the sudden movement._

_What happened next was a blur. As Mark and Johnson fought brutally, neither of them sparing nor showing any mercy whatsoever, the guards were infatuated. Derek waited and waited as the rain whistled around him until the guards distracted grips had become loose, and he burst away from his position against the tree. The guards stumbled back, and with a thud, fell to the cold damp ground. Their attention was obviously sublimal, compared to Derek._

_Derek ran up beside Mark and shouted, "What are you doing?" as the roar of thunder rippled across the dark sky. Johnson and some guards who had joined in all rushed at the two men. They both punched, kicked, slapped, and did whatever needed to fend them off._

"_It's all wrong…" Mark replied distantly, sending an uppercut into a large guard. A lightning bolt streaked across the sky. _

_So Derek and Mark stood together, fighting off the array of guards and Johnson who stood before them. They punched and hit until their arms ached from the jerking of the movement and the contracting of their muscles. Thunder sent angry rolls across the sky and the rain wasn't letting up, the storm only intensifying. _

_As Derek turned around to fight off two guards who wouldn't leave him alone, he heard a sharp, coarse cry from Mark: "Derek!"_

_He spun on his heels, the ground crunching beneath him, and he felt blood drain from his face. Johnson had a HyperLaser in his hand, his finger pressing on the trigger slightly. He stood a few feet away from Mark, pointing it directly at his chest. Mark was frozen, knowing that whatever he did now, he couldn't compete. His clothes and hair were completely soaked, drenched, rain trickling down his hard face. _

"_Don't!" Derek shouted to Johnson, and Johnson gazed over at him as he peeled his hand from the trigger. Derek was surprised from this action._

"_I'm not one to condone anything," Johnson said cruely, his voice slicing through the sheets of cold rain. "Agent Sloan here has a price he needs to pay," _

"_Don't you dare!"_

"_It's too late, Derek," Johnson spat, again placing his finger on the trigger and turning his eyes back to Mark. Derek found himself looking down at his leg, which was bleeding from a large gash. The lack of blood was making him feel a little light headed. Johnson obviously now had his priorities set on Mark. _

_Derek hesitated, then murmured, "How about a trade?"_

"_A what?" Johnson and Mark both whipped their heads around, gaping wide eyed at Derek._

"_A trade. Mark…" Derek gulped. "For me."_

_Johnson cackled, "You're lying."_

"_I'm not. As soon as you… let Mark go, I'm yours." Derek kept his voice level, although he felt his strength slowly diminishing. _

_Johnson seemed to consider the idea for a moment as Mark tried to tell Derek to knock it off, but Johnson curled his lips up into a small grin. "Well… It sounds alright."_

_Derek froze and felt his lips part, but no words came out. Soon guards were on him from every angle, grasping him tightly. He had no fight left in him. He was weak, battered and bruised, and there was nothing he could do about it. He shut his eyes and weakly leaned against the guards._

"_Wait," Johnson's voice snapped through the wind. "Actually…" Derek opened his eyes as Johnson tapped his narrow chin. "I want you when you're able to fight."_

"_What?" Derek mumbled, not understanding. Mark's face was a mask of utter confusion._

"_I want to have a good fight with you. Because I _will win. _Until then, you're really no fun. Destroying you wouldn't give me half the satisfaction." Derek winced. "So, here's our deal. I will let you both go. For now. In a few days, when you've healed, you will come back. And then you're _mine."

"_What?" Derek reiterated, his mouth dry. Mark was now on the ground now, gashes across his face and his foot bent oddly. He looked feverish and like he was on the verge of collapsing._

"_You heard me." Johnson gritted his teeth. "And if you're not back here, I will bring every guard, every resource, everything…" He paused. "And annihilate the TCA. Oh, and your precious girlfriend." _

_Derek felt sick. All he wanted to do was collapse into a heap onto the ground and freeze time, and clear his head. But he couldn't. He felt his blood thump with impulsiveness as he promised, "Okay."_

"_Okay," Johnson nodded. He knew Derek was a man of his words._

_With that, the guards dropped Derek and fled, leaving Derek in a mess of a pool of cold rain to ponder what he had just done._

Derek eyes blinked open rapidly. "Derek, answer me, dang it!" Meredith said furiously to him, her foot tapping in a mad rhythm against the tile on the floor.

He craned his neck over to her, studying her face. He felt his whole insides shake. He couldn't tell her. He couldn't. "There's nothing wrong…" He whispered, his voice broken-sounding.

Meredith's fist hit the side of the chair, and an angry thud echoed the room. Derek was startled as he stared at her, her face beginning to show signs of tearing up. "Seriously, Derek? Just tell me! What, do you not trust me? I don't understand what's going on, and I can't unless you tell me! Please, Derek! I am begging you!" She pleaded tearfully, furiously.

He felt something inside him break. "Meredith, I…" His voice was a hoarse whisper, barely audible. Meredith had to strain her ears to hear it.

"Please, Derek," Her voice dropped. "Please. Just tell me."

Derek felt himself begin to tremble, and his head suddenly gained a wicked headache. He looked at her. Her eyes were filled with tears, something that broke his heart, and her delicate little fists were gripping the chair in agony. He couldn't stand it. Seeing that not telling her was causing her pain, he couldn't keep it from her. He felt his scratchy voice whisper, "In the woods…" Meredith let the tension in her face relax and she plopped down in the chair, a silent plea to go on. He gulped largely and continued. "Remember when I told you how Johnson was ready to… how he had Mark?"

"Yes?"

"I…" Derek felt his stomach churn. "I offered something."

"Offered something?" Meredith's expression dropped.

"A trade."

"A trade?" Meredith didn't like where it was going. She placed her sweaty palms on the handles of the chair for support.

"Me… for him," Derek shoved the words and they came tumbling out of his mouth. At first Meredith's expression tensed, but then it relaxed again.

"B-but you guys made it out safe. You guys are okay. It's all okay now. You're good spies." She found herself rambling. She rambled when she was… nervous. Derek gulped for the third time, shifting his weight around in the bed.

"Meredith, I…" The words themselves made him feel like he was being crushed under the blow of something giant, something unspeakable. "I promised I'd go back."

"Go back?" She gasped, her mouth dropping as she gripped the handle so hard the her knuckles flushed white. "You don't have to do that, Derek!" She felt herself rambling again, trying to keep herself reassured. It wasn't working. "Derek, you have no obligation. You guys are okay now. It's all going to be alright! Derek!"

"I promised I'd go back. I said I would. If I don't, in a few days…" His voice began to become weak and as thin as paper. "… they'll get everything and come and attack here. And attack everyone. Including you. And believe me Meredith when I say, they'd succeed.

Meredith felt dizzy and light headed, "No. Derek, no, you're not going back there. Derek, _no!" _She felt a flashback being brought on.

_"You better have not done anything to him, you cruel, insensitive jerks!" She screamed through the tiny slot in the door of her cell. "YOU BETTER HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING!"_

_Izzie tried to pry her away from where she was hanging onto the door, her tiny hands gripping tightly around Meredith's waist, "Shh, Mer, let go!"_

_Meredith felt on the verge of a breakdown. She had stayed strong… she had tried. The last three hours in captivity were torture. She could hear the guards joking conversations outside the cell, deep and pouring into the room. They had just had a debate about what the APP 'would do to Derek.' And Meredith couldn't handle the things they were doing. She pounded her tiny, ineffectual fists against the wall of the cell, her tearful voice full of fury, "HE HAD BETTER BE OKAY!" She felt Izzie's warm hands pull on her, but she gripped the smooth metal of the door like a life vest. Before she knew it, the guards were cackling outside her door, and she frowned, shaking. She ran her hand down the wall and felt herself begin to cry, her chest heaving with dry, broken sobs. She felt numb as Izzie pulled her away, gently easing her onto the bench._

_"Shh," She whispered gently, wrapping her hands around her. "He'll be okay." Meredith couldn't respond. Splatters of sadness hit the back of her throat again and again, and numbness seeped around her body, creeping and crawling. "He's Derek Shepherd. He'll be fine,"_

_"I…" She croaked. "I can't do this without him! I can't just sit around and listen to all the things they plan to do to my husband! I can't listen to them describe the different ways to punch! I can't…" Her chest heaved, writhed with pain. "I can't!"_

_"I know," Izzie soothed, rubbing her back. "I know."_

"Derek, no!" Meredith said again, standing up, with fat tears in her eyes.

"It's the only way I…."

"Please, Derek, don't do it!" Meredith felt the tears roll rapidly down her cheeks, leaving wet trails behind them. "Derek!"

He felt sick, "Come here, Meredith," He felt weak, helpless, alone. He pushed herself over towards him, and he reached up and pulled her tightly into the folds of his warm arms. She collapsed into him, sobbing, tears rolling down his back and hitting the pastel sheets. They crept into a circle of wetness. "It's okay, it's okay."

"It's not okay, Derek! _It's not okay!" _She cried, clinging tightly to him. "You can't go back there. Derek, please don't go back there!"

Derek's heart felt like someone had pried it in two. He couldn't stand it. Seeing Meredith break down in front of him, on the verge of having a breakdown himself, and Mark still unconscious from lack of blood a few rooms over. He couldn't take it. He felt his pulse get weaker, and his brain was searing with unexplained thoughts and unsolved problems. He held Meredith as she shook violently in his arms. He paused and then whispered, "Okay. Meredith, okay."

They sat there for a while in the cool room, him wrapping his arms around Meredith's trembling form, and he suddenly added, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. It's okay, it's okay." She didn't answer. "Let me make it up to you. Lets go into the city tomorrow night, just you and me. We can have a date night. A really special one. Please?"

She paused for a second, hesitated, and then whispered, "Yes." Her voice cracked, "I'd love to."

"Good. Now breathe, Mer, breathe," He replied quietly to her, as he rubbed her back. "I'm not going anywhere."

Internally, he was trying to get himself to breathe as well.

Because Derek Shepherd was a good liar.

_**A/N: So, what did you think? Next chapter will be their night on the town, you know. Try not to be super mad because of what's going on. Derek's lying to Meredith. Uh oh. But things will be resolved. Eventually. Anyways, comments make me super happy, as you all know! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope I shed a little insight to the whole Mark issue. Let me know if you want to see a Mark/Derek waking up scene in the next chapter! Thanks for reading, guys! It means a lot!**_


	22. Chapter 22

_**A/N: I'm really happy I was able to squeeze in a little chapter for y'all! I really hope you like it. It's pretty emotion-packed though. Very, emotion-packed. **_

_**And THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS. I seriously cannot thank you enough! They are what motivate me to keep writing. They really, really do. And thank you for reading! Just knowing you guys keep reading a long means so much. Thanks, everyone! Enjoy!**_

"_Mark. Mark. Mark. Mark. Ma~"_

"_Shut up, I get it! Dang, Derek!" Mark snapped, blinking his eyes back open. It revealed the bright lights of the medical center, where he had been sleeping for the last ten hours. "I'm awake!" _

_Derek sat back in his chair, letting out a sharp exhale. He had been waiting for Mark to wake up. He placed his palms on the cool railings of the chair. "Nice to see you to,"_

_Mark craned his neck over to Derek, a large bandage circling his head. "Okay, Mr. Snappy. Hey."_

"_Hey," Derek smiled gently, easily, as he leaned his head into his hand he was leaning on the railing. They just looked at each other, a silent question buzzing around in the room. What were they doing there? "How are you doing?"_

"_Fine," Mark responded shortly, nestling his head back into the pillow and staring back up to the ceiling. _

"_You had a rough trip," _

"_No kidding," He coughed, shutting his eyes. Derek just studied his friend, his leg broken in multiple places. He let out a sigh and ran his hands through his hair. "Thanks, I guess," He muttered dryly. Derek nodded._

"_You're welcome." _

_The rain was finally letting out, and the only noise outside was the small patting of the rain against the cool, frosted glass window. They were both still avoiding the imminent question, of what Derek's plan one. Or… did he even have one? "I'm tired," Mark mumbled, his tone deep and grumpy. Derek sighed again and brushed off his pants as he stood up, running his palms along the thighs of this tough, faded jeans. _

"_Sorry." He sighed. "I hope you feel better, man." And it was the truth._

_Mark nodded at his friend and blinked his eyes, then closing them gently again. Derek made his way towards the door, until Mark's voice rang out: "Why'd you come?"_

_Derek shut his eyes for a moment, his hand frozen on the cool doorknob. He felt the room shrink in a little closer, the walls nearing him a little more than before. His voice cut through the pitter-patter of the rain outside as he whispered, "To say goodbye." _

_And the door closed with a slam._

"How do I look?" Meredith said, studying her petite frame in the mirror. "Date worthy? Pretty? Or just… cute?"

"You look…" Cristina tied the back of Meredith's black, strapless dress tightly. "…hot."

Meredith grinned widely, tilting her head. Her beautiful, silky hair bouncing across her shoulders, rippling softly like a waterfall down the small of her back, was curled tightly. It framed her face, which was delicately pressed with makeup. Her lips soft and pink, shining with lip gloss. Her eyes were lightly lined, a light tan on her eyelid in a smoky brown. Her smile was radiant, sending a shimmering glow across her tan face. She blinked. Was she really that pretty? Was down and dirty Meredith really that beautiful?

Of course she was.

"Do you really think so?" She breathed, needing one more conformation. Before Cristina could respond, there was a knock at the door. It was Derek. She felt her breath catch at a jagged edge in her throat as she felt her pulse move a little bit faster. They had waited a long time until they could have a date night. And this one would be different. They were no longer young adults with dreams and secrets and false realities, they were adults, engaged adults.

It took her a second to realized that she hadn't moved from her spot on the warm wood floors of the house, just staring at the man who stood in the doorway. The man with the silky black, raven hair, the man with the piercing blue eyes, the man with the smile that made her want to melt right into a puddle at his feet.

"Hey," His warm voice shattered her thoughts, and she blinked hard to come to reality. He had three roses in his hands. "I know it's not much, but…"

"Derek, it's perfect," She said, breaking out of her shell, a warm smile fleeing quickly across her face. He moved towards her, gliding, until they were just inches away from each other. She wrapped her palm around his hand that had the roses and pulled him into her, kissing his soft lips gently, smiling and giggling internally. The soft rose petals barely brushed against her arm. "You're perfect."

"Really…." He mused, tucking a piece of hair behind her face. She bit her lip and smiled. "Well, I'm afraid that's not possible."

"Why?" Her face twisted into a circular ball of confusion.

"Because you've already taken the place of perfect fiancé," He smiled warmly at her, kissing her forehead.

"Too bad it was reserved for you already," She joked, taking the roses in her hand as he took her arm, leading her out the door and into the cold winter night. The door swung shut behind them, clanging as it fit into it's place at the door frame. Off they went, bounding off into the lights and glow of the city.

- - - _That Night _- - -

Derek lay, staring through the dark that hung like black velvet in the air, at what he could make out of the ceiling. Lights were glowing like small yellow dots outside the window of their bedroom, and the girl laying next to him took tiny, soft, snoring breaths. Her chest rose and fell in tune to the gusts of winter wind outside, and every now and then a thin guest of wind would creep through the cracks of the window and find it's way into the room. It swirled around them, causing goose bumps to raise up his spine. The clock next to him blinked 3:07 am. It's red numbers were mocking him.

He had lay awake for two hours straight. Staring at nothing. But staring at everything, at the same time. His arms felt plastered in place, wrapped around Meredith's sleeping body. He felt numb, every muscle cramped up and stiff. His heart beats felt like they were echoing throughout the room, and his brain was pounding from trying to hold in everything he was feeling. The night had been amazing. But for all the wrong reasons.

"_What are you going to get?" Meredith said to Derek, peering over her plastic covered menu. Her eyes crinkled into a smile, and he grinned back._

"_Salmon with Dill," Was his answer as he folded his menu down. Taking a sip of wine, he asked her, "What about you?"_

"_Would it be bad if I got chicken fingers?"_

_He crinkled up his adorably crooked nose, "What?"_

"_I'm kidding, Derek. I'm getting steak," She giggled, placing her menu down delicately and folding her arms in front of her on the table. They sat in an upscale restaurant, looking out on the beautiful city of Seattle. It was a buzz, cars beeping, honks echoing down the streets: but it was beautiful nonetheless. The lights flickered and gleamed, and tiny swirls of snow were beginning to fall. _

"_Oh," He laughed, smiling widely at her little face and putting his wine glass down elegantly. He folded his hands behind his head and leaned happily, surveying her. Her face looked beautiful. But then again, when didn't it? Her glossed lips curled up into a smile._

"_What?" _

"_Nothing…" He said with a content sigh. A _fake _content sigh. "You're just so beautiful." _

"_Really?" She felt her spine shoot a tingle up her body, her arms shivering involuntarily. _

"_Yes," His face dropped into seriousness, "You really are beautiful, Mer," _

_She could feel her face getting hot as she blushed. The classical music in the restaurant did a bad job of filling the silence that followed. "Well you're not to bad yourself,"_

_He smiled, "You think so?"_

"_I know so," She said. Their gazes locked and they smiled at each other, both in a daze of love as they ordered their dishes. The snow was drifting softly down on the street next to them. A car sped through the slush, giving off a thick noise through the window pane. The candle in the center of their table flickered. "I was thinking," She blurted, pretending to focus on her wine._

"_About what?"_

"_About… our wedding." She said cautiously, still staring intently at the wine glass. He looked at her face quickly, studying her expression._

"_What about it?" He frowned. She wasn't calling it off, was she?_

_She looked up and noticed his expression. Her face cracked a soft grin, "Hey, Derek, it's nothing bad. I was just…" She trailed off, letting her fingers dance along the edge of the tablecloth. "Maybe we can bump it up a little bit…"_

_He stirred at her words. "Bump it up?"_

"_You know. Maybe… by a few weeks…" She looked up at him and bit her lip, "Or a few months? I was thinking… December. You know, before Christmas," Before he could interject, she held up her palm firmly. "And I know it's January, and we barely have anything picked out, but I mean its _us. _If we can fight off the APP and kick butts, we can sure do this. Right?"_

_He didn't say anything, and his facial expression went blank. "Oh, you think it's a horrible idea!" Meredith was blushing now, reeling back in her chair as if trying to pull back her words. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to~"_

"_It's not that…" He whispered, because _it wasn't that. _It wasn't that they were moving to fast. It was the fact that, later that night, he was leaving for the APP. And who knows if he would be back by then ?_

_Who knows if he would be back?_

_He shook those thoughts out of his head numbly. Derek knew he would get out, there was no question about that. But he didn't know how long it would take him to find a way out. So, he didn't want Meredith's spirits to get crushed. _

_He felt his thoughts backfire and sting him. She'd be crushed anyways. _

_He looked back up at her blushing, beautiful face and added, "Okay, Meredith. It sounds great. Winter would make for a beautiful wedding," _

"_You think so?" She gushed, then gulped. "I'm not usually like this. 'Giddy' or whatever. So don't get used to it." Derek felt a smile creep it's way across his face. "I'm serious, don't!" _

"_Okay, okay!" He said defensively, taking another sip of his deep, rich wine. Streetlights were dancing around them, the tiny pieces of snow dancing down and dissolving on the streets like powder. _

He felt himself gulp down a lump of sadness that was threatening his throat. He shoved it back down, his heart beating faster. He took in a deep inhale, and it smelled like Meredith's shampoo, a sweet mixture of honey and lavender. How long would he be away from that smell?

"_Derek, watch it!" Meredith laughed, as they walked down the beautiful streets of Seattle. The snow still danced around them, landing on Meredith's black trenchcoat and making tiny little white specks on her hat. People around them walked laughing, and they did too. _

_Derek jumped out of a puddle just in time, "Thanks," _

"_What would you do without me?" Meredith giggled as Derek wrapped his large, warm arm around her body. _

"_Probably step in puddles for the rest of my life."_

"_That's what I thought."_

_They smiled and they walked through the crowded streets, Derek maintaining his tight embrace around Meredith's shoulder. She clutched to him gently, caring, gazing up at his lovely face. The snow landed in tiny specks on his eyelashes. "This snow is amazing," She observed happily, craning her neck to view the top of the sky as pieces of snow cascaded down onto her. She blinked her eyes and snuggled closer into him as they walked._

"_It really is." He looked down to see the flakes disappearing on the damp sidewalk. "I mean, it won't last now, but it'll start sticking soon,"_

"_Agreed," She smiled as they walked across a crosswalk, the cars stopping just in time for them to make it to the other side of the street. "I love snow," She frowned. "My mom never let me play in it, though. She told me bad guys would be hiding in the snow drifts around my house."_

_Derek chuckled, "Sorry. My family was big on the whole playing outside whatever. We made forts. My sister Amelia once trapped us both inside an igloo we made. It was quite a sight to see." He smiled, as if a picture of the memory had been clearly painted in his mind. "And we always made snowmen."_

"_You'll have to teach me how to do that this winter," She grinned, then added, "Are you big on the Christmas spirit thing?"_

"_Well, I kind of am," He said with a sigh as she pulled him away from another puddle. "But not crazy, go-all-out kind of Christmas. I just like the celebration. And the atmosphere. You know?" _

"_I know," She said gently. They walked down the sidewalk, still tightly embraced, the lights glowing and flickering widely around them. _

Derek looked at the clock. It now blinked 3:45… He had gotten lost with memories of the evening. Something bigger than a frown swept across his face as he felt his legs begin to shake. It was time to get moving.

"_So, where do you think we'll be twenty years from now?" Meredith inquired. She then gestured to an old couple, sitting on a bench, holding each others hands tightly through the thin layers of snow. "Like that?"_

"_I hope so," Derek smiled at her gently. They were now holding hands, walking through a nice little park by the heart of the city. "But, I don't think you'll be eager to let me sit there and rub your hands. You'll probably be making me teach you new karate moves. Right?"_

"_Maybe," She gave his hand a squeeze, and then tightened her grip. "But wouldn't it be nice to one day just be like… that?" She gazed over at them, pausing in her steps. "Look at them. They just look so… happy. One day, will we be that happy?" _

_He frowned, "Aren't we happy now?"_

"_Yeah… I mean, happy and relaxed. You know? Just us, a bench, a city, and snow." She looked up into her eyes. "And love."_

"_Wow, you're awfully sentimental tonight," Derek looked at her deeply. He silently scolded himself. Shouldn't he be the one being sentimental? _

"_I don't know. It's just…" She shook her head. "I don't know." She then giggled and looked up at him and teased, "I'm just so in love," She was mocking one of the cheesy romance characters they had seen on TV weeks before. _

"_Really?" He grinned at her warmly, then suddenly grabbed her waist. Picking her up, he spun her around as she laughed wholeheartedly. The snow swirled around them and whipped their cheeks as they went in circles. "Well, baby, I just love you too!" He mimicked his best cheesy love line too, and they laughed together. Derek didn't call her _'baby.'

_As he dropped her down, she giggled and landed in the fold of his warm arms, her bouncy hair jumping around in her face. He pushed the hair out of her eyes and smiled at her, tucking it around her hat gently. Her gloved hands rubbed up and down his back as she looked up into his eyes. "I love you," She whispered to him, and he pulled her in closer. _

"_I love you too," He breathed back to her, pulling her into a hug. She nestled her head into the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. _

_Standing there, he suddenly felt shaky on his knees. He was leaving her. For who knows how long. His voice dropped deeper as he said into her hair, "Meredith, I love you so much, always remember that."_

"_Of course,"_

"_Always remember that. I will always love you." He said, clasping onto her tighter than before. "I'm always here, always with you, whatever you need."_

"_I know."_

"_I love you," His voice mumbled into her head. He squeezed her again, snow dancing around their heads in a beautiful backdrop. _

"_I love you, too."_

Derek pulled his arm gently out from under Meredith's sleeping form, and her head fell back onto the soft pillows beneath her. He swung his legs around the side of the bed slowly, wrapping them around the edge and pushing himself off. It creaked a little when his weight was released. He gulped.

He moved a few feet away from the bed, gazing over at Meredith's sweet sleeping form. Her Dartmouth T-Shirt was crinkled, her hair a mess. But she had a soft smile across her lips. She was beautiful.

_"Derek, no!" Meredith said again, standing up, with fat tears in her eyes._

_"It's the only way I…."_

_"Please, Derek, don't do it!" Meredith felt the tears roll rapidly down her cheeks, leaving wet trails behind them. "Derek!"_

_He felt sick, "Come here, Meredith," He felt weak, helpless, alone. He pushed herself over towards him, and he reached up and pulled her tightly into the folds of his warm arms. She collapsed into him, sobbing, tears rolling down his back and hitting the pastel sheets. They crept into a circle of wetness. "It's okay, it's okay."_

_"It's not okay, Derek! It's not okay!" She cried, clinging tightly to him. "You can't go back there. Derek, please don't go back there!"_

He felt a sob escape his throat as he took a step towards the door.

Two steps.

_XXX _

_"You're glad about what?" He said, studying her face. Her eyelids fluttered open, and she smiled when she opened her eyes to see him looking at her._

_"I'm glad I'm… marrying you," She breathed, blinking her eyes shut again as she continued to smile. The words made his heart feel like it was doing a somersault, and he leaned over and kissed her gently but passionately. Her lips barely moved, as she was already dozing off, but he could feel the chemistry still. Like a tiny, comfortable, amazing electric shock, that radiated love, sending a quake throughout his body. He smiled to himself, moving himself underneath the fluffy down comforter._

_"Me too; so glad. I love you, Meredith," He whispered to her, though he was sure she was already drifted off into dreamland. He didn't feel like he would be falling asleep anytime soon, but there was a large comfort knowing that Meredith, the love of his life, was asleep contently, happily, right next to him._

Derek took another glance at Meredith. There was a small ring on her finger. The ring. Tears filled his eyes.

_XXX_

_Derek stared at the object that stood in front of him, staring at him, daring him to find a way to use it right. It was shining and glistening from a light shining above. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. There was the ring. The ring._

_He didn't know how he was going to use it at all. He was stuck. He was ready to use it, he really was, but he was worried as heck to not screw it up. He was depending on his choice of proposal, and he was stuck. He planned to do it the next day, if possible. He was proud of himself, finally getting up the courage to do it. But there was always the nervousness that rattled his brain. He didn't want to do it wrong. He didn't want to screw it up. He couldn't screw it up._

_Derek shoved the ring into his laptop bag, careful to keep it's little ring box snug into the corner so it wouldn't bounce around. His dad had wanted him to have it, so it had sentimental value of course. He would never waste it on the wrong girl, and he had no doubts he was making the right decision. Meredith was the real thing._

_He walked down the hallway. It was bright and sunny, as the sun had just came up. Only half the people at work were there, and he knew it was the perfect timing. Derek had recently learned that he couldn't call Mark from his phone anymore, because it could be tracked. It was hard enough to try and make sure it wasn't, and he was never going to put Meredith or the agency at risk. Ever._

He had made promises to her. He had promised her he'd keep her safe. If doing this is what it meant keeping her safe would be… then he would have to do it. A gasp escaped his throat. He felt sick to his stomach as he took another step to the door.

_XXX_

_"No!" He denied. "Meredith, I promise. I PROMISE YOU." He cried desperately. "Meredith, I love you. I love you. You love me….right?"_

_She raised her eyes to look into his. They were his beautiful Derek eyes, only they were desperate and pleading. She could tell. "…Yes. I do. I really do, Derek." She cried out._

_"Then please, please, please believe me. Please trust me. I would never do this to you." He said weakly but truthfully. "Listen to me. I love you." The silence that filled the air was frightening to both Meredith and Derek, as they gazed into each other's eyes longingly. She looked into his eyes gently as she typed in the code to get in, ignoring if she would get caught, and shoving the door aside. She ran into his arms. Although he couldn't wrap his arms fully around her because the strap-like-restraints wouldn't allow him, he still held her as tight as he could._

_"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Meredith said on loop, sobbing into his shoulder._

_"Don't apologize. Don't apologize." He responded back to her. "I would never…"_

_"I know, I know." She whispered to him. "I know you better than that."_

_He buried his face into the top of her shoulder, "I screwed everything up." He said shakily._

_She cupped his face in her hands, "No, Derek, you didn't. We're going to get through this, okay? They're not going to do anything bad to you. I promise. We'll work this out."_

He loved Meredith so much. All he wanted to do was to climb back into bed next to her, snuggle up, and watch the snowfall. But he knew he couldn't. If he wanted to protect her, he'd have to do what he was going to do.

And he'd find a way out of it, eventually. He knew that for a fact. Nothing- especially the APP- could keep them apart.

But seeing Meredith asleep peacefully, and knowing that when she woke up she'd wake up to a letter explaining to why he was gone… why he left her… He would feel so bad. Derek felt like a bad person… like a stupid, insensitive person.

Would she be broken? Would she ever forgive him? Even thinking that made him want to quit, and just give up. But he reminded himself what was important. Sure, he was scared. And it would take him a few days at _least _to figure out a plan. But he knew that protecting Meredith and his agency was what was important.

He felt sick. And before he knew it, the swell in his throat wouldn't hold him together anymore. He burst. His tears were released, streaming down his face in a thin, barely-visible waterfall. He cried for himself. He cried for Meredith. And he cried for the both of them.

_XXX_

_She watched with wide eyes as Derek looked at her, taking her hands. "Meredith. I love you. What you did in there was amazing. It was brave. It was sincere. You trusted me, even when you didn't have any reason that you should have. For the last year, you've always been there for me. Every time I needed you, you were calm in a crisis. The secrets that we kept from each other could've broken up any other couple. But… not us, Meredith. Not us. You kept me going when I needed it." She looked at him, her mouth wide, her eyes tearing up._

_"Derek…"_

_"And you will keep me going, I can tell. You're always there for me. Always. And you make me who I am. I wouldn't be me without you. When you were locked up.. my world was colliding. It was ruined. I was lost without you, and I will be when you're not here. So Meredith Grey…" He smiled at her. "I love you. I never, ever want to be without you. Will you marry me?"_

_Her eyes roamed his face, tearing up, looking for signs that it was a joke. It wasn't. She let the tears fall against her will. "Yes!" She said joyfully. He pulled her into a tight kiss, pushing his small lips and against her tender face. They kissed deeply, her hand tangled in his raven black thick hair, pulling and twisting. His arm roamed her back, touching her waist, and moving back to the back of her neck. When they released she repeated, "Yes!"_

_"I love you…" He said gently, quietly, and meaningfully. "You've changed my life."_

_She looked at him, wiping her happy tears. "I love you too, Derek." She yanked him in and kissed her tenderly again, tightly. They then pulled into a hug, and for a moment in time, the world felt perfect. Everything was in it's place, just as it was supposed to be._

And with one final look through his blurred vision, the door shut.

_SLAM._

_**A/N: So…. What did you think?**_

_**I'd like to say three things: 1, Meredith and Derek are not apart forever, let alone a very long time. 2. Derek knows what he's getting himself into. He's doing it for the good of everyone else, and protecting them while giving himself up. 3. How'd I do with emotion? Haha, I know, I'm trying to make it seem as realistic as possible! And what I mean by that is to really try to get the emotion across in the story.**_

_**Thanks for reading:) Comments would be awesome!  
**_


	23. Chapter 23

_**A/N: Sorry about the wait! Here it is! I hope you enjoy! Comments encourage me to write more, just saying! They're great motivation :) Thanks for reading!**_

Meredith could feel sun melting in through her closed eyelids as she began to stir awake. She rolled over and put her pillow over her head in a feeble attempt to block out the morning, but it didn't work. The sunlight followed her no matter which way she rolled.

Groaning, she pulled her head from under the soft pillow and blinked, her groggy vision fuzzy. The messy palette of colors caused by her blurry vision cleared up and she blinked again, taking in the moment. The window shone bright light into the window, and cars buzzed by outside. Seattle was already booming. Meredith wasn't. She let out a tired yawn.

"Derek?" She murmured, turning sideways to face his side of the bed. He wasn't there- just an indent of where his body usually lay in the crinkly sheets. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. Spinning her legs around the bedside, she said again, "Derek?"

Was he making her breakfast? She smiled to herself- that'd be romantic. She placed her feet on the cold floor and got up, extending her arms above her head and feeling her spine stretch. She padded around the bed and out into the hallway, calling down it tiredly, "Derek, where are you?"

When she didn't get a response, she sighed. He always had his IPod earphones in, probably listening and singing off-tune to the Clash. She then smiled to herself after thinking about how cute he was with his earphones in, dancing while he didn't know she was watching. She made her way downstairs, and the wide stairs creaked beneath her weight as her feet hit the old wood. "Derek, come on!" She said a little louder as she reached the bottom of the staircase, rubbing her eyes. She then walked everywhere in the house, moving a little quicker after each time she noticed a room was empty. It wasn't funny anymore. When you're a spy, you're equipped with a little paranoia. She gulped.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, where _are _you?" She called, frustrated. Maybe he had gone to the store. With that thought in mind, she walked into the kitchen and dialed his cell phone number rapidly.

_Ring. _

_Ring. _

_Ring._

She froze. The ring was coming from upstairs. He had left his phone at home.

He never left his phone at home, no matter where he went. She let out a thick gulp and tried again, "Derek! Derek!" She found herself walking so fast throughout the house that she was at a jog. "Derek!" It was no use; he wasn't anywhere in the house, and he wasn't in the backyard. His car was in the driveway. Something wasn't right.

Feeling a sinking feeling- a warning- in her stomach begin, she nervously dialed Cristina's number. A sleepy, deep voice answered on the other line. "Meredith? It's six~"

"Derek, he's not here. He's not here!" Meredith's voice was getting high pitched. It was imminent something was wrong.

"Calm down. Did he say he was going anywhere?"

"N-No… no, he didn't. Cristina, he didn't even mention anything!" She stuttered, blinking her eyes as if with every blink it would clear something up. She leaned against the counter for support.

"He probably just went for a drive~"

"His car is in the driveway."

"Oh," Meredith felt herself freeze. Even Cristina had a worried hint to her normally steady, determined voice. "I don't…"

"Something's wrong, Cristina. If he had gone for a walk, he would've taken his cell phone." She mumbled, murmuring, numb. "Cristina, what do I do?"

"First off, you need to breathe…" Meredith sucked in her breath. "Good. Now, page the TCA. Hurry. Something's up." Meredith felt her heartbeat quicken. "And it's best if you find out what it is."

"Okay," Meredith breathed, feeling sick and shaky on her legs.

"Are you sure he never mentioned about going anywhere this morning?"

"W-Well last night, he said something about making me a strawberry smoothie- they're my favorite- for breakfast. Because we had a special night and he must~" Meredith rambled, but then froze in the middle of her center. _Smoothie. _

"What is it~" Cristina began, but Meredith dropped the phone to the ground.

Meredith ran over to the fridge, wrapped her palm around the white handle, and yanked it open. Cans and drinks clanked around inside the door when she pulled, and her eyes searched, racing against an invisible clock. Pickles, leftovers from the restaurant, diet coke, cheese, water bottles, turkey, strawberries, apples, some suspicious looking liquid, and….

…a strawberry smoothie.

Meredith gulped and felt sweat beads form on her forehead as she picked it up, inspecting it. It was a normal homemade looking smoothie- pink and thick, with tiny flakes of ice scattered within it along with dark red pieces of strawberry chunks. She let out a thin exhale as she put it back, but as she was placing it back in the fridge, she noticed something.

There was a thin piece of paper right next to where the smoothie was sitting. Curious, she set the smoothie down on the shelf below it and took the cold, papery letter in her fingers. On the front, in a large font, was scribbled, _Meredith._

In Derek's handwriting.

She felt weaker than before as she pulled it all the way out of the fridge and shut the frisge, the food clanking obnoxiously again. She took the letter and slunk down against the wall of the kitchen, feeling a sickening numbness creep upon her. She forced her trembling fingers to break the seal with a rip. She unfolded the paper, in something like slow motion. She gulped as she began reading:

_Meredith-_

_If you're reading this, I'm guessing you've already had a freakout call to Cristina, and figured out where you'd find my letter. _

She smiled crookedly to herself.

_You're also wondering where I am, aren't you? Well, I'd be wondering too. So I felt obligated to write you this letter, to put your mind at ease. This will probably achieve just the opposite, but you have a right to know._

_I am going back to the APP. _

_Meredith, I love you. I love you more than you will ever be able to imagine. That will never change. I also love everyone at the TCA; everyone's so kind, so supportive, and they're your second family. And mine. Johnson threatened to hurt you all if I didn't do this. I know you're going to be mad, maybe you'll even hate me for doing this, but I have to. You might not understand. And I get that. But we have to let Johnson do whatever he wants before I'll be able to get out. _

_I will find a way back. I will, eventually. I promise you that. I have too much to live for than to let them get the best of me, I swear, Meredith. I am not leaving you for good. Please, let yourself believe that. I know you've never been a positive one, but you have to try. Please try, for me. _

_I'm not going to lie and say I'm excited. Or that this was the plan the whole time. For a little bit, I wasn't going to go at all and just wait it out. But you and me both know that wouldn't end well for anyone at all. And Meredith? I'm terrified. But I have to do this._

_I love you so much, Meredith. Keep yourself safe. Don't come after me. Johnson will know, and I refuse to let any of you risk your lives. If you want to know what you can do for me, keep yourself safe. Don't send the TCA in after me either. He'll know, I swear Johnson will know. I will be back. Keep that in your mind for as long as possible, because who knows. Just because I won't be back tomorrow doesn't mean I won't be back in a week, or a month. Keep your chin up. Or at least, try. _

_Don't cry for me too much. I will miss you… I will miss you so much. You have no idea. I don't want to do this. But I'm going to reiterate and say again, that I have to. I really have to. I need to keep you safe. You're my fiancé, I love you, I always have and I always will. You'll be in my heart every step of the way, and that's what will get me through everything. _

_I miss you already as I'm writing this letter. I know what you're thinking, and I can't lie to you. Those smudge marks are from tears. Meredith, you're more than I could ever ask for. You're my everything, and I don't know what I would to without you. That's why you need to keep yourself safe, okay? You're like a breath of fresh air. I was drowning… and you saved me. Meredith, you saved me. I'm trying to return the favor. You're an extraordinary woman, and you deserve so much more, I know. _

_I love you so much, Meredith Grey. See you soon._

_Derek_

Meredith dropped the letter to the floor, her body shaking and trembling more than it had ever been in her life. Her color flushed from her face, and her lips had become immediately dry and chapped. Her whole body froze, her stomach churning as she processed the words, _I'm terrified….. You saved me, Meredith, you saved me…. I will find a way back…. I'm going back to the APP… _

She threw her head into her hands and sobbed, tears streaming down her face uncontrollably. Her whole body shook immensely, writhing with sobs and tears that poured down her cheeks and landed into her palms. Chills shook her entire body as she felt weak, so weak she could collapse. Derek was gone, who knows when he was coming back, who knew what was happening to him, and all to protect her. He was gone. She said it aloud, crying openly as she cried out, "He's gone!"

She cried more into her hands, each tear signifying what she lost. "Please, come back to me, please, Derek!" She prayed silently, sobbing desperately.

- - _Derek _- -

He blinked once.

Twice.

The air around him wasn't familiar. It didn't smell like the forest he had been running in for four hours straight. It didn't smell like lavender. It didn't smell like his house. It didn't smell like anything.

It wasn't his life.

He let his eyes get a chance to focus, and above him were bright lights, searing into the back of his head. Gurneys were laid about him, and it took him a moment to figure out he was strapped to one as well. He was in a medical center. Surprisingly, a nurse hovered around him, checking his monitors and fixing an IV that was in his arm. He moved his head for a second, and her cold voice said to him, "Agent Shepherd, you're in the APP medical center. You collapsed from dehydration. Close your eyes and go back to sleep."

He didn't like the tone of her voice- she was obviously briefed to not be kind to him in the least. He groaned, blinking his eyes shut again and trying to go back to sleep. He had to get his energy up if he was going to come up with any type of plan whatsoever.

He would… wouldn't he?

- - _Meredith _- -

Cristina's embrace held her tightly as they were in the TCA debriefing room. "I'm so sorry, Mer, I'm so sorry…" Meredith clutched her tightly, like a desperate life vest, and tears silently dropped from her shoulder onto Cristina's black outfit. "He'll be okay. He will."

"He just… surrendered… just like… that…" She cried, holding onto Cristina even tighter than before. "He went back there,"

"I know, I know," Cristina rubbed her back as supportively as she could. There were many agents in the room, everyone shouting ideas and mapping coordinants and analyzing Derek's feeble letter. It took a minute for Meredith to hear Izzie's high pitched voice as she opened her eyes.

"Oh my gosh, Mer, I just heard," Izzie cried out, running to her friend and joining Meredith and Cristina. "I'm so sorry," She said genuinely, gently. Meredith pulled away and wiped her red, wet eyes, but it was useless. The tears were back in the matter of a second. She wiped again, harder, as if the forcefulness would stop the flow of tears. Behind Izzie was Alex and George.

"He'll be back," Alex said roughly, sympathy distinctly surrounding his eyes.

"Mer, I'm sorry," George whispered solemnly, sadly.

"Thanks," Meredith's response was almost inaudible. She wiped her eyes furiously again, sniffling loudly.

"What are you going to do?" Izzie questioned gently, her hand pressing firmly on Meredith's shoulder.

"I don't~"

"HE'S GONE BACK, HASN'T HE?" A large booming voice exploded into the room. It was Mark. He must have heard the news and left the medical center.

Bailey, standing frantically in the corner of the room, turned around and gasped, "Get him out! He's not allowed in here!" She said angrily. "Guards!"

"No, let him stay," Meredith said, trembling as she looked over at Mark, the very man who had tortured her in the cell weeks before. Their eyes met, locked in a stare filled with mixed feelings that weren't welcome to Meredith. "He might know more,"

The guards reluctantly let go of his forearms and he shook them off. There were tiny tears in the corner of his eyes, "Where is he? Where's Derek?"

"He went back… to the APP…" Meredith breathed, stuttering. "I…" Her breath caught jaggedly in her throat and she collapsed into a chair at the conference table. She dropped her head into her hands, letting more tears run down her face.

"We need to do something!" Mark's voice rang from behind her. "Why aren't we doing anything?"

"He… he doesn't want us to…" Meredith whispered into her arms.

"I don't care! We need to do something!" He said furiously. Meredith nodded numbly, picking her head up and looking at Miranda Bailey.

"What _are _we going to do?"

Miranda's expression was solemn and dark as she said quietly, "I don't know."

"What do you mean you _don't know?" _Meredith said, anger in the back of her throat. She looked from Agent to Agent to Agent. "Look at all of you! You're genius agents! DO SOMETHING!" Silence. "We can't just LEAVE HIM THERE! Do something!" She found herself yelling then, her voice furious. She gained more and more furious the more she thought about him.

"Meredith…"

"Don't _Meredith…_ Me!" She snapped. Tears stung her eyes. "We need to do something!" She stood up and pounded her fist on the table, causing the papers in front of her to rustle, "PLEASE!"

Everyone in the room exchanged a glance and she waited, her breathing getting more ragged and intense the more she waited. Bailey cleared her throat and mustered quietly, "We can try. We can…" She hesitated. "…we can try."

"But we need to come up with a plan." Callie was in the back of the room, reading the letter. She turned to Mark. "What exactly happened when you guys were in the woods?"

Silence.

Mark took a deep breath and let himself sit down as he twisted his face up, trying to remember exactly what happened. "He was going to hurt me. Badly. So Derek surrendered himself- offered a trade. Me for him. And so at first Johnson agreed, but then he said, '"_I want to have a good fight with you. Because I _will win. _Until then, you're really no fun. Destroying you wouldn't give me half the satisfaction, So, here's our deal. I will let you both go. For now. In a few days, when you've healed, you will come back. And then you're _mine.'" Mark paused. "And then he threatened to destroy the TCA and Meredith," He gestured to her. Her legs shook violently.

Callie's voice was small when she finished his sentence for him: "In exchange for him."

Meredith felt herself explode again into a mess of sobs, her body collapsing into the chair as she cried out: "We have to do something!"

"You're right." Bailey said, worry seeping into the crevises of her voice. Soon the room was a buzz, everyone shouting ideas and plans at each other. Everything went on like a blur around her, as Meredith stared at the table, every muscle in her body feeling weak and numb.

It couldn't be happening.

**A/N: **_**What did you think? Ideas? Predictions? Thanks so much for reading! Meredith and Derek are in quite the situation. Comments = motivation :) **_


	24. Chapter 24

_**A/N: Thanks for the comments! They keep me going and add so much extra motivation! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Intense things are to come. Thanks for reading!**_

Derek's entire body hurt. The numbing feeling was creeping throughout him, a weird sensation from feeling helpless or from being dehydrated.

The nurse was right. He had ran for hours, so long, without drinking or eating or breaking, that he collapsed right into the guards arms when he arrived at the APP. He was grateful as well- that simply meant he wouldn't have to let the fear sink in as immediately.

But it was now.

He lay, completely alone, in the medical center at the APP. It was obviously designed exclusively for captives- there were no nurse call buttons, no morphine pumps, no pillows. Everything was designed to make the captive feel less comfortable. He couldn't help but to wonder, _Did I help design this? _

Laying there in unwelcome silence, the facility was a steady hum around him. No one else was in the medical center. He groaned internally- they were probably all being briefed on how to treat him. Blinking his eyes rapidly, he pressed the back of his head into the cold gurney. At least he had Richard there.

He felt his face screw up in distaste. Was he right? Was it _really _a good thing Richard was there? Or was his mind playing wicked tricks on him to make his spirit stay afloat? He didn't know. He winced at his overactive and overanalyzing thoughts and blinked once again, although the rapid closing of his eyelids didn't help anything. He wasn't certain he liked the prospect of what would happen without Richard there.

Richard had been like some sort of young father to him. He managed to offer unutterable words of wisdom every now and again. He had some vague sort of experience along side him. He knew life, and had learned the ropes early along. But now Derek was on the other side of the thick unpenetrable fence. He gulped.

About twenty minutes of torturous silence, Derek could hear the doors slide open. Licking his lips, he craned to move his head but the movement was hard. His head felt extremely heavy on this shoulders, so he kept it against the gurney. Just as he expected, it was Richard who walked in. Much to Derek's surprise and relief, he was alone. He knew Richard wouldn't be able to make himself do anything to Derek. He wasn't like that, and he never had been.

Even as Richard made long strides around Derek's tired form, he steadfastly maintained the thick silence that hung around them. "Hey," Derek coughed, his tounge feeling oddly too thick for his mouth. It must have been the meds. "Come to visit me?" Richard failed to react to what Derek had said, so Derek continued rapidly before his nerve failed him. "What do you want?" He knew it was imprudent to snap at Richard in his own facility, but he felt a weird sense of confidence.

"You came back," Richard mused, as he observed Derek's weak state. His tone was shockingly invariably balmy.

"Yeah…" Derek prompted sullenly. "After that lovely reunification you guys let me have, I'm back. What's your point?" He snapped again roughly, his tone bitter.

Richard took a sharp inhale, "I'm not in here to beguile you, Derek," he hissed at him. Derek rolled his eyes.

"Then why are you here? Don't you leave all the dirty work to Johnson?" He paused. "No, wait. You left it for Mark and I. But I guess you can't do that anymore, can you?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about, Derek!" Richard snarled with a sudden violence to his voice.

"Oh, but I do," Derek replied hotly.

"No!" Richard's tone was more than just obstinate. "You don't."

"Then why are you here?" Derek reiterated, frustrated.

Richard averted his eyes and murmured, "Your strength is formidable, Derek. It really is," He took a sigh and his voice dipped lower, the edge to it decreasing. "I'm not surprised you came back."

"Really?" Derek said murmured, obviously depreciating the situation.

"I'm not. You're a good man, Derek," He hesitated, searching for words. Derek studied his weathered face. "I can't do this,"

"Do what? Your job?"

Richard winced and shot Derek a hard glare, "No. I mean, I can't do this. Not to you."

Derek felt suddenly at ease as he looked into Richards deep eyes. Was he saying everything was going to be okay? That Derek would get out without a problem? That he was all safe? He felt a wince of doubt pound at his heart.

"You were a friend, Derek. I'm older than everyone else. I didn't have many at this facility. But you were my friend," An expression of hurt crossed his face, "We went camping together, although you were reluctant to let me go. And now we're supposed to be enemies."

"We don't have to~"

"But we do!" Richard said angrily, frustration slicked across every syllable. "It's how our system works. It's not perfect, but it's what we have," He paused, his face straining, as if to see a bigger picture splayed out in front of him. He surmounted whatever his goal was and continued, "What I mean is… I can't stay here. With you." Panic made it's way through Derek's throat. "Whatever they choose to do to cause vexation… I can't help. I don't have that kind of bravery. I'm sorry, Derek. I don't want to be involved. If I'm coerced, I will, but I can't…"

Derek shut his eyes in an effort to wipe out everything Richard had just said to him. Richard was going to be his lifeline. He was the only person Derek knew could calm Johnson down from his rage. If Johnson was mad and chose to take it out on Derek, Richard could put out his fire. But Richard was saying he didn't want to be there while anything was happening to him. Which meant there would be no one to tell Johnson he was going too far. No one to let Derek lean on, even slightly. Derek felt weak, the weight suddenly pressing downwards on him.

"But, Richard, I~" But Derek couldn't finish his sentence, because when he did, Johnson entered the room. Derek could tell by the clomp of his big footsteps and the guards that he always had with him. He gulped, his defiance shriveling away like a gust of winter wind.

He kept his eyes closed as he heard Richard's distant voice murmur, "I'd like to be excused, if possible." It didn't take a detective to realize that he had agreed with a sigh. Derek didn't open his eyes, but he squirmed underneath the binding of the gurney. He wished he could at least be slightly insensible, or have a case of stupor, but sadly, he was fully aware of everything. He let out a conspicuous groan.

Bad idea.

"Well, well, well," Johnson's deep and mechanical voice echoed throughout the near-empty center. Derek winced at the sound, and began to aspirate quicker than before. He tried his best to disguise it. "You're back." Johnson obviously couldn't contain his excitement, and giddy, he clapped. Derek twitched at the loud noise. "Open your eyes, Shepherd," Johnson commanded rudely. When Derek didn't oblige, he repeated firmer, "_Open your eyes." _

Derek blinked them open, and the blurry figure became Johnson. The tall man with the short hair and piercing brown eyes stared back at him, excitement and devious plans flickering around in his eyes. Derek gulped. "Well, aren't you going to speak?" Johnson snapped as he walked back in forth in no particular pattern. Derek cleared his throat hastily.

"No," He tried, unruffled. Johnson laughed a crooked, enduring laugh.

"Ah. Now, lets not make this difficult, alright, Shepherd?" Derek blinked.

"No."

"Hmm…" Johnson ventured aloud, "I sure hope this won't be all I'll be hearing from you, I really hope not, Derek Shepherd."

"You don't deserve to hear anything from me," Derek shot back fiercely, his knuckles clenched together in defiance.

"There we go, there's the Derek _I _know,"

"Knew," Derek corrected precariously, "_Knew," _

"I still know you, Derek," He said quietly. And then, eyeing Derek's clenched fists, he admonished, "Ah, ah, ah, don't be getting so angry, Shepherd." He glared at him, "If you know what's good for you." Derek let out an exasperated sigh, letting the pressure in his fists escape only slightly. "Good,"

Derek wasn't going to be controlled like some meager puppet. He growled, a deep anger rumbling from his throat, "Is there a reason you want me here, Johnson?" He hoped it wasn't the prosaic reason. "I came back. I did. I'm here, you have me, or whatever. I dropped everything and came. So why am I…"

"…still alive?" Johnson hissed, finishing his sentence for him.

"Precisely," Derek said with an unrelenting sigh. Johnson tapped his chin and made long strides around the gurney. Derek twitched a few times, feeling tied down under the tight hold of the three straps that held his chest, waist, and legs to the gurney. He literally was tied down.

"Your fierceness is formidable, Shepherd," Johnson scratched his head, thinking. "I do hope you don't feel coerced to be here." A pause. "Never mind. I really do hope that's why you're here."

"Your not answering my question. You wanted me here, here I am. All I want to know is why? I'm alive. I got medical care. If you wanted me gone so badly, I would be by now," Derek inquired angrily, trying to overlook the words that were roaring out of his mouth. He didn't want them to start diverting Johnson. They probably would, anyway, but still…

"Ah, Shepherd," Johnson said, shaking his head in a mix of shame and regret. "You don't see, do you?"

"See what?" He hissed angrily at him, becoming more than impatient.

"Sure, I want you here. I want with every nerve in my body to destroy who you are," Derek's jaw clenched. "Because I've always been jealous of you. Did you know that, Derek?"

"Yes," He lied.

"Okay. Lets start from there." Johnson took a seat next to the gurney, and shook his head as if reminiscing in a sea full of memories. "I always envied your spy powers. What you could do, and what you could withstand, was just marvelous. The thing I looked up to the most? Your bravery, Derek, oh, your bravery. It seems so obstinate, so unruffled. Always." He paused and looked over at him. "So, although I want to destroy what you are, I figure I'd rather ruin who you are." Derek winced. "Do you know what that means?"

Silence.

"_Do you KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?" _

Derek took a thin breath, "No, I do not."

"Well," Johnson said harshly. "Your bravery. I want to ruin your bravery. Your strength. You've always been 'Agent Shepherd, the man who would never be broken down.' Well guess what? You _will be."_ He hissed, then added, "The key to having control is destroying spirit."

Derek felt his head grow heavier than before. Johnson had uttered the sentence so casually, that it was still taking a moment for it to process into him. Derek had always had an obstinate, strong, powerful, ascetic type of ability to stay strong and in control of himself. Was Johnson's goal really just to prove that he wouldn't be able to keep his reputation of that? Although it was much less threatening than what Derek thought he was there for. "Maybe by giving you PTSD, would that change who you were?" Johnson hissed, pondering aloud. Derek shut his eyes. Was he passively saying that Derek would get to go home after all? "Or maybe if we sent some messages to that girlfriend of yours, of sick, poor, Derek, would that crush your spirit? Hmm?" Derek winced again, and his fists clenched. Johnson seemed to notice and laughed a nasty chuckle. "I see."

"Don't go near Meredith. I'll cooperate all you want. But not touching her was part of the deal," Derek said angrily, hoping his frustration wouldn't surmount his serene state he was in. His nerves were rattled but numb, a trick he had learned in training a long time. He had aced interrogation tactics. What was different about Derek the set him apart from everyone else? He had compassion. He was defiant, but thought of others before himself constantly, invariably putting them first. That's where he gained his intangible ability of being so obstinate and strong.

"Hmmm," Johnson tapped his chin. "Tempting offer…"

Derek raised his voice, "Tempting offer? Our deal was that I would come, as long as you didn't lay a hand on her!"

"Calm down, Shepherd," Johnson said rudely, leaning back and putting his hands behind his head. "It is our deal. For the time being." Derek glared so angrily, he felt like his eyes themselves would march out of his sockets and attack Johnson's smug little grin. He thought he was oh-so-powerful. "But you have to keep your side of the bargain too. And don't you dare try to depreciate this, Shepherd." He placed his palms firmly against the cool back of the gurney, a feeble attempt to try to get any energy he could get out of it. "I want austere cooperation from you, do you hear? I will not condone any mistakes." He growled angrily, standing up.

Derek tried to wriggle around under the straps, but it was useless. They were fearfully tight. "Fine," He snapped.

"Ah, ah, ah," Johnson scolded, mocking him.

Derek rolled his eyes precariously but didn't say anything else. His head was throbbing as he became more and more alert. Fear was tingling at his toes, but there was nothing more, much to his relief. He just lay there, staring at the harsh, smooth black ceiling, and waiting for something to happen. Nothing did, though… until a few moments later.

- - - _Meredith _- - -

"Are you sure we want to do this?" Meredith said, staring down Callie as harshly as possible.

"It's our best shot, okay?" Callie quipped. "I'm not positive about _anything. _You barking at me like I'm all-knowing and that I'm obligated to fix anything won't help. Okay?"

Meredith nodded rapidly, frustration building as she curled her fingers around into a fist. The rest of the TCA agents huddled behind them, practically breathing down their necks as they sat in a hushed cluster, waiting for it to happen. Callie took a deep breath and shut her eyes, blinking before she was ready to actually try their first shot at hope.

- - - _Derek _- - -

Moments of silence had passed. Moments of seemingly breathless silence… until Bonnie, his old, obnoxiously resilient assistant came fleeing in. She tumbled through the doors, not bothering to sign in, as she was clearly out of breath. Stacks of paperwork were cluttered messily between her shaking, sweaty palms. "Johnson, Agent Johnson, Sir, I mean…" She rambled, shaking her head, trying to gather her thoughts. "Y-You need to turn on transmission screen A20 now."

Johnson froze, curiously analyzing the lines of worry on Bonnie's face. She shook her head at nothing in particular and gestured frantically, "No, don't say anything, j-just come on, please!" Johnson, and Derek, could sense the fear and urgency in her voice, so Johnson scrambled from his chair and ran over to the side of the room. He turned some dials on the wall and a screen spun around, so Derek could see as well. Johnson read the coordinants and data frantically, and Derek could see his eyes widen. He squinted to read the message on it, but it was too far. He gulped as Johnson spun around, his face flaming red.

"What…" He said precariously, and he had a sudden impulse to shut his eyes and try to blink away the expression he saw on Johnson's face. It was mad. And very vengeful.

"We just received _THIS MESSAGE!" _Johnson shouted through clenched teeth. He played a message aloud, and it sent vibrations through the room. To Derek's surprise, it was Callie's voice. Callie Torres- from the TCA. Her voice was robotic, and Derek felt himself loose all the color in his face.

_**BEEP**_

_TCA to APP. TCA to APP. _The message crackled against the speakers, and Derek froze. _This is an Agent from the TCA base. WE have recently been enformed that you are holding one of our agents in your facility. We now as for him back, saftely. If this happens without any problems, we will be happy to agree to existing in peace with your facility for the time being as well. But if this does not happen, it could and most likely will spark some problems surrounding the fact. Thank you for your time, a response to this message would be crucial. _

_**BEEP**_

Derek forced himself to turn his head over to Johnson, who looked so maddened with rage that it couldn't be remotely described. He let out a gust of hot, pent-up air and gulped some back down, hoping to savor the oxygen. "Did they just _threaten us?" _Johnson snarled angrily, moving slowly and dauntingly towards Derek.

"I don't~"

"_DID THEY JUST THREATEN US ON ACCOUNT OF YOU?" _He yelled angrily, spitting, with a intangible expression of anger and disbelief spread across his face. "DID YOU PUT THEM UP TO THIS?"

"No, I would never…" Derek could feel a bit of his supposed bravery shrink away from him as the clock ticked by. An imprudent decision could threaten a lot about him. He winced at the negative thoughts that invaded his names at an infuriating rate.

"We had a deal, Shepherd!" Johnson roared. His assistant leaned meekly on the counter, shaking herself from the threatening, frightening noise.

"We still do! I~"

"Don't you dare try to make excuses for yourself! Are you insensible of the situation?" Johnson spat, accusing him. "This was an unwise decision, Shepherd! _SO UNWISE." _

Derek could feel a punch coming. He moved his eyes down to Johnson's rumored "Iron Fist," and he gulped. If any plans he made were going to work, at all, even to the slightest degree, he had to make sure he was strong. As Johnson moved closer, fear pounded in his ears.

He racked his brains for ideas frantically and spazztically. He was strapped to that gurney, alone, helpless… His arms didn't have any movement, his torso wasn't free, he couldn't kick… He felt himself tear up in frustration. What did his training tell him to do?

The key was to stay strong. Getting beaten up would not help that issue. He shut his eyes as he could hear Johnson's footsteps moving closer. Pounding… pounding… pounding…

Before he gave up and accepted the situation, he froze. He knew what he had to do. He remembered briefly, a picture barely painted in his head, of what spies did in this kind of situation. Most of the time, they beat up their captives to feel powerful, to dampen their spirits. Johnson wouldn't do it if he couldn't feel it.

So Derek Shepherd used all his might and spy training he could muster, and doing the most logical thing he could think of, he fainted.

_**A/N: What did you think? Meredith and Derek have quite an issue, don't they? Don't worry, Meredith and Derek are pretty extraordinary, if you know what I mean …. :) Comments = love/more motivation! Thoughts? Thanks for reading, everyone! **_

_**CLARIFICATION: In case you're confused, Derek **_**chose**_** to faint, hoping it would give him some more strength when he wakes up. **_


	25. Chapter 25

_**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews and for reading, guys! It means so much! Here's longer chapter… intense, I have to warn you. And confusing. Just stay with it, it's pretty fast paced! Thanks for reading! Enjoy!**_

It had been 48 hours. 48 hours since Derek left.  
Meredith's entire body was shaking. Her brain hurt, maybe from too much thinking, maybe from computing, or from shoving too much information into her brain too fast. She had too much to think about, and it wasn't helping her thinking straight. And she felt a strange numbness that was threatening to creep upon her, probably brought on from worry or anxiety. But as she sat at the conference room table rubbing her temples and listening to all the agents shouting ideas, she couldn't take it anymore. "Shut up!" She yelled, causing every breath and every word in the room to halt. "Just... Just SHUT UP already! Can we just try and come up with something like a civilized group of spies, like we should be?" She watched everyone pause and exchange glances, but they all exhaled and stopped what they were saying. "Thank you," She breathed. She then inquired, "Does anyone have _anything _planned? _Anything _at all?"  
"We... we're trying, Meredith. We're trying." Callie said gently, softly, her tired voice crackling.  
Meredith whipped her head towards her fiercely and quipped, "Be quiet, Callie." Everyone recoiled in shock at her sudden anger. She shrunk back in her chair. "Sorry. But your last 'plan' didn't work the way it was supposed to, did it?"  
Miranda tried to warn her softly, "Now, Meredith..."  
But Mer continued, "They still haven't responded! My husb...-fiance is in their hands, and they _still haven't responded. _Does that spell trouble to you? Because it does to me." Her words were harsh and clear cut, and even Callie let out a shaky sigh. She shook her head, losing the battle.  
"Okay. Everyone, just calm down. We're in here to try and come up with something. Not yell and accuse. Okay?" Another Agent, Arizona Robbins, said gently from the other side of the room. Arizona had just recently been relocated into the facility from a smaller one down south, and everyone seemed to like her. She was very kind, but also knew exactly how she would defend herself. Meredith wasn't that close with her, but Izzie was. Arizona tossed her soft, blond curls behind her shoulder and took a deep breath. "What is our main concern?" She inquired, leaning forward in her chair and tapping on the table with a pen. Meredith clenched her jaw.  
"That Derek has been out of our hands for more than two days. He's been gone more than two days." She said roughly, frustrated. Wasn't there something they could do? Anything they could do? _Anything.  
"I know that. _We need more information." Callie hissed back, obviously loosing patience herself. A silence stung the air, stale and unwelcome. Meredith clenched her muscles.  
"We go. Charge." She said, barely breaking a whisper, but everyone snapped their heads towards her.  
"We can't!"  
"But he said..."  
"That's inconceivable!"  
"Not possible."  
"It would only end badly."  
"It's not our system."  
"EVERYONE!" Meredith shouted, causing everyone's jaws to freeze in place as they murmured unspoken words. She took a shaky sigh and stood up, rubbing her hands on her jeans and causing a friction as they grew warmer. "It's not ideal. It's dangerous. It's not safe. I know." Everyone completely stopped moving, focused on her moving lips. "But what else would we do? How else are we supposed to get him out of there? It's been more than two days. That's a _very long time. _Do you realize that? You don't know what could be..." She gulped. "…happening to him. We don't know if he's okay. If we wait any longer, we risk him getting hurt… probably more hurt than he already is. We tried gently techniques. We _tried _them. They didn't work! We… we need to get aggressive." Her voice was becoming squeakier now, a trembling roller coaster of words tumbling across her lips. "Because if we don't… if we don't, we don't know…" She struggled to grasp the words. "We don't know what will happen to… him."

A silence nipped the air immediately after she stopped rambling, the words coming to a thick halt. Everyone exchanged glances. Meredith looked down, pretending to focus on the shiny little creases and colors on the smooth dark brown conference table.

"We… we haven't exhausted all our options…" Bailey said quietly, dropped her head against her hand.

"What do you suggest we do?" Meredith snapped. Bailey reeled backwards in her chair, taken aback. "Seriously. I can't think of anything else. You guys all call me innovative. That's how I passed the Level Three clearance exam. Remember? Because of how innovative and 'clever' I was," She snickered. They were a room full of smart, resourceful spies with the government on their side. And they couldn't even take down these people who held the one man she loved. She shuddered and added quietly, "I just… Bailey, we _have _exhausted all of our options. I don't know what else… I just…"

Everyone shared more glances, having silent conversations within their eyes, but she couldn't pay attention. She just lifted her eyes heavily to stare at one of the big flat screens on the wall. It's robotic words listed PROS and CONS (In more detailed and complicated spy lingo, of course) of what was going on…Their options. But each option seemed useless. Helpless. She cringed and felt herself collapse back into the chair, plopping her head into her hands.

"Meredith… it will take some time to make sure this will be the right decision…" Callie Torres said quietly, her words just a whisper breezing across Meredith's mind.

Meredith snapped. Maybe it was from the weight of the problems. Maybe it was from fear. Or maybe it was from love and worry for Derek. "You know what?" She yelled, her small voice suddenly booming across the room, bouncing across the walls. "WE DON'T HAVE TIME."

With that she fled from the room, opening the doors and letting them slam behind her. As soon as she left the dark room, she was greeted heavily by all her friends. They were waiting outside the door, Izzie asleep on Alex's shoulder and Cristina and George sitting, staring blankly at the atmosphere. Everyone was suddenly alert, even Izzie, and they swarmed around her. "What's going on?" She began to walk away angrily. "Where are you going?"

Meredith wiped tears angrily and furiously out of her stinging eyes. "To get Derek." She stopped when she felt her friends multiple palms wrap around her forearms and grab her firmly. She tried to fight them, but they were her friends, and they were strong.

"Meredith, you're not thinking straight. This isn't right. We can't try that again." Izzie said gently but firmly. "Remember what happened last time?"

Meredith took a sharp breath and shut her eyes as she whirled around to face them. "I don't care." She blinked them open and stared at them, their mouths agape with disbelief and nervousness. "I don't care. They have Derek. I can't just sit around here and do nothing… I can't feel like I'm helpless. I just…" She stomped her foot with mock violence. "I can't."

"You need to breathe, Mer," Cristina instructed.

"I am breathing, darn it, Cristina!" Meredith said rudely. "Sorry. I need to do this. I need… I need to do this." She panted roughly.

"I…" Cristina tried to protest, but stopped. "Okay. We need backup."

"Get Bailey," Meredith whispered huskily, her voice thick from a lump of tears in her throat. "She'll do it."

"Didn't she say…"

"She won't go herself…" Meredith said quietly, wiping at her face aimlessly again. "But she'll help us. She'll give us some other field agents to help." She took a shaky breath. "You guys don't have to come. I understand." She twisted around in a huff, only to feel a small hand wrap around her shoulder gently.

"We'll come. We're here for you, Mer," Meredith shut her eyes and took another deep breath. "We're here for you."

- - _Derek _- -

Derek attempted to wriggle around, frustration coating his entire body, but it was pointless: Completely and utterly pointless. He was frozen, helpless in a state he couldn't control. While he was fainted and unconscious, they used the ITP on him again, and now he was stuck. He let out a groan inwardly and blinked, looking back up at the ceiling. Johnson walked around him, guards surrounding the room, mocking him. He had been for about three hours straight, and it was making Derek feel terrible. Not about himself, but about his situation. "Hmm, what are you going to do now, Agent Shepherd?" He snarled. Derek just shut her eyes. "Oh, no, I'm little Derek, I'm stuck, all alone, help me, help me! I can't move!" Johnson mocked, his voice high-pitched.

Derek rolled his eyes in his head and mumbled, "Yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what I sound like."

"I got the impression pretty spot on…" Johnson spat, circling the table that he still lay on like a predator circling it's prey. His eyes focused on Derek's unchanging expression. "Now, lets discuss this little _girlfriend _of yours. Grey. Is that right?" He said rudely, saying the word _girlfriend _like he would _dog poop. _Derek didn't respond, keeping his gaze fixed on the barren, gray ceiling. "I said, _isn't that right?" _Johnson increased his voice volume to a shout as he slammed his hand so hard on the table, a few inches from Derek's head, that Derek flinched at the noise. Derek didn't answer, still keeping his face straight.

He heard the slap before he felt it. He could've predicted it was coming, though. It was almost inevitable. He was stuck. Another slap, and then the sting of skin meeting skin in a tight friction. He couldn't fight back, all he could do was lay there and wait for something to happen.

One more slap.

He winced that time, shutting his eyes and hearing Johnson cackling in the background. He couldn't retaliate. It was maddening. He knew what they were doing. They were breaking his spirit. And although Derek Shepherd wasn't anywhere near admitting it, it was working. He bit his lip. "Yes," He responded, his voice cold and hoarse. He knew how much Johnson was enjoying this, and knowing that made it all the more sickening.

"Ah, there we go. Now we know how to get a response out of you, Shepherd," Johnson growled, pleased. "Tell me about her. Is she pretty?" Johnson was laughing a rude, mocking laugh. Derek licked his lips and shut his eyes, his cheek stinging.

"Yes," He said. She was more than gorgeous.

"Do her eyes sparkle?" Johnson laughed now, mocking in a faux-romantic voice. "Is her voice like an angel? Is her hair like golden waterfalls? Does she~"

"Shut UP," Derek said firmly, his loud, frustrating room sending a thud along the room. Johnson was taken aback by his intensity. "J-Just shut up! SHUT UP!" He froze, realizing what he had just done. He shut his eyes, preparing for the worst. When nothing happened after a few seconds, he blinked his eyes open. Immediately, his gaze was locked with Johnson's. Johnson's firm hand grabbed Derek's chin hard and forced him to meet his eyes. Derek gulped, and Johnson could feel it. His grip tightened, and it hurt Derek's chin.

"Listen you…" Johnson spat, hate radiating in his eyes. "You think you're in control? Huh? Is that what you think?" Derek just blinked, a frown furrowing in his brows. "I'm sure it's what you'd like to think. That strong, indestructible Derek will always be okay. Well guess what?" He snarled loudly, his eyes piercing. "You won't always be."

_THUD. _A clap of a punch whacked Derek fiercely across the face, his jaw whipping around to the other side of where he lay. It was driven firmly by force, as he could barely move his head on his own. Johnson had reeled back so far… had hit so close… and had so much power… Derek could take punches. He got in fights- usually one- and had had a variety of people attack him. He knew how to fight back, and he knew how to absorb the blows. But in this case, Johnson (nicknamed 'Iron Fist' Johnson) had punched him so rapidly and from such a close distance, it didn't take a genius to figure out that it hurt. A lot. He wondered if he had possibly cracked his cheekbone. Or maybe his jaw.

Derek winced largely, making the mistake of crying out in a small yelp of pain. He blinked, the blow of the punch still rippling across his face. Johnson's face was filled with satisfaction, obviously wondering why he hadn't done it earlier. Derek felt sick and alone.

As Johnson reeled up again and Derek tried to pull back with every muscle in his body, but it wouldn't work. _He couldn't move. _The frustration of that was so obnoxious and maddening and terrible that he felt sick. Fear flickered deep within the corner of his aqua eyes.

_SLAM._

But the sound that attacked the atmosphere around them wasn't a punch. Johnson froze. A scream erupted from the hallway, creeping through the door, the sound echoing in the room. All the guards suddenly got uptight, on edge. Derek's eyes flew from side to side, trying to understand what was going on. Johnson pulled his fist down and faced the door, teetering on his toes, every one of his nerves on end.

The door flew open, a gust of air flying across the air and hitting Derek in the face. He sucked in the air and tried to lift his eyes to see the people coming through the door, obviously unwelcome visitors.

Derek felt like he was hallucinating as he saw the slim figure that stood before him. It was… Meredith? He tried to call her name, tried his best, but something was restricting him. He felt suddenly weak… possibly from the overwhelming flood of shock that surrounded him. His vocal chords felt useless, like an unfamiliar, foreign part of his already strangely unfamiliar body. He could barely see through blurred vision as shouts and panic arouse through the room. Everything was a frightening mess, and he could barely hear what was going on. A headache pounded noisily in his ears.

"….Grey… get in… out!"

"…did you… to him?"

"…get….guards… security, get… now!"

"…son of a… why… I don't…"

"…OUT! ... security… them, NOW!"

"Derek… Did… To him?"

Suddenly all the noise stopped, until a frightening loud _THUMP _happened, echoing from down the hallway. Although he couldn't see, he could sense that something was wrong. Something was so wrong.

As suddenly as the shouting had stopped, it commenced again, interrupting Derek's train of thoughts. He tried to listen, but pain shot through his ears, making it invariably hard to focus on anything. There was some faint screaming, a few loud noises, and he felt his lip quiver as he heard Meredith scream, as well as others…

…including a frantic shout from Johnson. That meant one thing: Someone else was there. And they weren't from the APP or TCA.

Derek felt his heart rise in his throat and thump in his ears, blocking off the noise partially. The table he lay on seemingly grew colder, and the feeling of not being able to do something had never been so intensely maddening. He tried to groan, but his throat was scratchy, ridden with stress and worry. He attempted to throw his head around, but it felt heavy and thick on his shoulders. Tears filled to the brim of his eyelids, threatening to overflow. The frustration was hurting him so much. More than the sting of the slap, or the pain of the blows.

Blinking, a blurry vision appeared in front of him, standing over him. He blinked rapidly, trying to force his eyes to focus. When they finally had, he had barely a moment to see the man in front of him. It wasn't Johnson. And it wasn't anyone from the TCA. The slick voice whispered, "Why hello, Agent Shepherd,"

And then everything went black.

- - _Three Hours Later _- -

Derek blinked. The blackness that coated his eyes before turned into an oval of light, peeking through his eyelids. Then again, the oval of light wasn't light at all. It was merely a shade lighter than pitch black, and no less frustrating. Like a blanket throughout the room, everything was black.

He wriggled. A little bit of feeling was returning to his legs- they felt cold and slightly numb, like they didn't belong on him. His head was also moving a little bit, too. Barely an inch, but it still meant something. It still definitely meant something. He used all his energy to move his feet around, the ITP wearing off only slightly. Letting out a frustrated moan, he could feel metal wrapped around each thick ankle and each wrist. He was bound to whatever platform he was laying on. He moaned again, his brain fuzzily remembering something vague. Meredith had been there. "'eredith?" He croaked, trying out his sore and scratchy throat. He groaned and tried again, "_Meredith?" _The only response he got was silence, the black velvet of darkness creeping over him again. He was drifting in and out of an awake state. _"Meredith…" _he tried again, his whole being trembling. He could feel himself freeze as something indescribable happened.

"Derek," A small, distant cry answered him from the blanket of darkness. He swallowed nervously, not believing what was happening.

"Meredith? Meredith, you're okay…" He responded, trying to force his voice louder than it wanted to go. "W-Where are we?"

Derek gulped, feeling tears spring to his eyes. "I don't know, Meredith. I don't know…" Moments passed of seemingly silent air, and he tried, "Meredith!" No response. "Meredith!" It was silent, and he felt so alone as a sob escaped his reluctant throat before he could help it. Blinking, he drifted off again, countless thoughts running through his head.

- - - _Meredith _- - -

She didn't know where she was.

She didn't know how she got there.

But she did have a plan for escaping. It was full proof.

Or at least she liked to tell herself that.

- - - _Six hours Later _- - -

"Agent? Agent, are you awake?" A hard voice cut through Derek's empty sleep, and he felt himself blink slowly to awake. Fuzzy images slowly shaped into people, blurred edges turning into faces and blue dots morphing into eyes. There were two people above him, both wearing dark, navy uniforms and shining flashlights into his eyes. "Agent, wake up, Agent,"

He licked his lips, running his tongue across his teeth. He shook his legs a little bit, and felt a burst of pent-up air release from his lungs. His feeling was almost completely back. He winced and nodded. They immediately began filling out charts and rapidly chattering medical lingo. Who were those people?

He tried his best to look at the uniforms they were wearing. They were a dark navy blue, made with cheaply woven cotton. It looked uncomfortable to the touch, but he could help but to focus on the symbol by the chest of the shirt. It had small gold letters on it, that gleamed off the bright lights above him.

The letters were small and it took Derek a moment to focus, but when he did, he felt faint.

_A&O._

Attack and Oppose.

All the color flushed from Derek's face. His knees shook, although he wasn't standing. His mouth tasted stale. His breath hitched in the back of his throat, getting caught. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't focus. He couldn't process anything except for the simple, gold, block lettering.

Attack And Oppose Agency wasn't just another agency.

It wasn't a version of the TCA or the APP.

It wasn't an agency protecting the people.

The Attack and Oppose Agency were the bad guys.

They must had stormed the APP and found them as well, deciding to take everyone with them back to the their base. The thought sent a chill through his body.

"Well, Agent Shepherd," A voice carried from the front of the room. He craned his neck in a feeble attempt to view what was going on. It was a man. Tall and broad shoulders, with grayish-black hair and large fists… Derek recognized him. He worked for the head Agent of the A&O. What was his name? Gibson? Gibbs? Gilbert? "Nice seeing you here again."

"Can't say I have mutual feelings…" Derek hissed through clenched teeth. He didn't understand what had happened. Everything had just happened in a crazy blur, colors blending, edges blurred, time passing…

_**A/N: Okay, there it was. This leaves lots of loose ends to be tied up, I think. There will be more about the A&O in the next chapter. OH! And I feel bad for leaving you guys with a cliffhanger, I just want to let you know that they won't be there for long. At least not this time. You'll learn a lot about Derek's past as we learn more about the A&O. I hope you liked it!**_

_**That being said, what did you think? Comments are really, really, really appreciated! They mean so much and are such great motivation. But also BIG thanks to readers too! It's so great that you guys keep coming back to read more! Thanks so much everyone! **_


	26. Chapter 26

_**A/N: First off, I would like to make a correction. In Chapter 22, Meredith said, "..It's only January…" That was an error! It's November for them! About December. Just wanted to clear that up.**_

_**And sorry for that slightly little wait! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks so much for reading, everyone! Oh, and … comments make me happy! **_

"Derek, Derek, Derek." Meredith said loudly. Her voice was distant, carrying, cutting through the wind of a bad dream. He felt himself return to consciousness barely, his body trembling. He forced his eyes open in a weak blink. Meredith's blurred face became lucid. He licked his lips, running his tongue over the dry, chapped surface. "Wake up. You're okay. Wake up."

Derek blinked rapidly again, taking in his surroundings. Instead of seeing the face of Gibbs above him, it was Meredith, her face smiling and her hair cascading down her shoulders in bouncy curls. What?

She smiled wider after observing that he was awake, and she bent her body down lower to kiss him on the forehead. The warm meeting of skin-against-skin sent a shockwave through his body, involuntarily bringing goose bumps.

What?

"You're okay, you're in the TCA medical center. Again." She murmured carefully, pushing some hair away from his forehead. Her words didn't make a connection to him. "You're going to be fine. We're out of there."

Finally, he allowed his unsaid thoughts to be spoken, "What?"

"Derek," She grinned, as if hearing his voice was a confirmation that everything was okay. She kissed him again, only this time on his thin lips, and he closed his eyes. Everything was moving too fast. Was he dreaming?

"What… happened?" He formulated the two words together after a pause of silence. She sat down into the rough chair beside him, keeping her hand folded around his.

"Oh, Derek," Her voice noted, a hint of a slight chuckle simmering in the background. "I'm so glad you're okay. A lot happened while you were out."

"Out?" He questioned, feeling his face scrunch up into a twisted distortion. He clenched his fists without realizing it.

She frowned, letting her fingers dance along his arm. "Gibbs knocked you out…" She said to him, waiting to see his response. His face remained flat. "You don't remember," She observed quietly with a sigh.

"No, I don't," He offered her an answer to her question, although she didn't need one. Nor was it a question in the first place. "Explain?" He mumbled meekly, scooting up in the uncomfortable med center bed. His head throbbed, but every other aspect of him seemed fine. When he was comfortable, he realized she hadn't responded. "Explain," He said firmly, more of an answer than a question.

"I…" She muttered, trailing off.

"Please?" He mustered a smile. Despite all that had happen, she returned it.

"Fine." She nestled more comfortably into her chair, a sign that the story wasn't a short one. "I found a way to escape."

"Escape?" A brief image from Derek's memory came back to him:

"_Where am I?" Derek hissed at the tall man, now remembering his name was Gibbs. His fists were clenched so hard that his knuckles became a shade of ghostly white._

"_You're at the sub-center," Gibbs responded flatly. "It's a smaller version of our big facility. Low security. You should know that." _

He blinked. "Yeah. Turns out the place had low security." Meredith admitted proudly, pulling her knees up to her chest in the large chair and resting her head comfortably on them. "I remember my mom telling me some things about the place. So, I used my memory and got the gang to escape. It was even easier than at the APP."

"_I don't care," Derek snapped, anger and hate swirling into a dark mixture within his eyes. _

"_Now, now, now. No need for yelling." Gibbs smirked, curling his lips into a crooked, nasty grin. "You shouldn't hold grudges, Shep." _

"We managed to get some guards to tell us where you were. It was pretty simple. It must have been a sub-center. I'm sure they have a larger facility, with a bigger facility. Or something."

"They do," Derek responded quickly. Meredith gave him a weird look and continued.

"So we gathered together and went out looking for you. We could see you and Gibbs in that med center, through the windows," She shook her head in disgust. "You looked pretty bad,"

"_Look who's talking," Derek replied in a deep, angry ton; Something that was usually unlike him. Gibbs tapped his chin with his hand. _

"_I'll bet Chris remembers you," He said, smiling menacingly. Derek felt the color flush from his face, sand he began to tremble. Before he could stop himself, he threw up. Maybe from torment, maybe from the paralysis, or maybe from __**memories**__._

"You threw up!" She exclaimed, her face animated in a mix of shock and disgust. I don't know what else was going on, but as soon as I saw him knock you out, I knew we had to do something."

"_You know, that's not very polite," Gibbs snapped harshly, turning his body away from the repulsive mess on the floor. "Did you just get a little worked up? Hmm? Scared, Shepherd?" Before Derek should respond, Gibbs quipped, "I don't blame you. We do have a history." And with those angry words, Gibbs whirled and brought his fist down on Derek' head causing him to black out instantly. _

"So Alex and Cristina charged first. Then Izzie kept guard of the hallway, and George came with me. It took a while to carry you out, but we did it. The rest is history." She smiled proudly, but noticed his lack of expression. "Derek?"

He blinked and nodded absent mindedly, "Yeah?"

"You asked for the story, and I told you." She waited for a response, but of course, didn't get one. "Derek!"

He whipped his head back and forth for a second in an effort to come back to the present. "Oh… yeah. Thanks. Great job, Mer," He said gently, hoping his act was working well.

"What's wrong?" She said flatly, without any thanks to his praise. He narrowed his eyebrows.

"Nothing."

"You're a bad liar." He raised his eyebrows. "At least to me, you are. Derek Christopher Shepherd, I know you. The last time you lied to me, you…" She gulped back a bubble of bile that was creeping up her throat. "…you…" She tried again, begging silently for words. "…left," She finished finally, only a moment before losing control and breaking into a shaking, crying mess of scraggly sobs.

Derek was taken aback by the sudden outburst of emotion. It was something he hadn't expected. They had avoided the subject since he woke up, but didn't think it'd come on so abruptly. He reached across with a shaking hand and pulled himself onto a sitting position on the bed. The crinkly sheets rustled from his shifting weight. Gently, he pulled her into him, wrapping his large arms into folds around her trembling body. He felt a pang of hurt and guilt make it's way through his chest. Why was he stupid enough to leave her? "Mer, I'm so… sorry," He choked out, guilt riddling his speech madly.

She didn't respond. He continued to rub her back, causing a line of warm friction through the soft cotton of her shirt. She clung tightly to him, as if when she'd let go, he'd disappear. He shut his eyes as he felt her nuzzle her head into the crook of his neck, tears dripping down the sides of the sleeves of his blue shirt. Her hands grasped hopelessly to the fabric on his back, grabbing the crinkly blue shirt in bunches in her tiny fist tightly. "Meredith, I…" He said quietly, his own strong voice shaking.

_Look what you've done to her, _the voice of Gibbs quipped in his head, _you ruined her. You selfish man. _

He shook his head at the maddening thought and only held her tighter, working his hands down her hair and down her back. "Meredith, I'm so sorry! I never meant to hurt you like this. I was trying to… protect you."

"_Protect her? Yeah, sure. Look where you get her." _The vicious voice of Gibbs rammed around in his forehead. His headache increased by a maddening pulse.

"Meredith," He said. He couldn't help it when his voice cracked, dipping low with guilt and dripping with notes of sadness. She continued to cling to him tightly.

"I was so scared," She stuttered between sobs as she clutched to him, twisting the fabric she held in her fists tighter. "I thought that you were gone. I thought that you were really _gone," _She cried shakily, her voice thick and muffled by his shirt. He kissed the side of her forehead and continued to hold her.

"I know. I can't even describe how sorry I am, Meredith. I won't ever do that to you again. I promise," He whispered into the wall of her soft hair, hoping the words would translate as much apology as he could muster. He could feel her begin to pull away slightly.

"I had a breakdown, Derek," She said, wiping her face furiously with anger and sadness. "I had a breakdown. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe without you. I was so scared that the moment after I spilled to Cristina after reading your letter, I collapsed." His breath hitched in his throat. "I didn't tell anybody. She had to come get me and bring me here." She ran her hands through her hair, new tears spilling down her cheeks. "I yelled at people in the TCA- agents who were just trying to help. I screamed at Callie. I went against the TCA's advisement. I went behind people's backs. All because I was so scared."

"I-I'm so sorry, Meredith," He whispered, scolding himself. He felt water drops form at the crease of his eyes, and he cast his gaze downward as his vision began to blur. "I wish I could've done something… to change it…" He felt her cool little hand grasp the soft spot under his chin and lift his face upward. His eyes met hers, and the tears had stopped running down her slim cheeks.

"You can't," She said softly but truthfully. "But… you can tell me what's bothering you. If you just tell me, at least I'll know that I have the chance to help you. You can be honest." A silence filled the air, chills shooting up both their bodies in a spontaneous unison. "Please?" She pleaded him desperately.

"It's just that… I have a history with Gibbs. And their facility." Meredith wiped her eyes again and looked at him curiously, pressing him to continue. "A bad, serious, terrible history." He spun his head around and leaned back against the bed, shutting his eyes. "I'd prefer not to talk about it."

"But Derek~"

"I _will _talk about it. You're my fiancé… soon to be wife. You deserve to know everything." He reassured her, opening his eyes with a slight smile.

_You liar, _the voice taunted in his head, _you stupid little liar. Coward. You can't even tell her, can you? You're too afraid. _

He winced, shaking his head and taking a pained breath. She looked at him, eyeing him firmly. "You promise you'll tell me?"

"Yes," He said, forcing himself to believe his own words. "I promise. I just need some time to… think."

Meredith hesitated, then nodded abruptly, "Okay. I can comply with that."

Wind whistled outside, sending a few branches outside the window rippling and whipping around. The sky held overcast clouds, grey and puffy, like a wool blanket laid across the sky. Meredith sighed, giving Derek's hand a squeeze. "You know what else I was thinking of? After I read your letter?"

Derek looked over at her, "What?"

"I was worrying myself sick. I love you so, so, much Derek, it scares me. Crammed in with all my worrisome and sad, heartbroken thoughts, I couldn't get the thought out of my head that, if you were gone, if you were gone… I would've never gotten married to you. We would've never been married. You would've been gone before I got a chance to get married to you." She said carefully, monitoring the words that tumbled out of her red lips. She licked her lips. "You would've been gone before I got to prove how much I loved you… and that I really wanted to spend the rest of our life together,"

"But Mer," He said softly. "I already know that." He gave her hand a supportive squeeze.

"So do I. But that doesn't change the fact that in the back of my mind, that was all I could think about." She admitted. "Missing you was the most exhausting, of course. But knowing I wouldn't be getting married to you anymore… Something in me felt crushed. I love you, Derek. I want to have a life together." Derek looked onto her, waiting for some sort of point to be made. She tapped her foot on the floor nervously. "I want to bump up the wedding. Again."

Derek shrugged, "Of course. When?"

"In two weeks." She admitted, biting her lip. She raised her gaze to meet his. "I don't want to spend another minute not being married to you."

Derek stared at her, and he felt as if a new window of hers had been opened. Meredith really did love him- he had known that before it all happened. But she loved him so much that she was willing to rush into a ceremony like that just to prove it. He knew she wasn't the 'wedding' kind of girl, but what she was saying was so perfect… so amazing. Before he could think it through, he nodded, "Yes, Meredith. Yes."

She smiled tearfully and grabbed him, both of them exchanging a lingering kiss and a tight hug. They really were going to do it.

_**A/N: So, what'd you think? That was a lot to take in. Hopefully you got the major points/issues I was trying to convey! Remember, the A&O are definitely not out of the story! Keep that in mind- we have much more to learn about Derek's past. My goal is to begin the wedding soon. :) Thanks for reading, everyone! Comments are extremely appreciated! **_


	27. Chapter 27

_**A/N: So… I don't really know what to say for myself for this chapter. I hope you enjoy it!**_

_Splash!_

The water that Meredith had used to rinse off her face sloshed and gurgled as it went back down the sink, leaving her clear face dripping with drops of warm, clean water. She rubbed at her face, letting her hands get damp, until she gave up and grabbed a brown hand towel that hung next to the sink. She patted at her face and blinked, looking into her reflection that stared back at her in the foggy mirror. With her face finally dry, she peered over at the small clock nailed to the wall, the hands pointing to 8:45.

Finally satisfied, she exited the bathroom, switching the lights off as she left. Sun was peeking through the closed blinds of the windows in the hallway, casting thin lines of yellow light across the walls. Traffic was beginning to buzz outside, and it was obvious the vibrant city of Seattle was already awake.

She padded down the hallway, pulling her hair out of the messy ponytail she had atop her head and letting it cascade down her shoulders. She ran her hands through it a few times, messily finger combing it as she plodded down the stairs.

_Squeak, squeak, squeak. _

She yawned again as exhaustion began to creep upon her once more, and she rubbed furiously at her eyes. Water usually did the trick, but apparently that day was already tiring. She blinked rapidly as she finally ventured into the kitchen, a cool burst of air welcoming her and bringing goose bumps in a ripple across her bare arms. Shivering, she crossed them and rubbed with her hands, hoping the friction would create some sort of comforting warmth. As she let her eyes focus in the newfound light of the morning, she found Izzie sitting at the counter, silently taking large sips of whatever was in an _I LOVE SEATTLE _mug.

"Iz?" Meredith questioned dryly, rubbing her eyes for the third time. Izzie spun around, the messy bun atop her head rustling softly against the grain of her soft, blonde locks. She smiled tiredly. "Aren't you supposed to be at the facility? George and Izzie left, like, two hours ago."

She shook her head with a stifled yawn, "Nah. I wasn't feeling so well. Why aren't _you _at work?"

That was an obvious question. Meredith's coworkers had immersed her in sympathy after everything that had happened (Which was rare in a spy workforce.) and were letting her off with so much slack, she wasn't sure she was considered a hardcore spy anymore. She rolled her eyes. _Don't worry… come as late as you need, _they had said. _The stress must be a lot on you guys. You've gone through a very traumatic experience. _"Is that even a question?"

Izzie shrugged, "True."

"Are you going into work later?" Meredith said quietly, rustling through the pantry for something that resembled breakfast food.

"I think so. We have field work training in the skills room, remember?" Izzie then noticed Meredith was searching through the pantry and threw her hand up in a meek attempt to stop her. "Mer, stop. I have muffins."

Meredith stood up and brushed her legs off pointlessly and then noticed the cluster of blueberry muffins that stood across the stove. She gasped, although she shouldn't have been surprised. Taking a warm muffin in her palm, she inquired, "What…?"

"I wasn't feeling well, so I couldn't sleep. So… I made muffins," Izzie gestured to the pans filled with blue-spotted dough. Meredith bit into one graciously, licking her lips and the warm clumps of bread melted in her mouth and fell down her throat happily. Meredith moved to one of the open stools, and took a sip of Izzie's coffee.

"Just… out of the blue?" Another stupid question.

"Well…" She trailed off, avoiding Meredith's blue eyes. "I kissed Alex."

Meredith couldn't help but to gape. "I mean… He kissed me. Well, I kissed him. You know what… it was a mutual thing. A mutual kissing… thing,"

"So you're together?"

"Together." Izzie confirmed with a sigh. "If I tell George, he'll yell at me for dating a 'bad boy.' Or _whatever."_

"That's why you couldn't sleep?" Meredith said with a light smile, taking a small nibble of muffin.

"Yup. Speaking of sleep… where's McDreamy?"

Meredith let out a slight giggle as she heard the nickname her friends had put upon him. She ran her hands through her hair, tugging at her scalp. "I let him sleep. He hasn't been sleeping very well lately," She admitted. "He'd be exhausted for work today."

Meredith sunk her teeth into another hearty bite of muffin as Izzie crinkled up her nose. "I can tell. He's always moping around the house at night, when he can't sleep, or whatever. It's annoying."

Meredith eyed her, "How can _you _be talking?"

"Well…" Izzie rolled her eyes and added defensively, "At least when I can't sleep, I make muffins. Or brownies. Or even cupcakes. You guys benefit out of my insomnia… be grateful for _that." _Meredith nodded, losing the battle, stuffing the last bit of muffin into her mouth and chewing. "I don't know. I think something's up with him."

"I guess…" Meredith drifted off. She wasn't about to admit she agreed with her. Derek wouldn't like her doubting his mental stability, or his wellbeing. She stifled a sigh. "I'm sure he's just tired. Theses last couple weeks have been… difficult."

"I mean… Are you sure he's all right to be, you know, getting married? To you… In a few weeks?" Izzie's question feigned innocence. Meredith glared at her.

"He's _fine, _Izzie. Derek's Derek. He takes his time getting back into the normal swing of things. It'll take a little bit, but he knows what's going on. Okay?" Izzie was about to ask something else, but Meredith shut her down. "It's sweet of you for caring. It really is, and I know you're concerned. But he's okay… we're okay." _Why was she not sounding like she was convincing herself, either? _

Izzie shrugged and let out a huff, gazing aimlessly at the piles of uneaten muffins. Meredith looked down, tracing invisible shapes on the countertop. The tip of her finger grazed along the shiny, smooth surface as Izzie spoke gently, "What am I going to do with all these muffins?"

"I don't know," Meredith said easily, taking another sip of Izzie's overly-creamed coffee.

Izzie's face suddenly lit up, happiness spreading across every inch of it, "You should give one to Derek. A little breakfast in bed type thing, you know? And you could bring him coffee. Oh! And I could make eggs, you know, so he could stay true to his health-nut state." Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm serious! It could be such a sweet move!" Izzie began to visibly swoon at the thought of it. "Come on, Mer! Don't be a loser. It's a win-win! I get to make food for people, and you get to have a moment with McDreamy!"

Meredith hesitated. Breakfast in bed wasn't noted in the Meredith chronicles. But looking at Izzie's lit up, flawless, tanned face, she let her guard down and muttered, "Fine."

"Yes!" Izzie chimed, getting up from the counter and instantly beginning to concoct some sort of omelet. Meredith leaned back in her chairs and let her eyelids flutter to a content close. As she sat there, thoughts began to start flooding into her brain.

Was there something wrong with Derek? With every fiber in her being she wished she could confidently say no, but there was something pulsating in her heart. That something was better known as a vexation. Remorse. Anxiety. Apprehension. Little bits of trepidation that were flooding her with worry, threatening to drown. Sure, Meredith could hide it. But she hoped and prayed that her suspicions were incorrect.

The scrape of a glass plate scraping across the countertop erased her thoughts, and she looked down at an omelet before her. Izzie chimed, "Here you go! Coffee's in the _Best Boyfriend Ever _mug."

Meredith gaped, "'Best Boyfriend Ever?' Seriously, Izzie?" Izzie paused. "You can't be serious right now."

"Fine," Izzie groaned, chucking the coffee into a different mug. It only displayed black block letters, the writing saying just _Seattle. _"There!" She demanded, shoving it towards Meredith. Meredith smiled crookedly as she took it in her hands.

"Gee, thanks, Iz," She giggled softly, making her hands full with the tray of food and the mug. Izzie scowled. "I mean, really, thanks." She gestured with her head to the food in her hands. "It's really nice of you."

"You're welcome." Izzie's face broke out into a smile, and that's how Meredith left her, trotting up the stairs.

_Squeak, squeak, squeak. _

Meredith made her way precariously down the hallway, making sure to balance the heavy tray and the full mug of dark, steaming coffee. The smells of a veggie omelet wafted up to her nose, and her face crinkled up. She coughed. She wasn't an omelet person. The last time she attempted to make one for someone, she set the fire alarms off, and burnt every ingredient she used. She and omelets didn't have the best history.

When she approached their door she leaned against it with the side of her body, pushing it so it was open. A sudden stream of light entered their cozy little room, quietly spreading across the perimeter. Derek's lazy body was sprawled out across the red sheets, the fabric twisting, caught in various spots around his body. His sweats were crinkled, pushed up past his ankles, and his tight shirt was twisted around his body. His feet were intertwined together, and his lips were partially opened, his breathing muffled against the pillow.

Meredith made her way across the room and noticed that Derek was twitching unnaturally, mumbling words into the hot fabric of his pillow, his fingers scratching and sweeping across the sheets on the bed. Meredith's smile dropped off her face as she recognized what he was doing.

He was having a nightmare.

Meredith sighed as she moved to the side of the bed, struggling to put her mug on the tray as well. It teetered in her arms, heavy and unbalanced, and she bit her lip as she tried to keep it all together. Derek's soft lips parted and moaned the words _no _a few times, and she sniffled. Derek had been having small nightmares lately, but Miranda had assured her that it was natural for spies coming out of interrogation. Then why wasn't she having nightmares too? She shuddered, watching the coffee in the mug quiver slightly with the shiver.

She used her free arm to nudge Derek's warm shoulder as she whispered, "Derek?" He didn't stir. She poked him in the crook of his shoulder with more power. "Derek," He flipped over, facing the other wall, and snapping _NO! _She frowned and tried one more time, shaking his shoulder roughly. "Derek Shepherd, wake~" But she was instantly interrupted.

It happened in something like an instant. A large crack snapped through the room, and it was Derek's voice, shouting, "Leave us alone!" Before she could react to it, he flailed his arm out, twisting around back to the side she was on. The blow of his hand shoved her back hard, against the painted walls, and she hit it roughly. The tray smacked against it, a large clatter and shatter of glass breaking and the tray hitting the ground. It landed with a large thud on the ground, and Meredith's head pounded with the impact it had against the hard wall. She blinked, in a daze.

Derek was abruptly awake, suddenly sitting up straight, panting. He was dizzy. A sudden noise had awoken him, bringing him away from a world of dreams, and his hands scrabbled across his face, trying to draw the confusion away from him. He snapped his head towards the direction the noise had come from, and there sat Meredith. She was visibly shaking, pinned against the wall, and broken glass surrounded her. Dark coffee stained her gray shirt, and something with the color of an egg was scattered along the floor around her. She was breathing hard, staring wide-eyed at him. He ran his tongue against his teeth, his head pounding. He gulped, "Meredith?" She didn't respond. "Meredith? What happened?" She just stared at him, fear flickering in the depths of her beautiful eyes.

It took him a second to process it. He was dreaming… No, the correct term would be a nightmare. He was running, trying to run, but he couldn't. Someone had reached out, touched him, grabbed him, and he flailed. In the simple concept of fight or flight, he had fought. He screamed out, pushing the person far away, shoving them hard and making them regret ever laying a hand on him. He gulped again, feeling numb.

Meredith.

He had shoved Meredith.

He spun his legs around the bed and choked out, "Meredith? I…I… I'm so…" His breath caught in his throat. "I'm so…sorry! Meredith!"

She sucked in her breath and snapped back to reality, trying to get to her feet. She struggled to stand up. She willed herself to desperately, taking much needed gulps of air, trying… trying… "It's fine, Derek. You were dreaming. It's f-fine." She stood up finally, wobbly on her feet, numb. It took her a moment to realize Izzie was standing in the doorway, gaping.

"Oh my gosh… I should… I should…" Izzie stuttered, not taking her eyes off of the mess in their room. "I should go… get ready for work. Yeah. I should…" She stumbled away, calling behind her, "The broom's in the front closet."

Derek gazed down at Meredith, who tried to stumble away from the mess that was splayed by her feet. "Meredith, you…" He managed to stutter out. Breathe, Derek. "You're bleeding. Your leg. It's…. it's bleeding." She looked down dully, and indeed, a piece of glass had managed to slice across the fragile skin by her ankle. A sudden throb of pain hit her.

"Shoot," She muttered quietly. Some strength managed to come back, and she attempted to wobble away. As she limped, Derek followed her.

"Let me… let me help you…" He fumbled for his words like a toddler, his mind completely blank, completely numb. Words wouldn't come to him, no matter how hard he tried. He ran his hands up and down his arms in a feeble attempt to comfort him self. His goose bumps arose rapidly, and it came along with shaking.

"Derek, I'm fine. We were taught basic sutures in first aid training. I can do it," She struggled to gasp out, biting her lip and shutting her eyes as she moved towards the bathroom. "You should go… take a shower or something,"

He placed a hand on her shoulder and she winced. He pulled it away, noticing her little shudder from fear. He recoiled, taking in an uneasy breath. "I…" He whispered, his voice lost. He continued to follow her, ignoring her thin attempts to brush him off. He needed to focus on breathing. _Breathe, step, exhale, inhale, step, exhale, step, inhale, step, exhale, step. _

"I am _fine. _You need to shower. You're sweaty." She snapped, finally arriving at the bathroom. Her head was still thumping, maybe impairing her slightly. She shook it off, leaning her sweaty, slick palm on the doorway. Derek wiped his forehead with the back of his hand furiously, staring at her. "I'm serious. Seriously, serious." She insisted. But he was frozen, not moving, alone. His arms trembled. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fine!" She said, and she entered the bathroom swiftly, slamming the door behind her. His stubbornness was maddening.

Once inside the small room, she couldn't hold herself together anymore. The mask she wore came apart in a minute, and she crumpled, sliding down the slick doorway until her body met the cold tile floor. Frozen, shaking, spinning. She gasped for air, trying to suck down as much as she could muster. In frustration, she pulled her shirt off over her head, hoping the sudden gesture of getting air to her skin would help her feel less constricted. All it did was make her colder. She clasped the fabric in her hands again and pulled it back on, shivering. She blinked her eyes rapidly, in a frantic pace, hoping her thoughts would clear up. They didn't. She pressed her palms to the cold floor and pulled her foot behind her, examining the cut. No, it wasn't a cut. The correct term was _gash. _She winced as she brought her finger to it, the sudden sting made her bite her lip in pain, blinking back tears.

She crawled slowly to the cabinet under the sink and worked with trembling fingers to open it. The latch came undone and she ripped it open, searching for anything. The small suture kit came into view and she reached for it, clasping her fingers around it tenderly. She crawled shakily to the bathtub and stuck her foot in, starting to run the water. Maybe, just maybe, if she ran the water long enough, the tears would disappear down the drain alone with it.

- - Derek - -

Derek didn't know what he'd become.

This wasn't him. This wasn't who he was. He wasn't… like that.

Pacing outside the bathroom, he felt useless. He could hear the water running inside, and couldn't help but to knock again. No response.

Panting and pacing, panting and pacing. His feet scratched against the grain of the carpet. His eyes were beginning to prick with tears. He pinched the bridge of his nose in a bad attempt to stop them, but he couldn't. He just… he couldn't.

He heard mumbled curse words and small winces of pain coming from the other side of the door, and he sucked in his breath tightly. He didn't bother knocking. Instead, he pushed the door open quietly, opening the large door to Meredith, so small, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Her pants were rolled up high, her hair tied in a bun on the top of her head. She was biting her lip so hard she was certain it would bleed. Fresh tears were forming as she tried to heal herself, but she couldn't. She bit harder on her lip to keep it form quivering as she noticed that he stood in the doorway. He gulped and quietly closed it behind him, the click affirming that it was all the way closed. He made his way to sit next to her, an uncomfortable silence echoing nothing between them. She tried again to suture herself with the emergency training she had gotten from spy school, but to no avail. Frustration swept over her and she slammed the kit down on the tub, burying her head into her hands. Derek took caution when he pressed his hand to her back, rubbing in small circles to offer whatever comfort he could. "Meredith, I…" He said quietly to her, the trickle and sloshes of bath water running in the background. She scrabbled at her face and looked at him, both of their eyes red and watery.

"Don't say it," She whispered. "Don't say you're sorry. I should've helped you more. I should've realized something was wrong. I should've been there for you. I should've~"

He cut her off gently, "Shhh." He grasped the small suture kit in his fingers. "Don't apologize. I brought this upon myself. Okay?" No response. "Okay?" She bit her lip and nodded, sniffling rapidly. "Now, let me help you."

His hands were trembling slightly as he pulled his memory of first aid training to the front of his full, thick brain. He gently sutured her a few times as she winced thoroughly. He used his free hand to rub circles in the area around where her gash was, hoping to relax her somewhat. Her muscles were still clenched and stiff, though. Maybe from fear, or maybe from pain, or, probably, from frustration. Water dripped in the background, and a thin ray of sunlight came through the small window above the shower. She clutched tightly onto his back, holding him steady. "Done," He breathed, looking down at his amateur stitching job. It wasn't great, but it would work. He looked up, and she hadn't opened up her big blue eyes. "Meredith? Are you okay?" He mentally scolded himself. What a stupid, insensitive, idiotic question. Could he be dumber? He bit his lip angrily and shook his head, running his hands through his hair, holding himself together by a few strings. Loose strings.

She nodded and exhaled, blinking her eyes. Her gaze locked with his, trapping them in a passionate gaze unlike anything Meredith had ever experienced. His eyes were a swirl of sorrow and apologies, a few hints of fear flickering in the depths. Meredith's were watering, just pure frustration and worry. She wasn't mad. Not at all. "I am. But Derek, you're not okay." He looked down, plopping his head into his hands. "I will be okay. You had a nightmare, you're scared. I wish you would tell me why. Please, Derek. Now… You just… you can't sit there and feel like you're falling into nothing. That leaves me feeling helpless. Then that helpless turns into frustration. And I can't deal with that. So please… I love you." Her voice dipped low. "I just want to help you."

He rubbed his face, tears beginning to drip down slowly. He was trying to mask him as much as he could, he really was. He felt like he was shaken, like he wasn't himself, like he was just watching himself move in slow motion. Everything he did is a mistake. He was hurting people around him, and he didn't know what to do. "Meredith, I…" His voice cracked, "I don't know what's wrong."

She rubbed his back, "It's okay. It's okay." They sat in silence for a moment, until she tried meekly, "You had a nightmare…"

"I had a nightmare." He confirmed weakly.

"Derek, let me in," She said quietly. "You have to let me in. Please."

He let out a pocket up pent up air and it hit his hands in a hot gust. He talked quietly, so quietly, the tone was below a hollow whisper. "It's about last week. It's about the… about the A&O." Meredith listened, stopping the bathwater and rubbing her leg tenderly.

"What aren't you telling me?" She said gently, but firmly. He rubbed at his face harder, and frustration attacked him internally. He felt sick. He couldn't. He couldn't.

"The A&O…" He began, but memories came flooding back to him rapidly.

"_Let him go! Please, just let him go! I'm begging you!" _

His breathing quickened. "They…" Words escaped him and left him gasping in a weak beg for air. He clawed at his throat, trying to loosen the ties that bound him.

"_Please! Please!" _

"Eighteen years ago…" His breath became ragged, and Meredith tried to urge him forward.

"_No!" _

He pushed the words out, tumbling like a waterfall drenched in miserable bits of sorrow and anger, "Eighteen years ago, my father died," Meredith paused, waiting.

"_Dad… please…" _

"Eighteen years ago, my father died…. Because of the A&O." And after that, he let his head collapse into his hands again, and his body was a wreck of dry heaves and helpless sobs. He could barely feel Meredith's small hands rubbing his back as he mumbled against the heat of hands, "I'm so sorry, Meredith, I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay," Her voice said distantly. "It's okay. You're going to be okay."

A pledge.

_**A/N: Ahh! Try to refrain from yelling. I want to point something out:**_

_**1. This is NOT intended to mimic the Owen/Cristina PTSD storyline in Season 5. Okay? This is different for MerDer- it's a type of bump in their path, a hard one, but they'll overcome it. I fix the MerDer issues I have in my fics, remember?**_

_**Anyways, I really hope you liked that. I'm actually pretty proud of it, myself. Comments are motivation, and really keep me going as a writer. They make me want to improve, write better, quicker, etc. So thanks for your support! And thanks to the readers as well!  
**_


	28. Chapter 28

_**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter! I hope you like this one :) Thanks for reading!**_

"No!"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No, way!"

"Right?"

Meredith sent another punch to the punching bag that protruded from the ceiling of the training room at the TCA. The solid white, bright room had rows and rows of practice punching bags, targets, karate mats and laser demonstration areas. Along the large room's walls were reflective mirrors, shimmering brightly with light that bounced along the room, dancing against the sides and observation windows. Cristina, sending a large uppercut into the upper section of the punching bag beside her, gasped for the third time. "You're getting married in a week, and he never _told _you? It's his dad… this is huge!"

Meredith suddenly felt the need to get defensive, "I… No, I never asked…" Wait, she had asked. "I mean I did, but it's a big concept: A big, dangerous, intense concept. I can understand. Okay?" She sent another punch, whacking the tough, shiny black sand-filled bag with a crack. Cristina glanced over in her direction.

"Easy, tiger!" She paused before lifting her foot into a fierce kick along the bottom of the bag. "I get it, I get it. It's just… it's…" She paused, leaning her weight onto her back foot. "…huge!" She reiterated with an exasperated sigh. "Have you talked more about it?"

No, Meredith thought sullenly. They had never actually surmounted the topic. A sudden wave of a chill ran threw her, shivering as she thought about it. Hadn't they gotten over all their secrets? With a shaky sigh, she pulled her arm back and hit it, the large whack of skin-to-bag contact whip lashing across the room. Some spies training near them turned to stare. "I don't want things to go awry. Things are pretty balmy right now." Cristina raised her eyebrow. "What?"

"Oh, yeah, right, Meredith," Cristina said between huffs. Meredith shoved a grunt from somewhere between her ribcage. Cristina was obstinate.

It wasn't such a conspicuous topic, though. Meredith had simply told him that they'd 'talk later,' and she knew that wasn't the way it was supposed to be. After the incident in the morning, she had kissed and made up, and left for work. He did the same. And that was that. Right?

"Whatever. He shouldn't be coerced to tell me anything."

"Wrong. He _should _be forced to tell you, Mer! He proposed! On a ferryboat!"

"I know that," Meredith scowled. _Whack! _

"Well," _Slam. _"If he's got some intangible issues, he needs to solve them. Don't depreciate."

A pause.

A moment whirred by and Meredith stopped punching, stepping away and leaning on her heal. She rolled her knuckles together and kept her feet firmly planted on the ground as lights splayed across the room. Distant noises from the other spies came carrying across the room as Cristina expected a response. "I don't want this to become a dilapidated problem," Meredith said quietly. Cristina kept punching, but listened intently. "His nightmares were formidable. I can't just… leave him. I sent him to…" She paused again as Cristina waited impatiently. "I sent him to therapy this morning. I just want the trauma counselor to make sure he's okay… maybe some meds for the stress?"

Cristina craned her neck in the middle of a punch and looked over at Meredith, "Wow. I'm impressed. Was he reluctant?"

"I didn't try to admonish him, or anything…" Meredith trailed off. "But his frustration was enough to make me firmly tell him he had to go. I reproved his supplication." She moved back up, closer to the punching bag, and sent a serene kick into the bottom of the bag.

"Well, good for you. I'm sure he'll just need a day or two of it. He wasn't in there too long, you know?" Kick. "Did he tell you exactly what happened?"

"Not yet. He was getting so worked up… I was worried. So, I told him he could tell me after therapy." She caught Cristina send a less-than-prosaic glance at her, and she scowled. "Don't worry, he will."

"Whatever." She retorted, spinning and kicking the top of the bag. It shook, the bar it hung from letting out a chilling rattle. "Do you think he's ready…" She grabbed the bag to stop its shaking, clutching it between her sweaty palms. "…to get married?"

Meredith paused, thoughts breaking through her head and penetrating her unrelenting ideas. "Yes." She said after a moment. She really did believe it, too. She also understood what he was going through. Well, she didn't necessarily completely understand, but she had enough experience in the parent-issues subject. "I really think he is. I get it, he's worked up because he saw the people who killed his father again," _Punch. _"I would be too."

"Well… I guess you're right," Cristina mumbled with a shrug. Meredith nodded triumphantly, lifting herself off the ground and spinning flawlessly to send a roaring kick into the side of the bag. The base of her foot stung, but the punching bag swayed rapidly. She dusted off her hands happily, proud of her training. She brought the back of her hand to her forehead and wiped off the drops of small sweat and let out a small breath. Someone tapped her on the shoulder and she spun, raising her hands up in defense.

It was only Izzie. Her blonde hair was brought up into a tight ponytail, with thick French braids along the side, and her lips were a shade of cherry red and only small beads of sweat dribbled along her flawless face. Leave it to Izzie to look amazing, as always. Meredith pushed a piece of hair behind her ear and pulled off her punching gloves. "Hey,"

But Izzie didn't look happy. No, Izzie didn't look happy in the slightest. Her hands were tightly rolled into fists, and her expression remained flat. "Come with me, Mer,"

"What?" Meredith furrowed her eyebrows, exchanging a glance with Cristina. "I'm in the middle of training, Iz~"

Izzie wasn't going to take no for an answer, though. She clasped her hand around Meredith's thin forearm and pulled her. "Hey!" Meredith yelled in frustration, but Izzie continued to pull her, driving her away from Cristina and into the nearest break room. When she finally released her grasp, Meredith stuck her hands onto her hips. "Um, nice to see you too?"

"Oh, don't give me that," Izzie scowled.

"Then what do you want?"

"Tell me what happened with Derek this morning," Izzie said, narrowing her thin eyebrows. Meredith recoiled, her frustration tuning down. She frowned.

"Izzie, nothing happened… I mean, it did, but it's fine now~"

"Oh, come on!" Izzie snapped. "Now you're just lying to my face, Meredith. I knew there was something up with Derek. This morning you went to give him food, a nice gesture. I heard a thump, went upstairs, and found you bleeding and Derek looking all McGuilty," Meredith rolled her eyes, casting them down onto the floor. "And now you're acting like it's all fine. Have you ever realized how much you say the word fine? It's starting to concern me."

"He…" Meredith trailed off, leaning onto her left leg. Her right leg was still sore from the gash Derek had fixed earlier. "He just had a nightmare. Okay?"

"_Just _had a nightmare? Mer, you were _bleeding! _Did he hurt you? Oh, if he hurt you, he's going to have to deal with _me! _That little~"

Meredith cut her off coolly, dipping her voice down to a lower, calmer state. "Izzie, I woke him up in the middle of a bad dream. Alright? He was caught off guard and freaked out a little, but he's okay. I sent him to therapy," Izzie's anger on her face diminished in a matter of seconds. "Yeah. Are you happy now?" Meredith huffed and sat down on one of the shiny, dark wooden benches. The water from the water fountain next to her dripped loudly, and it was dribbling out at odd intervals. Meredith pinched the bridge of her nose uncomfortably, feeling all the worry from the morning falling back onto her like a wave.

Izzie plopped down next to her, rubbing her forehead. "I'm sorry," She murmured. "I'm just… this morning, I was really confused. I went to pick up the glass, given that you guys wouldn't, and I heard you guys crying together in the bathroom. As if the morning wasn't weird enough. I'm sorry," She reiterated. Meredith chuckled, looking at her friend contently. They really did care about her. "You're getting married to him next week still… right?"

"Right!" Meredith exaggerated. She placed her palms against the cool, smooth wood she sat on. "You guys need to figure this out. Derek and I are together forever, no matter what happened. I can't spend any longer not getting married to him. Things… happen. In this job, things happen, and I can't let those things get in the way of _us. _Okay?"

Izzie put her hands up in faux-defense and smiled, "Okay, okay! I know. Nothing will get in the way of 'Meredith and Derek,'" Meredith grinned. "You guys are like a legend," And with that, Meredith couldn't let anything hold her down anymore. She let out a burst of laughter, happily smiling at Izzie, her gorgeous eyes twinkling.

- - _Derek _- -

_Tap, tap, tap. _

Derek paced.

He wasn't a pacer by nature- no, he was never really a pacer. He was a thinker…an explosive thinker. Whenever he was worried he didn't bake, like Izzie. He didn't hook up with random girls, like Alex. He wasn't calm about it, like George. And he wasn't a rambler, like Meredith. He thought, ideas parading and buzzing through his head, trying to find a logical way to make it all out. But in that case, he paced. Besides, after he got out of therapy for two and a half hours straight, all he wanted to do was pace.

Therapy had gone surprisingly well, though. He couldn't argue that. The minor-trauma therapist, Dr. Rice, had told him that he'd probably need three or four sessions only, knowing that it was more of a memory-triggered response than full out PTSD. When Derek had heard that, a full blanket had been picked up off his shoulders. Johnson's threat still rang in his ears. He was so glad to know that he was still himself, and his entire personality wasn't dilapidating and spiraling downward. Dr. Rice had also told him that he'd _need _to tell Meredith about it before the wedding. He took a shuddery breath and stopped pacing. She'd be there in a few minutes, at their special meeting place- the elevator.

He checked his watch once.

Twice.

Three times.

Four ti- "Shepherd?" A voice interrupted him and he spun around on his heels. He looked down to see Bailey, a sheet of paperwork in her hand, her neck craned so she could squint up at him. "Why are you checking your watch every ten seconds?"

He took a deep breath. "I'm not,"

"Oh, please!" She hooted, amused. "Don't you lie to me, Derek Shepherd."

He cast his eyes downward, searching the floor for something- anything- to focus on. Nothing came to him except the overly-clean hallway floor, the reflection of lights bouncing about and finding his eyes. He looked back at her. "I'm waiting for Meredith,"

"Can't y'all meet in the car or something? You live together, sheesh!" Bailey shook her head nonchalantly. "Or anywhere else, so you're not blocking my hallway. Okay?"

"I just have to talk to her,"

"Of course you do," Bailey laughed, a light hint of disbelief tinting her honey-rich voice. "You will _always _have to talk to her. Always a new silly reason, right?" Bailey laughed lightly, hoping that she'd get a sliver of a smile out from Derek. He didn't, just kept staring at the elevator as he angled his body away from her. She sighed with a huff. "What's wrong?"

He blinked, standing completely and utterly still. "I'm fine,"

"No, you're not. Spit it out, Shepherd," She narrowed her eyes. When he looked over at her, she was holding him in a tight stare down. He blinked rapidly, recoiling from her firm stare. It was like a laser, asking for a breakdown.

Taking a shuddery breath, he mumbled, "I just came from…" Words escaped him and he blinked profusely. Words, words, letters, sentences, where were they? Gone, like dust in the wind, all the air knocked out of him. He raised his eyes to look at the elevator light.

"From…?" Miranda urged, slightly impatient.

"Therapy!" He spat out finally, before realizing it. He closed his eyes tightly, and then realizing that he was trembling. He pressed a palm against the smooth, cool door of the silver elevator.

"Therapy?" Miranda's voice dipped low, gentle, caring. He could feel her moving closer towards him. "What… why?"

"Something happened," He hesitated. "I was having nightmares, I was scared. So… I kind of freaked out. I did something bad, Bailey. I did something bad and I don't know if Meredith is faking the whole I'm-fine-it's-you-I'm-worried-about thing or if she really isn't concerned. And I'm worried about her. I don't know what I'm turning into. The therapist told me I was fine, just a little nerves and memories, but what does he know?" He stopped himself mid ramble and looked down at Bailey, who looked up at him with sympathetic eyes. Why was he pouring his heart out to her? "I don't know what to say to her,"

"Well…" She said quietly, shifting her papers to her other arm. "Start with saying sorry. She might not accept it, but she'll know you care, even if she doesn't believe it's your fault. Then tell her why you're acting like this…" What happened to his dad… "And explain. Really, try to find the right words to explain, okay? Be gentle. Be caring. Alright?" He shuffled his feet as the elevator let out a soft beep. "It'll be okay,"

The doors opened, revealing Meredith. Her hair was tied tightly to a bun on the top her bangs, her bangs- damp with sweat- were matted around her face. Lip gloss reflected light off of her pink lips, and her eyeliner was slightly smudged. Her training bag was slung over her shoulder, and she cracked a gentle, crooked smile. He smiled back. She was so beautiful. Bailey gave him a knowing look and trotted away without another word, and he stepped onto the elevator. His palms were sweating. He wiped them furiously on the back of his dark Levi jeans. "Hi," She said quietly, her eyes meeting his contently.

"Hi," He responded meekly, letting the doors close behind him. They clicked into place. The air around them didn't stir, and it was quiet, silent, weird.

"Derek?"

"Yes?" He obliviously responded. She looked at him expectantly.

"How was therapy?"

He took a sharp inhale and explained to her as strongly as he could, "Dr. Rice said I was good. He thinks I only need three or four sessions, and thinks it was triggered by memories that are stuck in my head, about my dad. You know?" She nodded seriously, leaning on the back of the elevator. "But he doesn't think I have full out PTSD, which is… great. It's great. And it went well,"

"Good," Meredith smiled warmly, her eyes twinkling encouragingly.

The uncomfortable silence returned until Meredith reached out, with a trembling finger, to the elevators STOP button. It stopped immediately, gears screeching beneath them in a halt. The faint moving of the elevator commenced, and she looked back at Derek. "Derek…" She said quietly, bravery echoing deeply in her sweet voice. "What happened to your dad?"

Derek felt himself freeze, his gaze locked with hers. Although his legs were shaking, he felt as if he was out of his own body, watching time revolve, re-watching old memories. The numbness crept upon him, and he put his fingers together tightly, until his knuckles turned to a faint shade of white. He looked away, casting his gaze apart from hers. _Do this, Derek. _He told himself, repeating the words. He knew he had to. He was getting married to her in a week… He _needed _to do this. He took a deep breath. _Do this for Meredith, do this for Meredith. _

"When I was twenty-one, I was in spy school," He began, sweat beads forming on his forehead. Meredith nodded encouragingly. "My dad wasn't really in the spy business. He was in the government, though. I got started with the spy business because of Kathleen. You know, my sister? Anyways…" He clasped his hands tightly in front of him, wringing them together nervously. "When I was nineteen, I was called home from spy school by Kathleen. She told me that dad had made some deals with the A&O that he shouldn't have. It was just a misunderstanding, you know? But it was still a big deal; he knew what he was doing and he shouldn't have done it. It was to help support the family… Amy sixteen and needed the money for the prestigious private school she was attending, I needed a little money for the school _I _was attending, he and Ma had to pay the rent, you know… I remember I used to give him advice on those kinds of things all the time… Anyways, Kathleen called me telling me this and I flew home to them, worried that the family wasn't safe. The visit went smoothly until the end," Derek froze, leaning on the wall for support. Dizziness swept over him, making him feel unsteady and queasy. "On the last day, I offered to help dad out in the facility he worked at. We went on a Saturday, when it was nearly empty. We took Amy, too." Derek blinked rapidly as memories swarmed him. He took a big gulp of air. "When we got there, it was completely barren. Dad got nervous and tried to take us to leave but… Chris. And Gibbs. And a few other people from the A&O were there." Meredith gasped, feeling suddenly feverish herself.

Derek took a deep inhale and continued, "They began to threaten dad, telling him he needed to give them their side of the bargain, yadda yadda yadda. Then they… they pointed a laser gun at Amy. She was frozen, though, and couldn't stop crying. I had to stay strong, you know? I just… for her, I had to stay strong. So I tried to comfort her. As soon as I reached out my arms, they…" Derek's voice was lost. It tumbled inside of him as he searched for it, begging for it. _Speak, Derek! _"…they pointed the gun at me. But dad… he said no. He said that he'd give them even more than what they wanted if they just let us go. But they…" It was official. Derek couldn't talk. The frozen elevator was spinning suddenly, but he forced numb words out of his mouth. "…they shot him. There was a bang of the laser gun, and Amy and I ran, hid behind crates. I clasped onto her mouth before she fainted in my arms. When they were gone I ran back over, and…" His voice deceived him, and he choked on his words that were caught in his throat. "…and we could have saved him. Amy…. She didn't have her cell phone with her. And we just… we got there too late…I held onto him for hours… until police arrived… I tried to… I just didn't know what to… I couldn't…" Derek gasped for air and suddenly, his entire body was taken over by a loud sob.

He collapsed onto the ground, shaking and letting out dry heaves of sobs. His entire body shook numbly, and he could feel Meredith's small palms on his back as she bent down to rub his back in small circles. He found himself loose, crying into his already damp palms, and Meredith's embrace was wrapped tightly around him. Memories pounded at him, flashbacks tore at his brain, and felt sick. Nausea was sweeping over him, and dizziness distorted the room.

"Shhh..." She soothed him. She was horrified by the story. Tears were welled in her own eyes as well, imagining what Derek had gone through. All the blame she had for him was gone, diminished. She held onto him tightly, sitting down to the floor next to him. She pulled some hair out of his eyes and took deep breaths, patiently waiting until he stopped his ordeal. His body calmed as he stopped shaking. "You're okay. You're going to be okay."

"I… I'm sorry about this morning," He whimpered, looking over at her with blurred vision. Her own eyes were filled with shiny, glossy tears, and she bit her lip.

"No, Derek, don't apologize," She breathed gently, running her hand up and down his arm. "I appreciate it, but do not ever blame yourself for this. Thank… thank you for telling me." She extended her body over to him and kissed him with a lingering passion, as she wrapped her arms around his neck crookedly. He kissed her back tightly, hanging onto her as if for dear life.

"I love you," He said quietly, his voice deep with meaning.

"I love you too," She responded. His warm lips met her forehead in a quick kiss. "I'm so glad we're getting married. Derek, if your dad saw you now, he'd be so proud." He wrapped his arms around Meredith and kissed to top of her hairline once again, embracing her tightly.

"I love you," He simply repeated again, the words lingering in the warm air the swirled around them silently.

_**A/N: So, what do you think? Feedback is appreciated. There's still much to be explored about Derek's past, you know! Oh! And guess what the next chapter is? THE WEDDING! I have a feeling I might separate it into two parts, as it'll be a very long, heavy chapter. But I think you'll like it… **_**Hope **_**you'll like it! Thanks for reading, and comments are so much motivation! :)**_


	29. Chapter 29

_**A/N: Sorry, I think it took me longer than usual to write. I had, kind of, a lack of motivation. But anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter! It's part one of the wedding, just a cute little filler. I hope you like it! Thanks for reading. **_

_**(PS- totally made up the shampoo brand in this chapter :)  
**_

It was an ordinary day.

Meredith had been telling herself constantly that, the words rolling around and tumbling in her head. The only difference was that, by the end of the day, she would have a husband. By the end of the day, she would be married.

To Derek.

Rolling over in bed and clasping the sheets tightly in her hands, she let out a small moan. Sunlight bounced off the walls brightly, protruding through the thin shades of her eyelids. As she kicked her legs around, the areas that she didn't touch with her feet were cool and fresh. She twisted around again, frustrated by the lack of sleep she had gotten the night before. Izzie had convinced her to try and get her 'beauty sleep,' but she ended up tossing and turning for hours. Of course.

She wasn't worried at all, she really wasn't. It was thrilling: The thought of being finally officially married to Derek. He was the man she loved, and she had known that from the very beginning. There was something extraordinary about every small moment they shared, every glance they stole, every kiss they exchanged. Everything was amazing with him, and she couldn't wait for him to officially be hers.

But being treated like a princess all day, getting a million coos from Izzie, getting her hair done, having her nails messed with and letting people hug her every ten seconds somewhat terrified her. Meredith Grey wasn't a typical bride. And she didn't believe she was anything close to bride material.

She buried her head deeper into the soft, fluffy pillow, taking muffled breaths and avoiding the bright sunlight that enjoyed parading around her exhaustion. Sleep… she needed sleep. She tried to squeeze her eyes shut heavily but it didn't work, of course. All she ended up doing was making a muffled snort as she tried to get herself situated into the softness of the down. When nothing worked, she twisted over to her other side, turning away from the window and letting her eyelids droop down lower. They felt swollen from the lack of sleep she had been getting, and it wasn't helping her dilemma then.

As if the sun wasn't enough, she heard the door burst open. Groaning, she heard, "Happy wedding day, Meredith Grey!" A pause. Izzie's high-pitched voice giggled, "That rhymes!"

The noises of the downstairs entered Meredith's room now that the door was open, and cold December breeze cascaded through, sending goose bumps up Meredith's sensitive arms. She felt something plop onto her, weight pushing her deeper into her bed, and she groaned. It was Izzie, who had jumped and toppled on top of her. She groaned again. "Izzie!"

"Smile, miss bride lady!" Another voice came from beside her bed, and she felt a flash come through her closed eyelids. "Izzie said I could work the camera," Cristina cackled deviously, snapping another picture. Meredith buried her head deeper into her pillow.

"Cristina, stop!" Another flash erupted into the room. She could feel Izzie get off of her, the weight shifting making the bed creak, and she blinked her eyes. There was no telling how obnoxious Cristina was going to be now that she had that camera in her clutches.

"Meredith, get up!" Izzie screeched loudly, pulling up the blinds and letting even brighter rays of sunlight come streaming in. Meredith groaned for the umpteenth time, sitting up slowly and wiping the traces of sleep from her eyes. She ran her tongue along her teeth and yawned loudly.

"What time is it?" Her voice was dusted with tiredness.

"Oh, it's about two pm," Izzie snorted. Meredith gasped as she emphasized, "We're leaving in two hours… you realize that, right?"

"Ugh," Meredith scrabbled at her face furiously, swinging her feet around the bed. She then realized that Izzie held a small pink book in her hand. Crinkling her nose, she inquired, "Izzie… what's that?"

"Oh, this little thing?" She held the book in her hand, waving it around so the sparkly cover reflected some light. "It's your wedding planner!"

"We have a wedding planner?"

"Of course, silly! It has your whole schedule in here!" Izzie exclaimed, fingering the crinkly pages. Meredith finally stood up on wobbly feet, pulling her hair and tugging it up into a loose ponytail. Meredith listened to Izzie's distant rambling groggily. "At four we need to be at the hotel. Five you need to shower, deep condition your hair, you know. At five thirty it's time to get your hair and makeup done, and then the ceremony starts at six forty-five, and the reception is at 8:30," Izzie's smile brightened, "Sound good?" Meredith scowled. "Okay, don't answer that. Now get moving and come downstairs to breakfast- er, lunch."

Meredith nodded absentmindedly and Izzie and Cristina left, of course after Cristina snapped another picture. She rolled her neck around and extended her arms above her head in a stretch, moaning as she felt her muscles lengthen. Hairstyles? Deep conditioning? That wasn't her- it never had been her, anyways. She didn't feel like it was her.

But… something about herself being the center of attention, looking radiant, having Derek standing in a tux beside her made her stomach flutter with happiness and excitement. Having 'mixed feelings' would be the understatement of the year.

She padded over to the bathroom and peeked in the mirror, making sure she didn't look like a total grease ball. They hadn't let her shower last night because apparently it would be better for it that day. But it didn't make her look any better. Cranking on the sink, the water dribbled out with a creak, and she let it drip onto her hands. She threw it up at her face and it splashed it with a tingling cool feeling, and she felt herself wake up a bit. With a quick sigh she turned it back off and reached to a soft towel off the rack, pulling it to her face and drying off whatever she could. She dabbed gently, then finished and shut off the light.

Exiting her cozy room she yawned largely as she padded down the hallway quietly, making her way down the creaky stairs. She could smell a mixture of pancakes and coffee swirl around the air, and she breathed in graciously. Derek was at Marks, and she smirked at the thought of him getting jealous. He loved pancakes.

As she entered the bright kitchen, sure enough, Izzie was flipping pancakes and Cristina was sipping a large mug of black coffee. The moment Cristina saw Meredith enter, she whipped out her camera and a flash exploded into the room. Meredith blinked and scowled, "Cristina, what is wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?" Cristina said with an innocent shrug. "I don't know what you're talking about,"

"Cristina," Meredith whined, plopping down at the table next to her.

"What?" Cristina demanded with a laugh, sticking the large camera back into the black bag that was slung around the chair. Meredith gave up and shook her head, glaring at her. Izzie was over by them in the matter of seconds, holding two plates of steaming hot pancakes. Small navy spots in them signified blueberries.

"Thanks, Iz," Meredith grinned, looking down at the steaming plates. She immediately took a bite, savoring the delicious aroma that burst into her mouth. "They're great,"

"Anything for the _bride," _Izzie swooned, causing Meredith to roll her eyes. "What?"

"Seriously, stop with that," Izzie frowned. "I know you're all cute and I-love-brides-and-white-dresses-and-weddings like, but I'm not,"

Izzie scowled, "Whatever, Meredith. You're still the bride today, and that's what matters. So… deal with it,"

Meredith chuckled but rolled her eyes again as she polished off her delicious pancakes, as they melted in her mouth. She took large swigs of orange juice, savoring the tangy taste as it cascaded down her throat. She gulped after finishing, pushing the plate away from herself. Both Cristina and Izzie stared at her as if she was crazy. "What?" She questioned with a laugh, "I was hungry."

"No kidding," Cristina gaped. Meredith turned her head to see that she had only taken two small bites, in the same time span as she had taken to scarf down _her _food. She laughed.

"Really hungry."

Meredith nodded and leaned back in her chair, putting her hands behind her head. She shut her eyes and let out a content sigh, having filled her stomach with delicious, real breakfast food. She rarely had a chance to do that anymore, she and Derek had been so extremely busy lately. It was nice to have a relaxing morning… well, a kind of relaxing morning. Knowing what was going to happen later that evening made a whole wave of nerves hit her body and make her shiver. Excitement echoed throughout her heart and mind. She was really getting Married.

X X X

Meredith let the steamy water hit her back and dribble down her spine as she stepped into the shower, moaning in contentment as she felt the heat engulf her. Her toes found their way into the center of the hotel's large shower and she stood there, motionless, letting the tension fall of her shoulders and trickle down the drain. Sounds of water splashing and swishing surrounded her, echoing off of the large bathroom. She sighed and reached her palm out to grasp the sweet smelling shampoo that Izzie had placed inside. On the label, dainty writing spelled out _Shine On, Blondes. _Underneath it broadcasted the name of the fancy brand, and displayed the description: _Looking for superior shine, softness and style? This special occasion shampoo has specially created shampoo stuffed with nutrients to make your hair glossy and manageable. Its unbeatable shine and volume is perfect for any occasion you have to attend, making your hair the belle of the ball. Specially infused extracts increase the highlights in your blonde/dirty blonde hair, reflecting light and making you a star._

Sighing, she poured some of the globs of pink shampoo into her hands and lathered it up in her hair. OF course Izzie had gotten it for her. Meredith had never picked out shampoos with the title _Shine On, Blondes. _She had always grabbed a sweet smelling one at the drug store downtown. Oh, well. At least the one Izzie had gotten also smelled like lavender. She scrubbed at her hair, lathering up generously, just as Izzie had told her.

Then, she reached for her razor and shaving cream. She shaved well, paying special attention and savoring the feeling of smooth legs. Her work often prevented her from being able to shave her legs. Derek claimed he didn't mind- she did. She swiftly shook her hair as she rinsed it out, suds foaming down the drain in a vast array of bubbles. She hummed as she swiftly grabbed the bottle of _Deep Conditioner: Infused with Moisture _and squirted some onto her palm, applying it just has Izzie had instructed.

Why was she doing all this? Meredith had never been a girly-girl: not in the least. Her getting dressed up for events was even an extremely rare occasion, but her friends savored when she did. And she knew Derek loved it too, which was mainly why she was going it anyways.

But secretly, Meredith _did _enjoy the feeling of getting dressed up on that occasion. All eyes would be on her, and she'd be able to use the excuse of being a bride to justify it. Her wedding only came once in her lifetime: And although it was the marriage Meredith was truly excited for, she still smiled when she thought of Derek standing at the end of the isle, waiting for her.

His wife.

She dipped her hair back under the spray of the faucet and let the conditioner glide out of her hair, as she tousled her fingers through her wet strands. She waited until the feeling of damp sliminess was gone until she shut off the faucet, the comforting spray of steamy water stopping abruptly. Immediately, her body erupted into a large clump of shivers. She opened the shower door to let gusts of cool, non-steamed air come ruffling through. Grabbing a towel from the hook nearest to her, she pulled it's soft cloth to her body and tied around her chest, exhaling. She had always liked hotel towels. She grabbed a hand towel from the rack and wrapped it around her dripping hair and squeezed, extracting some of the moisture. She pulled it away and made her way to the door, no longer dripping.

"Well, it's about time!" Izzie snorted, smiling. She sat on the hotel room bed of her and Alex's room. Meredith was to get ready at their room, Derek was to get ready in Marks, and then they'd meet for the ceremony. After the reception, Derek and Meredith would go up to the honeymoon suite for the night. They were staying in the incredibly fancy Four Seasons hotel in Seattle, and Meredith was overjoyed when she heard that. If she was getting dressed up, might as well go all out.

Meanwhile, Cristina, Izzie and even George were gathered in Izzie's suite, supposed to be helping her get ready. Izzie sat cross-legged on the bed, looking at a bridal hairstyles magazine. Cristina was out on the deck of the suite, snapping pictures. George was simply sitting in one of the chairs, feet kicked up, doing a crossword puzzle. Everyone's head snapped to attention when Meredith spoke, "Well, it takes a while to let that stupid 'deep conditioner' soak in."

"Whatever," Izzie retorted with an eye roll. "I'm doing your hair, and it's necessary if you want it nice. Callie's doing your makeup, she'll be up in a few. Now…" She licked her finger and then flipped to a few pages in the bridal book, fingering the paper and pointing to various hairstyles. "Any of these you find irresistible?"

Meredith crinkled up her nose as she eyed the options. "Yuck! Izzie, these are all for girly-girl, perfect people who have giant princess dresses," She scowled as she went back into the bathroom, replacing her towel with a fluffy hotel robe. She re-entered the room, and Izzie looked deep in thought at the book. Cristina had come in from the deck and snapped a picture of Meredith. She sighed as Izzie pointed to more pictures, "No."

"This one?"

"No…"

"This one could go well with your dress!"

"No, it wouldn't!"

"How about this one? I know it's super curly, but it wouldn't be too~"

"NO!" Meredith said, exasperated.

"Meredith, just choose a hairstyle before you give Izzie a seizure," George said patiently.

"I… I don't know!" Meredith sighed. She then eyed Cristina, "Cristina, you decide. You'll know what I like. Just tell Izzie to do whatever you think will look the best, okay?" Cristina rolled her eyes and then nodded, going off to shut the book on Izzie and pull out her blackberry- obviously looking up pictures on this internet. Meredith then heard the distant sound of the door being knocked on, and in came Callie. She held in her hand a black, shiny makeup bag, and she smiled at Meredith.

"Well, we need to get started if I'm ever going to get this done. I think I know what I should do with your face, Grey," She said warmly, gesturing to a chair for Meredith to sit down in. Meredith did as she was told, silently sitting in a comfortable hotel chair across from the vanity with a brightly lit mirror. Instantly, she could feel Izzie tugging on her hair with a comb, and smelled the smell of fancy mousse. Callie was already whipping out primers and lotions, spreading them across Meredith's face. Cristina was clicking away at pictures, and George was taking orders from all of them.

"I feel like your sister," He grumbled, plugging in the blow drier for Izzie. A loud buzzing erupted through the room as Meredith could feel the hot air on the nape of her neck.

Meredith laughed, "Well, you're very helpful, George," He crossed his arms and waited for Callie to instruct him to grab some makeup brushes from her bag and he handed them to her promptly. "At least you can feel like you're doing something," Meredith added over the buzzing. "I'm just sitting here are you all do this to me." Callie dusted foundation onto her cheeks, and she let her eyes flutter closed.

"You'll look beautiful," Callie reassured her, wiping some concealer below her eyes. "Look up," Meredith lifted her eyes up, looking up to the shiny, light blue ceiling. She focused on it until she could feel Callie's makeup brush release from her eye. In the distance, a flash rapidly hit the room. Cristina laughed in the background.

"Meredith, I can't wait for you to see all these…" Cristina hummed as she flipped through the pictures, looking at the display. "Some of them are real _keepers."_

Meredith ground, "Who trusted her with this job?"

"Me," Izzie giggled, teasing Meredith's almost dry hair tightly. Meredith winced at every tug.

"Oh. Well… is all this really necessary?" She inquired, shutting her eyes as Callie instructed her to, sweeping something across her lid.

"Of course it is! It's your wedding, Mer! It only comes once," Izzie's bubbly voice erupted in an excited squeal in the background.

"Just think of how beautiful you'll look in your dress," Cristina mused, then shook her head and furrowed her eyebrows. "What am I saying?" She questioned in disgust. Meredith couldn't help but to laugh. Her friends were there for her. They always had been, and they always would be. And somewhere, in the back of her mind, she could picture Derek getting ready with Mark and Alex. She felt a smile creep across her face, cheek to cheek: By the end of the day, Derek Shepherd would be her husband.

_**A/N: So, what'd you think? Trust me, I KNOW Meredith Grey is not really a white-dress-wedding type of girl. Hopefully you guys understand why I'm going about the wedding like I am. I tried to give some clarification in this chapter. And plus, this wedding isn't exactly an ordinary wedding. Having a lack of comments is sometimes discouraging. If you have the chance, feedback would be awesome. Comments are great motivation as a writer, and help me continue to write faster and make longer chapters! But still, thank you to my readers so much for reading! Oh! And if you read this story more for the drama, I must say, something BIG is coming up soon! That's all. Thanks!**_


	30. Chapter 30

_**A/N: Drum roll, please! It's… the WEDDING CHAPTER :) I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading! We've now reached 30 chapters :) Although I was hoping to reach 200 comments by the 30**__**th**__** chapter… Oh, well. I'm so grateful that y'all take the time to come back and read this. Thanks for reading, enjoy the Meredith and Derek fluffiness in this chapter. **_

Meredith couldn't process what was standing in front of her in the mirror. She wasn't beautiful. It wasn't her…

…but it was.

Meredith had never been the girly girl type. When she was growing up, her parents never had time to buy her nice clothes. They rarely bought her toothpaste when she ran out. She'd often have to substitute soap for shampoo when they didn't restock her empty supply. When she finally started wearing makeup, they didn't bother buying it for her. She had to pay for her own haircuts… Once, when she was fifteen, she bought herself a haircut and added vibrant, pink streaks. Her mom hadn't even noticed when she came home from work.

Then as she grew older, the only desire she had to keep her appearance clean was to make sure she kept her status as a hardcore, kick butt spy. Other than that, she just looked the in the mirror and saw herself as average. Derek was constantly telling her how pretty she was, and she was grateful, but she never honestly believed him. It was just a thing boyfriends said. Wasn't it? But looking in that mirror, she felt confident. She felt radiant. She felt beautiful.

Her hair was in a loose up-do, tiny, wavy pieces hanging, and a few chucks framing her face. Her bangs were short and perfect, hanging across her forehead in gentle wisps. She hadn't wanted anything too fancy, but this was perfect. On her neck was a small silver chain. Her makeup was stellar, black eyeliner encircling her eyes and a smoky gray on the edges of her eyelids. Her lips were shiny and bright pink, and when she smiled, her face glowed radiantly.

Her dress clung to her perfectly, in all the right places. The dress was a matte white, simple but beautiful all the same. It wasn't long, in fact, it was short for a wedding dress. It was a plain white design, with a tight fitting straight-strapless top. She wore beautiful white heels that made her two inches taller than she had been before, and in her ears were silver hoops that swung gently. She smiled at herself again, glowing. Surrounding her were Izzie, Alex, George, Callie and Cristina, all of smiling softly at her. Mark, Derek's best man, had opted to already be standing at the altar alongside Derek.

"Are you ready for this?" Izzie asked quietly, smiling at her. "The ceremony starts in five minutes."

"I…" Meredith trailed off. She fingered the soft fabric, rubbing it together and feeling the silkiness it translated to her fingers. She smiled at herself into the floor to ceiling window, quietly considering everything that was going on. Of course she was ready. "Yes. Izzie, I really am ready."

"Good, because if you turn into some overly dramatic runaway bride, I may just pummel you," Cristina said, half joking. "You already assigned me as your Made of Honor, which means I have to wear this dress…" She twisted awkwardly in her tight, light blue dress. "…so if you leave and me putting this on will be all for nothing, we will have some major problems. Okay?"

"Okay," Meredith laughed heartily. They were standing outside the ballroom of the hotel, and the ceremony was just about starting. Her heart skipped a beat as she thought about Derek, standing at the end of the aisle, smiling. She fluttered her eyelids as she saw Izzie and Cristina arrange in front of her. Muffled music was coming through the cracks of the shiny door. It was beginning. She moved swiftly to the edge of the doorway so she was hidden from the audience. Sure, it was honestly only a few people, but it was still a good amount for Meredith. Derek's family, for some unspoken reason, hadn't been able to come. He didn't seem too bothered, which slightly worried Meredith because he had always been a family man. She decided not to press too much on the subject.

She could feel a gust of wind as the door swung open heavily, and she sucked in her breath. She could fairly see the lightly decorated altar as she craned her neck, but Callie and George began to walk out of her sight. Her heart stopped beating momentarily and she nervously tapped her foot, clutching the small bouquet of white Lily flowers Izzie had picked out for her. Sweat beads began to form on her forehead and she took shuddery breaths, nervousness rocketing through her. Why was she worrying so much? It was just a ceremony. Just a ceremony. Izzie then walked down alongside Alex, both of them giving Meredith a reassuring smile as they walked. Cristina turned to Meredith, "No running?"

"No running," She said with a shaky smile, fingering the flowers more. Cristina gave her a nod and walked down the aisle, poised and serious, although a smile was creeping across her face as she started off. When she finally heard the music change, she began to move slowly, gliding over the glossy hotel floors and making her way to the entrance of the aisle.

The first thing she noticed was Derek. He was standing at the end of the aisle, straight and natural. He had a wide smile that crinkled up his eyes, which were bright and sparkling. His hands were clasped together in front of his black tuxedo. His hair was perfect, as always, black and silky. He shuffled his feet.

She was beaming the moment she began to walk. The room was decorated in an assortment of light blue and white colors. Glistening chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and white and dim blue flowers decorated the ends of the rows of chairs. The altar had candles surrounding it, lighting up a dim flicker. Circular lamps were casting glows around the room, and a few scarce petals were surrounding the aisle. Derek straightened his tie and smiled at her more, pride and happiness echoing in his eyes.

She took strides, gliding across the white roll of carpet until she arrived at the base of the altar, standing across from Derek. It felt like forever with everyone's eyes on her. Bailey, Arizona, and a few dozen other people from work hung out in the audience, smiling at her with a reassuring sparkle in their eyes. Meredith felt a thump of an echo of an empty part of her heart. Her parents. They weren't there.

But those negative thoughts were immediately cleared out of her head as she glanced back at Derek. He had such a reassuring, caring smile, that she couldn't describe how amazing he truly looked. He was such an extraordinary person. She took in a deep breath and smiled at him as the minister began to recite some things. She couldn't describe her excitement and amazement. The candles that flickered around her cast a calming, romantic glow around them.

Even as the minister droned on, she couldn't help but to focus on Derek. Every crinkle on his face, every wrinkle that came off of his gorgeous eyes, every chunk of silky raven hair… it was all perfect to her. His hands reached out to take hers, holding them tightly, the warmth of his soft skin rubbing against hers. She shuddered at his warm touch, smiling even brighter- if that was even humanly possible. She turned her head and tuned back into reality, looking at the minister. His voice was deep and melodic, and she listened to the quiet hum of his voice as he spoke to Derek. She felt shaky nerves erupt from her core as he began to speak his vows quietly, directly at her. She hadn't expected that. "Meredith Grey…" He began quietly. She looked at him gently, "You, to me, are the most amazing person I have ever met. Our relationship… I know it was filled with a lot of secrets. Things got hard before they got better, and I know that. But I also know that what's in store for us for the rest of our lives is incredible. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Mer. I love you more than I can ever describe. *You say you're all dark and twisty, but it's not a flaw… it's a strength. You keep people moving through the day. When there's a crisis, you don't freeze, you keep moving forward. I love you, Meredith Grey. I really, really love you. I couldn't ask for anyone better." Meredith felt her tears come to her eyes and make her vision momentarily blurry. He was so amazing. When the minister turned to her, Derek didn't think she'd have anything planned- She wasn't that kind of girl. Which was true.

"Wait…" She said. She _didn't _have anything planned, but she couldn't help but to add something, "I didn't plan anything, Derek. I'm sorry. I just wanted to let you know that… I love you… so much. In a scary, huge, unbelievable way… I can't even tell you how much I love you. And I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I think… *I believe we'll be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart." There was a pause, and then Derek smiled even larger at her. Tears had faintly gathered in the corner of his eyes, too.

"Do you Derek Shepherd, take Meredith Grey to be your wife – to live together after God's ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?"

There was a silence for a moment, and Meredith gazed apon him. His stared right into her eyes, his gaze locked, filled with emotions. Another smile broke across his face gently as he focused on her, "I do."

The minister then shifted his gaze to her; "Do you, Meredith Grey, take Derek Shepherd to be your husband – to live together after God's ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?"

She took a deep breath and gazed into the deep lock of his bright blue eyes. His comforting smile made her shiver. It was imminent that he cared so much about her… that he'd do anything for her… and the thought itself was unbelievable. It was overwhelming how much he truly cared about her. He had put this whole thing together- with the help of Izzie- just for her. He had done so much for her in the past few months- had sacrificed so much- and he loved her so much. Her eyes brimmed with tears before she could stop them, "I do," She breathed, smiling widely at him. He smiled back, his eyes damp and sparkling. She felt like the world was spinning, and she couldn't remember the last time she was that purely happy. There were more murmured words from the minister as Meredith stood there. She could feel the cool metal as the ring slipped onto her finger, and she lifted her eyes. Derek was grinning at her intently, his smile glowing across the room. She slipped the gold band on his finger. It was a promise. A pledge.

"You have pronounced yourselves husband and wife but remember to always be each other's best friend." The minister spoke the words and they echoed within her happily. They were more than true.

"And so, by the power vested in me by the State of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife." Derek's eyes were locked with Meredith completely, in a content gaze, full of love and trust. The power and emotion that swirled around them was immense and heavy.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Derek reached out and took her head in her hands and pulled her in towards him, his warm palms clasped on her cheeks. She moved towards him and her eyes closed as their lips met, locking together passionately. Her arms roamed to his back, wrapping around him in a warm embrace. Their lips fit together in perfect harmony, his warm, thin lips fitting into hers perfectly- as if it was a puzzle piece. Their breaths deepened, pulses raced. Candles glowed around them in a musky white-yellow haze, the smell of lavender shampoo wafted from her hair. He tangled his hands in her silky dark blonde locks, and their tongues danced together in unison. When Derek came up for breath, he realized that everyone was clapping. Meredith had tears glistening in her eyes. Her cheeks were flushed, and her smile was radiating across her face. Her words were whispered and deep; "I love you,"

X X X

"The ceremony was beautiful, Meredith," Miranda chided at Meredith. They were at the reception half an hour after the wedding. Meredith popped the savory small finger sandwich in her mouth and smiled.

"Thanks. You can give most of the props to Izzie. The girl is a wedding genius."

"Well, it was beautiful all the same. Good work, and congratulations," Miranda added before walking off into the rest of the crowd. Meredith smiled at her and took a swig of punch from the drink bar. She could see Derek off in the distance, hanging out with Mark and Alex.

"We're now going to have the bride and the groom dance quite a special dance," The loud voice of the DJ came blaring through the speakers, and everyone went silent. Meredith froze and groaned. It was about time, but she wasn't a dancer. She smiled weakly as she looked over at Derek, who shrugged and looked like he was blushing. She knew he wasn't the biggest fan of dancing in public. But the lights shifted to a dim haze instead, and she was prodded to move onto the center of the dance floor. Lights hung from the ceiling, sending a white glow in the room. Music began to play, and Derek took Meredith in his arms in the position for a waltz. He held onto her tightly, almost as if for dear life.

_We'll do it all__  
__Everything__  
__On our own_

_We don't need__  
__Anything__  
__Or anyone_

They twirled in rhythm, swaying and swirling around the empty dance floor. Lights hung low on them. Meredith clutched onto Derek tightly, holding him close, breathing in the sweet smell of his Derek filled scent. The soft words of the slow music echoed in her ears gently and she leaned closer into Derek, taking deep breaths and letting her eyelids flutter closed, and letting Derek's shaky flow guide her.

_If I lay here__  
__If I just lay here__  
__Would you lie with me__  
__And just forget the world?_

Their feet tapped along the dance floor in a smooth rhythm, repeating and reiterating quietly. She could feel all eyes on her but that feeling simply dissolved as she focused on Derek. She craned her neck up and looked up at him, while his eyes met hers in a steady gaze. They were crinkled up in a warm, inviting smile. He kissed the top of her head, his warm lips meeting her skin in a flurry of sensation.

_I don't quite know  
How to say  
How I feel_

_Those three words  
Are said too much  
They're not enough_

"Derek?" Meredith chimed in a thin whisper. He looked down at her again.

"Mmm?" His hum cut through the music.

"I love you," She said, laying her head against his flat, warm chest. With a content sigh she shut her eyes. 

_If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me  
And just forget the world?_

_Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden  
That's bursting into life_

_Let's waste time  
Chasing cars  
Around our heads_

_I need your grace  
To remind me  
To find my own_

_If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me  
And just forget the world?_

"I really, really love you," She added quietly. He leaned his head down towards her so their foreheads were touching in a cute embrace, and he sighed, his warm breath sending a shudder down the back of her spine.

_Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden  
That's bursting into life_

_All that I am  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes  
They're all I can see_

_I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things  
Will never change for us at all_

_If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me  
And just forget the world?__  
_

And the song was over.

Claps echoed throughout the reception ballroom, and Meredith and Derek pulled apart. They kissed in a brief, warm embrace, and they turned to their small audience. In a few moments, faster music blared, and people were crowding the dance floor. Izzie and Alex began grinding together, which caused Meredith to break into a loud rumble of laughter. Derek smiled too, "They're quite unique, aren't they,"

"They're just having a good time." She glanced over in the other direction and saw Cristina hitting on one of Derek's friends dryly. She was scowling and being as sarcastic as she could possibly be, but Meredith could see the small flirtatious glances that they stole. She laughed as she felt Derek's arm wrap around her. His smell wafted into her nose.

"This is great, Meredith. Really great," He smiled, kissing her on the cheek. "I'll be right back. I'm going to get a scotch, do you want anything?"

"I'm good, thanks," She said with a light smile. He walked away with a grin that could've lit up her whole night, and she leaned against one of the tables, looking at him distantly. She watched as his face lit up as he talked to Mark happily, ecstatic. Just the happiness he reflected made her face break into a wide smile. He was so adorable, so proud, so excited. She felt a shiver tingle her nerves, excitement bubbling up to the base of her throat.

"Hey, Miss Bride Lady!" A voice said perkily from behind her. It was Arizona Robbins, her short blonde hair straight as a pin and her blue dress flowing elegantly. Meredith smiled at her.

"Hi, Arizona,"

"Congratulations! You guys are just such a cute couple!" She said with a giggle, taking a sip of the red drink she clasped in her hand. Ice clanked together as she took a sip.

"Thanks!" Meredith said with a light laugh, fiddling with the ring on her finger. She knew she'd have to take it off during missions. In fact, it'd probably be off more often than it was on. She sighed. It was just part of the job. Everyone knew that with spies, if enemies knew you had a loved one, it was basically endgame.

"Oh, of course," She paused. "And adding this drink bar, was like, the best decision ever," With a giggle, she raised her now-empty glass high. "It's so yummy!"

Meredith laughed as Arizona stumbled away, obviously having had some drinks. She rubbed her temple and sighed happily. She was having such a great, stress-free evening, which came rare in the line of spy work. She felt something tap her shoulder, and spinning around, it was Derek. He had a wide grin on his face. "May I help you?" She teased, twirling a few strands of her bangs in her fingers.

He clasped his hand around her forearm, "Just follow me,"

"What? But the reception~" She protested, but Derek was already pulling her out of the large room and into the lobby of the hotel. Guiding her up many flights of stairs, she laughed and tried to pull away from him, "Derek, seriously. Let me go!"

"Just wait," Their feet tapped as they thumped up the brightly lit stairwell. She gave up with the protesting until Derek lead her up into the open air of the rooftop. She gasped as a rush of cool air whipped onto her face, and she gulped it down happily. Candles surrounded the perimeter.

"Seriously, Derek?" She kissed his nose and laughed. "Could you get any more cheesy than this? Not that I don't appreciate it. It's really sweet, but you know I'm not this kind of girl, Der,"

He suddenly got defensive, "I just, I just wanted to show you something!"

She chuckled and nodded at him, "Okay, sure. What is it?" Lights from Seattle radiated from the view from the hotel. Lights danced and reflected off the glimmering water, and buzzing of traffic distantly echoed.

"Remember that dumb song I sang you, when I was hopped up on painkillers and throwing up?" He was picking up a guitar that was propped lightly on the railing, something she had just noticed was there.

"Yeah."

"I finished it," He declared and beamed, and before she could say anything, he shut his eyes and began to sing softly. His fingers stroked the keys messily. He wasn't an expert, but he really meant it.

_Merrily we fall out of line  
Out of line  
I'd fall anywhere with you  
I'm by your side  
Swinging in the rain  
Humming melodies  
We're not going anywhere until we freeze._

_I'm not afraid anymore  
I'm not afraid.  
Forever is a long time.  
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side._

_Carefully we'll place for our destiny  
You came and you took this heart  
And set it free.  
Every word you write and sing is so warm to me.  
So warm to me.  
I'm torn, I'm torn  
To be right where you are._

_I'm not afraid anymore.  
I'm not afraid.  
Forever is a long time.  
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side._

_Tell me everyday  
I get to wake up to that smile.  
I wouldn't mind it at all.  
I wouldn't mind it at all.  
You so know me.  
Pinch me gently.  
I can hardly breath._

_Forever is a long, long time.  
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side.  
Tell me  
Everyday I get to wake up to that smile.  
I wouldn't mind it at all.  
I wouldn't mind it at all._

When he had finally finished, Meredith was choking back tears in a nasty lump in the back of her throat. The chilly air that surrounded her no longer mattered to her. The only thing she could see was Derek's face- it was like she had some sort of sick, twisted tunnel vision that only allowed her to focus on Derek's smiling, proud face. "Derek…"

"I'm sorry…" He stuttered, quickly removing the guitar strap and dropping it to the ground. "It was cheesy. You're not that kind of girl, I know. I… that was just plain stupid. I just wanted to show you… I thought you'd like it… I don't…"

"Derek…" She repeated, saying his name as if it was something sacred. "Derek…"

"What? I'm sorry, Meredith!" He was turning red, and she couldn't help but to smile widely. "I embarrassed myself. I really… I did, I just thought that~"

"Derek, stop," She moved closer to him, putting her soft finger on his thin lips. He gazed down at her, his stuttering coming to an abrupt halt. She chuckled softly, her giggle like a sweet melody; "I'm so glad I married you."

And then they kissed.

_**A/N: What did you think? This thing took me such a long time to write. Comments would be greatly appreciated :) The next chapter… Lets just say, it isn't very fluffy. The correct term would be… **_**angst. **

***Quotes from Grey's Anatomy**

**_The songs used are I Wouldn't Mind by He is We ... and Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. :)_  
**


	31. Chapter 31

_**A/N: Lack of comments are making me sad! But still, I decided I'd give y'all a little bit of motivation to comment, it would help, and I hope you like this chapter! Big things are coming, people…**_

Meredith was lost.

Her days had been masked with bright arrays of happiness and bliss- a foggy barrier to her real life, and her **very **real problems.

But she could sense something was wrong the very morning she showed up to the dim, rainy Tuesday at work.

She could sense something _very _wrong. And something was.

"_Agent Grey to Agent Bailey's office, Agent Grey to Bailey's office," The mechanical voice rang out from the loud speakers that surrounded the brightly lit hallways of the TCA, and Meredith snapped to alert. She hadn't been feeling right all day- it felt as if something was off. Like something, somewhere in the world, was just… off. Something wasn't right, and she was just waiting for a sign to correct her small suspicions that thumped in the tangled depths of her brain. _

_She pushed herself off of the chair and checked her spy pager. Sure enough, Bailey had paged her too. Multiple times, actually. Meredith gulped an unpleasant lump of uneasiness that had gathered in her throat. _

_Something wasn't right._

_As she left her office, switching the light off quickly, her phone buzzed as well. Bailey, of course: GREY, OFFICE, NOW._

_Something __**really **__was not right. She fumbled with the keys of the large blackberry and with trembling fingers, typed: OKAY. CAN I BRING DEREK? She quickened her pace a bit as her feet tapped down the clean hallways. Murmured sounds of peoples muffled footsteps echoed in them, and security cameras blinked knowingly. She had promised she'd meet Derek for dinner at six, and it was already 6:10. She'd rather have him with her, at least. _

_Meredith's heart that was echoing in her chest skipped a beat as the buzz confirmed a reply: NO._

_She quickened her pace even more, her feet tap-tap-tapping across the cool white floors that hurried agents skidded across. She avoided them and murmured quiet apologies as she shoved past them, not allowing time for them to move out of the way for her. She made her way through the thick traffic until she finally reached the outer part of Bailey's sleek office. She signed into the receptionist with a nervous heartbeat, her words shaking and unsteady as they rolled out of her mouth. "Meredith Grey," She choked, clutching her pockets tightly. _

_The receptionist's face fell, and Meredith noticed it, "Oh… Okay. Go right in…" She tapped some quick notes into the keyboards and ushered an uneasy smile, mumbling something into her comlink that sat by the base of her ear. _

"_Thanks," A lie. Meredith just wanted to turn on her heels and run as far as her breath would let her. The pang of worry echoed, pulsing through her body. The atmosphere wasn't intense and welcoming like it usually was. It was tense and…_

…_off. _

_She clasped her clammy hand around the handle and pulled, letting the thick smell of cleaner-tinged air slap her in the face. She gulped. Miranda Bailey, Callie Torres, Jake Redman (The defense coordinator) and Robert Jackson (The offensive interrogative director) all sat around the deep, richly brown colored table. Their faces showed the opposite expressions than what she had hoped for. _

_They all looked at her grimly, and their eyes were crinkled with distinctive frown lines. Meredith entered, glancing at all of them as she struggled to contain her anxiety, "Hello."_

"_Agent Grey," Robert mustered in his deep, rich, impassioned voice. He ran his hands across his long blonde hair. Concern flicked in the depths of his exquisite green eyes. "Shut the door and take a seat."_

_Meredith nodded numbly and did as she was told. Although rebellious, she was talented at containing her emotions. She flicked her eyes at her watch: 6:17. Her cheeks turned red thinking about Derek. "Is there a reason… that you wanted me to come?" What a stupid question, she scolded herself internally. There was always a reason- had to be a reason. She clutched her hands together until her boney knuckles switched to a shade of white. _

"_There has been an incident," Miranda's voice mustered coolly, breaking the eerie tension that echoed in the room. Lights dimmed, as if to help intensify the setting. Meredith leaned forward in her worry, clutching her hands together tighter, rubbing back and forth, back and forth. Her skin gathered in unnatural wrinkles as she pulled it together. _

"_Incident…" Meredith echoed distantly. She was far too familiar with this term. There had been too many 'incidents' in her life… couldn't she just be normal? Sure, she and Derek had endured a few days of post-martial bliss, but she could feel that that was about to end. She began to tap her foot, her mouth frozen, open halfway. _

"_Well…" Callie murmured, shuffling paperwork. The white sheets tapped against the table. "As you know, Agent Shepherd has recently told us his association to the A&O, correct?" Derek had come clean to the entire agency after he had told Meredith._

_She nodded distantly, "Yes," Then she paused, her mind speeding with chilling possibilities. "Wait… did Derek get hurt? Is he okay?"_

"_He's… he's not hurt, Meredith," Miranda said carefully, staring at the table. Her tone was uneasy. "He's here. But there's something… something happened." _

"_Okay, well, what is it?" Meredith demanded fiercely, daring any of the other agents to meet her unwavering gaze. "Come on!" The silence was substantial. _

"_As you know," Callie began once again. "Agent Shepherd has a family history with the A&O. Him and his younger sister…" Her eyes fled across the files, "…Amelia Shepherd. She works in the government too, and has known to be a little reckless. She has had multiple run-ins with the A&O in the last few years, especially." Meredith stopped tapping her feet. She didn't know that. "So Derek Shepherd hasn't talked to her in while, angry that she was getting the other agency riled up." Meredith cast her eyes downward. She didn't know that, either. She placed her palms flat against the cool table. _

_Robert took over deeply and solemnly, "Recently, Amelia had riled them up, yet again. It was right before you and Agent Shepherd were taken captive at the A&O. Apparently, according to our technological advancements team, that about set them off."_

_Meredith's heart jumped a beat, and then began to run, "What do you mean set them off?"_

"_Exactly what it sounds like," Miranda said with a disheveled sigh. "Derek escaping, along with her constant run-ins with them, was just the last straw to them. They couldn't take it anymore. They told her that if she threatened them one more time, they would do something bad." Meredith cleared her throat and clenched her jaw. "And, against her better judgment, she __**did. **__I'm not sure exactly what happened, but she did something to purposely anger them…"_

_Jake interrupted, "Here, I have it on the records. She told them, and I quote: Ha, ha, ha! You think you're so great! You'll never get the best of me. Or my dad. I dare you to __**try.**__" Meredith felt that nervous flutter in her stomach start to begin again, starting abruptly. _

"_Yes, that," Miranda said, taking the floor back. "She got them mad. According to our offensive tech team, they were going to go after Derek…" Bang. Meredith's heart sank into her chest and swung there, feeling as if it was barely hanging on by an unruly string. Her muscles froze. "…But, they…" Miranda sounded as if she was choking on her words. Meredith leaned forwards, feeling the tension. _

"_What? What is it, what's going on?"_

_Callie finished for her, choosing her words thoughtfully, "Instead, they went for Amelia." Meredith's stomach churned. "She fell into their trap, and now she's being held at the facility. They gave her an option of giving up her fight to win justice for her dad, and be let free, or deny it and be kept in their facility. She wouldn't just swallow her pride and say she gave up, for the sake of her safety, so she's stuck According to our sources, she's been gone for about three days, and she…"_

_But Meredith was lost in her words. Amelia, Derek's baby sister, was gone. And it was Amelia's own fault. That meant that no one could tell him that Amelia had simply made a mistake. She deliberately chose to keep up her defense and not admit defeat, and now she was trapped. Meredith paled as she tried to focus back into the conversation_

"…_And we aren't exactly sure what they're motives are."_

"_Did… did you tell… did you tell Derek?" Meredith choked, running her hands across her forearms. It had suddenly gotten rather cold. _

_Miranda paused, shooting a look at Robert. He shook his head, "No. We thought it'd be the kind of news he'd want to hear from you."_

"_But I~"_

"_You need to tell him now. As in, as soon as you leave this room. We are trying to figure out what they're motives are, but we really don't know. We think he could help up figure that out." _

_Meredith shook her head in dismay. She couldn't believe it; they wanted her to tell him? She had no idea how he'd react to that news. She didn't know much about his relationships with his sisters- which bugged her a little bit- but especially Amelia. Their relationship was a confusing jumble of emotions, and she didn't know how to tell him. Biting her lip, she stood up. She slammed her palms against the table, sending the papers rustling and everyone's gaze shot up at her. Her palms felt the brief sting as the quick contact of table-on-skin skimmed across her skin. "You left ME to tell him?"_

"_We just thought~"_

"_I just…" She huffed, spinning on her heels and leaving, letting the door shut with a smack. She could hear the muffles shouts of disappointment and sighs of frustration, but she left them behind like dust in the wind. _

"Derek?" She knocked on the hard wood of the bathroom for the third time. "Derek, we need to talk," She checked her watched with a nervous eye roll. It had been two hours since she left the TCA, numb and horrified, and she needed to get it out of her before she lost her confidence.

She could hear the rain-like spray of the shower stop abruptly, and the scream of the shower door sliding open to follow. Muffled footsteps moved around, and the towel rack made a squeal as he pulled a towel off. She could hear the blunt sound of the towel drying him off, wiping against his body, "What is it?"

"No, I mean, we need to talk right now. Face-to-face," She sighed. More muffled noises sloshed from the other side of the door. "Derek!"

The door creaked open, and Derek's lower body was wrapped tightly with a towel. His chest was damp from steamy water droplets that reflected off the wispy hairs, and his arms were glossy with water. His hair was damp and tousled, and a smile cracked across his face. His eyes were crinkled up with happiness, "What is it?" Meredith followed him as he plodded to the bedroom, drying his hair with a scrappy hand towel.

"Derek," She pleaded for him to sit down. He sure wasn't making this easy for her, at all. "We really, _really _need to talk!"

"You're talking," He observed smartly, pulling on some flannel pants and a tight t-shirt. He ran the towel through his hair again.

Meredith didn't know what to do. She couldn't keep doing this: She had to tell him. Having the secret under her belt for two hours was torture enough. She blurted, "It's about Amelia!"

He froze and twisted his body around to look at her, his eyes crinkled up in confusion and worry. "What?"

"Derek…" She began with a sigh, but made her way over to the bed. She sat down, hearing the squeak as she shifted weight, and she patted the smooth sheets next to her gently. "You had better sit down."

Derek nodded blankly, his fingers trembling as he hung the towel up on the rod attached to their bathroom door. He made his way numbly to the bed, sitting next to Meredith. It squealed and dipped underneath his weight. He fidgeted with the seam on his old, ratty gray shirt.

"I know about Amelia… and how outspoken she is. And how she won't let down a fight, even if it would serve her better." Derek clenched his jaw, obviously a little taken aback that Meredith knew it. She sighed and cast her eyes downward, focusing on the wrinkles her pants held. She played with her fingers. "She gets herself into trouble a lot, right?"

"Yeah," Derek mumbled, still looking down. He felt bad. Meredith must have found out from somebody else.

"Well, Derek…" Meredith stumbled, trying to grasp the right words. It was hard, like they were in her grasp but faintly slipping through the cracks of her fingers. Her insides buzzed and whirled, lost within her own thoughts. "She's gotten herself into trouble. And… it's not good."

Derek murmured blankly, narrowing his eyebrows, "Oh." He stared off distantly, as if he was looking somewhere else… at something else. Like he was just… gone. Meredith had a pulsating sense of guilt sweep across her.

"Derek," She whispered, bracing herself. She trembled as she reached over and wrapped her tiny fist around his shaking hand. "It's the A&O."

Derek lifted his head to lock his eyes in her gaze, "Oh."

"They've got her. They were going to let her go if she just admitted defeat, but she wouldn't. I'm so sorry, Derek," Meredith breathed, her breath getting caught in her throat. Derek shook his head, frustrated and anxious. He wasn't in denial, but he wasn't fully accepting it, either. His fingers trembled, and he pulled away from her grasp. Her fingers felt empty and cold when his drew back. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault…" Derek whispered. He looked like he was focusing on nothing, his eyes fixed on an unforeseen object. "She's just so… she's so rambunctious. She never lets go of a stupid fight, never lets go of the past. She's outspoken, and unafraid, and I don't know how to control her…" He ran his hand through his thick raven hair in pure frustration.

"Derek, it's not your job to control her," Meredith chided softly, rubbing her hands in small circles against the grain of his warm back. He shook his head defiantly.

"Mer, I don't know how she'll survive in there. They control people by fear, and fear alone. Sometimes, if you just do what they say and don't defy to much, they'll let you go. But that's not… that's not how Amy works, Meredith," He said quietly, his voice scratchy and thick with worry. He ran his hands through his hair again, and again, and again. Meredith placed her hands on his, bringing them down off of his head gently. She put her hand underneath his chin, forcing him to look up at her. She smiled gently, just a reassuring warmth of a glow.

"We're still trying to figure out the details, okay? We don't know anything yet. Don't talk like that," She kissed his nose gently, and he sniffled up dry tears. She ran the pad of her thumb along his cheek, leaving a streak of warmth behind her.

"We have to help her, Meredith," He breathed. "She can't handle this on her own."

"I know," She whispered, kissing him again and pulling him in closer. "I know." He wrapped his arms around her back and they held each other, bracing each other, silently renewing the pledge they'd made days before:

_For better, or for worse. _

_**A/N: So, what did you think? Predictions? Thanks so much for reading! Comments = Love and Motivation! :) **_


	32. Chapter 32

_**A/N: This was supposed to be just a filler chapter, but I was getting discouraged with the lack of comments. So, the action begins once again. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Comments are greatly appreciated, but either way, thank you so much for reading! :)**_

Meredith Grey's world was spinning. It wasn't steady and easy. It wasn't flowing and continuous. It wasn't frozen either- that was the funny thing. But it felt as if she was huddling in the corner of the frantic room, looking down upon a stranger that was suffering.

She remembered she used to watch dramatic, action, and yet romantic movies on nights with Derek when she was sick. He'd bring them home in his bag, chuckling and gushing about the drama and angst the variety of movies contained. Meredith would role her eyes and laugh sharply, mainly amused by the pitch of Derek's excited voice and the bubbly excitement that radiated off of him in waves. They'd watch the movies and Meredith would, against the odds, find herself immersed in the movie fully. They'd yell and shout during the suspense parts. They'd 'awe' and coo during the lovey-dovey scenes. During the dramatic scenes though, if the character lost their husband or their job or got injured or had a breakdown, Meredith would feel sympathy. _Oh, that poor character. Her life is so hard. Oh that poor girl, oh, that poor boy. It's such a shame. How terrible._

Meredith felt like that character.

_- - EARLIER THAT DAY - -_

"_Derek?" Wind whipped Meredith's face heavily, causing the black windbreaker he had to start flapping around wildly. She clutched her knit hat to her head as the wind overtook her again. She staggered a few steps back. Rain patted at the top her of head, and she could see it slink down the shiny sides of her coat in fat drops of water. She held her arms together tighter across her chest, trying to keep any warmth she had as close to her body as possible. "Derek!" She called for the second time. _

_The man who had been running nearer and nearer to her stopped, his black hair sending beads of sweat and rain down his forehead. Derek smiled, then huffed, "Yes?"_

_They were standing around the miniature track outside the training facility, something that usually only beginner spies used. It came in handy when teaching about the field of offensive work. Derek had been running on it all morning, and it was ridiculous the distance his laps had now added up to. Not only was it impressive, but it was also unhealthy. He was straining himself. _

_Derek Shepherd ran, to get away from things. To get away from everything. With every stride he pushed himself a little deeper, a little faster, building the intensity. _

"_Derek, come in. It's freezing out here. And you've been running for hours straight, it's not good for you," She protested. Wind spat in her face. _

_He shook his head, panting heavily, "No, Mer. I'm fine. Really. Running is good for you, it gets your blood pumping."_

"_Sure it does, Derek. But not for hours straight without breaks. And not when you haven't done it in a while. And Derek, certainly not when you aren't ready for this kind of intensity. Did you even stretch?"_

_He cast his eyes downward. The rain was beginning to fall heavier, and Derek pushed his wet hair out of his eyes. _

"_Seriously, Derek? Seriously?" She said in frustration and disbelief. "You're going to hurt yourself."_

"_No, I won't," He protested with a sigh. He panted some more, "I'm fine. If you'll excuse me, I'm going back to running," He began to spin on his heels facing the opposite way Meredith was, but her gloved hand caught his arm. _

"_No Derek. You can't just walk away on me. I know you're scared and I know you're confused, but still, you need to think." _

"_I am thinking. Why did you think I came out here?" He scowled breathlessly. Meredith rolled her eyes. "I need time to think. I can't think in there. All everyone is doing is yelling and debating and I can't focus. I can't focus and I can barely breathe. Alright?"_

_Meredith cast her gaze downward at the rain soaked path. She dug the toe of her shoe into the ground, clasping her hands together. "Okay. Okay, Derek," She muttered. She dug her toe back into the ground, but pulled it out of the muddy hole, backing up a little. "Whatever." _

_Derek sighed, then grabbed Meredith's arm, "Meredith, wait. I'm sorry. I just needed some air, that's all."_

_Meredith ran one hand through her damp hair, "I know, Derek. I just…" She trailed off, not sure what to say, biting her lip. She stamped her footprint into the thick mud on the ground. _

"_I've done some thinking out here," He mumbled, out of the blue. He put his hand up to Meredith's chin, cupping her face gently. She blinked and avoided his gaze. "And I think I know what I'm going to do." _

_This caught her attention. She directed her gaze back to Derek himself but he abruptly shifted his vision to the ground. "And what is that?"_

"_Nothing," He responded quickly, pecking her wet cheek. She shuddered when she felt the cool contrast of the cold beads of rain and his warm lips press against her cheek. Was he hiding something? Possibly. But if he was, he was good at masking it. Meredith bit her lip._

"_Okay," She mumbled distantly. Meredith had news, too. Derek looked at her, pulling a strand of hair behind her ear. _

"_What's on your mind?" _

_She began to talk, a ghost of a whisper trickling out of her lips, "I…" She trailed off absentmindedly as the sky began to grow into a darker palette of grey. This wasn't the time. "Nothing."_

_He grinned softly and shook his head, "You're lying. But it's alright," He chuckled but added with a tint of seriousness, "But you'll tell me soon, right?"_

"_Right," She confirmed softly, her mind still distant from the present situation. _

"_Well, I'm going to go back to running now. I'll be in soon, okay?" Meredith felt a distasteful echo of distrust fall back into her throat, but she chose to ignore it. The news that bubbled inside her pecked at her, begging to be spilled across her lips. _

"_Okay," She confirmed quietly. She felt him give her one last kiss, gently tucking his lips into hers, and she backed away with a sly smile. She spun on her heels and could hear his quick footsteps tumble in waves against the sloppy ground until the sound grew fainter. She clutched her arms around her chest, trying to suppress her secret. _

_It was bound to come out eventually. She tried to tuck the words deeper inside of her core, but it was hard to suppress. It was the kind of news that couldn't be hidden. She couldn't. Her teeth chattered with nervous energy that begged to be exploded out of her, but she clenched her teeth. _

_She needed to tell him._

_She stifled a smile and began to spin around, ready to make her way back towards the track. Avoiding the subject was avoiding the obvious inevitable, and it was almost impossible to do. More than impossible, actually. She may have been a good liar, but it was against her will. She couldn't hold it in anymore. _

_But when she turned back to the track, Derek wasn't flying along the ground, sending mud splashing up in waves around his shoes. The track was empty. _

_Derek was gone. _

The nervous chatter took over the pained silence that Meredith had been swarmed with. The news that she had once been so excited and nervous to tell Derek had floated to the bottom of her stomach, being pushed out by the worry and fear that overcame it. She gulped again, collapsing into her hands in the conference room. She sniffled madly, overwhelmed by everything that had been happening. Every single top-notch spy had gathered in the room, shouting and exclaiming and accusing, and filling Meredith's head with doubts and unclear notions. She rubbed her temples, hot and hurt.

Distantly, she heard the words _Where could he have gone? _This slightly infuriated her. She wasn't even one of the top spies in the facility, and even she knew this answer. Tiredness and frustration enraged her as she snapped, "Where do you think he went? He went to help Amelia, that's where!" And with that dreary proclamation, all heads turned to her. She suddenly felt a mask of self-consciousness flutter and drape her. She frowned shakily.

"You mean his sister, Amelia? The one at the A&O?" One of the agents purred with thick rays of nervousness bubbling from his throat.

"Of course! What other sister Amelia do you know of?" She snapped. The agent was taken aback. "If you know of one other person dear to him in trouble, let me know. Maybe you can solve this whole mess, genius!" She snarled. The agent shrunk back, straightening his tie. Meredith suddenly was aware of her rudeness and muttered a small, "Sorry."

"Meredith, we know you're stressed. But that's no excuse to snap…" Callie scolded mildly.

"Oh, really? Because I'm pretty sure it's a valid reason, Callie!" Cristina snarled from the other side of the room. Callie glared at her.

"Now agents, we can't fight about this. The best thing we can do is to figure out how we can get _both _Agent Shepherd's back, safely. The A&O is a vicious facility, and we can't leave them there for long," A voice of reason distantly carried across the room. It was Miranda Bailey, tapping her chin with one of her short fingers. Meredith gulped, running her hands through her hair.

"I can't believe he left, _again," _One of the agents Meredith wasn't familiar with spat. She felt a shiver of tension erupt in waves across her skin. "Did he not learn his lesson the first time? He can't leave without telling anybody. That's unorthodox, and it's not taking the facility's issues into consideration. It was impulsive and dangerous."

"It may have been…" Meredith growled. "I don't disagree with you. But he still went, probably afraid that if he had asked to clear it with you guys, he would have been shut down," She pursed her lips and leaned back, taking shaky breaths and trying to savor the oxygen.

"He didn't tell anybody!"

A loud voice boomed in a monotone chime from the back corner of the room: The voice of the thickly muscular Mark Sloan. Everyone turned to him, and Meredith gasped as the words sunk into her skull: "He told me."

Meredith scrambled to come back down to reality as she gasped, "He t-told you?" _He told you and he didn't tell me._

"Yes," He sighed quietly, meeting the eyes of various people in the room. The once buzzing atmosphere had been brought down to a quiet hum as everyone listened intently. Meredith twisted her fingers into a fist.

"What did he say?" Miranda's voice interrupted. She stopped typing on her coordinate calculation pad and eyed him.

"He told me this morning that he wanted to leave," Meredith clenched her jaw. That was what he was going to tell her. Mark sighed with easy familiarity, "Derek doesn't pay attention to risks when he's dealing with his family. He said he knew what he was doing, and that it was important for him to help her. He claimed she wouldn't survive unless he went to help her."

"Did he have any knowledge whatsoever about how _dangerous _and purely _impulsive _the situation would be?" One of the spies hissed. Meredith's knuckles were turning a shade of off-white and she grinded her teeth together with stress.

"He said that he would analyze the risks when he got there. If it was just too dangerous, he'd leave and come back for backup. If it seemed doable, he'd do it on his own. He said he didn't want to put anyone else in danger. His initial plan was…" He sighed and scratched his head as if trying to pull back memories from the morning. "He said he was going to give himself up…" There were the words. Meredith's entire body went limp. "…figure out where Amelia was being kept, act weak, and when they least expect it, grab Amelia and leave. He said it would only take him a few days at the most."

Meredith finally claimed her voice back, "Why didn't he just tell us this?" Eyes fell on her and she swallowed, looking intently at Mark.

"Because he said you guys wouldn't let him go. And he knew that if he didn't go then, he wouldn't get the chance to go again. It would be too late," Mark slowly murmured, meeting her gaze. There was a pained tension of a silence that filled up the room, and spies silently exchanged glances. A few specialists left, knowing that they couldn't help much with their situation.

"So what do we do?" Izzie mumbled from the other side of the table, biting her lip and rapping her fingers against the table. Meredith glanced at her, scrabbling at her face in impatience.

"There's got to be a solution somehow," Meredith hummed, trying to keep her tone positive, but her stomach was hollow.

Bailey kept her voice even as she spoke slowly, "I think our only solution is to send a small quantity of spies in after him." Everyone looked at her, so she clarified. "But it _won't _be like the previous situations. You guys will be prepared, backup will be ready, on-site. It won't be impulsive, it will be well thought out. Alright?" Everyone nodded absentmindedly, including Meredith. The various screens and data they displayed were beginning to make her dizzy. Miranda addressed her carefully, "Meredith, maybe you should stay," Meredith gaped. "It might be better this way."

"Sorry, but no," Meredith snapped, cutting Miranda off abruptly. Her voice edged up a few octaves.

"But~"

"No. I'm going." End of story.

Miranda didn't bother arguing with her, so she just let her shoulders heave up and down in a tired sigh. "Fine. We're going to need a few of you to go… not too many to make it obvious. I'm thinking around… five?" She eyed the group that sat in front of her. "Karev, Yang, Grey, O'Malley and Sloan," Mark seemed a little shocked that his name was called, but nodded. Meredith glanced over at Izzie, who seemed content. "Stevens, you're going to lead backup with Agent Torres."

Izzie gaped and stuttered, "Me?"

"Do you see another Stevens in this room? Because I don't," Bailey rolled her eyes. Izzie's face scrunched into a giddy expression.

But Meredith was feeling anything except giddy. Derek had gone off on his own again. She wasn't mad… no, she wasn't mad. She was scared and frustrated in so many ways that it could've been passed in anger, though. Her surprise throbbed in the back of her brain as she remembered… the thing she hadn't gotten to tell him yet. Because she was too cowardly, right? She felt tears prick threateningly in the corners of her blue eyes. She took a deep breath and sunk lower in her chair, fighting the panic.

_**A/N: Comments = motivation. Thanks for reading, guys! Hmmm… I wonder what that news could be? ;)**_


	33. Chapter 33

_**A/N: Thank you SO much for the reviews! So encouraging! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter :) Derek's got quite the amount of emotions…**_

"_Dad! No, please!" Derek's voice rang out through the barren building, bouncing and echoing off of the blank walls. His face contorted into a mixture of panic and fear, his eyes filled with watery pleading. He sniffled, hearing Amelia's muffled sobs in the background. He clasped his hand over the wound, the hole, but it was wide and seeping. His hands smeared the crimson stain all over as they slipped around. "Amelia, help me! Help me!" He gasped, his sobs choking him. Tears fell out of his eyes rapidly, smacking the ground beneath him. _

"_I…I…I…" Her small, quivering voice was almost inaudible as she tried to force words out, but she couldn't. They got lost in her throat, and Derek was met with a horrible effigy of a silence. The only noise was the sound of Amelia sobbing, weeping, her tears like explosions against the slick ground. Derek felt bile rise in his throat as his dad's eyes fluttered shut. _

"_Derek…" His dad's voice came out in a ghost of a whisper, and Derek felt his knees quake beneath him. _

"_Open your eyes. Dad, open your eyes!" He shouted, as if it would make the situation any better. His dad reluctantly let his eyes slide to an eerie, half-open state, and Derek cringed. His breathing was becoming jarred and uneven. He pressed harder on the wound but his shaking hands slipped again and again in a maddening repetition. He used his forearm to attempt to wipe away the tears that stung the corners of his eyes. "Keep them open! Please, Dad. Help will be here soon, I promise. Dad… Dad…" His pleas echoed in his ears, and Amelia sobbed even harder behind him, losing control of herself. _

"_Amelia, please, please help me! Amelia!" Derek shouted, his voice so intense it scared himself. He shook, leaning his body weight towards his father. He craned his neck for an instant to see her just as she stared at her dad, a distant look in her eyes. She was frozen in time, in shock. "Amelia Shepherd, come and help me, dang it!" Her face lost all color, dropping down to the floor and a sudden rage bubbled up inside Derek. She was scared, he knew that, but every minute that ticked by, every sob that she made was making him about to lost control. _

"_Dad, don't let go, I'm right here. Dad, please," He begged hoarsely, his voice muffled and catching at uneven intervals in his throat. "Dad…" _

Derek awoke with a start, sweat beads pouring across his forehead, and he panted. He gulped, trying to pull the horrible image out of his head. It throbbed with memories and terrible pictures, and he could see his chest heave in and out. He licked his lips dryly and blinked, letting himself take the swirl back into reality. He blankly looked around, the images slowly traveling to the back of his mind. He swallowed.

What happened? Where was he?

He blinked rapidly, rolling his eyes around and trying to figure things out. His mind was cloudy and filled with a thick fog of confusion, his mind still lost in his all-too-real nightmare. The blinking security camera on the wall affirmed his suspicions for himself.

The A&O. Oh yeah.

He tried to pick the thoughts out through his fogged brain and licked his lips as he began to remember. The moment he stepped into the boundary of the A&O, they had captured him, he blacked out, and now he was awake.

Oh yeah.

He swallowed and looked around drearily, his arms held tightly to the wall by cuffs. He sat on the cold black ground, leaning his back up against the cold wall. The detention cell was so dark it was impossible to make out how big it was. He sighed and leaned his head back, letting his eyes flutter shut. Why was he here again? Oh yeah. To save Amelia.

He let out a wary breath, that shook as it paraded out of his throat. He tried to map his way around the facility in his mind, making sure he was beginning to plan his escape route. It was important that he got out fast. He sighed, at least he had _some _experience. He had never been captured in their facility before, but he had explored it once or twice. He had a twinge of gratitude for _that. _He had that to hang on to, at least.

He tried to let his eyes adjust to the darkness, but they refused blankly. He felt a wave of dizziness attack him, and for the first time he noticed how cold the cell was. His senses assaulted him at once, and his body erupted into a spastic shiver. Air nipped at his skin roughly. Goosebumps ran across him in a quick ripple. It suddenly became harder to breathe as he was faced with his own thoughts. He looked around himself with increasing nervousness. What if his plan didn't follow through? He cringed back at the unspoken subject.

He could hear footsteps echo distantly outside the cell door, and he sighed. Anxiety pounded briefly in the back of his head, nerves on end. He felt the goose bumps remain stationary, refusing to leave his angry senses. His physical voice was silent, but his head rammed questions into his skull. He shut his eyes in a feeble preparation for anything that was going to happen.

The door slid open with a loud, antagonizing screech, and Derek could feel newfound light peek through the shade of his eyelids. He shivered as if the light was ice when it poured across his skin. He refused to open his eyes as he felt arms around him, shifting his body, editing his restraints, moving him onto a distant platform… He let his mind drift off slowly…

"_Dad, no. Keep those eyes open!" Derek instructed with a shaking plea as his Dad's grip on his hand began to fade, little by little. He clutched tighter, trying to keep his rebellious tears under control. His vision blurred and he wiped his eyes again, his whole body a shaking mess that he had no control over. He could feel Amelia's eyes boring a whole in his back, fear masked within her gaze. Derek tried to keep his deep, thick, tearful voice steady, and the attempt was ineffective. He spoke hoarsely, "Amelia, Amelia, come put your hand on here." His instruction was barely audible, but she seemed to get the idea. She pressed her hand where Derek's had been numbly, shaking immensely and feeling numb. _

_In an instant, Derek pulled his shirt over his head, feeling the chill of the air nip at his bare skin. He didn't care. Shivering, he pressed the shirt that he messily rolled into a ball against the wound. Amelia slipped her hand out, gasping and about to lose her control of her emotions again, and backed up. She stared at her dirty hand in shock, smearing it across the side of her dress and biting her lip. Derek pressed his soaked shirt against his dad's gasping body in the most desperate effort he could muster. "Stay with us, Dad. Stay with us." _

_And with those words, Amelia broke down behind him, collapsing into a mess of sobs onto the ground with a thump. She cried, and Derek began to let his reluctant tears fall, dropping to the floor. "You can do it, Dad. You can." _

"Shepherd!" A harsh voice interrupted his thoughts and Derek blinked back to reality, the dreary figments of his imagination becoming real figures in front of him. Gibbs husky figure loomed over him and he cringed back, though keeping his expression strong. He gulped roughly, glaring at the harsh-looking man's eyes. "Where were you, dreaming in la la land?" He snapped. Derek wriggled helplessly, once again strapped in to some sort of chair. The weird thing was, which he must have not noticed, he wasn't wearing a shirt.

He shivered, suddenly feeling slightly exposed. Eyeing Gibbs, he snapped, "What is this?"

"A lie detector. What, they don't teach you that in spy school?" Gibbs spat, programming something on a computer. Derek wriggled in the dentist-like chair, the straps keeping him restrained. "Oh, don't get too anxious. Chris will be here soon." And with that phrase, Derek's defense fell into a clump on the floor and disappeared. His mouth went dry, his blood ran cold... "Oh, don't act so surprised," Gibbs hissed, fiddling with some wires attached to the monitor. "You know he wants to settle the score."

Derek winced at the words but tried a different approach, "Where's Amelia?"

"Oh, is that why you came?" He murmured with an eye roll. Derek just stared at the door, his eyes locked on it's silvery handles. "What a shame."

Derek's heart skipped a beat, "What?"

"You're not getting to her," Gibbs muttered simply. He grabbed what looked like two heart monitoring devices- two flat, small, sticky circles- and leaned in towards Derek. He hissed, his hot breath slapping Derek's chin, "Don't you dare get any ideas, or I swear to you, you'll regret them," He stuck the circular stickers to Derek's chest, and Derek sucked in his breath. In an instant, data flashed on the screen, and Derek glanced at it. The moment he took his eyes towards it, there was a loud sound from the front of the room. Derek froze the moment he heard the gush of air that entered the room.

"Well…" A deep, dark, menacing voice called from the front of the room. Derek could feel the breath taken out of him as he heard it distantly. He recognized. Memories that had been pushed to the back of his brain were pulled back in an echo, images and words flooding his head and sending him into a painful migraine. "Derek Shepherd. How nice it is to see you again."

Derek slowly moved his head to where the sound was coming from and blinked, making sure that his eyesight wasn't deceiving him, or giving him a maddening hallucination. In front of him stood Chris, a looming figure, tall and broad shouldered. His expression was permanently hard, a conniving smile spread cockily across the side of his face. His dark hair, with some occasional small streaks of grey in the depths of the strands, was tousled and messy. His piercing brown eyes flickered with plans, and his daunting gaze made Derek cringe. It was Chris, alright. Vengeance streaked across his eyes, clashing with the fear that glimmered in Derek's.

Derek tried to form words, but his tongue suddenly felt too full for his mouth. His fingers were shaking, so he balled them up into tight fists. He licked his lips in a desperate search for moisture, anywhere, but it escaped him as soon as Chris's dark voice hummed again, "Ah, no response? How sad."

"You don't deserve an answer from me," Derek found himself retorting thickly. Chris chuckled, only finding entertainment from Derek's hate. Derek retreated.

"Oh, but I do," Chris corrected, cackling. He went over by Gibbs, reading the monitor and musing softly, "Your heart rate is high, Shepherd. Why is that? Are you afraid?" Chris raised his eyebrows and wiggled them in amusement, glancing at the monitor again and then at Derek. Derek sucked in his breath and met his gaze, infuriated. He didn't answer. "What, is this because of your _father?" _

There it was. Derek sucked in his breath again, shuddering as he looked away. He blinked back rage that boiled up inside of him, "Shut up. You don't get to talk about him."

"Now, now, now, Shepherd. But that's exactly what we're here to talk about, don't you see? What, do you think this is about besides that?" Gibbs replied with a smirk. Derek glared angrily at him.

"Where's Amelia?" Derek snapped.

Chris nodded, as if understanding something for the first time, and mused, "Oh, I see. That's what you came here for? Ha!"

"That's what I said, boss," Gibbs threw in for effect.

"…Well, lets see then. Will seeing her get some answers out of you? Or will we have to go for the old fashioned approach?" Derek hesitated, then nodded his head, barely making a movement. "Alright. Gibbs, cue up the monitors."

Gibbs nodded gruffly, rapidly tapping some numbers onto the keyboard. Derek kept his eyes on Chris the whole time, feeling sick the more he looked at him.

"_Amelia, which way did he go?"_

"_Who?" Amelia sobbed, her eyes locked on her dad's shivering body._

"_That man!" Derek snapped, yelling, blood pumping through his veins with rage and fear. _

"_I… I don't…" Amelia sniffled, trying to get a hold of herself through her tears. It was useless, though. It was if they kept slipping through her fingers, unable to squeeze them out of her throat. _

"_We can't let him get away! We… we can't…" Derek could feel himself plummeting, losing control of all his emotions. "He… he did…" He fumbled messily for words, but found none. _

"Ah, here we go," Chris chimed, motioning to the monitor. "Shepherd, look over here," Derek snapped his head around to the side, craning his neck so he could see the shiny monitor. His let out a wheeze as he saw Amelia, her own battered body up against the cell wall, her chest rising and falling as she slept. She was curled up in a ball, looking even exhausted as she slept. "There, are you happy?"

"What did you do to her?" Derek felt himself rumble angrily, pumping his fingers into fists and squeezing. He pushed slightly against the restraints.

"Ah, ah, ah!" Chris chuckled in a warning, wagging his finger in a taunting motion. Derek gulped, watching his finger as it swayed. "Watch yourself, Shepherd. You don't want the same fate for her as your dad got~"

Derek lurched forwards against the restraints, pushing so hard that his skin turned red where the metal cuffs pressed up against. He didn't care for the pain, he didn't care about anything, but he clenched his muscles as he slammed against the restraints again and again. "WHAT?"

"You heard me," Chris snickered, taking a step away from Derek, who was fuming. The heart rate monitor was increasing in speed, and Derek eyed it. His fury was boiling up inside of him, threatening to spill over. He took deep breaths and released his tension and glared furiously at Chris, who nodded at him in approval. He hated this. Why had he come? Every muscle in his body shook with anger and fury, and he couldn't take it. He leaned his head back, exhausted from his rage, and groaned internally. He shut his eyes, just wishing he could block out the world…

- - - _Meredith _- - -

Meanwhile, Meredith crawled in the bushes outside the flickering building's entrance. Guards stood at it's doors. Wind whipped her hair back and fourth, and the winter air bit at her skin. She shivered as the wind whistled beside her in a ripple. Mark, who crawled in front of her, stopped. She stopped too. "The guards, they look pretty tough," He whispered. Meredith could hear Alex mumble in agreement behind her.

"I bet we could get by them," Cristina argued in a harsh whisper. Meredith felt her exposed fingers becoming numb against the cold winter ground. Snow was beginning to fall, swirling down from the night sky. She shivered involuntarily again, looking behind her. George, on the very end, whispered something quietly.

"I don't know how, but I agree with Cristina. But I do know we _need _to get in," He clarified, shaking in the wind. "Like, really need to get in."

"I know that, O'Malley," Mark snapped. "Derek can't be doing too well in there."

"Derek's strong," Meredith defended, "Why would you say that?"

"Dude, the guy's got a history," Mark murmured. Meredith could see his dark silhouette shake his head solemnly. "If the man hasn't had a panic attack by now, he's bound to soon."

Meredith didn't allow herself to believe the words, although an aching throbbing in the base of her heart knew the truth, "He's fine. We just need to get him and Amelia safe. How far away if backup?"

"Two miles on our tails," Cristina mumbled. Meredith nodded breathlessly, the frozen grass cutting into her knees. She shifted her weight.

"When do we pounce?" George whispered, anxiety rippling in his voice.

"Soon, soon," Mark said quietly. "Derek said he'd give us a signal if he needed us."

This was news to Meredith, "Signal, what signal?"

"He said he'd start a commotion. Or something." That didn't make any sense. "Anyway, we need to figure out a way to get in before it's too late. Alright?"

Nobody disagreed. Meredith felt shivers run up and down her body, and not from the cold.

_**A/N: So, what did you think? Did Derek's flashbacks 'get to you?' Do you have any predictions? Comments really do = love & motivation! Thanks for reading! **_


	34. Chapter 34

_**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter… **_

Meredith crouched, her knees scraping across the solid mud as she crawled. The moonlight hung high above her head and she could distantly hear sounds echoing from the city, but nothing substantial. Her knees ached and she let out jagged breaths, trying to savor the oxygen in the thin, cold air. The chilly wind nipped at her skin, causing small goose bumps to trickle like waves, flying across her arms. "Listen, here's the plan," Mark chimed quietly from in front of her, his voice carrying backwards. Meredith nodded although knowing he couldn't see it anyways. "We go in, sneak around… If Derek's in trouble, we'll pounce right then and there. If he's not, we'll wait until he's alone in his cell and _then _take him. Alright?"

"Right," Meredith murmured, eyes fixed on the building in front of them. Guards surrounded it, marching back and fourth in a tense, structured formation.

"Sure, it isn't going to be easy, but we have to do it. If it looks too hard, or if they're in the middle of something, we can't risk getting caught. So we may just have to wait."

"Okay," Cristina called from the back, shifting her weight and causing the frozen grass to crunch underneath her. Meredith took a shuddery breath, following Mark as they crawled forward softly. Every movement was hushed, every breath was muted by the whisper of wind that swirled around them.

"What if we get in and Derek is in trouble?" Meredith dared to ask, "But the scene is too busy to pounce in on?" There was a brisk pause that followed, a pained silence that Meredith didn't appreciate. She sucked in her breath, "Mark?"

Mark craned his neck to meet her eyes through the dark air, "I don't know. I don't… I don't know, Meredith. We wait," He didn't supply the words Meredith was hoping for. She didn't want to wait. She really didn't.

"But what if he~" Meredith felt a hand on her shoulder from behind- Alex.

"Mer, we'll just have to see. I guess… I guess none of us know what to expect right now. We just have to take the leap and dive in. Okay?" Alex's voice was surprisingly gentle and reassuring, something that only happened rarely for him. Meredith let out a sigh and nodded numbly, not sure it she believed it herself.

"Right," She breathed, her breath clouding in the cool air. She shivered and kept crawling, keeping closely behind Mark's figure that hovered close to the ground.

"What about Amelia?" George whispered from the background. Mark paused for a moment, thinking briefly.

"Derek first. He should know how to get to her, right?" Mark pleaded, trying to sound like he knew what he was doing. His tone conveyed an echo full of unasked questions, and swept a new wave of uneasiness across Meredith.

"Okay," George mumbled, not convinced.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Cristina mumbled skeptically. Mark rolled his eyes and continued crawling, getting closer and closer to the building. Meredith swallowed deeply, trying to get rid of the unsettling feeling that lurked in her stomach.

- - _Derek _- -

"_I… Derek… I don't think he has much longer…" Amelia sniffled, her voice sniffling through wrecks of sobs. Derek shook his head. While Amelia had turned out of the denial stage and into the numbness, more sensible stage, Derek had just entered the denial stage for the first time. He shook his head more and more, faster and faster. New tears continuously sprouted in the corners of his eyes, repeating until they filled to the brim. He wiped them with his forearm with frustration, feeling partially useless. _

_He pressed harder and deeper into the wound, his voice deep and thick as the tried to mutter, "N-No… No, Dad, hang on. Dad, it's okay, keep your eyes open, come on, you can do it," His words were a mess, a confusing rumble of fear and sadness the rolled out in tangled tumbles of syllables that were about inaudible. _

"_Derek… his eyes… he…" Amelia stuttered, wiping her eyes and runny nose on her sleeve messily. _

"_Just… Just shut up, Amy, okay? Please? Just… shut up!" Derek choked out, beginning to let her tears release, finally filling over her eyes. He clasped them shut for a moment and blinked, hoping to clear away some of the blurriness. "Dad…" He whispered, a whispered plea as he felt his arms weaken from pressing so hard. "Just hold on, okay? Hold on." _

"So, how is the family, anyway?" Chris hissed, staring at the monitor, the glancing back at Derek. Derek bit his lip and looked up, not answering. Chris rolled his eyes and repeated impatiently, "How is the family, Derek Shepherd?" Derek kept his eyes trained on the ceiling numbly, blinking barely. Chris neared the chair, hovering closer to him, "Amelia is just a few cells away. You may not break easily, Derek, but your sister will. She's cockier than she thinks. She's not as brave as she wants to be." Derek winced at the words, knowing distantly that they were true. He sighed and let his eyes flutter shut in frustration.

"Fine."

"Oh, so now we're going for the short, one-word answers, eh?" Chris chuckled deviously, finding Derek's weak spot. "Well, the monitor claims you're not lying, at least."

"Do I look like I care what the monitor says?" Derek groaned, glaring at Chris, bravery glimmering in his eyes.

"Look at me," Chris snarled. Derek looked away in anger, his eyes narrowing without an answer. "Look at me!" He boomed. Chris stepped closer to the chair, grabbing Derek's chin fiercely and forcing him to look at him. Derek gritted his teeth together in frustration and anger, hate pulsing through his brains quickly, feeling Chris's tight grasp on Derek's chin, his grip tight and unforgiving. Derek winced. "You think you're so great, don't you? You think you're better than all of us. You think that you can do anything you want, just because you escaped the first time. You think… you think you have power over me, right? Well guess what, you don't? You have none. You're no better than your father."

Derek ripped his chin out of Chris's grasp and snarled back, spitting as he did, "Shut up. You think you have the slightest bit of power over me? You're wrong. So wrong… The power you have means nothing. It's not voluntary, it's forced. So although you call yourself so powerful, so almighty, you're not. You're nothing. You're despicable."

Chris's grinded his teeth together, pausing for a moment, furiously glaring at Derek, a harrowing gaze deep in his eyes. Then, without warning, Chris winded his fist back in a fluid motion and threw it forward in a large power-filled punch. Derek's head whipped sideways, the large blow whacking Derek so hard that a flash of black echoed in his head.

"_Derek, stop…" Amelia begged quietly. _

"_How can you say stop? He's still breathing, Amy! He's still breathing!" Derek pleaded messily, wiping his eyes furiously and keeping his eyes locked on his dad. He gasped and choked for air, growing weaker with every second. "He's still breathing."_

Another punch, and Derek winced heavily, his ears ringing with the shock.

"How did that feel, hmmm, super spy?" Chris mocked. Gibbs, who stood lurking in the background, chuckled along with him. "Did it feel just, like, amazing?" His effigy of cheer made Derek wince simply from emotional hurt. "I'm sure your dad felt even more amazing after I got finished with him, right?" Derek, infuriated, forgot the pain, forgot the world. He lunged in a feeble effort towards Chris, but the restraints stopped him, and he struggled against them. "You know, I bet you could have saved him. If you had just _tried harder." _Chris snarled. Derek stopped fighting, freezing and swallowing hard. "Did you ever think about that? You could have saved him."

_Amelia had finally stopped talking, going silent, quiet, letting the only sound in the space be his dad's tortured breaths and Derek's tears. She just stood there, numb, shaking, afraid. Derek worked furiously, trying to stop the bleeding, but the blood was overwhelming, surrounding them in a horrible pool. "Dad, come on. Just a few more minutes, I promise," Derek croaked, his voice cracking constantly. _

_His dad choked on his breath and coughed, wheezing with immense discomfort and letting his eyelids droop to the point where they were slits. Derek shook his Dad's shoulders, begging with his soft, broken voice, "Dad, come on. It's okay. Just breathe, just stay with me, okay?"_

_His dad's voice was a twisted version of pain and terror as he croaked out in a ghost of a distant whisper, "Derek… go… Derek…" _

_Derek felt tears brim to the full extent of his eyes, causing the images in front of him to melt into a twisted palette of blurry colors. The room was spinning, making him feel lightheaded and dizzy, and he choked out numb words in hollow gasps, "Dad, no. I'm right here. You're going to be okay." Derek grabbed one of his dad's hands and tangled his fingers into his dad's, feeling the tight warmth as they twined tightly together. _

"_Derek, you're…" His dad forced out words, coughing almost between every word. Derek winced but grasped his hand tightly, his tears freely falling now. "Derek, you're a good….man. A great…. Man, Derek. You're the…" He choked, coughing violently and letting his body surrender into a mess of heaving coughs. "…best son I could ever ask… for. Always re-remember that. I'm…I'm sor-sorry…" Derek felt his dad's grip on his hand release, gently dropping to the floor. "I love you." _

_His dad's eyes fluttered shut, and his pained, screwed-up expression collapsed into a relaxed, quiet one. Derek's expression went blank and he froze, gazing into his dad's closed eyelids. He choked on his breaths as they caught jaggedly in his throat. He clasped his hand around his dad's shoulder and shook, "Dad?" There was no response. His muscles were loose, vacant, relaxed. Derek felt weakness wave over him, and tears poured out of his eyes, rippling down his cheeks and splattering to the ground. "Dad, no. D-dad!" _

_He could hear Amelia begin to sob again in the background, a rippling, roaring mess of crying and weeping. Derek lost it. His whole body was overtaken by a mess of sobs, heaving his chest in and out rapidly. "Dad, please, wake up! Dad!" He yelled, shaking his dad's relaxed shoulders. Every time he pulled them up, though, they simply fell back onto the ground again. "Dad, please! I…I…I…" His words were lost between sobs, shaking his entire body. "…I love you. C-Come on. Wake up, wake UP!" _

"_Daddy…" Amelia cried, using her old childhood name for him. She collapsed to her knees behind him. _

"_No….N-No…" Derek sobbed uncontrollably, collapsing his head into his hands and letting them become soaked with salty tears. He cried continuously, unable to gain control of himself. His dad was gone._

Derek came back into focus and yelled, "No! You're wrong!" It took him a moment to figure out that he had developed damp tears on his cheeks.

"Oh, fine. You're weak. You're just, weak."

Derek felt suddenly like he couldn't breathe. The air around him had become too thick. The sounds and the smells and the atmosphere was torturing him with every breath he tried to take. Everything became a complicated blur, and he couldn't keep track of what happened next. Even with all of his might, the best he could do was shut his eyes and will it all to be over.

- - _Meredith _- -

"Amelia, come on!" Meredith shouted in a hushed, hurried whisper. The girl with the large brown eyes and shiny hair looked up at Meredith, her eyes glimmering and watery, her face showing the circle of a black eye. She had heard and seen pictures of her, but she seemed a lot younger in person. Pretty, but younger. She fluttered her eyelashes and rubbed her red eyes, her feet shaking as she shifted her weight.

Meredith had split off from the rest of the group. They had ran the opposite way, planning to wait until it was completely clear…but Meredith had a feeling. She didn't want to wait, she didn't have the patience to wait, and she was too nervous to wait…So there Meredith was. Her friends would be in there soon. Right?

"Who…who are…?" Amelia stuttered in a weak voice, gazing up at her. She was obviously weak, definitely weak, very weak. Meredith sucked in her breath.

"I'm Meredith…" No answer. "I'm your brother Derek's wife."

"Wife?" Amelia gasped, her thoughts overwhelmed and deeply confused by the sudden situation. Meredith checked her watch- she didn't have the patience. It was going to quickly, and the mission was too important, too close to her heart. She took shaky breaths and tapped her foot into a maddening beat.

"Yes. But can we stick to the questions later, please?" Meredith quipped gently. She could see distantly as two men- Chris and Gibbs- walk Derek back towards his cell, in the same detention hallway. They had to go fast if they wanted to help Derek. The clock was ticking, and Meredith was losing valuable time.

"Uh, yeah, right," Amelia murmured, standing up and brushing off her pants. She hopped to attention. "What are we…?" She was obviously lost in a mess of confusion and worry, not knowing anything about what was going on.

"Just follow me, okay? Derek's right down there, we're just going to get him and run," Meredith clarified, already turning around. She could hear Amelia's quiet footsteps follow behind as she ran, the silent wind whipping her against the face. She spit hair out of her mouth and continued to run towards the direction Derek was coming from, getting ready…closer…closer…closer…

And then it was time.

Meredith grabbed Derek from behind on the shoulder, effortlessly pushing Gibbs away with her elbow and kicking Chris, a tough upper-kick slamming into his rubs and pushing him back. Derek was shocked, widening his eyes at Meredith and Amelia, overwhelmed by everything, but Meredith started to run. She ran as fast as she could the opposite way down the hall, clomping her feet as fast as her legs would let her. Apparently, Derek and Amelia had gotten the message and they followed her, their feet tapping in odd patterns. She pushed the air out of her chest as quickly as possible, in big huffs, running until her lungs burned. She could feel Derek and Amelia's uneven footsteps behind her quickly, rapidly picking up pace. She panted and breathed heavily, sprinting down the winding black hallways and ignoring the sirens that now screamed into her ears. Her chest heaved and her breath burned, searing in her chest. She picked up pace, wheeling her legs so fast that she could barely gain control of them.

Meredith, Derek, and Amelia- three silhouettes in the darkness of the outskirts of the wide hallways- sprinted, running away, powering their legs faster than they ever had before. They huffed out thick breaths and forced their legs to increase in speed until they were convinced that their torturous followers were far behind.

In the darkness, there was a bang. A shot was fired.

And one of the silhouettes fell.

_**A/N: I am SO sorry for the cliffhanger, honestly! But I will update as SOON as I can, which is usually pretty fast! Thanks so much for reading, comments = motivation! :)**_


	35. Chapter 35

_**A/N: Sorry this took so long! Basically, the lack of comments severely discouraged me. I know there are some of you reading and anxious for the next chapter, though, so I wanted to update it for you guys **__** I hope you enjoy.**_

Meredith never had the best hearing. When she was little she was always blasting the music loud enough until her ears hurt, in a muffled attempt to block out her parents constant verbal abuse and echoing yelling. It was the best thing she could do: Pick up her CD player, stick her earphones in and dance it out as much as possible- which mainly consisted of thrashing- but hey, it was the best she could do, and it was better than listening to adult screaming.

But in this case, it was different. She heard the shot before she could hear the thud of the figure beside her, collapsing into an exhausted heap next to her with a muffled squeal. Then there was the sickening thud as the body fell with a crash, smacking against the hard, shiny floors, letting the sound bounce off the sides of the wall. Meredith stopped pumping her legs and they gradually stopped, her heart thumping as she tried to gather her breath together again.

She spun on her heals, her shoes screaming as they twisted around, and she felt her ragged breathing come to a snapping halt. She gathered herself as she spun, feeling sick as she witnessed the blurry scene in front of her. She blinked, trying to erase what she saw, but it hit her like a wave filled with rage and fury. She gulped.

Amelia lay on the slick black ground her hand clutched to her side tightly, her chest heaving recklessly as she sputtered to breath. Coughs and labored breaths escaped her lips that she licked over and over again. Under her hand, the bullet would was letting blood pool out, slipping out between of her fingers. Derek was bent down next to her as she stared up aimlessly to the ceiling, focusing on something that wasn't there. She blinked weakly, gasping and begging for breath. Derek clutched her side, pressing the back of his palm into the wound. It wasn't bad, but it sent a wave of concern over Meredith and she felt tears prick to her eyes. Derek stuttered for words, but nothing came out except a wreck of syllables and messy letters.

"_So tell me about Amelia," Meredith ventured timidly, letting her fingers dance along the cool surface of the table. Across her sat Derek, taking a sip of his hot, black coffee and letting a content sigh escape his lips. He cocked his head to the side and smiled, as if pondering something. "I'm serious, Derek. You tell me plenty about all of your other sisters, but not your youngest one, eh?"_

"_What's there to tell?"_

"_Derek Shepherd, just tell me!"_

_He rolled his eyes and cocked a crooked smile, "Bossy."_

"_Stubborn!" Meredith declared with an exasperated sigh. Derek groaned. "Just tell me something, Derek. Come on! Three facts, okay? That's all you need. How hard could that possibly be?"_

"_Three facts?"_

"_Three facts. You can do that, come on. We've been dating for a full month now, you've said you love me, I've said I love you, so you owe me this. Okay? Okayyyy?" Meredith prodded nosily. Derek could be so secretive, and that was saying a lot coming from Meredith._

"_Well… she has big, beautiful eyes," He stared. Some fact. "She's kind of, well, self centered. Oh, and she is a handful. Impulsive." Meredith smiled, releasing some tension that she had apparently held in her twisted expression. "But she's my little sister. And I love her." _

"Meredith, get down here and help me!" Derek sputtered, finally being able to grasp the words that tumbled off of his tongue. Meredith snapped back to reality, bending down and collapsing onto her knees. She ignored the shock of the hard fall as she clamored against the ground, fingers scrabbling uselessly against the slick ground.

"Derek…" Meredith whispered distantly, nerves wrecking her voice. She put a weak hand over his as Amelia gasped, still shocked from the sudden impact and gesture. "How bad is it?"

"N-Not bad…" Derek mumbled, tortured by hundreds of battling thoughts. He shook his head pointlessly, his brain on overload. _Medical training, medical training… what did they teach us in medical training?_ "But we need to control this bleeding…" His hands fumbled around messily, slipping and gliding against the crimson that was spreading slowly. Amelia coughed.

"Amelia, you're going to be okay," Meredith soothed, finally getting her tone balanced. Derek licked his dry lips and mumbled something messily, feeling knowledge slip out of his grasp. Meredith tried to grab a hold of her thoughts the best she could, trying to grasp the situation and think things through. Derek's mumbling was distracting, a throaty mix of worry and panic.

Assess the situation, Meredith.

There was a shot.

Amelia fell.

No new knowledge came to mind, so Meredith scrabbled at her face. What was she missing?

There was a shot.

Amelia fell.

There was a shot.

Amelia fell.

There was a shot.

Amelia fell.

There was a shot…

She froze, every nerve on end, every feeling on alert. She picked her head up and searched around with her eyes, her gaze flickering to every corner of the hallway, scanning every inch of wall. "Derek?"

Derek babbled on pointlessly as Amelia looked up at him, her big eyes filled with fat tears. "You're going to be okay, Amy. I promise~"

"Derek…" Meredith found herself pleading, begging for his attention.

"…I'm right here. Yeah, it's Derek. I'm here. You're going to be okay, alright?"

"Derek, listen to me!" She found herself raising her voice to a sharp, hearty tone, and he raised his head, meeting his glassy eyes with her. She sucked in her breath and dared to ask the inevitable, "Who shot the gun?" Both Amelia and Derek widened their eyes, fear trampling over their spirits. Meredith felt sick, her stomach churning in nausea as she scrambled against the floor to stand up. Her feet squealed as they swiped along the smooth floor, and she used her hands to push herself to her wobbly feet. "Derek, we need to go. We need to go _now." _She could barely let herself think about where the shot came from.

Derek took a weathered gasp of air and scrambled to his feet, still grasping onto Amelia. "Amelia, can you walk? Please, Amy, can you do that? We need to get out of here."

_"You can do it, Dad. You can."_

Amelia supplied a weak nod- barely visible- and used her free hand to cover her small wound. Derek had ripped off a strip of his soft cotton shirt and wrapped it tightly around her, tying it securely with trembling fingers. A waft of air traveled down the corridor, sending shivers dancing up Meredith's arm. She grabbed Amelia's other side to help provide whatever support she could muster, and they began to limp. Meredith pulled them along, her mind attacking her with the possibility of what could happen if someone actually caught up to them.

Maybe they had started soon enough?

Meredith picked up her pace to run, trying to heave Amelia's limping figure as Derek pushed enthusiastically behind them. He shoved them forwards the best he could, Amelia stifling cries of pain and fear and Meredith trying to hold her shaking body together enough. _Do not trip, Meredith. Do not trip. _

"Wait, I can't… I need to…" Amelia panted heavily, gasping for air. Her voice was hoarse, as if there was a weight stuck in her chest that wasn't supposed to be there. Derek tried to keep her going, slowing down only slightly.

"Come on, Amy. We can do this. We need to get out of here, okay?" Derek half pleaded, half demanded as he pushed forward. She whimpered distantly, letting her head plop onto her chest. She was giving up.

Meredith begged for the right words to come to her, and she tried, "Amelia, I know you're not in the best situation right now, but we _need _to go. We need to go right now. I know it's hard, but you need to keep going, alright? _Please, _Amelia?" Amelia let out a barely audible confirmation and tried harder, but the best she could do was stagger.

Derek tried to pick and pull out memories from the last time he had been there. Which way was out… which way was out… But Amelia's stifled cries caught his heart and made him skip a beat. He picked up pace as Meredith did, matching her quick, echoing steps. Derek wasn't an easily frightened man, but this situation was more than just different. It was so scary, that he considered collapsing to the ground and giving up, himself… But instead, he pumped his legs so hard that he felt as if his muscles would tear. His heart fought to catch up, and his lungs begged for air that it coveted and needed, but he denied it. He pushed farther, faster, longer…

It was moments before they could hear footsteps chase behind them, moments before they could hear frantic yells and screams, echoing distant warning. Derek's heart picked up a pace, if that was even possible with the rate that it already sped at. He gulped for air as he felt himself picking up Amelia slightly, pumping his legs faster.

And then he lost track of his speed.

He heard a voice behind him, the voice of pure hatred and disgust, and something tangled in his feet and he tripped. He lost his grip of Amelia and cascaded downwards, slapping against the floor with a thud, his eyes shutting on the capacious impact. He took a moment to blink and look around, attempting to kick, but his feet were wrapped. Scanning his fuzzy, distorted vision downward, he noticed they were thickly tangled in wires protruding from the wall. He gulped, his head now aching from the impact of the hard floor. Throbbing pulsated in his hip where he fell. He put his clammy palms on the floor. Fear swept over him, tackling him in a large blow. He swallowed a lump of bile that had crept up into his throat.

"Well, I figured I'd get to you myself, but lookie here! Agent Shepherd has tripped on his own," Chris's voice cackled from the front of the intersection of the hallways. Derek kept his eyes on Amelia and Meredith, who clutched to each other tightly, standing to his left. He kicked his feet around, but the effort was useless. He turned his head slowly to face Chris, and he went pale, all the color and rage dripping out of his skin. He gulped again, fear swallowing him until it made him dizzy. Chris had the tiny black object his grasp, his fingers laying on the handle. Of the gun. Derek couldn't contain himself as his eyes widened. "Ah, too many memories, Shep?" Chris chuckled, then averting his gaze to Amelia and Meredith, who stood frozen facing him. They cast downward to Amelia's hip. "Oh, did I get you, sweetheart? What a shame. I believe that shot was meant for _Derek_, over here. How are you doing?" No answer. Guards clouded up around them, trapping them in a helpless circle. Derek struggled with the entangled wires as they wrapped tighter around his skin; or at least it felt like they did. Fear felt like it was choking him. "I said, _how are you doing?" _He hissed. He gripped the weapon tighter in his hand until his knuckles began to a shade of ghostly white.

Amelia, feeling threatened and hurt, whimpered softly, "Okay."

"You're feeling 'okay?'" Gibbs hissed, lurking behind Chris with a shadow. Derek couldn't keep his eyes off of the sharp, dangerous item that Chris clasped in his steady hand.

"I… Yeah," Amelia mumbled weakly. Meredith tightened her grip around her, secretly keeping her grip pressing into the wound, hoping to stall the bleeding. She couldn't tell if her decision was the slightest bit imprudent. She gulped.

"I see you back there," Chris scoffed. Meredith winced. "Yeah, yeah. Amelia isn't _that _diverting… Anyways, this is handy," He mused. Meredith glared fiercely at him, her hands trembling. "It's nice to have all of you hear, in the palm of my hands. Shut my fingers and…" He snickered, grinning rudely at Derek. Derek gulped again, struggling occasionally against the wires. He was a victim to them, though, stuck against the floor like a magnet. All he could do was lay there, helpless, pinned by an invisible weight full of stupor. "But…" Meredith winced, staring at the dangerous small object pinned in Chris's hand that was pointed directly at her. She watched as it moved, in almost slow motion, back towards Derek's direction. His glassy eyes met the hateful gaze of Chris.

"_Open your eyes. Dad, open your eyes!" _

Derek's breathing grew faint and ragged as memories pounded him, flashbacks eating and pecking at him. Chris taunted and laughed, "This reminds me of a situation I was in years and years ago, doesn't it?"

"_Dad, don't let go, I'm right here. Dad, please,"_

Derek just stared. Fear had rattled him. Every nerve in his body was trembling, shaking, horrified. His lungs begged for oxygen. His legs pried to be let free. His thoughts pounded at him, attacking him from every angle. His breathing quickened, stress washing over him like a heavy wave. Fear brought on numbness. Meredith looked at him from the side, tears reflecting in her eyes. Amelia was pale and breathless and faint, wobbly on her own feet. Derek cringed for the both of them, biting his lip to keep himself from breaking down. Chris kept an angry gaze locked in Derek's ice blue eyes. "If only your dad could see you know. He took everything from he. He took _everything_from me. You can't understand that, I know it's hard for you to process. You couldn't have known. Well, you obviously noticed who I was, I guess…"

"_Amelia, which way did he go?"_

"_Who?" Amelia sobbed, her eyes locked on her dad's shivering body._

"_That man!" Derek snapped, yelling, blood pumping through his veins with rage and fear. _

"_I… I don't…" Amelia sniffled, trying to get a hold of herself through her tears. It was useless, though. It was if they kept slipping through her fingers, unable to squeeze them out of her throat. _

"_We can't let him get away! We… we can't…" Derek could feel himself plummeting, losing control of all his emotions. "He… he did…" He fumbled messily for words, but found none. _

"…you know, the weird thing is? I kind of wish your dad were still here, so I could take everything from him," Chris finished with a snarl, his snicker of a smile disappearing and becoming replaced with a mask of vexation of unmasked fear. It was conspicuous, the anger and unrelenting fury he had for Derek, but Derek couldn't understand fully why. He had never done anything to him. Chris was just… angry. Derek felt his fear drench him suddenly, and his shoulders shook. His vision blurred with fat tears that shone from his eyes, and his voice came out as a numb supplication.

"Chris, please~"

"Shut up!" Chris snapped, arm still extended, pointing towards Derek in a threatening pose. Derek could feel all of his obstinate fear crumble, dilapidating to his feet rapidly. Derek was lost in his own fear. He whimpered, trying to lift his head enough to see Chris, and to beg for himself, and for Meredith. Their eyes met for a brief moment, then he turned back to Chris, attempting to raise his hands up in a feeble defense and surrender.

"My dad… I, I'm sorry about whatever he did to you," Derek mumbled, his voice watery and thick with tears. "I don't think… I think you misunderstood him. Everyone does, sometimes. Things happen. But I… Please. I don't deserve this. I don't…" His voice got caught in his words and he choked on them, holding back the tears that had gathered in the corners of his eyes. "Please don't take it out on us. Chris, I'm begging you. Please. Please." Chris paused, his expression softening… barely. "Please," He whispered, blinking his watery vision. He shut his eyes and gave up, letting himself lay flat on the floor, fear overtaking him. He sucked in his breath and could hear Meredith stifle sobs from next to him. He bit his lip tightly.

Suddenly, before anything else could happen, there were screams and shouts and blasts coming from all angles. Derek kept his eyes locked shut with fear, tears spilling through whatever cracks he could muster. When he blinked them open, though, he was shaking violently, his whole body a wreck. Someone had dragged him into the shadows by the end of the hallway, and had a large hand clasped over his mouth. Derek tried to get his eyes to focus.

It was Mark.

What?

Mark had dragged him away from the scene while Cristina had distracted everyone in a sudden flash of movement, but… "Where's Meredith?" Derek mouthed, fear pummeling him once again.

_**A/N: So, what did you think? Comments really do motivate me. They encourage me to write, and knowing you guys read it really makes it fun for me. I love writing, and comments make it so much better! :) But, still, thanks for reading! I'm aiming for 200 comments… can we make it? :)**_

_**ALSO- if you were confused by the ending of the chapter, it'll hopefully clear up for you in the next few.  
**_


	36. Chapter 36

_**A/N: This (and the next chapter) will be the hardest chapters I've ever had to write. Thank you so much for the reviews, they kept me going through this….**_

"What?" Mark said, bewildered, stunned breathless from his successful attempt to get Derek away from the circle of danger. He was obviously too impressed by himself, so he blinked and sputtered, "What?" He lifted his hands off of Derek and Derek struggled to lift himself up, moaning as he rubbed his bruised hip.

"Meredith… where's…" Derek sputtered nervously, looking around in a frantic search, his eyes laying on nothing except the slick, reflective walls. The only thing that stared back at him was his mocking effigy of a reflection. He tried to find the words and pull them out so that they could be heard, but it was no use. He stuttered faster, panic trembling across his entire body, "Where…Mark, where is she?"

"I…" Mark searched for an answer, but came up empty. Derek's eyes widened and he clawed at the floor, his fingernails scrabbling pointlessly along the smooth ground as he tried to control his breaths. His voice raised higher until it was booming, rumbling, attacking the sullen and stressful air.

"Where is she?" He roared, finally scrambling to his feet. His vision spun and he pressed his palm against the cool wall for support. Mark stood up beside him, brushing off his pants.

"I don't know, man!" Even his voice was raising as he looked around in a frantic back and forth motion, "She was with Amelia… She was supposed to run…" Mark worked to keep his voice level and confident, although it was a near impossible mission. Even cocky, confident Mark was losing it. "Shoot, where is she?"

"I don't KNOW!" Derek said angrily. He began to walk the opposite direction, gathering whatever composure he had left. What had happened in the previous moments was haunting him, hanging on his shoulders like an oversized backpack. He shoved it to the back of his brain which was rattled with weak nerves, nerves that were frazzled and fried with fear and emotion, and gulped. He did whatever he could to fight having a breakdown right then and there. The simple mission had turned into a full-fledged battlefield, and they needed to get out of there. Flashbacks nipped at him, and he pushed them away.

"Derek, wait, you can't~" Mark mumbled in a weakly fearful protest, but Derek cut him off. Rage bubbled up inside of his chest.

"I need to find her!" Derek responded loudly, infuriated. Sure, Mark had managed to get him away and he was more than grateful and impressed with that, but Derek didn't matter if Meredith wasn't right by his side. His head pounded, his hips throbbing, his muscles burning angrily. His veins pulsed with fear and exhilaration. "I…I need to find her!"

Mark trailed behind him, stumbling and tripping messily, his footing mixed up and awkward. Their steps made uneven and echoing with a taunting dissonance of an auditory noise- not tapping, not stamping. It was an upset displacement of what was supposed to be the eerie quiet of the hallways. Derek's breath quickened and he tried to pull energy up from his feet into his lungs- something that was proving to be a quite difficult test. He huffed and huffed, pumping his legs as he began to run. Mark ran easily along side him, his grunts muffled by the thuds of their feet. "But what if she~"

Derek interrupted him between labored breaths of exhaustion, "Just, shut up, Mark! I need to… I need to…" He panted heaving, his feet twisting into jumbles beneath him as they began to feel as if they were analogous to Jello. "I need to…I need to…." The words transformed into a haunting incantation as he fumbled with them on his lips.

"Derek, calm down. She's probably with Cristina or~"

"You said it…yourself… that she wasn't… with her…" He panted with uneven placement of his emphasis on his words. He gulped with impatient disposition. He suddenly felt inept for his inability to find Meredith. He felt his heart pound faster… Where was she?

- - _Meredith _- -

"Amelia, stay with me!" Meredith pleaded in a resonant whisper. She was huddled over Amelia's body in one of the dark shadows of the hallways, which they had managed to duck into during the whole commotion. She tied the feeble supplication for gauze Derek had ripped from his clothes even tighter, begging silently for Amelia to begin climbing out of her state of stupor.

Amelia blinked twice, then muttered back weakly, "I'm just… I'm tired."

"Please, we need to keep going. Amelia, we need to keep going! Don't give up now, do you hear me?" Meredith demanded fearfully, her eyes darting precariously across the hallways. Sirens wailed with certain intensity in the distant hallways, and unknowing guards trampled up and down the corridors. Meredith gulped.

"I can't, Meredith," Amelia murmured helplessly, her words barely audible. Meredith grabbed her hand and tried to pry her up, heaving and biting her lip as she pulled. When she let go, Amelia flopped back down, her muscles loose as if she were a fish. It wasn't right.

"I know you're tired. I know you're weak. But Amelia, you need to keep trying. Do this for Derek, do this for your family, alright?" Amelia seemed to consider the open for a moment, strained her muscles for a brief moment, then plopped back down with an upset sigh.

Meredith pushed her bangs out of her face and sighed, feeling angry, frustrated mounds of tears beginning to gather in the corners of her eyes. She blinked and blinked furiously, repeating until they dried slightly. She ran her hands up and down her forearms in frustration and degrading sadness. Her life felt like it had completely fallen apart at the seams, like a long piece of gauze that had been unraveled from a wound. She was shaken up, disconcerted, alone… and she didn't know what to do.

This wasn't her life. It wasn't supposed to be her life. She was spiraling downwards. The puddle of disenchantment she had in her life had now turned into an ocean, and she was drowning and gasping for air. She needed some kind of confirmation that her life was still _hers, _even a sliver of paradisiacal happiness would be some sort of weak supplication. But all the happy had been sucked into a hollow, gaping whole, and her fingers were beginning to get sore as she tried to hang on.

"Amelia Shepherd, you get up!" Her once gentle assonance had snapped into a cacophonous whisper, demanding. She couldn't do it. She wasn't going to give up, and neither was Amelia. "You cannot give up! Come ON!"

Amelia stared up into her eyes and blinked, tears nipping in the corners from exhaustion and frustration, but began to strain. She forced her weak, tired muscles to stretch and contract as she pulled herself up. Meredith let her lean on her. She didn't have much experience with abominable situations such as though, but she had to try.

She _had to try. _

So they began to walk down the corridor, Meredith pulling her and keeping her eyes peeled and nerves on alert for any guards trampling down the cleared hallway. The sirens were screaming louder now, creating a repugnant noise that made Meredith's ears hurt. She licked her lips and moved faster, trying to force her memory to figure out the way to the exit. Amelia leaned on her more as they walked, and the right side of Meredith's body tingled under the weight it carried.

"Meredith!" A shrill voice called from the end of the hallway. Being so focused on keeping Amelia upright, Meredith was startled from the sudden outburst that interrupted on her small tunnel of focus that she yelled. Spinning around, wavy blonde hair encircling a beautiful face came bounding to her. It was Izzie.

"Oh my gosh… Izzie…" Meredith panted, relief draped across every syllable.

"What happened?"

"Amelia… she's hurt…" Meredith stuttered, motioning to Amelia's abdomen. "I need to get her out of here. Where's Derek?"

"He's… he's not with me. Or Cristina," Izzie breathed. Meredith's breath caught uncomfortably in her throat. "Meredith…"

"Take Amelia," Meredith demanded, letting Amelia catch onto Izzie's shoulder. Izzie stumbled at the sudden weight, gaping.

"What?"

"I need to go find Derek, and I need you to take Amelia, okay?" Meredith pleaded, her voice shrill and affirming.

Izzie hesitated, but Meredith glared, "Fine. Be careful. The exit is down the hall and to the right," Sirens blared, and Izzie's expression dropped, "You need to get out of here. _Fast, _Meredith." Meredith nodded as Izzie ran down the hallway, pulling weak Amelia alongside her. She wiped furiously at her eyes with the back of her hand and bolted the other way.

Where could Derek be? She clicked the button for the comlink in her ear but the only response she got was a maddening buzz, the kind that would give her a headache if she listened to it too much. A blanket of anxiety draped over her and her breath quickened, fear trampling her spirit and sending it driving into the ground. She propelled her legs, darting in and out of the shadows deceivingly at a moments notice. She gulped, begging for more air to supply to her burning lungs.

Anguish and uncertainty attacked her. If anything, Meredith Grey liked being in control, knowing what was going on, being to guide her own path the way she wanted. In this situation, Meredith for certain was _not _in control. It made a wave of dizziness fall over her as threats pounded her brain. Where was Derek?

She trampled down the winding corridors, trying to memorize the path she took. _Passed a doorway, passed a keypad, passed a detention area, passed a control room… _She tried to make an invisible list in her brain, but it was a depressing effigy that she couldn't remember it all. She blinked and followed some muffled noises she heard, passing rooms and barely looking into their empty spaces.

But as she passed one room, she stopped short.

"Derek?" She whispered, her word getting lost in her throat as panic swept over her.

This couldn't be happening.

Derek was pinned up against the wall by the invisible force of fear, his eyes glassy and fear ridden like she'd never seen him before. Across from hid stood the daunting figure of a man- Chris- who faced him with a look of hatred and disgust. In his hand sat the shiny black, small but powerful weapon. Derek darted his terrified eyes over to Meredith, who now stood in the room, her world falling apart and disintegrating at her feet. "Don't move!" Chris snapped to her threateningly, not bothering to crane his head. He kept his eyes focused on Derek.

Derek's breath began to be deeper as he raised his hands, pressing the back of his hands to the wall. It was like an effigy of a cop show. "Chris, please…"

_Put your hands up where I can see 'em! _

"That's right. We have some business to take care of, Grey," Chris hissed, hate and distaste becoming the frosting to his rumbling voice. Derek blinked, keeping his eyes on her as he swallowed over, and over, and over…

"No, you let him go!" Meredith yelled, tears blurring her vision until the figures that stood before her transformed into ink blots.

"Meredith, go," Derek choked quietly, a soft and pleading warning. Whatever was going to happen, he didn't want her to see. She felt her world come to a complete crash, and her throat felt thick and heavy. She ignored him.

"Let him GO!" It took her a moment to realize exactly how loud her small voice had becoming, and Chris let out a repugnant cackle as he looked over at her.

"Darling, I would suggest that you'd leave the room. Now." Meredith looked between the two men back and forth, trying to fight the panic that was attacking her. Her breaths were broken and rattled, her cries muffled as she tried to hold all of her exploding emotions in. Derek looked at her with tears glimmering in the dim light, a silent beg for her to leave. She didn't. She stood her ground, wiping her eyes. Chris looked back and forth to the both of them, and a smile crept across his lips as he snarled, "Well, Shepherd, you have quite the brave little lass here." Derek darted his eyes to Meredith, his expression hardening. "She's offering to stay. For you. Too bad she can't do anything." He kept his hand steady in the air and tossed his head back in a threatening laugh, a horrible sound that sent chills rattling Meredith's body. She stood her ground.

"Leave her alone." Derek snarled, the intensity and foreboding anger of his voice surprising her.

"Hm, you really do love her?" Understatement of the year. Meredith couldn't even put it into words to describe her complete, invariable adulation for Derek. She gulped: The way he had said it made her shiver. "Well, that's interesting…" He trailed off, and an evil smile replaced the scowl on his face. His eyes were bloodshot, infuriated with nothing to be infuriated at.

Then, as if in slow motion, he moved his dangerous arm towards Meredith. Her muscles grew tense, and a cold sweat erupted onto her forehead. Her legs shook with unadulterated violence, and chills attacked her, the sudden coolness of the air nipping at her skin. She shook, and Derek's eyes widened with complete and utter fear. "No!" He protested with an angry shout, lunging for Chris's husky figure. Chris snapped his weapon back towards Derek who pressed against the wall again, panic and fear enveloping him. He swallowed. Chris slowly moved the weapon back to point at Meredith and she blinked, looking back at Derek.

She couldn't live without Derek. She couldn't breathe without Derek. If Derek wasn't there…. Neither was she. She gulped and tried to gain control of her terrified, jagged breaths, panting. Derek gasped on the other side of the room, his eyes shining with abhorrence and angst. Terror fell over him and he gazed at her, his breaths becoming deeper. "Say goodbye," Chris snarled, the words sharp and horrifying.

Meredith could barely muster _I love you _before her whole world went down, spiraling into undeniable and unavoidable darkness, blurring right in front of her.

There was a bang, a horrifying shot of a gun and alarm erupted into the room. Meredith let out a melancholy scream as she backed up, expecting to fall, expecting to disappear, expecting to feel indescribable pain. But she didn't.

Instead, a large black silhouette jumped in front of her in the nick of time, blocking her from the bullet and evidently saving her life. She gasped, letting out a burst of hot pent-up air, and felt all the color drain from her face and puddle onto the floor.

The figure was Derek.

She screamed, blood pulsating through her body as she dropped to her knees, ignoring the initial sting of the hard floor against her bones. "Derek!" She rolled his semi-unconscious body over, gazing at him through closed eyelids. She barely noticed that Chris had bolted from the area, maybe from guilt, or maybe from fear. Or did he have no regrets?

"Derek, no!" She yelled a chilling scream, her breaths dismal and deep and laboring. Blood pooled from his shoulder, slowly seeping out like the drip of spilt red wine coming out of his blue shirt. She felt tears attack her, falling down her cheeks like waterfalls. He blinked in a distant, distorted daze. "Derek, Derek!" She cried, begged, pleaded, her vision blurred by the dejected tears that paraded down her damp cheeks.

As if noticing the situation he was in for the first him, Derek blinked abruptly and choked on his own breaths, feeling the stun of the injury as it hit him. Shock caressed him and he gasped for air, pleading and panting as if the air he got wasn't enough to sustain him. Above him he could barely make out the fuzzy figure of Meredith, her breaths hot and damp against his skin. He tried to form a word, but his tongue felt as if it was too thick for his mouth, "Mer…edi…" He blinked again and felt a sudden exhaustion sweep over him, his eyelids drooping. His voice was thick and torturously unfamiliar.

"Derek, you're going to be okay. Stay awake!" Meredith shrieked with a wail. She had barely any perspicacity with the situation, although she wished she had. She wished more than _anything _she had. "Stay awake, Derek! I'm begging you! Please, Derek!" Her voice was scratchy and ridden with tears as she looked around helplessly.

"Meredith…" He managed to gargle weakly, fear like ice in his voice. "Get out of here…" He coughed, "Save… save your…yourself…"

"No, no, Derek Shepherd, stay awake! Look at me!" She cried, her voice an icy scream into his fazed head. He blinked. "Look! At! Me!" She separated every syllable with added intensity.

Suddenly, the buzzing of her comlink in her ear stopped. A voice rang through the other end, the voice of Alex: "Meredith, hold on, backup is coming! Backup is coming!" It was as if he knew what was going on. "They'll be here in one minute and seventeen seconds! Hold on!"

Meredith obeyed the command and held onto Derek for dear life. She pressed her hand against his wound and buried her head into his cold chest, sobs wrecking through her entire body. "They'll be here soon, Derek. Just hold on, okay? Hold on!" She hesitated, then added with a whisper, "Derek, stay awake for us and our… baby."

_**A/N: Like I said: Hardest thing I have had to write. Derek is my favorite character. I was so horrified after the finale… I can't watch it without having a panic attack. So I literally could not believe that I actually had this happen to him in this fic. I really hope you guys don't hate me for doing this, because I don't want to have to regret it. At one point I did so I deleted the chapter and rewrote it. Seriously. Let me just add: DEREK WILL NOT DIE. His wound is minor (for a GSW.) like Owen's in the finale. **_

_**So, leave comments, please. It's so much encouragement. Thank you SO much for reading. **_


	37. Chapter 37

Meredith was enshrouded in a deep, painful ditch of unwilling persistence and desperately forced hope. She felt lost. The room was dark and the weight of the heavy unforgiving atmosphere hung at her shoulders and nipped at her heart. Her hands shook, her body quaking beneath her. She had gotten over the denial and adrenaline stage and had now seeped into the pure fear and unknowing hope stage, a stage she wasn't open to nor glad to be in. Every muscle in her body felt weak, as if it would give out without a moments notice. She could feel every heartbeat echo in her ears. The low throbbing noise rose to a whine, a mocking reminder that her heart was beating faster and faster in each empty moment. She could no longer approach the situation with the simple, loose-limbed stride of someone with no experience, no feelings. She willed her whole being into it, blinking furiously.

Her mind was racing. She raced through every aspect of her training, every textbook she had read, every practice, every drill they had done. It seemed as if the solution was on the tip of her tongue, yet she couldn't reach it, couldn't bring herself to think of it. Although she knew that wasn't true, the fear and maddening notion was infuriating. There had to be something she could do. Had to be. The dazed, distant, empty look that Derek held in his eyes was terrifying her. Fear reflected darkly.

Meredith didn't have much of a religious background. She didn't know much about much surrounding subject. Derek was, though, but he didn't bring it up with Meredith often. Suddenly, although she barely could tell things apart about the subject of religion, she felt something. She licked her lips and thought. Hard. _Whoever you are up there, _her thoughts attacked her, a desperate effigy of trying to grasp something she didn't know. _Please, please help me. Please. Don't let him leave me. Please. _What was she doing? She didn't even know what she was saying. She was trying everything. _Please, please, please…_

Tears bit at her eyes as she blinked back to reality, the shaken and unutterable reality that she didn't want to come back to…ever. She gazed down at him. Although his eyelids hung lower, signifying a nerve-wracking distant, hollow look, they were still open. Open was better than closed. Right? "Derek, stay awake. Help will be here soon, I know it," Meredith demanded at him, holding him as she sat on the cold floor. One arm wrapped around him tightly, in a heart-wrenching embrace, and the other pressed to the wound on his shoulder. She bit her lip to keep from crying again. She had to stay strong.

"Baby?" His uncoordinated and uncooperative tongue finally sloshed around enough to form a word. Although in a daze, his brain was still functioning. Good.

"Yes, Derek…" Meredith whispered, clinging tighter to him and hoping some meek pressure she had to offer was calming him. "I'm pregnant."

"You're…" He began, his unfamiliar voice being cut of by a deep choking cough. He coughed again, a deep rumble coming from his core. "Preg…" The word was lost in his throat.

"Yes," Meredith agreed to him, using one of her hands to squeeze his. "We're having a baby. You and me. But if that's going to happen, there needs to be a me _and you, _okay? Stay awake, Derek."

"I'm… I'm trying…" He sighed, trying to tense his muscles and contract them enough to let himself move. He bit his lip, but Meredith used her clean hand to stroke his face gently, caressing his cheekbones under her dancing fingers. The fear in his eyes sent an icy array of goose bumps up her spine.

_"I love you…" He said gently, quietly, and meaningfully. "You've changed my life."_

"You're okay, you're okay, just lie down," She said softly, wishing with every bone in her body that she would calm down. Her nerves were far passed rattled. They were frayed, broken, snapped. She begged and pleaded for him to keep his eyes open, to try and stay alert. Although she was sure that was next to impossible, she still had to try.

He seemed content for a moment, blinking his eyes and letting his strained lips collapse into a more relaxed state. He took a deep breath and sunk back into her comforting embrace. Suddenly, abruptly, he gasped. The shock was gone. The pain was there. He gasped, as if clawing for oxygen, choking on his own ragged breaths. Meredith's face went blank, the color pooling down. He reached his left hand quickly to touch the wound, looking up at the returning fingers. Crimson splayed across them. A horrid pain bit his body and he suddenly lurched forward, his shoulder creating a unnatural arch. He cried out, "I…I…I'm shot! Meredith!" He panicked, his fingers scrabbling across the floor.

Tears returned to Meredith's glimmering eyes. _Where was the backup? _"You're okay, Derek! Just calm down!" Although the adrenaline was somewhat muting the extent of his injuries, Meredith could see the sheer fear in his eyes. Her stomach churned at the amount of terror that stared back at her.

"Meredith!" He yelled in a breathless cry, panting, choking. An embarrassing, choking yell he couldn't help erupted from his lungs as he thought about Chris, the way he had looked at him…

_Say goodbye. _

"I know, Derek, I know it's scary," Her shaking words didn't seem to calm him. She added frantically, "I need you to breath, Derek, I need you to breathe! Please!" _Please. _

"I…I…I…" Derek's unfinished sentence tortured him, he grasped for words that didn't seem to ever come off of his tongue. Meredith squeezed him as she held him, tears flooding down her cheeks in waves.

"I know, Derek," She cried, tightening her grip. "Please breathe, I'm right here."

He choked on more air, staring up at her with wide, terrified eyes. Finally, he seemed to calm a little. His breaths were becoming increasingly labored though, and he blinked rapidly. His eyesight was blinded by panic.

_"Eighteen years ago, my father died…. Because of the A&O." And after that, he let his head collapse into his hands again, and his body was a wreck of dry heaves and helpless sobs. He could barely feel Meredith's small hands rubbing his back as he mumbled against the heat of hands, "I'm so sorry, Meredith, I'm so sorry…"_

_"It's okay," Her voice said distantly. "It's okay. You're going to be okay."_

_A pledge._

As Meredith held onto him tighter, a screeching noise interrupted the repeated sound of his sputtering breaths and inaudible words. _SECURITY BREECH. SECURITY BREECH. INTRUDER ALERT. _The words rang in Meredith's head, and she blinked. Backup must be here. Backup must be here and they were going to help them. Derek would finally be-

Her thoughts were interrupted by another loud warning that rang from the speakers overhead. _LOCKDOWN IN PLACE, AREA SECURE. _She froze, barely processing the muffled noise that echoed from the right of her. The thick, grey, sliding door to the small room made an angry squeal. Her eyes widened, flooded by panic. "No…no…" The squealing door finally snapped shut, sliding and clicking into place.

They were locked in.

_LOCKDOWN COMMENCED. _

"No…no…" Meredith stammered loudly to herself. She gently placed Derek back down with trembling fingers, trying to scramble to her shaking feet.

"Mer, what's…" Derek started, and then was interrupted with an attack of coughs.

When Meredith finally found her way to her feet she scrambled over to the thick, daunting door, she slapped her hands against the cold metal. She used every muscle in her body and tried to pull, but her sweaty hands simply slipped against the invisible grain of the metal. She clenched her teeth, tears welling in her eyes. She kicked the door. Pulled. Pressed her back against it. "No…" She scrabbled at it pointlessly with her nails, but the door was locked in place. It was stuck in an abhorrent, terrifyingly, undeniably frozen.

_They were locked in. _

She slammed her fists against the metal but it didn't make a mere noise. She heard Derek's labored breaths in the background with a few pained coughs sprinkled in. She kicked again at the door, sending her entire weight behind it. Her foot throbbed painfully after slamming against the solid door. Tears stung her eyes. "No!" She screamed, her shriek echoing off the walls of the room. "NO!" She pressed her hands against the door harder, trying to lean in with all of her weight and willpower. "NO! NO!" She cried, tears streaming down her face and cascading off of her chin in a waterfall. Hope was lost. She kicked and screamed and yelled, her bangs sticking to her cheeks as more tears fell. She pressed her face against the cool, smooth metal, hitting her forehead against it a few times as her hands slid down the door. Her body was heaving in a mess of sobs, her breath catching in her throat.

Derek's muffled voice came from behind her, "We're…we're…" Cough. "Locked…" The intensity and volume of his words debilitated even more, but the fear remained. His eyes glimmered, biting his lip as he stared unknowingly at the ceiling.

_Please. _

She gave up. She spun on her heals, falling next to him onto her knees, trying to maintain her furiously shaking composure. "Derek, I…" She murmured, her voice a trembling chunk of held-in sobs. "Derek, I'm so- I'm so- Sorry, Derek!" She couldn't hold it in, not even for him. The tears fell and the cried loudly, pulling his battered figure into the folds of his arms. She lost more than half her heart. She felt tears form unwelcome clumps in the base of her throat.

He blinked, not responding for a moment, but tears filled to the brim of his decrepit eyes it broke Meredith's heart in such a way, it was as if it had shattered. He blinked and a single tear fell, and Meredith could feel her entire composure begin to fall loose. His eyelids lowered, looking even heavier. It was as if trying to hold them up was like trying to carry the weight of the world. Her heartbeat stuttered in her ears.

A sudden realization snapped furiously into Meredith's brain. He was giving up.

"No, Derek, Derek, no!" She yelled suddenly, blinking the tears away from her eyes. "You stay awake! You don't get to give up, Derek! You don't get to give up!"

He blinked his eyes and looked up into hers, filled with sorrow and worry and fear and regret and a mix of sickening emotions that made Meredith's heart do a nosedive in her chest. "Derek Shepherd, stay awake now!" She wished her words had even the slightest salubrious meaning, but they were simply to encourage his willpower. "Derek!" She yelled with all of her heart. _Please, let him stay with me! _

His eyes blinked rapidly open as if with a prompt, and he looked up at her. "Sorry…" He sputtered between wet coughs. Meredith's tears blurred her vision and she clutched him tighter, burying her head into his chest as she pulled him nearer.

"You're okay… you're okay…" She hummed. The words had been spoken to such magnitude that they were barely words anymore. Meredith prayed he could understand her, or that he took some sort of solitude or safety in her arms. She blinked her eyes and gazed at him. He looked back, offering the weakest smile that he possibly could. "I love you. I love you so much. Stay awake, okay?" These words were spoken to their truly deepest meaning, and Derek seemed to understand that.

"Yeah," He said quietly. The agony of the helplessness nipped at him. He blinked and used his left hand to cling tighter to her forearm that gripped him. The moments that passed seemed like hours. Meredith sat with the person she loved the most, the person that had literally saved her life, in her arms. "I…I love…"

But Derek's weak thought was interrupted by the sound of a crash.

It was Cristina and Alex. They stood at the broken down door, breathing heavily and heartily. They both intently and fearfully stared, wide eyed at the two crumpled figures on the floor. Cristina's eyes flickered from Meredith, then back to Derek, then back to Meredith. Meredith felt her whole being surrender as she numbly watched Cristina skid over to them, ushering Izzie in behind her as they began to assess and take care of Derek. They lifted him and pulled him up as he staggered and moaned. Meredith was experiencing it all in a thick daze, her nerves frayed with fear and stunned emotion like never before. Her whole body was a shaking mess and she stared at nothing in particular. She barely felt Alex's arms around her in a whole-hearted hug, warmth crawling back into Meredith's body. She held up her soiled hands in a weak surrender, closing her eyes. She cried, sobbed, her body heaving messily into Alex's shoulder, as the shock of it all swept across her.

_**A/N: What did you think? It was really hard for me to write this. Seriously. I can't even describe it. I hope it hit some of you deep, I hope it touched your emotions- let me know how I did. Reviews keep me encouraged and keep me going.**_

_**Thank you for reading! **_


	38. Chapter 38

_**A/N: WOW! Thank you all so much for the reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter! **_

Meredith could not remember the last time she had been filled with so much flat-out fear and panic. Every muscle in her body shook, her nerves still stood on end, her heartbeat attacked her eardrums. Her hands clasped around the thin, cold, metal bar that surrounded Derek's small excuse for an emergency gurney. Her grasp tightened around them until her knuckles turned to a distinct shade of white. Two backup guards had rapidly brought them in the rolling table moments ago and now they were trying to get out of the horrible battlefield of a fight. Meredith, Izzie, Cristina and the two backups were pushing the gurney as fast as their legs would allow them to.

Everywhere around her was disguised as a messy palette of a blurs. Sirens screamed at a nauseating pace, people yelled and attacked from everywhere around her. There were muffled sounds of blasts and heartfelt yells of attack and defiance. The backup of her facility surrounded her, shouting and fighting against the rage and defense of the A&O. She could hear angry gunfire and pained screams, thing that made her flinch and wince all at the same time. It was horrifying. They were almost out.

Meredith almost tripped on her feet as she sprinted, shoving the gurney forward, screaming and ducking away from groups of fighting people. Her hair stuck, clinging to her face from a matted mess of sweat and tears. She spat in an effort to send the chunks of dangling hair out of her sight, but they fluttered back into place. They broke out of the dusty building, smoke clouding their vision as Meredith could feel her feet tap on the cold, muddy ground outside. Cold air met her skin immediately, and she could feel her epidermis tighten, freezing in the winter air.

The moment they had finally gotten outside, Derek gasped, choking on the freezing air. They had had to remove his shirt so they could figure out where to apply pressure to the wound, and he had been in a state of semi-stupor. Until now. As the cold air smacked at his body and rushed down his lungs, he gasped, taken aback by the sudden fusion of the air. His whole body arched and released, arched and released, arched and released… Meredith's stomach churned as she heard him cry out.

Although the wound wasn't as major as she initially thought, and the shock was still keeping his pain low, the trauma and horror of the whole experience was increasing the stress and fear he held onto. His fingers rolled into fists and he squeezed his eyes shut, his expression twisting into a menacing howl. His lips screwed up into a pained purse, and Meredith winced for him. She tried to put her hand on his and whispered, "Derek, we're almost there."

Truth was, Meredith had no idea where they were headed. The two ominous backup spies lead them. Apparently, there was supposed to be some sort of undercover ambulance lurking on the outside of the dense woods, but Meredith's faith and hope in the whole situation was falling apart. It was already proving difficult enough to guide the thin bed along the forest. Her feet pounded and her arms ached from the strain and intensity of trying to make the gurney roll faster.

The cold air nipped at his wound and he yelled, as if the pain had just suddenly reached him. He wrapped his fingers around the bars on the side and pushed downwards, causing his body to arch up in an effigy of the 'bridge' Meredith used to do when she took gymnastics. His eyes shut tight again, biting his lip so hard that Meredith was certain it was on the verge of bleeding. "I…I…I…" He tried helplessly, knuckles turning white as he clasped to the bar with all he was worth.

"Derek, please," Meredith begged him to calm himself. She knew it was hard, she knew it was near impossible as she imagined the flashbacks that attacked his brain. She flicked her head up, silently pleading someone else to help her make him calm, but they were all focused on running, eyes intent on the path. She gulped and staggered with her words, "You're okay. Keep breathing, Derek. You can do that, right? Come on."

He whimpered out, a deep thrumming sound echoing from his chest, then sighed. He let his pained, arched back collapse in a reluctant surrender against the hard gurney, shaking and shivering and biting his lip to keep from making any noises that could be perceived as weak. Derek and his pride, Meredith thought as she pursed her lips.

They ran for what seemed like hours until they neared the edge of the forest. By that time, Meredith's legs felt as if they were on fire and her arms were almost plastered in place, her muscles confused by the sudden intensity of a workout they had. Meredith followed as they rolled the table onto the disguised ambulance. But she let her knowing feet lead her, as her mind was completely within a different state. She felt as if she was watching herself in a movie, just looking down on a ghostly figure that wasn't her. She was in a daze, like watching a horror movie progress slowly and painfully, unfolding in front of her distant gaze. She blinked, a weak attempt of trying to muffle the image that sat in front of her. But in that situation, she couldn't do it. There was simply no time.

The scrabbled at her forehead as the muted sound of the door behind her closing startled her. It brought her back to her daunting reality, the one that literally made her heart ache every time she saw it, every time she thought about it. She shuddered involuntarily and stomped over to the side of the gurney, next to Derek's quivering body. Izzie and Cristina were typing things into the computer screens that were plastered along the van walls, and they shouted frantic orders into the comlinks that sat in their ears.

Derek spoke as the engine roared to life, "Mer…ed…"

"Don't talk, Derek, shhh…" Meredith tried to sooth him the best she could, but every muscle in her body felt as if it was on the verge of collapsing, giving out beneath her. She guided her trembling hand to drop on top his.

"He…He…He…" He fumbled fearfully and helplessly for words and Meredith blinked back tears that were beginning to make her vision fuzzy. She pressed her lips together and tightened her grip around his hand.

"I know, Derek. I know."

"Meredith…" He finally was able to glue the syllables of her name together enough to form a word, but it was still shaking and ridden with inexcusable fear. Meredith nodded and licked her lips, blinking back more tears in the best effort she could. "Meredith, I…" His eyelids fluttered shut, but only after one fat tear rolled down the side of his cheek, leaving a glimmering dampness in it's straight trail.

"You don't have to talk, Derek," Meredith whispered, using her free hand to stroke his soft hair back. Her foot throbbed from kicking the door so hard, numerous times, in a desperate plea to escape what seemed like an inevitable fate. "You don't have to talk. I'm right here, I'm right here with you, okay?" She answered his question for him, "Okay. Just lay down."

"It…hurts…" Derek chided icily. The pain that enveloped his voice nipped at Meredith, sending a large array of fear down her spine. He gripped the small bars even tighter, as tight as he possibly could. His right hand lay limp at his side and he gasped for air, panting as he tried to get a hold of the oxygen he desperately needed.

"I know," Meredith added, her voice cracking and dipping down an octave. She kissed his right shoulder gently, "We're almost there."

Derek just couldn't seem to get himself to calm down, even the slightest. Panic was swept over him in a nasty wave that couldn't seem to be released from him. All that Meredith wanted to do was pull that blanket of horror and fear and torment off of his shoulders, but she couldn't. She couldn't.

"I can't…I…can't…" Derek stuttered, blinking his eyes open. A sea of tears that filled his red-rimmed eyes stared back at Meredith through her blurry vision. She felt sick, her stomach churning.

"You're going to be okay, Derek," She whispered quietly, more for a confirmation for herself than for him. She felt like she was repeating the same thing, stuck on a helpless and mocking broken record. She begged for better words to come, words that would actually help him. She wasn't doing enough, she wasn't… There had to be more that she could do. He bit his lip in pain and anxiety and shut his eyes again, screwing them shut tightly.

Meredith looked up through blurry vision at the figure of Izzie, who had been trying to get her attention. Meredith wiped her eyes with the back of her palm and quietly demanded, "What? What is it?"

Izzie's gaze was completely locked, wide-eyed, at Derek. She had never seen him so weak, so scared…

Meredith suddenly felt defensive. She curled her spare fingers into a fist, then released and tapped on her leg. She wiped off sweat that was gathering on her forehead, dampening her bangs. Derek had his whole pride with him, and she felt a twist of guilt knowing that she was letting all of them treat him like a victim.

But he _was _a victim.

"Izzie, _what?" _Meredith snapped. Izzie's attantion was grasped again and she looked up, blinking in a slight flurry of surprise.

"Oh, yeah," She said breathlessly, struggling to meet Meredith's icy gaze. She gulped heartily, taking a deep and hesitant breath. "Meredith, the backup is clearing out of there. They were outnumbered by…a lot. It was too much to handle." Meredith took a sharp inhale of frustration and rage as it bubbled up inside of her chest. "But…" Izzie's sentence was lost in her throat as she looked away, clearly too shaken to finish the sentence.

Meredith flashed her gaze at Cristina harshly, "What is it? Cristina, what is it?"

Cristina's eyes darted from Izzie to Meredith, Izzie to Meredith, then she locked Meredith's gaze roughly. Her voice was scratchy and unfamiliar, "They managed to catch Chris, Gibbs, and three guards."

Meredith felt her insides freeze, as if the gusts of cold air had attacked her internally and created a snow flurry inside of her. She bit her lip and shoved out the words, "Chris…and Gibbs…They got them?" Cristina opened her mouth to answer, but a sound interrupted her fiercely.

"Chris, no, please!" Derek yelled, his voice raising a few fearful octaves. His abdomen lurched forward and he grinded his teeth together in agony. His feet kicked without him being aware, and he snapped them up and down.

_Say goodbye. _

"Derek, you're okay! You're okay!" Meredith yelled at him, the sudden outburst surprising him. His eyes remained frozen shut, and she gulped. She couldn't tell if it was a nightmare, or a flashback… "Derek, come on, Derek, listen to me!"

"Please!" He begged. The fear encrypted in his voice made Meredith shake on her already weak knees. An uncomfortable, numb feeling spread across her and she felt her legs shake wobbly. She teetered on uncertain balance.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, you listen to me!" Meredith brought her voice's intensity up, grabbing his flailing hand in hers and pressing it between her palms tightly. She hung on for dear life, clasping onto his clammy hands. He finally seemed to be brought down from his masked stupor, and he opened his red-rimmed eyes at her. They were glossy and empty, a look that made Meredith feel distantly sick. "You're okay, we're right here, you're going to be okay!"

Derek choked on some saliva that had gotten lost in his throat, and the air he was trying to suck up swirled around messily. He coughed and clawed at nothing, trying to grasp any sort of affirmation that it was still _him. _That it was still his _life. _But he found nothing.

- - - _LATER _- - -

"He's awake, isn't he? Shouldn't he be awake by now?" Meredith's voice questioned, wobbling with the small inquisition. Nurse Olivia, the small red-head that stood before her with a chart in her hand, looked at her solemnly. Meredith's teeth clenched, grinding together.

"He should be…" She said quietly. Meredith's hopes raised… "But that doesn't mean he is." And they fell again.

"B-But when will he be up? I mean, a-awake?" She stuttered through her thick tear-ridden throat, gulping down large bubbles of air and sucking in whatever oxygen she could grasp.

"Soon, Meredith," Olivia sighed, clutching her clipboard to her chest. Meredith found herself tapping her foot with impatience. She wasn't a rude person, she was just marked with incredible urgency. In her mind still echoed the picture of Derek lying on the ground in her arms, bleeding out, and… crying. The fear that he held in his eyes, his tone, his everything made her want to just lay down and melt.

"I'm sorry…" She mumbled tearfully, running her skinny hands against the grain of her hair. Olivia looked at her and tried to be as gentle as possible, trying to mend some of the emotional wound that Meredith had suffered herself.

"Don't apologize, Agent Grey," Olivia said quietly. Meredith felt the warmth of her palm on her back. "You went through something… unthinkable. You're scared, you're stressed. It's to be expected after something like this."

How could you _expect _something after 'something like this?'

Meredith nodded absentmindedly and tried to gather whatever composure she had left. She sighed and walked away without a word. For a moment she felt bad about how she had been to Olivia, but that guilt was washed away instantly and replaced by anxiety for Derek. She felt her knees shake. She was about to make her way back over to the uncomfortable seats in the diminutive waiting room but stopped and turned around. She couldn't bare to sit there, alone with her flashbacks and torrutous thoughts. She gulped and gulped again, pressing her palm against the swinging door as she exited the waiting area. Her feet tapped on the ground as she walked. She had no idea where she was going, but she was going there anyway.

She headed down the hallway. It smelled of cleaner and hospital, and it seemed much more prominent than the last time she had been there. Then again, she was walking around in the ICU, a place she had never been. Only a few beds were full, and the people that lay in them were frail and helpless. Meredith shivered at the amount of sorrow and pain that hung dauntingly in the air. She sucked in a breath and continued to walk down the rows of small rooms, the glass displaying the agents frail states. Her footsteps tapped on the ground and seemed as if it was causing an echo in the entire hallway, as it was nearly empty. The only people that hung around were the occasional nurses and orderlies; they buzzed in grounds and gossiped… that, or their eyes fled back and forth, scanning rapidly and intently over a variety of charts.

Meredith saw a group of the nurses laughing together, smiling and lighting up the whole area with their overly-whitened teeth. For a moment, Meredith hated them. She did. She couldn't see how they could just stand around, chuckling to themselves, having a good time, enjoying life… When her husband was probably in pain in one of the beds, hitting the nurse call button or panicking by himself. She imagined them blowing off the call button easily, scoffing as it rang over and over again. The very thought made her want to slap all of them.

She shook the hate and the thoughts out of her head. All they were doing was having a good time, all they were doing was simply living life. Just because she had been sucked into an impossibly horrific hole didn't mean that they all had to be, too.

- - _Derek _- - -

_"Please don't take it out on us. Chris, I'm begging you. Please. Please."_

He could only vaguely remember what happened as he began to stir from his unconscious state.

_"That's right. We have some business to take care of, Grey,"_

Everything that had went on had been like a quickly-paced blur for him, fear masking every action and every word that penetrated him. Blurred images of Meredith, distorted images of Chris and sounds of a gunshot echoed in his ears as if on a constant repeat.

_"Darling, I would suggest that you'd leave the room. Now."_

The way he was talking to her… it had made him sick. Literally, sick. His stomach had been doing flips and churning obnoxiously inside of his abdomen.

_"Leave her alone."_

_"Hm, you really do love her?"_

He could barely remember the intensity of the fear that had pressed down on top of him as Chris came nearer and nearer to Meredith, him pressed up helplessly against the wall. He remembered feeling alone, he remembered feeling empty, he remembered feeling dizzy and faint and he remembered the anxiety that attacked him at rapid speeds. He remembered trying to fight off the panic so he could at least try and think of a solution, or something that might possibly work as a solution. There was simply no time.

_"Say goodbye,"_

He remembered a flicker, a burst, of impulse that swallowed him, and he dove.

- - - _Meredith _- - -

She finally made it too the last bed down the hallway, the one closest to the clear doors to their single OR, and gulped. She pressed her palm against the door and took a shaky inhale, her legs quaking beneath her with rattled nerves. She stood on teetering feet, uneasily pressing against the door until it opened with a hiss. She forced her legs to put one foot in front of the other, making her way into the small room. It shut behind her with a click.

The dim lights displayed Derek's battered figure as it lay on the bed. He looked so… small, so helpless, pressed up against the crinkled pastel sheets. His right arm was tangled in a sling-like contraption, and his shoulder was largely bandaged with a long pad of gauze running diagonally across his chest and around his shoulder to his back. His eyelids were beginning to flutter open, the icy blue centers being exposed to the air and the light. He blinked twice, then moaned, shutting his eyes again.

He was alive.

Meredith blinked back tears and rushed over to his bedside, clasping his cold hand and sandwiching it between her palms in a hopefully comforting warmth. She felt all her emotions tackle her, flooding her with a messy mix of relief, scare and fear. She rubbed his smooth skin beneath the pad of her thumb, "Hey." Stupid Meredith, she thought, that's all you could think to say? _Hey? _

He blinked his eyes open and allowed himself to finally gaze apon the figure of his wife that stood over him. Her tears that sat in her eyes were glimmering, reflecting the light, and he tried to get his shaky vision to focus. There was a searing, throbbing pain in his arm and he tried his best to form words once again, tried to get his tongue to work to the best of his ability, "Hey."

Meredith bit her lip at his reply. It wasn't fearful screaming, it wasn't tortured flashbacks. Derek was actually talking- talking to her. She blinked gently a few times then licked her lips as more tears gathered. He was right there, talking to her, alive. He wasn't bleeding out in the middle of a room they were locked into. She took a shaky breath, "I love you, Derek."

Derek blinked, trying to crawl out of his painful daze, then mustered a thick whisper through his hoarse voice, "I 'ove you 'oo," He coughed, messing up some of the beginnings of the words. He licked his lips and tried again, "I _love _you _too, _'eredith." He rested his head back against the pillow.

"How do you…I mean, how are you feeling?" She sniffled, wiping her face furiously with the back of her palms.

He twisted momentarily, causing the sheets to rustle. He hesitated, then met her glassy gaze, "'Hurts." The one word broke Meredith's heart. It hurt. It hurt him, in many ways, ways that just gauze wouldn't fix. Derek looked away, casting his gaze towards the window.

"I…" She had so many things she wanted to tell him. _So many things. _But in the still of the quiet moment, with only the monitor beeping in the background, she lost all use of words. Nothing came to mind. She couldn't form the thoughts that bustled around in her head into syllables, and she couldn't put them on the tip of her tongue. She didn't know what else to say, what else to do. She was lost. She finally got a grip on her words and stuttered, "Oh, Derek…" She began to cry, tears dribbling down her cheeks and splashing onto Derek's blankets. She let her head fold into his chest and he cautiously reached over with his left hand, stroking her back with gentleness and caring.

Derek gazed at her shaking form and rubbed her back harder, wishing more than everything she could erase what she'd just seen from her memory. He blinked, then fumbled messily for words to come to his lips, "I'm 'orry, I'm so sorry, Mer…"

"Don't you ever apologize, Derek," She cried, a muffled noise coming from her chest. She scrabbled her fingers against his blanket, trying to gain any amount of composure that she could gather. "Don't you _ever." _She cried until her cries became slower, and her chest heaved less. She sniffled against his chest.

He paused for a moment, then tried, "Are you…are you really….pregnant?"

She raised her head and pushed her hair back behind her ears, wiping off her wet, tear-ridden cheeks. "Yeah," She whispered. She unconsciously put her hand on her stomach. It was a weird and amazing feeling that she was growing a little person somewhere, somehow, in there. She blinked and felt her fingers run across the seams of her shirt, and then her eyes met Derek's. He was blinking back tears. "We're going to start a family."

"Oh, Meredith, that's…" He began, but began to choke on his own oxygen. He sputtered for breath, then took a deep inhale. Meredith squeezed his hand for support. "That's amazing. Meredith…I..." He lost track of his words, all of his emotions overwhelming him.

They embraced.

_**A/N: What did you think? Sorry the last part was so short. There will be more Derek-waking-up scenes, I just thought I'd throw the last part in to give you guys a little bit of closure, if that even helped. They went through quite the event, and it'll take some work to get themselves back to normal. But YES, Meredith still has the baby :) **_

_**Woah, almost 40 chapters! Thanks so much for reading, reviews are appreciated! **_


	39. Chapter 39

_**A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews! I love them! It's such motivation to keep going, and keep writing. I wonder how many comments I can get by chapter 40? :) It's awesome. Enjoy!**_

Derek awoke with a start, and a sudden wave of nausea and fear swept over him. He sniffed the air. Unfamiliar. He let his blurry vision scan the room. Unfamiliar. He didn't recognize it, he didn't recognize any of it. He coughed, flicking his vision around the small hospital room some more. The clock flashed 3:30 am- Meredith wasn't there. A nurse busily read some monitors beside him, the noise of her scribbling pen against the chart being the only noise in the room. He tried to form words, but the only thing that came out was a shallow breath. He licked his lips, then bit them, keeping himself from crying out. The nurse glanced at him with a faint smile, "How are you doing?" He didn't answer, he just blinked. "Oh, sorry Hun, don't say anything…" She shook her head, muttering a few words more to herself then to him, "Poor thing, you're mighty shaken up, aren't you?" She paused, then finished what she was writing. "It must be awfully hard, with him in the building and all. At least they have him in hardcore isolation, right? Yeah." She tucked her pen behind her ear, "Well, you rest up now." And with those words of wisdom, she trotted out of the room.

Derek blinked and licked his lips. He suddenly felt ten times more vulnerable, ten times more exposed. The one piece of safety he was gripping to- the fact that Chris and the rest of them were away from _him- _had just been demolished by a perky old nurse on the nightshift. Just like that. Blown away with the wind.

His arm hurt. No, that was an understatement… It screamed with pain. It throbbed, a hollow and pained burning that echoed within his arm. "Meredith?" He cried weakly. Pain snaked down his neck and tightened around his arm. The ache from talking and breathing and being awake spread all over his chest. The searing pain that throbbed in him made him bit his lip. He wriggled underneath the crinkled sheets of the bed. "Mere…." He tried to finish the word, but the syllables didn't seem like they wanted to climb off of his tongue.

_"Chris, please…" Derek had been begging with his entire being. Every inch of his body was shaking with pure fear. All the shock was gone. The only thing that remained was fear. He's going to shoot me, thought Derek. That's what he's going to do. _

_"That's right. We have some business to take care of, Grey," Chris had snarled at him. Derek's teeth chattered with so much rattling fear and horror, and his vision blurred from dizziness._

_"No, you let him go!" He could barely hear Meredith's voice, although she was right beside him. Her voice raised a few octaves, enriched with fear and panic. _

_Derek's response was pained and desperate. "Meredith, go," He pleaded, his voice broken and cracking after every words. He felt numb and nervous, barely recognizing the words as they fell from his lips. He was certain something was going to happen to him, something horrible, something terrible, and he wanted anything but for her to see it. He knew how much his dad's experience had ruined him… he knew how one single act of violence had shattered his world…_

"Meredith!" He raised his voice louder until he was almost yelling. The nurse call button was to his right. To his _right. _

He laughed in pain, mocking himself. Of _course _the button was to his right. To the side of his body that he couldn't make mobile. He bit his lip and arched his back in pain, wriggling, trying to reach his left arm across. It wasn't long enough.

Derek had used to say that he wasn't scared of anything. The agents at the APP used to call him Derek the Fearless. If there was a crisis, he wouldn't freeze. He would keep going, no matter what the circumstances, no matter how difficult it was to continue. Everyone knew him for his immense bravery, for his cunning fearlessness.

But that was all a lie. Every barrier he held, every bit of strength that held support for his body… it all disappeared: In the blink of an eye. The moment Chris held the gun to him he froze. His body was drained of every hint of courage that he had within him. It all dissolved in that moment. Every breath that he took was like a stab to his heart.

And now he lived in fear. Every person that passed by the door in the hall that glanced at him made him cringe. Was it Chris? Was it Johnson? Of course it wasn't… But the fear was still prominent, and it stayed with him no matter what he did.

"Meredith!" He cried loudly, wishing more than anything that she was here with him. He needed her. He needed some reassurance that he was going to be okay. Anything would suffice.

Anything except for the fact that he was alone.

The room felt like it was suffocating him, creeping closer and closer to his pained, broken body. The creamy walls closed in closer to him, attacking him. His breaths became ragged. He clawed at the side of the bed roughly, his body spastically jerking back and forth. He panted, licking his lips, fighting the panic.

He couldn't take it. He raggedly, distantly, swung his body around to his best ability. His feet landed on the ground and he struggled to stand, his injured arm sitting in the makeshift sling they had given him. His body lurched forward and he cried out in pain, doubling over. He had to stand. Stand, Derek, stand.

He pressed down on his feet, trying to maintain some sort of balance, something… anything… He teetered on his feet at first, the shock of standing upright attacking him. He choked on his breaths and bit his lip furiously until he was able to stand well. He took one uneasy step towards the door, then another…

- - - _Meredith _

Meredith sat, her teeth chattering from the cold, in the bathroom. She pressed her head up against the bathroom wall, clutching the small, affirming stick between her clammy fingers. _Pregnant. _

Sure, she had taken the seemingly simple test the few days before, but she felt a need for more confirmation. She couldn't sleep, curled in that uncomfortable, pastel chair beside Derek's bed. She had tiptoed out quietly while he was sleeping, not knowing where she was going. Somehow she ended up there.

There was a baby growing inside of her… the thoughts about it pounded at her brain. It was a weird thing to think about. Meredith, dark and twisty Meredith, had somehow developed a baby inside of her. To her, it didn't seem to make any sense. How could a human- a tiny, barely visible human- was slowly growing inside of her womb, swinging around in that safe, black haven, living it's first few days of life. She instinctively placed her warm hand on her cool stomach, letting out a shuddery breath. Her baby was in there.

She had never imagined that she would be the first ones, out of her friends, to have a baby. She had always assumed it'd be Izzie. Or maybe even Callie: Both of them were baby lovers, moms-at-heart, with what seemed like natural born motherly instincts. Meredith had high doubts that she'd have anything that merely resembled natural born motherly instincts. She sighed, shuddering.

She scrambled slowly to her feet, her shoes scraping against the shiny floors. She witnessed her image in the mirror with a glare, briefly hating what stared back at her. Her hair was matted, her nails unruly, her eyeliner smeared, her clothes dirty. She didn't like it, the whole looking-like-a-victim thing.

She left the bathroom, pushing on the swinging white door. It shut behind her, the sudden propel of wind hitting her back. She pushed some stray chunks of hair behind her ears and mumbled curses under her breath as she took strides, gliding down the quiet hallways. Although some people buzzed in small security and tech-readout rooms, there wasn't much interesting going on.

Well, besides the fact that they had **Chris **in **their own **facility.

When Meredith had first heard that, a little fear pounded in her heart. But that fear slowly developed into a hot mess of anger and hatred. Meredith, by nature, wasn't a hateful person either; but what he had done to Derek made her more than livid. Every time a brief memory was pulled to the front of her brain, she'd instinctively roll her fingers into her hands, balling them into fists.

She padded down the halls until she reached the Protection & Prevention room, stopping outside the doorway. Many of the new spies-in-training were crouched over a computer, Bailey lecturing them on the importance of basic security camera images. When she glanced over and saw Meredith, huddling outside the door, she stopped short. Her booming voice diminished into somewhat of a mutter, and her demanding expression developed into a caring one, one scribbled with pity. Meredith sucked in her breath, listening as Bailey ordered the students to keep reading the articles and watching the cameras, then glided over to her, leaving the small, cool room. "Meredith…" She whispered, shaking her head. Across her expression, her eyebrows drew into a concerned and fearful look. "I heard what happened. I'm so, so sorry." She placed a trembling hand on Meredith's forearm in a brief moment of comfort, then pulled it off.

"Thanks," She said heartily. She should be getting back to Derek.

"It's a terrible thing. What you went through…"

"Yeah," She agreed, folding her arms across her chest.

"… an unspeakable, horrible thing. How is he doing?"

Meredith pursed her lips, then let out a breathy, "Fine. I mean, he's… he's scared. But he's fine. It'll take a few days for him to recover, but by Christmas he should be out of here."

"That's good to hear," Bailey trailed off, crinkling her eyebrows into sorrow. Meredith nodded, then glanced past Bailey's short, squared shoulders. Some of the interns were looking at her, their expressions drew with concern, their eyes wide open, as if to say, _Look, there's that sorry girl, the one's husband who got shot! Oh, the poor, poor girl. _

_I feel so bad for her. _

Meredith backed up, "I should get back to Derek…"

"You know that Chris is in the facility, right?" Bailey asked quietly, peering up knowingly into Meredith's beautiful eyes. Meredith blinked and nodded again, backing up more, beginning her trek back to Derek's room. "Okay. And Meredith?"

"Yeah?" Meredith breathed, wishing to escape the multiple eyes and concern-ridden glances that followed her every time she took a step.

"Congratulations," Bailey whispered, giving Meredith the smallest smile before whirling back around to her students. Meredith mumbled a quiet thanks, numbly spinning around to keep walking down the hallway. So Bailey knew about the baby? Meredith didn't recall telling her…

Meredith walked in long strides towards the ICU wing. Around her, there were still surroundings. Most of the nurses were taking their breaks, or better yet, sleeping. When she had left Derek, the last nurse on the night rounds had said most of the others were finally getting their rest. The day before had been busy with all the wounds from the battle. Meredith remembered wincing at the words. She remembered Derek's stricken expression.

He was known for beating himself up about things, and that certainly wasn't going to make the recovery any easier. She knew he'd be curious as to how many people exactly _were _injured. And with that information, he'd target himself with it. She took a breath, and passed a window to one of the courtyards. The rain was in a heavy downpour, replacing some of the snow that was laden across the ground. There were four courtyards total in the facility: Two big ones for lunch, and two smaller ones simply for a quick breath of fresh air. This was one of the smaller ones, and there was one light on outside. Meredith blinked and looked down. Then she blinked again and looked back.

There was someone outside. At 3 in the morning. What? She stopped, her muscles suddenly tightening as she squinted to make out the figure. It staggered, pressing only one hand against the glass window of the small square courtyard. She blinked, moving a little closer. The figure limped and staggered, gripping the glass with his left hand.

His _left hand. _Meredith gasped: It was Derek.

Before she could tell what was happening, her feet were flying, and she shoved open the door. The singing of rain as it fell in sheets interrupted the once peaceful solitude of the calm, quiet facility. She was correct: It was Derek. He was getting soaked, trying to make his way to the bench on the side wall of the courtyard, using his good hand to hold him up against the wall as he tried to make his way there. He gasped and panted for air, his fearful breaths cutting through the sound of rain. "Derek!" She cried in a high pitched yell. She ran to him, rain dropping around them in swirls of precipitation cascading from the night sky. He fell into her arms, exhausted, out of breath. She gasped, staggering underneath his weight, "What are you doing? Why are you out here?" She sucked in desperate breaths of concern and anger. He wasn't supposed to start walking until tomorrow. "It's pouring! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" She demanded, worry stricken. She didn't mean to yell, but she was more then just concerned.

"I needed…" He panted, licking his lips and begging for words, "I needed fresh air."

She pursed her lips and was about to add something, but sighed and did her best to drag him back inside. Her feet shuffled and slipped as she entered the dry building. She pulled him in by the crooks of his armpits, his limp figure sliding along the floor. Exhausted, she slammed the door and sat down by him, as he leaned against the wall, panting. Raindrops fell down from his soaked hair. "Are you okay?" She questioned, concerned. He coughed, sputtering on some spare water he had swallowed.

"Y-Yeah," He mumbled weakly, leaning against the wall, out of breath.

"Derek, you can't do that," She scolded quietly. She held his hands, and they shook violently. "You can't just leave the room. It's not good for you. Are you sure that you're okay?"

"Yes," He sighed, letting his eyes blink, swallowing in the surroundings.

"Why… Derek, why would you ever do that?" Meredith asked, shaking her head at the thought. She wished he wasn't all so impulsive sometimes, but knew that after all that had happened…

"I…" He began, then stopped short, coughing raggedly. His body let out a shivering spasm, and Meredith clutched tighter to his hands, then rubbing his trembling forearms.

"Please, tell me, Derek?" She whispered, pleaded, gently.

"I was a-afraid," He muttered weakly. She rubbed his hands supportively, giving him a small nod to continue. "I was afraid. He's in the b-building, Mer…" He murmured. She blinked, finally getting what the whole thing was about. She sucked in her breath tentatively, feeling more anger gather for that _man. _"I couldn't…" He lost his breath and coughed again, his breaths becoming more shallow and labored.

"It's okay," She whispered with a sigh, pulling his dripping, terrified, shaking head onto her shoulder. "Derek, you're okay. I'm right here." She could faintly feel him nod into her shoulder and she winced, feeling all of his pain. He let out a sudden, sharp cry of pain and Meredith winced at that, knowing that he was flooded with everything. The shock, the fear, the memories. "Derek, I'm _right here." _

"Don't go near him…" He whispered, and it stung Meredith's heart. She gripped his hands harder.

"But…"

"Meredith, _don't go near him," _He begged her firmly. "Please."

She paused, but didn't respond. The only response she offered him was a kiss on the crown of his head, then mumbling, "Lets get you back to your room, okay?"

He didn't respond, simply lifted his head off of her shoulder. She scrambled weakly to her feet, standing square across from him, and reaching for his fingers. He offered one hand and gripped hers the best he could. His other hand sat in the sling, helpless. "Okay, Derek. I'll lift on three, okay?" She silently prayed that someone with a wheelchair would come rolling heroically down the hallway. No one did, and she took a shuddery breath. "Ready?"

"Meredith…" Was all that he released from his lips, but he gripped harder. She nodded readily at him.

"You can do this," She said firmly, tightening her hold on his hand. She took a few huffed breaths and then met his eyes in a silent, gripping gaze. "One…" She paused, studying his face. No reaction, as if he just ate the words. "Two…" One more pause. "Three!"

She pulled, driving her heels into the floor the best she could, trying to gain any stability from the floor that she could. She grunted, squeezing her eyes shut and pulling harder until she felt she was lifting Derek off the ground. She heard a yell as he cried out in pain and she let go, and he sank back down to the ground, whimpering. She wiped nonexistent sweat from her forehead and frowned nervously at him, "I'm sorry, did I hurt you? I'm sorry!" She stammered.

"I'm fine," He mumbled quietly, almost inaudible. He was breathing hard. "Try again."

"What? I don't want to hurt you…"

"Try again, come on," He begged her, looking up at her with big, blinking blue eyes. "Please?"

"Derek…" She sighed, but he continued to star at her. She looked at him sadly and nodded against her will. "Fine." Their sweaty palms met. "Ready? One…" He shut his eyes. "Two…" She braced herself. "Three!"

He yelped out in pain again as she tugged, trying to lift him at least enough so she could pull him all the way. He was panting for air, choking on his own words, "Stop!" Stunned, Meredith dropped him down and he landed against the wall again. Tears dampened his cheeks and he panted.

"Derek, oh my gosh…" Meredith had started sweating. "Derek, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you! I'm so s-sorry!" She was stuttering now, her nerves rattled. He just sat there, trembling. "Derek…"

"It's…" He coughed. "It's okay. I told you to do it," Meredith certainly didn't look convinced. There was panic weaved into her expression. "I promise. It was more the shock… I think by pulling my good hand, you somehow stretched the other. Mer, it's okay."

_So I did hurt you, _she thought with a shudder. She ran her hands across her head, weaving them through her tangled hair.

"This isn't going to work, Derek. I'm going to run to get a wheelchair. Stay _right _here, okay? I'll be right back," She said, giving him the smallest smile she could possibly muster. Suddenly, a look of sheer panic and fear flashed across his face. Meredith's expression fell.

"No! Meredith, stay!" He said loudly, quickly, fiercely. Meredith was about to protest, but his breathing had become quicker and shallower, so she sighed and sat down next to him. She could visibly see his body shaking.

"Okay," She whispered. "I'll try and page one of the nurses, alright?" He nodded numbly, keeping his eyes locked ahead of him. "You're okay, Derek. You're okay," She sighed and used her small, spy-pager to hopefully ring up the nurses station. She'd never had to before. But how could she leave him with the fear he held in his beautiful eyes.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, ashamed. Meredith looked at him, recoiling in shock.

"Derek, _don't you ever _be sorry, okay?" She instructed him. He looked at her sheepishly. "You're hurting, and you're afraid. I understand that. We're going to help you get better so you'll be here for us and our baby, alright?" He nodded, a distant, hollow look in his eyes. "Derek, I love you," She added in a sweet tune of a whisper.

"But I'm…" He mumbled, then trailed off. Broken? Injured? Terrified? Hurt? "Mer, I'm not me."

"Derek Shepherd," She began, then sighed. She cupped his chin in her palm and gave him a light, reassuring smile. "Derek, I love you, alright? That's not going to change, no matter what happens. You've got to understand that. No matter how difficult it gets, I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. With you."

Derek blinked rapidly to drive away any tears he held in his glimmering eyes. Meredith leaned in and kissed him, their lips matching in the perfect shape, as always. "I love you, Meredith," He hummed gently at her. It made her heart flutter to see a small, diminutive, tiny, barely-there smile creep along the edges of his lips. "We'll…" It took him a minute to say the words. "Meredith, we'll get through this."

Meredith wrapped her arms around him and shut her eyes, cradling him in her small arms.

_**A/N: So, what'd you think? I'd say their in a pretty bittersweet patch. Pregnant. Traumatized. Oh, lets not forget how angry Meredith is… and that Chris is in the building… Hm. Anyways, thanks so much for reading! Comments are SO, SO appreciated! **_


	40. Chapter 40

_**A/N: Ah! I am so, so, so sorry for the late update everyone! Let me try to explain myself. First, I got discouraged with the lack of comments. But I never intended to have you guys wait **_**this **_**long! Anyways, after that, real life work got ahead of me. Then my beloved computer screen broke. So I finally have a chapter for you guys! Thanks so much for still reading. Hopefully, if you're able, you could maybe comment? It really does encourage me, and knowing that you guys read it makes writing it all the more worthwhile. Thanks and enjoy!**_

"One more step!" Meredith urged as Derek neared his bed. He had just made a full round of walking along the isles of the medical ward and huffed with exhaustion, but he did it, and he was puffing out chuffed gusts of air from his lungs. By the time his shuffled steps hit the side of the bed he collapsed, and it squawked under his weight. He moaned a muffled noise of disenchantment into the pillow and Meredith groaned as she swung his legs around for him, letting him lay back in his haven of warm sheets and blankets. "Do you need oxygen?" She prodded as he spun back to face the ceiling, his eyes clasped shut as his breathing slowed to normal. He shook his head. "Are you sure?" He nodded.

She watched him for moment until she was content that he was comfortable, then allowed herself to collapse in the pastel chair next to his chair. It squealed and screamed as she dragged it across the floor towards the side of his bed. He winced at the noise and she smiled apologetically at him: Not that it mattered, as his eyes remained closed with discontentment. "Derek?" He didn't respond, simply blinked his eyes open and stared ahead of himself. She sighed, losing the battle. She turned her head to look out the small window the room offered.

Meredith often wondered about the snow. It was so simple, yet so beautiful, elegant, and amazing. All they were, were tiny flakes that trilled, cascading in spinning tunnels from the sky- yet something about them were absolutely and completely extraordinary. Maybe it was the way they caught the light in the sky, or maybe it was the way they glimmered against the shine of the lights that danced out her window, but they really were amazing.

She still sat in the chair next to Derek's bed, watching as the shimmering glow of the white flakes swirled down from the black skies. She watched them twirl around, dancing, glowing, glimmering. With a sigh, she tapped her finger against the wood arms of the pastel chair and dropped her head back. She let her eyes shut for a brief moment, and then blinked them back open. Derek lay in the bed, upright, distantly staring at nothing that Meredith could pinpoint. "Derek?" He glanced at her, but didn't respond, and looked back at his invisible focal point. Not even a blink. "Derek!"

"What?" He said icily.

"You've been sitting there, staring at nothing, looking at the wall… or, heck, I don't even know _what _you're staring at, but you've been doing it for more than fifteen minutes now," The snow flurried.

He glanced at her with a sharp inhale, but looked back away, "I'm fine."

"Don't even say that, Derek… whatever." She sighed and ran her hands through her silk blonde strands of hair. There was a chilled atmosphere that surrounded them for a moment, and Meredith brought her tone down "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He didn't pleasure her with a response, "How are you feeling?"

"My arm still hurts. But I mean… I'm doing better," He chose his words cautiously, knowing Meredith could see right through any lies he attempted.

"You did good walking today. You're balance was expected to be off for a while, and you didn't fall once today. I mean,

"Are you still afraid, Derek?" She asked, although it was more like a rhetorical question. There was a kind of given answer that she expected. "Derek!"

He whipped his gaze at her, "Yes, Meredith. I'm terrified. Do you need anything else?" His icy words rattled her and she sat up a little bit, rubbing her palms along the sides of the chair.

She hated Chris. _Hated _him. She knew Derek wasn't trying to be like that. Although it wasn't okay, he did have quite the excuse. Chris had totally rattled him, flipping his world inside out and changing it for the worse. Every nerve and fear had been exposed to the open, and he was still raw and healing. What Chris had done… it had changed their lives. She sniffled and brushed off her legs, standing, "I'll be back in a bit."

"Meredith…" He mumbled, as if he was thinking about starting a sentence, but changed his mind halfway. He let his eyelids flutter shut, and pursing his lips, he lay back on the bed. "Meredith, where are you going?"

"I'm going somewhere," She hissed simply, turning away.

"Mer, don't~" Derek began, but Meredith exited the warm room with the chilly atmosphere back into the bustling halls, nurses still fleeing from place to place, doctors chatter echoing off the walls before she heard the rest of him. Her footsteps were barely audible within the jumble of noises that filled the corridors, the sounds simply lost in the mad shuffle to go somewhere, to do something. Her footsteps were determined and quick, her hands balled up into tight fists as she stomped. She let her feet lead to where she wanted to go and got lost in her large array of thoughts.

Derek wasn't the same, that was for sure. Half the time it was like he was lost in his own little world, and the other half of the time it looked like he was buried in a deep depression, a frozen gaze, lonely, scared… And that was what pulled at Meredith's fragile heartstrings. He still hadn't said anything about her shocking, sudden pregnancy, and that also made her heart drop inside of her chest. She subconsciously placed her hand on her stomach and pursed her lips. "Daddy loves you," she whispered to the little one tumbling in her black haven inside of her. "He really does." Suddenly she felt like crying as she took more steady, determined steps.

When she had reached her destination, she brought a trembling hand to her pocket, grasping her ID card between her fingers. She slid her nails over it, scrabbling the surface, then gliding it through the card slot. The secured door clicked open and the light glowed green in confirmation. She shoved her card back in her pocket and entered, waiting as the door let out the secured hiss of air as it sealed shut. Her trembling hands shook as she took unsteady steps towards the cell where Chris was being held.

Honestly, she didn't know why she was doing this. Derek had specifically told her _not _to go to him. Bailey had warned her in that I'm-not-going-to-tell-you-outloud-but-I-still-think-you-should-be-able-to-look-in-my-eyes-and-figure-out-what-I-mean kind of way. She knew that no one would be happy with her going, and she knew that some piece of her would regret it when she was over. So why was she even doing it? Her anger at Chris roiled her, and even thinking about his sickening smirk made her ball her fists up with anger until her knuckles turned a shade of white.

She glided her hands along the cold, atramentaceous walls of the detention area and ran her tongue over her teeth, keeping her dagger-like gaze ahead. She shuffled forward and her steps became even less determined, and a twinge of fear poked at her heart. She ignored it, replacing it with her anger: Something that probably wasn't something she should have done. She took a jagged breath as she pressed on one of the doors, and the airtight seal hissed as it was opened.

Meredith's sensible thoughts dissolved and fell in graceless heaps as she saw the man in front of her. Chris. He sat against the wall, the bindings holding his wrists against it tightly. His hard gaze was casting towards the cold ground, but as Meredith opened the door and it squeaked, he flicked his glance upwards, staring at her. He showed no surprise, his face simply remained in a statue like state, frozen and unchanging. Meredith gulped, shutting the door behind her. She didn't have much time before someone figured out that she was there.

"Agent Grey," His snickered, his voice as thin and frozen as ice. His fists clenched. "What a pleasure it is to see you again."

_"That's right. We have some business to take care of, Grey,"_

She didn't say anything, she simply stared ahead, gritting her teeth, thinking of all the ways she could hurt him like he hurt Derek. The thoughts were maddening and she knew they weren't normal, but there was no barrier. She couldn't help it.

_"She's offering to stay. For you. Too bad she can't do anything."_

"What, did you come in here to stare at me? I knew I was good looking, but really…" He sneered at her, and his words dripped with taunting disgust and mockery. Meredith glared at him hard, shifting her weight on her feet. The floor squeaked. She trembled.

Her words were hollow and raw and angry, horribly angry. "You." It was only one word: Only one syllable, a simple combination of three letters, spoken in agony and an accusing snicker. But it meant the same as a monologue, and Chris stared back at her.

"Me…" He purred with a sigh, as if he got annoying visitors that had crazy looks in their eyes every day, as if it was the norm. She took a step closer to him, forcing her presence to increase in size. She didn't actually know if it was working or not, but like a peacock extending it's feathers, she gave it all she got. Intimidation was key: But it was hard to lock it in, as she was shaking on her own knees.

"You…" She had so much to say, yet all the words fell from her lips and she lost her train of thought. She gulped and sucked in a gulp of air in the effort to savor any oxygen she could. "You…" Again, the words were lost, and the once puddle of intimidation dissolved, and she was a shaking heap again.

_"Say goodbye,"_

"You…" She faltered and looked away, hoping that the tears that were beginning to form weren't visible to the man across from her. She bit her lip until it was crawling with numbness, hoping that the physical pain would distract her from the hurricane that wrecked havoc on her brain.

"…shot your husband." He answered for her briskly. The words were uttered so nonchalantly and so coldly that it took her a minute to process the sentence. His expression was still unchanging, even as he spoke about the one act of violence that had shattered their entire world. She was appalled by the way he had said it, his tone so easy and relaxed and simple…

He had no regrets.

Anger roiled her and she felt a feverish wave of hate sweep over her. Chris had single-handedly turned their world upside down, flipping it and smashing it and smacking it over, and over, and over. It was like the sick and twisted opposite of a gift that keeps on giving. Memories attacked her daily, Derek was paranoid and terrified and hurt, and Chris sat there snickering, obviously proud of himself for his accomplishment, probably still savoring the moment he got what he wanted. It was wrong, and it made Meredith sick.

She didn't realize that she had moved until after she had moved, and was on the other side of the room, against Chris. Her fingers twisted up his collar between them and he was pulled up against the wall uncomfortably, dragged by her small hands. He gasped, and for once, his mechanical expression changed, and his eyes opened wider. He choked, and she twisted harder, surprised by her own brute force. Anger added a lot of power to a person.

Tears flickered in her eyes and her voice was warbling and thick, but flickered with power, anger, and determination. "You…" She forced herself to continue. "You destroyed him. That was your goal, wasn't it? To hurt him? Wasn't it?" Her voice raised a pitch and she twisted harder, and his fingers scrabbled against the bench. "That's what you wanted, to congratulations. You got your wish." He gasped against her tight grip as she pressed him harder into the wall, and tears ran freely down her cheeks. "That doesn't make you a good human being. You're a terrible person." It took her a moment to suddenly realize that she was shouting. Tears blurred her vision so much that she couldn't even make out the shapes in front of her anymore. The colors melted into a distorted watercolor, and she blinked. Her fingers shook, but she didn't loosen her clasp around the collar of Chris's shirt. "You make me sick!" She screamed at him, her voice was loud and angry and a mix of a cascading hurricane of emotions. She shoved him again. "You're despicable! You're terrible! YOU'RE~" Her hysterical screaming and sobbing was interrupted by a demanding voice behind her, with the repeated tone that signified someone had been trying to get her attention for a while.

"Meredith!" She froze, locking her jaw tightly, and her breathing grew ragged, deep and fast. She loosened her grip only lightly. "Meredith, stop!" She let go, her fingers sore and raw from squeezing so tight onto the rough fabric, and she flexed them. She bit her lip and felt her cheeks, still wet from the streams of tears that fell. She gave him a glare and whirled around, turning to face Derek and Miranda Bailey. Miranda was leaning against the doorway, shaking her head knowingly, until she walked away. Derek looked at her, mouth agape and staring at her frazzled form. She gulped, shivering. "Meredith…" He whispered, frowning deeply. Tears fell and their gazes locked, and the whole world around them disappeared, leaving sadness in its wake. Meredith cried.

She ran away from Chris, ran away from the scene, ran away from everything. As she passed Derek he used his good hand to grab her arm, stopping her momentarily. "Meredith, wait, wait," She fearfully tried to keep going, her tears falling uncontrollably now. She pushed against his feeble grip. "Meredith!" She distantly heard the door to the cell lock and shut behind her.

"I can't…" She fumbled for the words but they got lost in her throat, and she choked out a watery sob. "I need to… I can't…" She squinted her eyes and tried to push forward, begging to escape from his grip.

"Meredith, stop," He instructed, worry thick and distinctive in his voice. She gave up on her struggle and he pulled her in to his chest, where she decided to seek shelter, burying her head into him. His shirt was warm and soft and she put her hands against it, her sobs muffled by the fabric. She could faintly feel his palm rubbing up and down her back. He had walked all the way there for her: He had known where she was going, hadn't he. "Breathe, breathe," He said to her softly, his face buried by her neck. She sniffled and tried to say something, but her words were sliced off at the end and replaced with another sob. She clung to him, tears soaking his shirt.

"Derek," She cried, hanging tighter onto him. Her breaths had calmed slightly and now she just hung on him for reassurance that he was there with her.

"Meredith," He parroted her name to his and pressed his lips against her forehead. "I'm here. You're okay." Those words made her break into tears all over again and she coughed on her own breaths. He shushed her quietly, running his hands down the back of her hair and whispering, "I love you, Meredith. We need to talk."

"I know," She cried, wiping her tears on his shirt. "I know."

_**A/N: Okay, so what did you think? Comments are appreciated! They have to have quite the chapter coming up, which I am going to try and post tomorrow, if I can… Then I'm off on vacation for a week! I'm sorry everyone! I'll try to write a good, sweet, loving Meredith and Derek chapter for you guys tomorrow. Thanks so much for reading: Happy Holidays!**_


	41. Authors Note

_**A/N: Hey everyone! I'm so sorry, I didn't have the chance to post the entire update tonight. I apologize! But I am SO grateful for all the reviews, really, I am. Thank you so so so so much. Here is a peek at the update when I get back. Happy Holidays, everyone, and thanks for reading and commenting!**_

_Derek grabbed her arm and pulled the sobbing pile of tears away from the cell. Meredith paid no attention to where he was taking her, she just let herself get lost in her thoughts, drowning in the giant superficial lake of fear and denial. She shook, quaking beneath his touch, tears still falling silently from her eyes and dripping off of her chin. The whole world was a blur around her. She felt empty, like she was an empty cup that needed to be fulfilled, and she just wanted help holding the pitcher. She was sore and raw and trembling, each step numb and full of sorrow and regret. _

_Derek walked in front of her, his steadfast and determined steps beginning to grow a little wobbly. His knees shook barely with fear and anxiety. He had gotten a glance at Chris's face, and that alone was all he needed to set himself off. His breaths grew ragged and shallow as he dragged Meredith down the hall, hoping to comfort her, hoping to help her heal. She needed it, and they needed it. She was pregnant, and it was his duty to their family to help make everything alright. _


	42. Chapter 41

_**A/N: AH! I want to apologize for the long wait! I have been busy during the holidays, and my computer needed a repair once again… BUT! I am back. THANK YOU so much for all the reviews. Knowing that you guys read and enjoy really makes writing this all worth it. And thanks to every reader as well. I do hope you enjoy this chapter!**_

Derek grabbed her arm and pulled the sobbing pile of tears away from  
the cell. Meredith paid no attention to where he was taking her; she  
just let herself get lost in her thoughts, drowning in the giant  
superficial lake of fear and denial. She shook, quaking beneath his  
touch, tears still falling from her eyes and dripping to the floor  
from her chin. The whole world was a blur around her. She felt empty,  
like she was an empty cup that needed to be fulfilled, and she just  
needed help holding the pitcher. She was sore and raw and trembling,  
each step full of sorrow and regret.

Derek walked in front of her, his steadfast and determined steps  
beginning to grow a little wobbly. His knees shook barely with fear  
and anxiety. He had gotten a glance at Chris's face, and that alone  
was all he needed to set him off. His breaths grew ragged and  
shallow as he dragged Meredith down the hall, hoping to comfort her,  
hoping to help her heal. She needed it, and they needed it. She was  
pregnant, and it was his duty to their family to make everything  
alright.

He pressed his trembling palm against the door to a nearby supply  
closet. It was dim inside, and the air was chilled. There was a slight  
hum that radiated from one of the generators that was perched on the  
energy supply shelf. He pressed the door closed behind her, cutting  
off some of the buzz from the outside world. Then, it was just  
Meredith and Derek. No one else. The rest of the world was blocked out  
and it was just them, slow motion, focused. The center of it all.

He turned and faced her, meeting her eyes in a locked gaze. Her eyes  
were glimmering and covered in tears. His heart hurt for her.  
"Meredith…" He began softly, but his words were cut off, chopped at  
the end by a sob that erupted from her throat.

She grabbed him and wrapped her arms around him as tightly as  
possible, nestling her face into the crook of his neck and letting out  
warbled sobs. Derek rubbed his hand up and down her back rhythmically,  
and his eyes were crinkled into a worried, pained, broken expression.  
He hummed shhh… into her ear and kissed the top of her head a few  
times, not that she responded. She just clutched to him, her body  
shaking and tortured with a thousand thoughts. He waited for her sobs  
to slow down and for her breathing to become more rhythmic, more even.  
He held onto her tightly until she stretched away from him, gazing up  
at him as her streams of tears slowed to a small trickle of salty  
drops. He crinkled up his face in concern and looked at her- really  
looked at her- and put both of his hands up to her cheeks. They were  
warm and wet underneath the pads of his fingers, which he used to push  
away the fat tears that rolled down her cheeks. She sniffled.

"I thought…" She choked out shakily. He drew his hands across her  
cheeks, cupping her cheeks within his palms. "I thought it would help.  
I thought it would give some… closure… but Derek, it didn't… It  
really…" She lost track of what she was saying and gasped out another  
sob, shutting her eyes with a pained expression. Derek winced at the  
pain she experienced. He wished he could erase it all. "It was  
horrible," She cried suddenly, letting her body crumble down as she  
folded to the ground, pulling her knees to her chest and burying her  
head in her hands. Derek drew in his breath and crouched down next to  
her, pressing himself onto the cold tile next to her crumpled form.

"I know, I know…" He responded, his voice the barest ghost of a real  
whisper. He cradled her like a child, holding her, in a weak attempt  
to keep her away from all the danger and pain in the world around  
them. All he wanted to do was to protect her, and knowing that he  
couldn't scared him to no end. He rubbed tiny circles into the small  
of her back and her breathing slowed again. "You're okay. I'm right  
here." He could see her perform the faintest nod into her eyes, her  
labored breaths becoming more normal. He sucked in a taut inhale and  
she sat up, wiping her eyes furiously.

"I shouldn't have gone," She moaned, shaking her head in remorse. "I  
shouldn't have gone! I'm sorry, Derek."  
Derek was shocked at her words. What did she have to be sorry for?  
"Don't apologize," He said softly, looking into her glassy blue eyes.  
"You were trying to give yourself closure, make yourself feel better.  
I understand," He kissed the top of her head, pressing his thin lips  
into her wavy dark hair. She nodded and let her eyes blink away the  
remainder of the tears that filled them. Derek watched her gain  
control of her composure finally, and he exhaled.  
"I hate him," She sighed sharply into her hands.  
"Mer~"  
"I hate him, and I hate what he's done to us," She said, tremulous  
but determined. Her eyes met his and he frowned deeply. "Ever since  
that day… He shot you, Derek."

Derek winced as Meredith kept talking.  
He shot you, Derek.  
The words were stark and frank and true, and they made Derek feel  
nauseas and weak. He pressed his hands into the cold tiles beneath  
him, gritting his teeth and blinking rapidly. He had been shot. He was  
the victim. It hadn't truly been real to him, it had simply been an  
event, an unspoken trial that they went through together. But as she  
said it, as she stared at him, it became all too real, and his breath  
caught in his throat. He choked and Meredith stopped rambling, looking  
over at him. Her eyes drew together in concern and she pinned him with  
his gaze. "Derek?" He didn't respond, simply averted his gaze away  
from her. She continued to look at him, edging closer, "Derek, what's  
wrong?" His body shuddered and she gulped, adding, "Are you okay?  
Derek Christopher Shepherd, you respond to me now. Are you okay?" She  
placed her warm palm on the smooth fabric of his blue shirt, running  
her hand along her back. "Derek!"

He slowly and tremulously looked up at her, and she recoiled  
momentarily in shock. Tears glimmered in his eyes. "I'm sorry," He  
sputtered, his breaths ragged and panicky. She moved to put her hand  
on his forearm in whatever effigy of comfort she could offer him.

"Don't be sorry," She soothed, her insides warbling. "You're hurting.  
It's okay."

The sudden defiance and intensity of his voice shocked her, "It's not  
okay!" She drew her eyebrows together in concern and stared at him.

"Derek?" She whispered. His voice was unfamiliar.

"It is not okay, Meredith. You're crying and scared about something  
that happened to you, and I can't even get it together to comfort my  
own wife. I always have to turn the tables on me, and it always has to  
be about me," He spat, and the words chilled her to the bone. "He  
destroyed me, Meredith," He whispered, emotions fighting each other to  
explode from him. A gasp escaped the small space between Meredith's  
lips.

"Oh, Derek," She whispered softly, rubbing his arm ever-so-gently. "He didn't-"

He ripped his arm away from her and she recoiled, startled and  
slightly hurt. He panted, "You said so yourself! You went in there and  
told him that!" His words were too mean and cruel, even in his broken  
state, that he averted his gaze again, breathing heavily. Meredith  
squeezed her fingers together, flexing them in the open, cold space.  
She couldn't find any words, and her defense fell. "YOU told him  
that!" He accused. "I heard you!"

"Derek, I..." Her breath hitched, so she attempted a sentence again.  
"I was angry and I lost track of what I was saying. I didn't... I  
didn't mean it like that." Was she supposed to apologize? He was  
having an outburst, she didn't do anything wrong. Or did she?

He looked up at her, his eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot, and their gaze  
met. Her eyes were crinkled into concern and worry and fear and hurt.  
He winced as he looked at her, his throat stung, and suddenly he lost  
himself. Before he could retort anything to her, his body lurched and  
broken cries erupted from his throat.

Derek Shepherd sobbed.

Meredith gasped, taken aback. Sure, she had seen him whimper before,  
even cry. He'd cry out in pain from his arm. She witnessed tears fall  
from his cheeks when he was hurt. But never had she seen such heavy  
crying come from his cocky form. She had never witnessed a legitimate  
sob come out of him, a complete surrender of his defense and guard. He  
crumpled down, his body hurling with every overwhelming eruption of  
cries and wretched sobs. "S-sorry..." He choked, his voice the barest  
remainder of a whisper before he lost it in his cries again. Moments  
ago it had been Meredith crying, and now that tables were turned. It  
was different, though. Derek barely ever admitted he was hurt, and he  
rarely let his guard down. It felt as if her heart, in that moment,  
shattered into a million pieces, exploded inside of her chest. He was  
hurting so bad, and she just wished she could make it stop. She pulled  
him into her arms, gathering as much as she could of him into her  
arms. But they just weren't big enough.

And that was what hurt the most.

She sighed into him, listening in pain to his agony and fear as they  
finally fell loose from him. He had been holding it all in, and now it  
was out, like an animal in a cage for too long. When his breathing  
slowed, but crying continued, Meredith whispered to him. "Derek?" She  
chided softly into his ear, as his head was still collapsed, folded  
into his chest. She stroked his arm. "Derek, look at me." He did  
nothing.

"Derek..." She trailed of softly, reaching her hands down and pressing  
them to both of his cheeks. Although he was reluctant, she gathered  
his face in his hands and pulled it up to look at her, just as he had  
done minutes before. Tears soaked his puffy cheeks, and fresh ones  
watered threateningly in his red eyes. His lips were trembling, and he  
tried to pull away, but there was no use, she held him firmly. As much  
as it pained her to look into his broken eyes, she did. He looked  
down. "Derek, look at me," She commanded. He reluctantly gazed back up  
at her, blinking and biting his trembling lip. "You are not destroyed.  
Do you understand me? You are not destroyed." She placed emphasis on  
every word, biting each one off curtly to make her point. He nodded  
distantly. "You are changed, but not destroyed. I love you."

He stared at her, unblinking, for a solid minute, until a ragged sigh  
fell from his lips. He whispered back to her, "What's going to happen  
when our baby gets old enough to realize what happened? What am I  
supposed to tell them when they looks at my shoulder and asks where I  
got the big, ugly, scar?" Meredith frowned. "Just watch. Will I fall  
apart like I am right now? Maybe they'll cry, but I'll be panicking  
too much to notice." His words were cold and he looked down again, his  
body shaking at his own words. Meredith bit her lip.

"You'll tell them that you saved my life," She whispered. He looked  
up, his face twisted. "You'll tell them that you loved me so much that  
you saved my life. You'll tell them that you protected me. You'll tell  
them that you're my knight-in-shining-whatever." He parted his lips,  
but no words came up. His eyes glimmered and he swallowed. "Derek, you  
saved my life. I can never..." Her breath caught in her throat  
thinking about the extremity of what he had done for her. "I can never  
tell you how grateful I am for that. You're a hero, Derek. You truly  
are. I love you so much, and that's never going to change... no matter  
what happens." He exhaled shakily, and the crying stopped. She touched  
his hairline gently. "I need you to believe that."

It took a moment for him to respond. His voice was thick and shaking  
deeply, but he was gentle and careful with his words. "Sometimes...  
Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I... I barely recognize myself."  
She nodded understandingly and put her hand on his shoulder.

"A real person doesn't go through something like this unchanged. A  
real person reacts, and that's what you are. You are human, and  
there's also the event of your dad going through the same... thing...  
that adds onto your fear and stress. It's okay, Derek." He looked at  
her, ate her words, and he dragged the back of his hand across his  
face, wiping the tears off like a windshield. "I know it's hard," She  
added gently.

"I... I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean to be so... mean. I  
really, I didn't. I'm so sorry," He said sincerely to her, his voice  
still quivering and uneven. He lifted his gaze to her. "I should be  
there for you. And I'm not."

"Derek, you being here helps everything. I know it's hard for you, and  
you know... I'm glad you're being honest. I really am." It took her a  
moment to realize that her cheeks were damp as well. "I didn't want  
you do be stuffed up inside. It wasn't healthy, and I was worried,"  
She admitted.

He paused, but stared at her as he murmured, "Are you scared too?"

"All the time," She sighed, scrabbling her face with her small hands.  
It took her a moment to realize that she had finally admitted it to  
him. She had bottled up all of her emotions, too, and so now she was  
following through on her own advise. His eyebrows knotted together.  
"That was one of the scariest days of my life, Derek. I thought..."  
She couldn't finish the sentence. The words hurt to much for her to  
muster. "I'm scared it's going to happen again. I'm scared I'm going  
to lose you." Her eyes filled to the brim again, something that seemed  
to be happening a lot lately. He used the pad of his thumb to swipe it  
away, a gentle and simple gesture that meant more to her than she  
could explain. "Sometimes I just don't know what to do, you know? What  
happened to us... Derek..." She sighed and looked down. She could feel  
his warm palm rub the small of her back in tight circles.

"It was unreal," He stated simply, finishing the unsaid words of her  
sentence. She looked at him and nodded dryly, smiling softly and  
rubbing her damp eyes.

"Yeah," She murmured. "I just don't see why it had to happen to us."  
She blinked and sighed, her tear ducts empty and exhausted. She ran  
her hands through her hair and just sat there, her mind working and  
processing the facts of what had just happened. She and Derek had  
climbed over an obstacle, that was true, and she felt an invisible  
weight lifted off of her shoulders. Lately they had been slumping, and  
a wave of relief washed over her. She exhaled pent-up air hotly and  
leaned her head against the rack. It jingled and clanged as she let it  
lay there. Suddenly, she felt something and she looked down. Derek's  
hands splayed across her still-thin belly, and he was smiling: He was  
smiling for the first time in a while. Meredith's breath caught in her  
throat.

He looked up at her and she placed her hands over his, both of them  
lost in the sea of thoughts surrounding the child that Meredith was  
carrying in her. They were going to be parents: No, they were already  
parents. They had brought a new life into the world, through some sort  
of miracle, through some sort of magical biological reaction. Together  
they had created and child. Tears pricked spontaneously at both of  
their eyes, and Meredith smiled. It radiated, and suddenly, the room  
seemed brighter. The air wasn't as heavy. Their eyes met and Meredith  
sighed contently.

"We're really having a baby, Meredith," He breathed, as if realizing  
it for the very first time. Meredith tightened her grip on the top of  
his hand and nodded, at a loss of words. "You and me, we..." He shook  
his head, amazed and dumbfounded. "We're parents. Mer, we're parents."  
He looked up at her, blinked, and then craned his neck up. Their soft  
lips met and he let his eyes shut, blocking out the pain and horror of  
everything that had happened. Their hands were intertwined in a  
comfortable, beautiful embrace atop Meredith's stomach. She kissed him  
back, and the room radiated with love and affection. They pressed  
their foreheads together and peered into each others eyes, unblinking  
and lost in one anothers gaze.

"We are, Derek. We are." And they kissed again. Derek embraced Meredith once more, squeezing her tighter and holding her there for a moment. She sighed in contentment and let her eyes flutter shut, "You know you're going to have to talk to them, right?" She ventured quietly, running her fingers up and down his lower arms, letting them dance on his skin.

"Talk to who?"

She blinked her eyes open and craned her neck to look at him, swallowing down an unwelcome lump of bile that had gathered in the base of her throat, "The head agents. They need your story, for the record." His face screwed up into pure detest and distaste. "I'm sorry, Derek. They want to know what happened, and I guess you can tell it more than anyone else." She bit her lip as she processed the words that had rolled off her tongue before she could stop them.

"Oh," He responded quietly, visibly upset.

"It's standard procedure. Not a rough interrogation. Hey, you can do it tomorrow if you want," She offered steadily. He flicked his gaze up to her.

"Tomorrow is Christmas Eve."

"Oh," She looked down at her hands and picked at a dead cuticle that hang off the edge of her dull nails. "Oh yeah. Well, then I guess you could do it…"

"Today," He interrupted dully, sighing and running his hands through his hair. "Today, I'll go and explain to them every single detail. Every feeling. I'll relive the whole thing just for them, just for their greedy desire to have the facts on everything," He said roughly.

"Derek…" She whispered, rubbing his arm again, which was shaking substantially.

"You know it's true. They can't just wait a few days, can't even wait until I'm out of this medical center. Right?" His eyes flashed. She gulped and turned fully to him, kissing him on the cheek.

"You can do it," She stated. "It'll be hard and painful, but you can do it. Think about it," He snapped his gaze away from her, and she lowered her voice. "Think about how your information can prevent further attacks, or situations like these. That could save lives. Derek, that's a good thing." She waited for a response, for him to grin, or nod, or even sigh at her words: He did nothing. Still and numb as a statue, she strained her broken voice into one final plea, "You can do it later today, and I'll go with you. I know you can do this. I love you."

Derek managed to choke out something between a cry and the word _okay, _and Meredith took that as a substantial answer. She sighed, reaching up to his face and running her fingers down the line where his stubble met his smooth skin. "Have you talked to Amelia lately?"

Meredith's eyes downcast and she responded darkly and quietly, "No. Have you?"

"No," He admitted.

"Maybe you should do that today too," She offered gently, brushing her hand along his shoulder.

"No," He reiterated, only this time it was firm and unwavering. Meredith sighed.

"She's your sister, and she's hurt. Why wouldn't you want to see her, Der?" He didn't respond. "I know it would be…" Her muscles clenched and she felt her mouth tighten as she processed his thoughts. "Derek, are you blaming her?"

His eyes fell to the floor again, and he scrubbed his feet effortlessly on the tile. Squeaks erupted from the sides and he groaned, "Not necessarily. I mean, I love her. But if she hadn't gone in there in the first place, if she hadn't been so impulsive… Maybe none of this would have ever happened."

Meredith nodded, her eyes blank. She had never thought of it _that way. _She had never thought of blaming Amelia, either…

…Until now.

Her hands shook, so she sat on them, hiding the evidence. Derek looked back up at her with a muttered apology, and Meredith nodded, barely taking it to heart. Her thoughts were focused on Amelia… what Derek had said… What _if _she just used common sense? Could she have saved them from the whole mess in the first place? She gritted her teeth. Derek's world was turned upside down, from a mess that Amelia created in the first place. It had been her fault that Derek had to run in there and rescue her, and look where it had gotten him? Meredith shook the thoughts out of her head and shuddered.

"You know…" She chided icily, her teeth grinding together. "…maybe I'm not going to visit Amelia today. You should just… go. Or something. I have work to do."

He eyed her, "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Her words were slurred as she mumbled faster and faster. "You go ahead and I'll tell the board that you'll come to them later, right? Then you'll finish saying hi, or whatever, to Amelia and you'll come over to the conference room. I'm not sure which one yet, but I'll page you when I figure it out. You'll tell them what happened: give your side of the story. Then we'll get you discharged and go home," She took a deep breath and rubbed her fingers against her temples. Derek looked at her in astonishment.

"You are allowed to take breaths, you know. Pausing before sentences?" He chuckled dryly. "These are generally very good things." She nodded breathlessly. He was gritting his teeth and muttering curse words, obviously in pain. He had gone a long time without his meds, she figured, and she sighed. He writhed uncomfortably.

She looked over at him again, letting a small, gentle smile curl at the corner of her lips. It was empty, but it _was _a smile. She looked at his bad arm, the one he protected like a baby, and inched closer. She shut her eyes and brought her lips to it, like parents were famous for doing to their children. She looked up at him with gentle eyes. "Better?"

"Better," He responded, kissing her on the forehead. Although it wasn't the truth, it was going to be eventually. They just had to heal, and that was something they could do together.

_**A/N: So, what did you think? Reviews are **__**very much **__**appreciated, really. Thanks for reading, everyone!**_


	43. Chapter 42

_**A/N: Thank you all for the reviews! They really do mean a lot. I hope you enjoy this chapter!**_

Derek sighed and leaned his head back against the wall outside Amelia's medical exam room, letting his eyelids flutter shut. He hit it against it softly a few times, trying to get rid of whatever thoughts of doubt he was having. It wasn't Amelia's fault. It wasn't Amelia's fault. He groaned and brought his hands together, twisting them unconsciously and frowning before he finally brought himself to take a step into the room.

Amelia lay on the bed, eyes open, staring unknowingly up at the ceiling. The gauze around her abdomen caused lumps in her gown and was visibly thick, her hands were clenched tightly around the bars of the bed. She was obviously bored and annoyed, but not necessarily in pain. She just looked, out of place: So small against the pastel sheets of the hospital bed.

When he stepped in, his foot tapped and echoed, disrupting the stillness of the atmosphere clouding the room. She lowered her eyes to meet his, and their gazes locked. Amelia's taut lips curled into the smallest of smiles. "Hey," She whispered. Derek glided into the chair next to her bed, sitting down, and it squeaked under his weight. She shifted and the sheets rustled, as she tried to prop herself up into a faulty sitting position.

"Hey," He said. His arm was in a tight sling and he leaned back, kicking his feet up onto the bed with a content sigh. She grinned at him.

"Classic Derek," She laughed, smiling. "You haven't changed." _You haven't changed. _He winced. If only she knew. Silence stirred in the air, and Amelia drew in her breath, shifted in her bed, tightly gripping the railings. "Sorry," She mumbled, although she wasn't sure what she was sorry for. Derek rubbed his hands across his cheeks and sighed, but smiled back.

"It's fine, I'm an emotional wreck."

"Like that was something we didn't know," She replied dryly, with a dark laugh. She ran her hands through her dirty hair and sighed again, letting herself sink back into the rippled waves of sheets. "How are you?" She dared to ask, although she wasn't sure if she really wanted to know.

"I'm…" He bit his lip, what was the word? Lost? Scared? Alone? Terrified? Stressed? "…fine."

She snickered, "Did you know that that's the second most told lie by men in America?" Derek eyed her, then looked down at the swirls of the grain of wood on the chair handles. He tapped his fingers obnoxiously, and Amelia's tone softened, "Sorry. Again, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," He sighed, running his fingers through his raven curled hair. "It's not your fault. It's me and my overactive emotions," He smiled apologetically, so faintly that she could barely make it out. "So, how are you doing?" He turned the tables on her and she sighed, fidgeting with the smooth sheets between her fingers.

"Alright," She admitted. "I mean, it was scary," She said dryly, her eyes downcast. She suddenly sounded younger, afraid, like a child without it's mom. Her voice dipped low, "I was really… and then I heard about you…" Her lip quivered.

Derek frowned and reached his hand over to hers, gently placing his hand on top of her skin in the simple gesture of comfort. He pursed his lips as his eyebrows furrowed into raw concern. His voice was soft, "Amy…" She raised her head, sniffling, and looked at him.

"Don't," She mumbled, her voice thick. "I'm okay."

Derek looked at her deeply, with more concern, "We went through the same thing. I know how hard it is."

"But the thing is, Derek…" She sniffled quietly, drawing a palm across her face and sighing thickly. Her voice was trembling, "We didn't. I wasn't pinned against a wall and forced to beg," Derek froze. "And the doors didn't lock, and I…" She paused, scanning Derek's face. Pain and fear was scrabbled across. "I'm sorry!" She panicked.

He roughly groaned and ran his hands down his face, "So you heard?"

She pinched the bridge of nose and mumbled softly, confirming, "I heard." Derek looked at her and nodded. "I'm sorry, Derek."

"Me too," He shook his head softly. "Me too. Are you sure you're okay?" He stood from the chair and extended his hands above his head in a stretch. He felt his muscles stretch and flex, then he let them drop, feeling all the tension release. He wished he could do the same thing to his own life.

She sniffled once more, and then nodded, "Yeah. Yeah, I am." She looked up at him, "Thanks for coming."

"You're my sister," He said softly. "Of course I came." She nodded and bit her lip, a tear snaking it's way down her cheek. He twisted his body and sat down on the bed, and it dipped beneath his weight. She averted her eyes, and then laughed to herself pitifully.

"Wow, look at me. I swear, it's the meds that are doing it," She moaned against the palm of her hand, and Derek leaned in closer to her. His voice was draped with concern and care.

"Amy, it's okay to be sad, to be scared. Alright?" He said gently, kissing her on the forehead, just like a brother would. She nodded dryly and looked up at him. "Sorry it's such a short visit. I have to go…" His mouth grew into a taut line, "…give my statement." He stood up, brushing off his pants for no apparent reason.

"Right," She responded, smiling softly. "Have fun with that. Thanks for coming." Derek patted the handrail one more time, then spun, leaving the room.

**XXX**

The room was dimly lit, and the faces of the people with the serious expressions and the piercing eyes were only have visible: Shadows disguised half of their faces, giving them the impression of daunting, unnamed, mysterious authority. He could see only a few familiar faces: Bailey and Callie. Derek ran his fingers along the grain of the smooth, dark table. Meredith sat beside him, and he could barely feel her hands on his knee underneath the table. He didn't feel like it was his body actually sitting there, simply that he was looking in on something else.

"Are you okay?" Meredith whisper came distantly from beside him. He shook his head into reality.

"Yup," He whispered back, his words dry and caked with doubt.

A loud voice erupted from the front of the room, cutting off whatever Meredith was going to say. Derek folded his hands on the table to keep himself from drumming them, creating an awkward tapping noise in the pit of the room. He gulped as the voice spoke. "Is your name Agent Derek Christopher Shepherd?"

Derek realized the loud affirming voice was indeed talking to him, "I am." He murmured back, straining to get his voice box to work. Meredith's thumb rubbed his knee.

"Do you swear to tell the truth about every action, without exaggeration or editing of the situation?"

"Yes," He said quietly. He felt all eyes drift to him and he gulped.

"Okay. From this point on, everything you say is on the record, uncensored, and exactly how it is told from your mouth. Understood?"

"Yes," He reiterated. He heard a click, the tapping of a keyboard. He twisted his hands together and felt the tension heat between them.

A new voice spoke, from someone he couldn't make out the face of. It was deep and male and monotone, "Please explain the history between you and Agent 0-5-0." Chris.

Derek tensed, and gritted his teeth together roughly, "He did some business with my father." He paused, waiting for a prompting question, but nothing came. He rubbed the skin on his hand harder. "In the end, there was a disagreement, and my father didn't want to be involved with him anymore. Then…" His jaw clenched, "Chris killed my father." The scribbling and tapping paused, and Derek felt like all the people were staring at him, eating his facial expression, suddenly entranced by the story.

"Would this be the motive for him coming after you?" Derek winced. _Coming after you. _Every word made the situation all the more real, all the more painful. He felt his innards quiver at the words.

"Yes," He whispered quietly, looking down. He didn't turn to see Meredith's sympathetic expression. He didn't need to look to see the worry in her eyes.

"Do you believe his ulterior motive for getting Agent B1847 was to get to you?" Amelia. Derek tensed and ran his hands up and down his forearms, as if to warm up from the sudden chill that rippled across the painfully icy air.

"Yes… I mean, not really… Well… I don't know," He sighed, haunted and feverish. The room was fluctuating from cold, to hot, to cold, to hot. Or at least if felt like that. Meredith rubbed his knee, trying to offer more support in any way she could.

The deep voice moved on, "Why did you go into the facility in the first place?" He made it sound degrading, like Derek had been stupid to do it. Derek winced and gritted his teeth.

"To help Amelia." He snapped. Didn't they get the point? He scrubbed his feet against the ground in frustration and pent up anger.

"Were you in any way associated with Agent 0-5-0?" The agent remarked. The room grew quiet again, and it took Derek a moment to process exactly what he had just said.

"What?" The room spun in the dark. The feeling of Meredith's comforting hand dissolved. He choked.

"I'll repeat the question. Were you in any way associated with Agent 0-5-0?" He repeated sarcastically. Derek widened his eyes. They were asking him if he had planned the whole plot out with Johnson. If he had helped the whole thing develop. If he had some sort of behind the scenes plan to have that happen the entire time. He felt himself trembling. Were they kidding? Was this some kind of sick joke?

"You're accusing me of being on his side?" He spat shakily, in raw disbelief.

"We're asking, not accusing, Doctor Shepherd," The man replied smoothly, unfazed.

"He shot me," Derek said, trembling in his seat. His nails scrabbled across the table as his hands shook. "You're asking me… if I was on his side?" He chose his words carefully and cut them off at the end to make his point. All eyes stared at him, unblinking. The room spun faster. Derek gripped his arms, digging his nails as hard as he could. Although they weren't long, when he pushed hard enough, there was pressure. He gulped. Tears stung. "How could you…" Derek panted. He felt weak and sick, his stomach churning fiercely. The accusation was making his world spin. He choked on his words, woozy.

"Agent Shepherd, answer the question." Derek pursed his lips and felt the sting of a biting pain in his arm, looking down unhappily to realize he had gripped himself so hard that he had drawn blood. He winced, standing fast.

"I have to go to the restroom," He choked before he flew out, flying down the hall and crashing into the nearest Mens bathroom. He felt sick as his muscles burned, and he smacked his hands onto the rims of the sink, leaning, trying to catch his shallow breaths. He panted and his eyes were red rimmed and misted. He gripped the sink harder before he turned on the sink, letting the cold water trickle down, spilling onto his arms and stinging the small cuts.

He could visibly see himself shake violently in the reflection of the mirror, and numbness trailed up his feet, creeping up farther. The person looking back at him didn't look familiar. It didn't look like the same person he knew himself as before. He felt sick, queasy, and unstable on his own feet. He rubbed his hands across his cheeks painfully and groaned, about to turn around and slowly go back to the room.

There was a clatter outside the room and he could hear someone pressing on the door, about to creak it open. Derek gulped. No one was supposed to see him like this, no one was supposed to witness him in this broken state. He spun on his heels and went flying into the nearest stall, slamming the door and fumbling to click it shut. As he heard the door swing open, he hopped up on the toilet seat, teetering on his balance, and listened intently as voices cut through the silence.

"Gary, you were supposed to get me first! What were you thinking?" A muffled male voice hissed. Derek pressed his face to the stall and bit his lip.

A voice, presumably Gary, retorted, "It's hard enough to sneak something out of such a well guarded place. You're lucky I work here." Derek felt himself freeze, every muscle going tense, every nerve going on end. His stomach fell as if it was a stone. "Otherwise there would have been no chance to get you out without the security scanners picking it up. Everyone's distracted with Agent Shepherd's story time or whatever," Derek pressed his face even closer to the cold metal, feeling the blood rush from his veins.

The muffled voice cackled. "Of course they are. I love it. This is all from what I've done to him."

Derek paled and dropped his jaw, feeling faint and feeling himself fade into a messy stupor.

The man on the other side of the stall was Chris.

_**A/N: Well… who saw that coming?**_

_**Comments are SO appreciated and really encourage me. Thanks for reading!**_


	44. Chapter 43

_**A/N: Sorry about the cliffhanger. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter: Thanks for reading!**_

Derek suddenly felt his muscles go completely slack, like loose rubber bands, quaking and stringing and weak. He pressed his palms against the cold stall and leaned on it with full force, biting his lip until it bled to make sure he didn't let out a cry or a fearful churn of noise. His palms were sweaty and he attempted to keep every bit of cling he could to the bathroom stall. His heart was beating so loudly that he was certain that everyone outside would hear it.

There was unzipping of bags and shuffle of fabrics: Then, a few beeps and chimes and clicks on a keypad. Their ruthless chatter continued and Derek could hear the door click shut: Although it was such a feeble gesture, it was louder than Derek could imagine. He was sweating hard, so hard that he was sure the splashes of sweat as they slapped the floor could be heard as well. Every sense, it seemed, was magnified. He licked his lips and tried to get his ears to listen, but they had since quieted down.

"So what were your other plans while we're here?" Gary sighed. There was a clang of metal and another zip. Derek shivered.

He trembled as Chris's raspy voice replied in an unfriendly hiss, "I just want to be out of here. I considered going after Shepherd, but I figured, might as well take the opportunity to get out of here while I could." Derek felt his blood drop from his brain so rapidly that he felt a dizzy spell attack him.

"You've already done a number on him," Gary chuckled, slapping his palm against the wall. The sink turned on, squealing as the water hissed as it fell, splashing and sloshing around in the bowl. Derek winced at the words, his legs shaking beneath him. "Have you seen the guy? Total wreck."

"Yeah, his little girlfriend or whatever came to me today, and he came behind her. He looked like he was going to puke," Chris sighed, almost sounding exhausted. "Whatever. His father ruined my life years ago. That's somewhat justification." _No. It's not. _

Derek gulped, his breath coming out ragged and shallow, and he brought one of his hands down slowly. Where was his cell phone? It was in his pocket, right? He bit his lip again and tensed every muscle in his body, trying to keep himself in check, trying not to make the slightest move that would give himself away. He moved his hand, although it seemed impossible, snaking his way down to the fabric of his pocket, where he fumbled around. He realized he was holding his breath.

"So, you're not paying him another visit?" Derek paused, waiting for the answer. _Say no. Say no. Say no. _

"Well…" Chris trailed off. Derek balled his hand into a fist, his vision blurred as tears gathered in his corners. He drew in his breath. "…at least not today. As soon as I can get to him, though…" Chris cackled, trailing off menacingly. Derek was about ready to cry. He balled his fist up and brought it to his mouth, smothering whatever sound was tempted to erupt from his throat, and he shook more violently than before.

He had to call Meredith. He didn't even need to speak: She'd know something was wrong.

He shakily drew his hand into his pocket, between the warm folds of fabric. He dug around until he tightened his hand around the metal Blackberry and grasped it, pulling it up. He just needed to get it to his ear, that was all. He just needed to pull it to his ear and hit Meredith's speed dial. She'd pick up the phone and he wouldn't say anything. She'd know something was up and she'd come. Right? Right.

But his palms were sweaty and immediately, as he brought his phone up towards his face, it slid from under his palm, dropping in a slow, torturous downfall. Derek's eyes grew wide in horror as it clanged against the floor, and the chattering voices outside. He gulped.

**XXX**

Meredith let her fingers dance across the table with a sigh, her other hand propping up her face. She was pretty sure the tension of leaning her head on her cheek was bound to create a red mark on her face. She lifted her gaze to the agents that all looked frustrated and annoyed. Some were checking their watches, some were mumbling words of frustration to each other, some were cursing under their breaths. One man was tapping a pen on the table loudly and obnoxiously, making Meredith groan in annoyance. She scrubbed at her face as Callie spoke, "Where is he? Does it really take ten minutes for someone to go to the bathroom?" Meredith eyed her then sighed again.

"I don't know," She groaned. "I'm sure he'll be back soon." _I'm sure he's fine. _

"We can't hold off this meeting forever, Grey," One of the male agents spoke. His voice was deep and grainy and impatient.

"I know that!"

"Well, where is he?" He prompted dryly. Every pair of eyes drifted in her direction.

"In the bathroom. Did you not hear him announce that to everyone?" She paused. "He needed a minute. He's fine, just taking a breather. You're practically forcing him to relive one of the worst days of his life. Can you not give him a moment to breathe?" Her words must have hit home and no one questioned him, simply looked back down at their papers and files and computers. She sighed sharply and rubbed her temples.

Derek was fine, right? Sure he had been gone for a bit, but she was sure he was fine.

Just in the bathroom.

Just taking a breather.

….Right?

**XXX**

Derek's breath was ragged. The whole room was blurry and spinning and making him sick. He heard the men's chattering stop distantly and he froze. He fell from the seat he stood on, stumbling onto the floor of the cell. The men's feet were visible, shiny black shoes that tapped as they advanced towards the stall. Derek couldn't feel his own feet, they were shaking so badly, week like spoiled Jell-o. He backed up against the back wall of the stall, shivering. They opened the door with a kick, and his breath was lost in the moment. Completely gone, so far that he couldn't find it again. Before it was processed, before him stood Chris. Next to him an older, gray-haired man, who must have been Gary. Derek's world spun, and the blood rushed out of his head in a mere instant. He choked on his breath and spare saliva.

"Well!" Chris exclaimed, turning his head to swivel to Gary's, surprised yet amused. Derek's teeth chattered, "Look who it is here! Shepherd, were you in here the whole time?" Derek was frozen, too stunned to respond. Gary was chuckling to himself, obviously happily amused with the sheer irony of it all. "Come on, Shep, answer the question," Chris said a little firmly, as if Derek was some kind of puppet he could control. His stomach twisted into a sickening knot.

Finally, he got his voice box to cooperate. His voice was thin and quiet and scared, and he hated it. His words shook, "Yeah."

"Hmm… Well, I guess you know I'm escaping this place then, right?" Chris slurred, tapping his chin. Derek was pinned to the cold wall, horrified, terrified to move even the slightest muscle. "Well, that's a problem. Derek, I'm afraid that's a very big problem." Derek gulped again, scrubbing his foot in a circle on the floor.

"Leave me alone," He choked, but the phrase he meant to be affirming and harsh and demanding came out weak and shaky and helpless. He gulped, his teeth chattering faster. Chris threw his head back in a menacing laugh, and Gary joined him. Derek winced. He pressed his back flatter against the wall.

"No can do," The older man, Gary, snickered. Chris did the same as well.

Derek shifted his weight on his feet, and the friction grabbed Derek's shirt. As he rubbed up against the wall the side of his shirt got caught behind him and he felt himself flash his shoulder towards them. He reached up with trembling fingers to put the neck of his shirt back in place, but they were both intrigued. "Did I give you that scar, Shepherd?" Chris laughed, advancing closer. "Well, I did I fine job, didn't I?"

Derek grinded his teeth together. He felt the tears coming. He forced them back.

Chris, upset with the lack of response, took another step, growling, "Did I do a good job? Are you _broken, _Derek?" He hissed, and spit sprayed from in between his teeth. His breath was hot and smelled foul. Derek grimaced.

Chris took another step until he was uncomfortably close to Derek. Before he could process what was happening, Chris shoved him smack in the shoulder blade. Derek bit his lip. He would not cry. He would. Not. Cry. Another shove, and Derek smothered another cry. One more shove, and he whimpered. Chris looked only half satisfied. "Weak already?" He taunted. "Really? Did I _destroy _you, Derek?" He paused, glaring at Derek straight in the eye, "Because it looks like I've finally broken you."

With that, something inside Derek- some sort of raw barrier- snapped. It simply broke in two, shattering into jagged pieces, making Derek's breath catch in his throat. But the weird thing is, is that it didn't feel like he was _missing _something. It seemed as if he had gained something finally, some sort of knowledge and power that he hadn't had before.

Derek Shepherd was strong. He worked out, he knew how to put up a fight, and he was good at intimidation. So why was he pinned against a wall, totally scared and worried about Chris. The man wasn't even as strong from him.

Maybe it wasn't Chris's threatening strength that made Derek cringe. It was the intimidation… the fear… and the memories from the passed. Derek wasn't physically pinned against the wall, so why was he standing there in the first place? He was simply pinned by fear, flat out fear that something was going to happen to him, that something was going to happen to someone he loved. He gulped, tapping his fingers on the wall behind him.

He had overcome Chris once, so what was there really to be afraid of? Derek Shepherd was sick of being afraid, and he was done being putty in the hands of Chris.

Derek lunged out, grabbing Chris by the collar and spinning him, flattening him into the wall, shoving him against the wall. Chris gasped from lack of air and surprise. Surely he had never guessed that the very man he thought he had in the palm of his hands would strike back. Gary stood behind them, stunned as well. Derek balled his hand up, twisting the collar of Chris's shirt very tightly. He could hear Chris's fingernails scrabbling against the walls behind him. "You…" He said coolly, almost calm… but his voice shook. "Did _not _destroy me."

Derek gritted his teeth, shoving Chris against the wall harder, his face a shade of beet red, "Maybe… maybe, you made me _stronger," _He snarled. Chris gasped, eyes wide with fear. "You think you _destroyed _me? Is that what you take pride in saying?" Derek smacked him with his fist, and Chris winced. "Well guess what? It's not true. And it never will be. What my father did to you back then, it was nothing…nothing compared to what you're doing right now." Tears of frustration stung his eyes, but he didn't let the blurriness stop him. "So, stop thinking that you accomplished anything. Because you didn't."

Derek punched him again as Chris squirmed under his grasp, breathless and pained. Derek snapped at him, "How does that feel? Huh? You son of a~"

The loud snap a door swinging open interrupted his last sentence, and he turned his head to the side to see something he didn't expect in the least. Meredith stood, leading Callie, Bailey, and two other guards along with her. She widened her eyes at the scene she whispered, visibly shaking and scared instantly. Derek ignored them and turned his gaze back to the man in front of him, barely listening as Gary was snapped into cuffs. He held him tight, in a hateful glare.

"Derek…" Meredith's voice sounded distant and dazed and unfamiliar. It sounded like she was hundreds of miles away rather than a few feet. She took a cautious step forward, "Derek, put him down." She certainly didn't _want _him too, but she knew what was important. He just stared ahead of him, his eyes fixed on the repulsive, squirming man in front of him. He wound his fist up again, overtaken by anger and rage and pent-up emotions. "Derek…" She took another step, then another, until she was next to him. He was trembling, his own raised fist quivering. He felt Meredith put her hand over his balled up fist and gently lower it, simply pushing it down until it pointed at the floor. "Derek…" She whispered again, grasping his shoulders and pulling him off of Chris. Chris collapsed to the floor, wheezing as guards grabbed him and frantically spoke into their earpieces, requesting backup and entrance to the maximum security area.

Meredith pulled him back with her, and he took simple steps until they were outside. He sucked down the air, savoring the oxygen that enriched his lungs. The air was richer and thicker and more fulfilling than it had been inside. He took large gulps, still shaking largely, and she guided him away. His legs wobbled, and he teetered on his own balance. She let go of him and stepped to face him, his gaze tearful and scared and satisfied, all at once. Neither of them spoke for a few moments, until Derek looked at her. He had overcome something. He wasn't sure what, but it was big.

"Oh, Meredith…" He cried, pulling her into his arms and enveloping her in an embrace. "Meredith…" He repeated, as if her name alone was a prayer.

"Are you okay?" She said softly, completely breathless. He was raw with emotion.

"I'm…" He began, but tears began to fall without warning. "Yes, I'm okay, Meredith. I'm okay."

_**A/N: So… what did you think? Derek definitely overcame something here, and that's a very big accomplishment for him. They're moving along, guys :)**_

_**Reviews keep me going! Comments are very appreciated :)**_


	45. Chapter 44

_**A/N: I'm really sorry about the wait, everyone. Thank you for being patient! I hope you enjoy this chapter! This is a pretty long chapter, and it took me a while, obviously :) Thanks for reading.  
**_

_Derek. Where was he? He had been there just a moment ago, right? Right. Or had it been her eyes playing infuriating tricks on her, making the colors dance in the light and creating hallucinations that triggered her memories, putting her brain on overdrive, causing her to go into a state of hysteria? No. He had been there. Or hadn't he? _

_She tried to cry out again, tried to strain her eyes to see in front of her, but the bright, fluorescent lights scorched her eyes and she sealed them shut in agony. Voices? There were voices around her, but none of them were Derek's. "Derek?" She whispered, and her voice was unfamiliar, muttering a dry plea. _

"_Mer?" She thought she heard a voice, but she couldn't be sure. Her world was spinning already, and she gripped whatever thing she was on. _

"_The baby's coming!" The figure somewhere in front of her murmured, monotone. She whipped her eyes open. A hospital room: Bright lights, people running, holding onto her. She screamed. She wasn't sure if it was in confusion or pain, but it came out ragged and broken. The lights seared her eyes and she shut them again, and they suddenly felt so heavy that she felt sick. Her insides churned, and pressure made her abdomen twist. She yelped, although she was partly numb. Her head pounded. _

"_No," She muttered dryly. "I need Derek. My husband. Is he here? Where is he?" But no one answered. They were preoccupied by the child that squeezed out of her, a tumbling pile of wet limbs. She yelped again. And again. If not from pain… then what? "Derek!" _

"_Mer?" The distant voice repeated, but it was strained. He can't hear me, she thought. The infant began to wail, cry, thrashing below her. The cries became louder and louder, until Derek's voice disappeared under a wall of pained cries. Derek wasn't there, and she needed to get to him. _

"_Derek!" She tried again. The baby's cries intensified to an unrealistically loud wail, so loud that her head pounded. She shut her eyes, lurching forward, grabbing at nothing. "Derek!" But no one could hear her over the cries of the baby that had been placed in her arms. _

Meredith awoke from her subconscious dreams with a start, her hands tangled up in the sheets, grasping them in between her fingers. She panted, shaking, realizing that it was still dark in her room. There was a bed beneath her, and it trembled with every deep breath that Derek took. He was laying beside her: Derek was right there, and everything was okay. She exhaled with a large sigh, swiping her hand across her forehead. It came back to her soaked in sweat. The clock beside her blinked 3:42 am. _Great, up at 3:42, and tonight's Christmas Eve. Great. _

She rolled onto her side slowly and nonchalantly, trying with her best strained effort to not allow the bed to squeak underneath her weight. She faced Derek, making out his sprawled out form in the darkness of the room. He lay on his stomach, his face shoved into his pillow, looking away from her. His soft exhales could be heard as the air whooshed out of his lungs. Meredith lifted her hand and let her fingers dance along his vertebrae, tracing his spine, until she leaned in and kissed the nape of his neck lightly. He didn't stir.

Sighing, she slipped her legs under the covers, passing unworn spots of cold and feeling where she had fallen asleep, as the warmth was still there, and she landed on the fluffy carpet beneath her. She scrubbed at her eyes in the darkness, wiggling her toes and extending her hands above her, hoping to warm her muscles. They were tense and rigid, probably from gripping the sheets so tightly in her sleep.

She forced herself to stand up from the warm haven of sheets, allowing herself to become exposed to the chilly air. She drew her hand across her forehead again, blinking to the nothingness that was darkness, and hobbling quietly to the door. She tiptoed as best she could, trying to hit those certain floorboards that didn't squeak when she stepped. She leaned forwards: As she left, she swiped the fuzzy red bathrobe from the door and clutched in the hands, creaking the door to a crack. Once safely outside the room where Derek lay sleeping, she flicked her hand at the switch in the hallway. Light flickered on, bouncing around the walls, radiating brightly. She yawned and rubbed her eyes as she yanked on her robe, running her hands through her hair. She didn't bother to secure it in the front.

She padded across the chilled floors until she arrived at the staircase. She curled her fingers, still stiff from slumber, along the railing, and took careful steps. She pretended she was walking on air, floating, trying to transfer her weight from her feet to her head. There were a few squeaks and squeals from the floorboards, but none loud enough to wake Derek. She sighed in relief. He was whipped from the past few days, and all he needed to do was sleep, fulfill his body with the rest it required.

When she had finally arrived in the kitchen, fumbling around in the dark, she allowed herself to switch the lights on. They cast a warm, yellowish glow across the room, and shadows formed along the furniture. Meredith blinked, entering, swiping her hand across the table. She picked it up and stared at it. Dust. She frowned: How long had it been since they were home?

She floated by the fridge and wrapped her palm around it's chilly handle, pulling it open. The airtight seal gasped as it released, and she exhaled. It was bright and white inside, nearly barren. She fumbled with the spare amounts of food inside: A half-empty gallon of skim milk, a box of leftover Chinese food, one single wrapped slice of pizza, baking soda, a few apples, and other tiny random pieces of food. It needed to be restocked. She reached in and grasped the cold milk jug, pulling it out and shutting the fridge with careful, gentle quietness.

She stuck it on the counter and the milk churned, sloshing around inside of the plastic gallon. She swung open the cupboard, content to see that they at least had a little more food: One box of cereal, some crackers, flour, pancake mix, bread, an empty jar of peanut butter, two bags of chips… It wasn't enough, but it was some. She clasped her hand around the paper box and lifted out the cereal. Muesli. Yum. She sighed and pulled out a bowl, clanging it onto the counter drop, and unscrewed the crusty top of the milk. Flakes of dried liquid fluttered, and she grimaced. She shook the contents of the box- which wasn't much- into the bowl, and they landed, splashing up as if they were the milk. She dumped a splash of milk in, and some found it's way onto the countertop. She sighed, tugging on a drawer to find a spoon so she could shovel the hearty heaps into her mouth. She had no idea why she was hungry until the thought occurred to her that, technically, she was feeding two.

She felt her stomach flutter with those thoughts. She _was, _really, feeding two bodies. Herself, obviously, and then the little tiny human that swam around her abdomen, still barely visible. She placed one warm hand on her tiny stomach and sighed happily, thinking about everything she had gained.

When she had finished swallowing the chunks of cereal, she dumped her bowl in the sink and brushed off her hands. It was, by then, 4:01, and she sighed inwardly. She pulled her unruly hair back and fastened it with a ponytail, brushing her bangs away from her range of sight. She let her feet wander over to the fridge, staring at the pictures that decorated the plain exterior. Meredith had never been truly ecstatic about putting the pictures on, insisting to Derek that it was just cluttering a clean space, but Derek had won the argument. _It's just us, why could that be wrong? _

There was of course, the picture of them on a ferry. The wind blew in Meredith's face, and Derek clasped his hand around her shoulder. Her hair was flying up, and so was his, pushed back by the invisible force of the wind. It looked so sleek and smooth, so thick that she could just run her hands straight through it. She wore her classic black jacket that dropped to her knees, and they both smiled at the camera. They were gleeful, that was a fact, and they both looked so happy to be there on that windy day, overcast clouds as their background.

The one below that was of them, taken by Izzie. They were sitting next to each other, cuddled warmly on her couch, laughing. Derek's head was thrown back as he chuckled, and Meredith's mouth was propped open in that generic, laughing pose. He, again, had his arm wrapped protectively around her, gentle but firm.

There was a bright picture in the corner, and it was one of Meredith's favorite. She reached her hands up and traced the frayed edges tenderly, savoring the feeling of the weathered picture between her fingers. Her friends were all together in the picture: Meredith, Izzie, Cristina and George. They were downtown, all of them staring at the camera. The coffee shop served as the background, and they held up their cups in the effigy of a happy, coffee shop model's pose. Izzie was smiling brightly, and the warmth was almost radiating through the paper of the photograph, it seemed. Cristina was smirking, probably making fun of the whole cheesy ordeal. Alex was doing the same, only he was looking over at the girls. He was drinking his coffee. George was grinning at the camera, next to Meredith: and even she was smiling.

Drifting down, she noticed another picture on the fridge, a black and white one from their wedding. Meredith and Derek held onto each other, smiling, looking off at something into the distance. Izzie had taken it, of course, and they both looked stunning. Sure, it was a little bit fake, but their love wasn't: And you could see that in the photograph.

The last picture on the fridge that she truly loved to look at was one more picture of Meredith and Derek. Sure, there were a few others spotted along the fridge: A few small ones of some bits of Derek's family, and one of Meredith as a child… Plus, a few more random ones of her friends… But none compared to her absolute favorite. Derek had his arms wrapped tightly around Meredith, the skyline of Seattle in background glittering off the water. But, neither of them were looking at the camera. They were staring at each other's eyes in pure adoration and love and unadulterated affection… Derek looking down at her and Meredith looking up, their gaze locked, smiling. It was the night he had first said he loved her: Before everything had happened.

For some reason, Meredith's breath caught in her throat. Her stomach dropped, falling and slamming like a rock into her core. She choked. Staring into the picture, she couldn't help but try to force her brain to move backwards, trying to remember what life had been like before the _event _happened. They were so happy, so innocent, and so blissful… They had no idea what was going to happen, and had no idea how it would shake up their lives.

Meredith fell to a chair in the kitchen, collapsing her head, surrendering it into her hands, and cried. She wasn't exactly sure _why _she was crying. Maybe it was because something _had _happened. Those happy, worry-free people weren't the same any more. Derek's arm now held a scar. He couldn't twist it all the way around Meredith's shoulder without being in pain. Meredith choked on her breath and rubbed her face down with her hands, sighing shakily into the palm of her hot, damp hands.

But, in the wake of everything they had lost, they had gained something: Their love was stronger than it ever had been. And they were having a child, a real baby, a real human to call their own. And that… _that, _was amazing.

Meredith took a hold of her composure and forced her shaking knees to stand up. She considered going back to bed for a single moment, but shook her head to herself. She was already awake. And they needed food for Christmas Eve, right? Right. She racked her brain for ideas. Izzie wanted to help her make the food, but what food did they _actually _have that they could use for cooking? An idea popped it's way into Meredith's head. There was that one quick-stop grocery store that opened- what seemed to Meredith- freakishly early… What was the time, 4:30? She could go pick up the food.

She considered the situation for a moment. She could go back to bed, snuggle up to her husband, and sleep in: Like a normal person. Or, she could leave him a few notes and venture to the grocery store at 4:30 in the morning to pick up food for dinner that night.

**XXX**

The fluorescent lights that flickered on the ceiling of the grocery store made her head scream and her eyes squint as she trudged down the pasta isle, struggling to read the labels on the blue and gray boxes. The cart clattered as she shoved it along in front of her, moving in slow motion in her gray sweatpants and Dartmouth shirt. She yawned and kept walking. What kind of pasta was she supposed to get? There were tiny spirals, long, thin strands, chunky hollowed tubes, multicolored squiggles of dough… Meredith couldn't differentiate between them. They were all pasta to her. She dragged her hand along the rack and shoved three boxes of the long, skinny noodles into her cart. It clattered against the rim.

Now, what was with the amount of red sauces that decorated the next section of the shelves? How could there possibly be so many variations of _pasta _sauce? It was all sauce, that went on pasta, anyways. She grabbed a glass container of sauce and tossed it in the cart as well, which was filling up rather quick. The car squeaked and scraped as it clattered, pushing against the floor. She had gathered all the contents she had assumed she'd need, well, that _Izzie _would need, for that night: Various meats, drinks, chocolate items, the works…

Entering the cereal isle, she realized that she was the only person in the store. It _did _open at 4:30 in the morning, and everyone else was probably behaving like the average human being: Sleeping. She spied a few boxes of cereal she always kept in the house, in case Derek didn't have time to cook or she didn't know how. Pausing for a second, she then grabbed one purple box of Muesli. She knew Derek liked his Muesli. He'd be grateful, given that he was always running out.

Padding closer to the front of the store, she spied some tangled assortment of gingerbread man making items: Certain frostings, dough, ingredients, little slips of paper that had recipes typed neatly and diminutive. She dug her hand through the tub of ingredients, licking her lips, wrapping her hand around a package of gingerbread mix. She then gripped one frosting packet, the kind with the fancy nozzle for detailing, or whatever, on the tip. She rolled her eyes and chuckled dryly to herself. She wasn't a gingerbread man making kind of girl, but… Oh well.

She blinked and moved to the checkout counter, where a grumpy middle-aged woman, who looked like she had much better places to be than in a supermarket so early in the morning, snapped her gum and reclined, scanning a magazine she plucked from the rack beside her. She had heavy-set wrinkles, obviously from constant frowning. Dark circles ringed underneath her eyes. The bagger at the end looked young, a teenager, her fingers flying as she typed something into her phone.

Meredith cleared her throat, forcing a pained smile her way. The woman turned to her, rolled her eyes, and began sending the items flying across the counter, listening to the affirming beeps. Meredith watched as the price rose and rose, eyes focused on the monitor with the balance. Not that she was worried about money: It was more the distraction from the woman's annoyed look that pointed in her direction.

"56.92," The woman's voice was rough, like sandpaper, and grainy and unfriendly. Meredith stared, keeping the fake smile plastered onto her face. She fumbled for her wallet, slipping out a sleek black card, passing it off to the woman, her face unchanging. "Credit or debit?" She asked flatly.

"Debit, please," Meredith replied, rapping her thumbs on the counter. She woman didn't even nod: Simply swiped her card, listened for the content beep of the machine, and whipped it back out at Meredith. Mer took it unsteadily, nodding. "Thanks." She didn't get a reply.

She grabbed her carts, thanking the bagger, and clasped her hands around the cool metal bar of the cart, fingers clenched. "Thanks," She repeated to both of them. The teen nodded briefly. "Happy holidays."

"Whatever," The clerk muttered, and Meredith flew out the door at those words, rolling her eyes. What gems.

She dragged the cart out to the empty parking lot, except for her black Land Rover, and clicked open the trunk. She tossed the messily stuffed bag into the trunk, sighing. Things clattered, smacking against each other. The wind slipped, whistling as it slapped her in the face. It was cold and dark, and Meredith spit hair that kept creeping into her mouth back out. By the time she got the cart back in it's place and climbed, shaking, into her drivers seat, her fingers felt numb. She flexed them as the engine roared to life, rumbling as it came alive.

She pulled out of the barren parking lot, the dim lights that stood high above everything else, flickering. She sighed and used her trembling fingers to switch up the heat, turning it up until the tip of her dial pointed to the highest possible hot setting. Her teeth chattered as she drove back in the direction of her house through the back roads. Fog gathered in the windows as the coolness of the air met the sauna of the car. She glided along the smooth roads during the duration of the drive, which was quick and easy and relaxing, something that she savored. The piece and quiet filled her lungs like oxygen, and she drove. And drove. And drove.

When she finally arrived in the driveway, she slammed on the brakes and shut down the car, exhilarated by the high of having time for just piece and stillness and ease. Behind her, on the road, cars were beginning to pull out of their driveways, making strides to begin their day of work. She clicked the door open, swung outside into the brisk, stinging air, and ran to the trunk. She yanked bag after bag, running to the steps, plopping them into the foyer. It became routine: Wash, rinse, repeat. She did it until she was huffing from the freezing air, slamming the trunk shut, and furiously entering her house again, a warm haven. She shook, goose bumps crawling up her arm.

She took a few deep breaths, savoring the heat that enriched her frozen body, and finally shook off her boots. They clattered against the wall until they settled. She shimmied off her thin coat, yanked her hat from her head, and messily hung them on the hook in the hallway. The house was still and dark still. She exhaled, and began grabbing the bags, moving them into the kitchen hastily. She worked on placing them in their correct places. Milk into the fridge, pasta into the cupboard, chicken breast in the freezer: Again, it was like a routine. She sighed, finishing.

She grabbed her purse and trudged up the stairs as they creaked under her weight. The windows were showing peaks of the sunrise, and she sighed contently. Seattle was beginning to start buzzing, only an hour after she had started. She reached the top of the stairs, letting herself plop the purse on the floor. The contents rattled against each other inside as it smacked against the floor. The hall light was on, spreading light across the walls. She sighed again; Derek was awake, somewhere. She frowned: He shouldn't have woken up. He was exhausted and needed his sleep, at least if they were going to stay up and do the whole Christmas thing that night. "Derek?" She whispered, just in case he got lucky, just in case he really did get his much needed break. "Der?"

She padded into their room. The sheets were tangled and twisted, showing no signs of Derek's sprawled out form. She pulled her hand through her knotted hair and groaned; Where was he? "Derek?" She called softly, gliding through the room. Her note had been knocked onto the ground by the chilly wind that drafted from a crack in the window. She grimaced. "Derek?"

She heard a sound coming from the bathroom, water running, sloshing down the drain. Derek. The door was closed, but rectangular rays of thin lights peeked out from the cracks, signifying that he was in there. She padded closer, her feet swiping across the carpet, until she pressed a palm against the warm door. She pushed it open and it creaked, and she took a step forward. The tiles inside were chilled and smooth. She shut the door behind her, her eyes scanning the small room, until they landed on Derek's form. He was crumpled in the corner, visibly shaking. Concern poured over her. "Derek? Derek! What's wrong? Are you okay?" She crouched down next to him, and he suddenly opened his eyelids, revealing his wild eyes. The cold tile shocked Meredith's body as she let herself sit, looking at him.

"W-Where-Where…" He stuttered. _Where did you go, leaving me here? _His voice was raw and rigid on the edges, trembling. He leaned his head against the wall, hoping the coldness of the tile would give him some clarity or clear state of mind. Meredith put a palm on his forehead, his eyes crinkled at him in worry. He really was scared. She could tell by the way his eyes turned dark, glazed over and unfamiliar.

"I went to the grocery store," She said smoothly, rubbing the space where his forehead meets his hair. "I left you a note." Her voice dripped with concern, and she rubbed his soft hair. He didn't respond, just stared at her, scared and nervous. "You didn't see it, did you?" She said quietly, shutting her eyes and pursing her lips. How could she be so stupid? She winced at his evident fear.

"I g-got w-w-worried," He scrambled for words, gaining back some of his composure. He took his head off the wall, blinking blankly. "I was… I was scared. I thought something had…happened…" He bit his lip and shut his eyes for a moment, trying to make the spinning that engulfed the room stop. Meredith felt guilt pound in the back of her throat, perched, ready to leap. She ran her hands through his hair.

"I'm so sorry," She whispered, and her voice dipped low. "Derek, I am so sorry…" She felt horrible. She bit her lip.

He blinked, and took a sharp inhale. "Yes," He said, his voice quivering. "I'm fine. I'm s-sorry." He scrabbled his hands against the floor, scrambling to get to his feet. Meredith helped him, letting him balance on her, lean on her, taking care of him.

"Derek, I really… I'm sorry…" Her voice was small, and she eased him back onto his side of the bed. It squealed underneath his weight as he collapsed onto it, his form trembling. Meredith clasped the sheets that had been shoved to the bottom of the bed and pulled it over his shivering body, tucking it in tightly. She gulped. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and she whispered, "Are you okay? I mean, are you really okay?"

"I'm fine," He whispered back, his eyes sealed shut. "I just… I'm sorry, I over…I overreacted…" He mumbled. He felt weak, helpless, alone. His wife leaves the house for an hour and he can't sit by himself, can't read a note. He felt queasy, the room tumbling, and he bit his lip and shook. "Meredith, please… please don't blame yourself. I wasn't paying attention, and I freaked out," His words came clearer now, shifting back to a more normal consistency. "Don't blame yourself: Do that for me." Meredith sighed softly, wishing more than anything she could put Derek's words into action.

"Can I do… anything…to make the fear, to make it go away?" She struggled to say the right words, panting with stress. She tugged at her bangs in frustration. Why couldn't she just make all of his pain stop. "Anything? Please, Derek."

He paused for a moment, simply sucking in large inhales of air and smacking his lips, until he whispered back to her, his words carefully chosen and honest, "Could you… could you just, lay with me?" Meredith blinked, nodding, her heart throbbing.

Meredith hobbled back over to her side of the bed, and much to her own surprise, she fell onto it like a rock, plopping down, sending the sheets billowing up around her. The softness felt so good, the way her muscles relaxed and let her sink back into the squishy, warm mattress. She blindly pulled sheets over her as well. "It's okay," She said softly to him, slipping in next to him. She could feel his chest rise and fall. "I'm right here." He nodded sleepily, and Meredith was surprised to find that she was getting drowsy once again: Why was she tired now, instead of earlier? She reached over him, wrapping her arms as tightly as possible, warming him as best as she could. Their breaths fell in an even pattern, gently, the rising and falling of their rhythmic breathing. Meredith ran her hand up and down Derek's shoulder gently, carefully, as if he was fragile: Which, in some ways, he was.

"How is it?" She asked drowsily, her voice slurred and sluggish. Her eyelids were heavy, and the colors in the room were beginning to blur.

"How is what?" He hummed, and the sheets rustled. Car horns echoed in the background.

"The fear…" She whispered, "The pain. How is it now?" Her words drifted off at the end, becoming lost in her throat.

Derek paused for a second, and Meredith had thought sleep had taken over him. She sighed and let her own eyes fluttering shut, letting herself drift off into another much needed nap, but not before she heard the faintest, most delicate whisper, ridden with sleep. The word fell from Derek's mouth gently, "Gone."

Meredith loved Derek with all of her heart. Whenever he looked at her, everything else in the world seemed to pause. Nothing seemed as important, and Meredith's sadness and worry was etched away and replaced by the never ending love that Derek filled her with. Derek was truly the love of her life, and hearing those words… They brought her so much comfort. Whether they were true or not, they put her overdrive mind at ease, bringing it to a halt, and Meredith slept.

_**A/N: So, what did you think? As you can see, Derek is still having some issues, but now you know… so is Meredith. We'll see how this plays out :) Thanks for reading! Comments are really, really appreciated (And are great motivation). **_


	46. Chapter 45

_**A/N: I am so, so, so sorry for the wait! I got discouraged. I got very sick. Real life work got ahead of me. I didn't have much time at all to write for you guys, so I apologize :( This week is going to be busy as well. But, after this week, I should be back to my normal posting schedule…. Whatever that is. I'm back, though, and I really do hope you enjoy this chapter. **_

_**Additional Note: At one point, it jumps around a lot, from time to time & scene to scene. I apologize in advance. It's so that I can elaborate/use flashbacks of the missing chunks in future chapters :)**_

"_I didn't get him anything…" Meredith repeated, her nerves showing through. "Izzie, what am I supposed to get him? I forgot it was Christmas, I totally forgot it was Christmas, and I never got him anything!" She groaned, grinding her face into her palm and rubbing her eyes. "I'm stupid. I'm stupid and I am a bad wife," She said roughly. Izzie turned from whatever steaming pot she was hovering over and smiled._

"_No you're not."_

"_Yes, I am. He and Alex and George are out there setting the freaking table while I didn't even get him a gift. It's Christmas, and I didn't get my own husband a gift. Ugh…" She concluded. "He'll hate me."_

_Izzie stirred the steaming liquid and sighed again, chuckling softly, "He won't hate you, Mer. Don't even begin to make up ridiculous ideas like that, you're just messing with yourself. It's been busy, a lot has happened, it's okay." _

"_Sure, a lot has happened, but… It's Christmas." Meredith added, opening a wood drawer from the cabinet and pulling out a handful of cloth napkins. _

"_It's okay, I think he'll forgive you," Izzie rolled her eyes and clicked the stovetop off, and the bubbling calmed down. Before Meredith could open her mouth to disagree, Izzie added, "Where did Cristina go? It's almost time for dinner." To prove her point she flashed her eyes to the microwave clock, which shone the numbers 8:45. _

"_She went to get liquor," Meredith snorted, rolling the napkins up into makeshift napkin rings. _

"_Figures. But… no alcohol for the pregnant mommy," She teased, her voice trickling high in a singsong tone. Meredith just looked up and smiled, pushing her bangs out of her face and finishing weaving the napkins through the holders. "You haven't really talked about it. Are you totally ecstatic?" _

"_Yeah," She said quietly, smiling again and looking down. "I am." Izzie smiled back and poured out the steaming pot of boiling veggies into a strainer, sending clouds of steam plummeting, blooming up into the ceiling like a jellyfish. "It's just kind of surreal, you know? Like, after everything that's happened, it's hard to believe that something good can happen to me. Can happen to us." _

_Izzie dumped the clumpy heap of green veggies into a bowl and thought for a second, then nodded, "Yeah, a lot has happened, but that doesn't mean you have to be negative about everything else. Good things can happen to you guys, no matter what has happened in the past. It's the present, Mer, and try to remember that." Meredith nodded and shrugged. _

_Breaking the silence, slicing it in half, came a clatter from the back door. Cristina trampled in, her hair wild and her hands full with small paper bags of wine that crinkled as she clasped them. Her purse swung on her waist and her jacket was lose and flying open with the wind. She slammed the door behind her, panting. She saw that Meredith was still messily shoving napkins into their holders and smirked at Izzie, "I told you I wouldn't be late. And look, I have liquor." _

"_Right. Cristina, how much did you buy?" Izzie gasped, then turned to Meredith and whispered, "Could you grab the butter?" Meredith nodded and walked to the fridge, clasping the handle and yanking it open. _

"_Enough," Cristina shrugged, slamming it down on the counter and pulling the bottles out of the various bags. "Enough to get us through the holidays." _

_Ten minutes later, everyone was seated around Meredith's dinner table: Meredith sat next to Derek, at the end of the table, and on her other side sat George. Then came Izzie, and then Alex, and across from them was Cristina. The bubbling, talkativeness had boiled down and there was a peaceful quiet. Few lit candles flickered a warm glow around the table, with the overhead lights dimmed. Meredith tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and looked around her, smiling softly. It seemed, as in that very moment, everything was completely how it should have been. She reached her hand under the table and intertwined her fingers in Derek's tightly. _

"_Well, should we say grace?" Izzie offered softly. Everyone nodded, interrupting the still atmosphere. Everyone snaked their hands around the table until they found an opposite hand to meet theirs. They twisted their fingers until the entire table was linked by a chain of people, eyes flickering, smiles playing on the corners of their lips. "Meredith?" Izzie looked over at her, eyeing her, a silent invitation to say whatever she needed to say. Meredith was taken aback. _

"_What?" She blurted. "Me? I don't know…" _

"_I think you're the one who should do it, Mer," Izzie said quietly, smiling encouragingly. _

_Meredith cleared her throat and blinked, then looked over at Derek, until she obliged. She let her eyelids flutter shut and gulped again, trying to bring some words that would serve as a feeble supplication to whatever she needed to say. Although she had no planning whatsoever, she just sort of let the words fall from her lips, hoping the jumble of syllables made sense. "Um, I feel incredibly blessed…" She stopped, silently scolding herself. Weren't you supposed to start with something else? "I mean, dear… God, or whoever it is up there. I feel incredibly blessed today. I feel like we're all blessed, somehow. We're all grateful that we're able to be here together, that we're able to be okay, alive, breathing, healthy, together. You know? Because most people who went through what we went through wouldn't be all together today. But we are. So…" She bit her lip. She didn't really know where to go from there. "…Merry Christmas?" She tried through her teeth, opening her eyes and blinking. Everyone was smiling at her, and she smiled back, suddenly beaming, suddenly overtaken by an immense wave of joy. "Merry Christmas!" She yelled, blindly cheery, raising her glass. Everyone began to laugh._

_They _did _go through something insanely, incredibly breathtaking together, but they had made it through. Meredith was right, and the thoughts and the feelings were overwhelming. The wind was knocked out of her from the amazement of the situation. Even when people began to chat and eat, Meredith could just smile and stare at all of them. _

_Snow swirled outside, dancing down, flickering specks of white against the black background of night. Off in the distance, the lights of Seattle glowed, as well as yellow shines from the houses down the road, peeking around the bend. Happiness thickly enveloped the air. Meredith could have sworn she heard music, too, a throbbing, happy, bouncy melody that churned around them. Maybe it was an illusion- she didn't know- but it was a swirling holiday atmosphere all the same. _

_At one point, she went to get another bottle of wine for the others and some more water for herself. She got up and padded into the warm kitchen that smelled of potatoes and chicken, along with something baking in the oven. She wrapped her hand around the neck of a wine bottle and picked it up, also grabbing an extra napkin. She felt hands on her waist from behind her and she smiled helplessly to herself. "Derek. Hi." The hands grabbed her and spun her around so she faced his handsome face, his eyes crinkled up into a warm, playful grin. He leaned in and kissed her, mashing their lips up together quickly. She smiled at him. "May I help you?" She teased._

"_I just wanted to say hi." _

"_Hi._

"_Hi," He said, chuckling softly at her, and then running his hands up the length of her body until he cupped her face in his palms. "Merry Christmas." _

_Meredith looked up at him, her eyes sparkling, "Merry Christmas, Derek." She paused, and then added, "I love you."_

"_I love you, too," He responded, his voice dipping a little lower. He pulled his hands from her face and dug around in his pocket, searching for something, something… Meredith eyed him curiously, putting the wine and the napkin down on the counter next to her and waiting for him to find whatever he was looking for. _

_When he did, he withdrew it from his pocket, bring his gaze up to look at her. She felt a gasp slip from her lips when she saw the long, black, velvet box he held in his hand. "Derek…" She trailed off, but the words were lost in her throat. He used one hand to flip open the top of the case, displaying a necklace that sat nicely inside. There was a thin silver chain that sparkled with the light, and in the middle hung a ring made from glimmering diamonds. Her breath caught in her throat and she looked up at him, biting her lip._

_He placed the box on the counter and fiddled with the velvet interior until he released the necklace from whatever was holding it on, unhooked it, and dangled the sparkling pendent between his hands. She picked up her hair in the back and he reached around her, clasping the two sides together effortlessly, and the ring of shimmering silver fell on her chest. She touched it gingerly with her fingers, and then looked up at him, tears shimmering in the tiny corners of her eyes. She dragged her hand across her face, sniffled, and tried to speak, although she was suffering from a major lack of words. "Derek, it's beautiful. I don't know how…"_

_He cut off her words by pulling her in and kissing her tenderly. Their lips met together, locking perfectly, sweet and shocking and wonderful. Derek wrapped his hands around her waist, and she in turn wrapped her hands around the back of his neck, feeling the fuzzy warmth where his hair met the nape of his neck. Their tongues dance and their bodies met, fitting together completely perfectly. _

_They released for air, still entwined in each other's embrace, and Meredith looked up at him, her eyes big and blinking. "Thank you," She breathed to him. He kissed her neck and pulled her into a hug, and they stayed there for a few moments of solitude and love. _

_Alex broke the silence by shouting, "Hey, where's the wine? If you guys are all over each other in there, I swear…" _

"_Coming!" Meredith hollered back with a laugh, grabbing the wine and the napkin, spinning on her heals. Before she left the room, though, she spun and ran towards Derek one more time, kissing him quickly before winking and leaving the room, settling back to the table. _

_**XXX **__Christmas Morning __**XXX**_

"_Meredith? Meredith?" _

_Meredith groaned and rolled away from whatever voice was trying to get her attention, but it was persistent. "Meredith?" She finally obliged to acknowledge the fact that someone was trying to wake her up and moaned into her pillow in response. _

"_Mmmm…" _

"_Merry Christmas," The voice said sweetly, and she could feel a pair of lips press against her cheek. She blinked her eyes open and felt a yawn peel across her face, and she stared up at Derek's smiling cheeks. She rubbed her eyes, still dusted with sleep, and sighed contently._

"_Merry Christmas." She responded, smiling. He smiled back at her. She stared up at him and he leaned down to kiss her repeatedly, and she giggled. "How'd you sleep?" _

"_Good," He responded. She forced herself to sit up, craning her neck back with another yawn, and blinked at him. "I slept well."_

"_Great," She said, grinning. She eyed him for a second, and then headed for him, straddling his waist and pinning him to the bed. He laughed. She laughed with him, holding his hands above his head and leaning down to kiss his neck. He moaned softly, into her ear. "Am I really this strong?" _

"_Sure," He said to her, smiling softly. "Sure you are." _

"_Well, I love you anyways. Even if you let me pin you down like this and kiss you all I want." She grinned at him, kissing him again. _

_**XXX **__Dinner, Christmas __**XXX**_

_They chatted lightly, laughed, drank, and everything was alright, until there was a knock on the door. Meredith stood up, scooting her chair back and motioning everyone that she'd be right back. She placed her napkin on her plate and ran her hands through her hair, walking back towards their front door. She straightened her dress and clasped her hand around the cold handle and yanked, greeted by a gust of cool wind that slapped her face. She blinked and chuckled to herself, looking out the door and trying to make out the figure in the doorframe. It was dark. "Hello?" She chimed, easing forward and squinting. Snow flurried and fell on the inside of the door. _

_The woman took a step forward. Her hair was silvery, her face weathered and taut with discomfort. She looked at Meredith with sadness stricken across her face, and said tightly, trying to keep her frail emotions in check, "Meredith Grey." _

_Meredith blinked, and let a small noise escape from the gap in between her lips. She felt Derek's presence step behind her, the floorboard squeaking beneath his weight. The word fell from his lips and traveled into her ear, and she suddenly felt a little lightheaded. _

"_Mom." She just stared, trying to say something, but she just sputtered crazily. "Mom?" He said again. "Mom!" _

Meredith's head was spinning as she barked orders at her friends, who were all too stunned to speak. "Izzie… water, she needs water. Alex, can you go into Derek's phone and call Amelia to let her know that Derek's here? George, you should have the phone ready to call 911. Cristina, you have some medical training, right? Come here." Her eyes flashed down to Derek. "Derek? Derek?" He was wild eyed and holding his mom's hand, who lay on their couch, in a total daze, weak and limp.

"Just deep breaths, mom. Keep taking deep breaths," He said, his voice thick as he rubbed the top of his mother's wrinkled hand. Meredith was still confused. Carolyn had showed up at their door, unannounced, and collapsed into Derek's arms. It didn't make any sense. Meredith's stomach twisted.

"Can't…move…" She choked, her voice strained and tight and unfamiliar. Derek squeezed her hand tighter.

"What, what do you mean?" He stuttered, his eyes tearing up. "Mom?" She stopped responding again, though, staring up at the ceiling and blinking with glistening tears in her eyes. Meredith placed her palms on Derek's shoulders and grasped them, lifting, trying to get him to stand.

"Derek, Cristina has more medical training than all of us, she'll check her out real quick." Derek didn't budge, just sat there panting, in total shock. Meredith pulled again, "Come on, Derek. It looks like we might need to call 911. Come on." She yanked one more time until he was finally in a standing position, his legs shaking violently. Cristina took his place swiftly, checking Carolyn's pulse and whispering things, doing calculations in her head. Derek was shaking so hard that Meredith could visibly see his teeth chatter. She rubbed his forearms. "Breathe."

"I don't know what she's… I mean, I don't know what she's doing here. I haven't seen her in…" His breath caught in his throat and he faltered. "I didn't know… And it doesn't make any s-sense… It's Christmas…" He lost track of his words and put his head in his hands, trembling.

Meredith nodded and dropped her hands, sighing, "I know, I know."

"What if she's having a heart attack? What if she's… Oh, Meredith…" He lost track of his words again and a large cry erupted from his throat, something that shattered Meredith's heart in two, and he collapsed into her. She rubbed his back and held him tightly in her small arms, shutting her eyes and running her hands along the length of his shirt.

"She's not having a heart attack," Cristina confirmed from below them, kneeling next to Carolyn on the couch. "For some reason, she can't feel anything from the neck down. It almost looks as if she's… numb, or something. It's really odd." Derek was crying too hard to hear the words, but Meredith craned her neck to look down at Carolyn, who lay helplessly, biting her lip and shaking. "She's terrified, too. I think she's scared into shock, which is why she isn't talking." She added in a whisper, "I think she needs to go to the hospital. I don't know what else to do."

Meredith drew in her breath tightly, her chest tight and her breaths more shallow then before. Derek had quietly, his breaths shallow and dry as well, and Meredith kissed his cheek and whispered into his ear, "I'm going to try to talk to your mom. Can you sit down for me?" Derek nodded absentmindedly, dazed, and he walked backwards until he reached a chair. It squawked, dipping underneath his weight.

Meredith crouched down to Carolyn's level, squatting so she could look the woman in the eyes. She leaned forward on her toes. Carolyn looked absolutely terrified and horrified, wrapped up into one, and her head was shaking: But only her head. The rest of her body was completely still. Meredith cleared her throat and spoke as crisply as she could, "Carolyn? Mrs. Shepherd? Can you hear me?" Carolyn didn't respond, simply blinked, her eyes brimming with glistening tears. "Please, please. Come on. Can you hear me?"

It took her a moment, but slowly, Carolyn formed a chewing motion with her mouth until a sound came out, "Yes." It was thick and shaking and weak, but it was indeed a word, and Meredith was completely elated. She trembled.

"Good, good. Now, can you tell me what happened?" She tried desperately, trying to keep her voice level, but the task was nearly impossible. Carolyn didn't respond. A tear fell from her eye, traveling down her cheek, leaving a single shining trail behind. "It's Christmas Eve, do you remember that?" Carolyn nodded blankly. "Okay, okay. Now, Carolyn- can I call you that?- What are you doing here? What were you doing at our house?" She waited, but only Derek's sniffling from behind her was the response she gained. Her voice dipped lower, "Carolyn, please. You have to try and tell me what happened." Carolyn's lip trembled, the poor woman obviously terribly frazzled, but a gulp traveled down her throat visibly. Meredith took that as a sign that she was trying to clear her throat. "How'd you get hurt?" She prompted. Carolyn bit her lip, squeezing in all of her emotions. "Carolyn, come on!" She repeated, louder, tearfully.

"Meredith…" Someone's voice, she couldn't tell who, warned her.

"Carolyn, you _have _to tell us, please," She begged. "For Derek, come on, please." She reached up and grabbed Carolyn's hand, although she couldn't feel it, and tightened her grasp. "Carolyn," She pleaded, and the room was silent for a moment.

"I…" She said, her voice trembling. She gulped, flashing her eyes towards Derek, and then back to Meredith. "I had come to v-visit Derek," She began, her voice so quiet and fearful that it was barely audible.

"Yes?"

"A-And I flew in here, as a s-surprise. For h-him. And so I decided to v-visit him at his w-work." Meredith drew in a sharp breath, silently urging her to go on. Carolyn was the only family member- besides Amelia- that knew where Derek worked, and could get inside. "I was about to go inside, but there were t-two men, and they were arguing, and something wasn't right. So…" Her voice shook. Meredith's stomach dropped inside her like a rock. "…I asked what was wrong. And I felt something s-sharp, and I felt weak suddenly, and so I pu-pulled away from them." Meredith's eyes widened, and she could hear Derek's breathing quicken behind her. "They said… They said, 'She looks like Shepherd,' and they a-asked me if I was a Shepherd, and I ran." Her throat tightened. "And they ran out behind me. And there w-were sirens."

Meredith felt lightheaded and stood up. The room was spinning. She heard Izzie say rapidly to Cristina, "Call the HQ, _now." _George was frantically yelling about with Alex. The colors around her in the room swirled into a palette of confusion. Her breathing quickened. Carolyn was crying. Derek was suddenly beside her, shaking so hard she could see it clearly.

"Carolyn," She tried to force her voice to stay even. "Carolyn, listen to me. When you walked up to the men, when they were arguing, did you hear them mention any names? Any names at all?" Carolyn sniffled and looked up at Meredith, blinking, and then nodded. "What did they say?" Meredith, frozen, reached over and found Derek's hand, wrapping her fingers in with his. She knew they'd need it.

"The man mentioned Derek, and then… then, the other man said his name…" Carolyn processed her thoughts slowly, and then her words fell quietly from her lips, spilling out in front of all of them: "Chris."

_**A/N: …Okay. Well. Wow.**_

_**So, do you understand what happened? Carolyn went to visit Derek (poor girl) at work, but was met by the escape of Chris and 'the other man.' Wow. This can't be good.**_

_**I know there are a lot of you that are fed up with the drama, but please, please try to stick with this? If not, okay, but it would mean a lot if you did. Things WILL get better, eventually. They have to work towards it. (And don't forget that this is their job. :) At this point in their life, it just seems like it's event after event after event, and wow… what a rollercoaster. **_

_**Thank you all so much for reading. It means SO much. Comments are really, really appreciated, and they encourage me to write: They really do. Even a comment to let me know that you're still with this rollercoaster of a ride means a lot. Thanks for your feedback. Thanks for reading! **_


	47. Chapter 46

**_Hello everyone :) I'm (again) sorry this took so long to post. I have been very busy lately, and I'm hoping my normal posting schedule will come back to me soon! ~ On a side note, I have been having some doubt in my writing lately. Reviews help keep me going, and they are really one of the biggest things that make writing and posting so much fun and so rewarding. So, if you are able too, leave me a little review, that would be awesome.~_**

**_If not, of course that's okay too. All in all, thank you very much for just reading and sticking with the story... I hope you enjoy this chapter!_**

Derek felt like everything was slowly falling apart, crumbling to his feet, a disintegrating mess. He could barely see the agents that sat around the table, analyzing their current situation, he sat at. He couldn't focus on any of them. All he could do was stare at his mother, in a wheelchair, shaken and terrified and bewildered. Everything he had known had spun out of control, and he didn't know what he was going to do in order to get a grip.

"Tell me again…" He said slowly, unintentionally grinding his teeth together. Miranda Bailey, across from him, darted her eyes around the room nervously and gulped. "…how did this happen?"

She cleared her throat momentarily, but started again in a small voice, "Agent Shepherd, I already went over what~"

Derek cut her off in a snarl, fighting to keep his voice even, "Again. I need to know exactly what happened." Bailey, along with Meredith and the rest of the agents, stared at him, unblinking. He swallowed down a lump of bile that was slowly beginning to travel up his throat. His voice trembled, "I need to know exactly how this notorious criminal, this dangerous captive enemy, how he managed to escape from a facility with such high security, a facility that has convinced me that it was safe to be here." He paused, sucked in his trembling breath, and shut his eyes for a moment.

"Derek…" Meredith whispered a quiet warning beside him, but he pushed it away.

"I thought I was safe here," He finished, cutting each word off like glass. He dared to flicker his gaze up to the members of the board, all silent, all absorbing his raw, true, words. "And now my family members can't even come here without…" He didn't have to finish his sentence, and he looked down at his hands, which were shaking.

There was a pause where silence stung the air, and he tried to get his breathing to level out, but it seemed to want to carry on it's shallow, hasty pace. Meredith's hands snaked to his knee underneath the table and he felt his grip on the chair loosen by a fraction of a bit. He bit his lip and waited for a response, and the silence tapped at him. "I need to know. Please."

Miranda clicked the pen in her hand and pursed her lips, flashing her eyes to Mark. Mark simply shook his head and looked back at Carolyn Shepherd, the scared older woman who had practically raised him. "You're mother did nothing wrong. She was just there when they needed to get out, and were worried she'd do something. They used the instant paralysis, but they weren't able to give the full dosage, so that's why it didn't kick in right away. That explains how she was able to drive to your house." Derek waited expectantly. Miranda licked her lips and shuffled the stack of papers in front of her, choosing her words carefully and concisely. "Derek, we're not sure how he got out, but~"

"What?" Derek snapped, interrupting her. She took a deep breath and continued steadily.

"We don't know how he got out. We're guessing someone from inside helped him, someone who knew the system and knew how to work security, someone who also knew him and maybe wasn't totally aware of how much damage he could do to everything, and everyone, else if he were to escape again," She sighed, scribbling something on her paper. "My guess is that we keep underestimating him. We keep assuming we have him for good, and we cut him just enough slack to let him slip away…" She trailed off, looking at Carolyn apologetically. Carolyn stared at the ground.

"Then…" Derek's voice was shaking, which made Meredith's heart pang with pity. "Then how do we… we need to get him… back, I mean, we need to get him…" He lost control of his words and ended up a sputtering mess, slurring and spitting his words out until they made no sense.

"Derek," Miranda said ever so gently, with more concern than Meredith had ever heard her voice hold. "Derek, we don't know yet. We need a little bit of time to process it and to get our game plan together, okay?" Derek's panting slowed and his muscles relaxed a tiny bit, but Meredith suddenly grew tense. She grinded her teeth together.

"Wait," She found herself saying, her words sharper than she had meant them to be. "You're saying that this man, whose goal is basically to get Derek, is out there loose, and we're just going to _wait?" _Saying the words out loud made them all the more real to Meredith, and she licked her pursed lips. They were no longer thoughts, they were true, heavy words that meant everything. Miranda hesitated, obviously taken aback that suddenly Meredith was on the offensive side as well.

She chose her words carefully, "Listen, I don't know. I just…"

"It's your job to know!" Meredith said, her words ringing in the room accusatory and sharp. Derek, who sat beside her, flashed his gaze over to her, a small warning. He was the one who was supposed to be hysterical. It was his mother, and it was his life. She felt ashamed and furious at the same time, not meaning to take his emotional place, but she couldn't hold it in.

Miranda looked unknowingly at the other agents, the ones that sat briskly shuffling their papers around and clearing their throats for no apparent reason. "Meredith, calm down."

"Chris is after my _husband, _and he's out loose, and we don't know where he is. You guys won't do anything about it. And I'm supposed to calm down?" She said, gritting her teeth with each syllable. "Is this some sort of joke?"

"Grey, watch your tone," Miranda warned, her voice building in intensity slightly. Meredith didn't care, because it didn't matter to her. Bailey could fire her for all she cared. It was Derek she needed to protect. Derek and their family.

"You can't just _do _that. You can't let the man escape, and then sit around and _plan. _That's not how it works!" She continued as her words increased in speed. Derek was trying to warn her, trying to calm her down, and it wasn't working. She flattened her palms against the surface of the cold table. "He's going to go after Derek, and we can't keep holding him off!" She shrieked, speaking the words that none of them had said out loud before.

_He's going to go after Derek. _Suddenly, the unanimous unsaid thought was poured out. The thing on everyone's mind was out and open and on the table. Meredith had made it official, real, legitimate, and she had said what none of them had wanted to say, in fear of making Derek upset. And it did. She had said too much.

Meredith quickly turned over towards Derek after realizing what she had said, and guilt fell across her face like a blanket. "Derek, oh, Derek, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I didn't mean… I didn't mean it… I mean I did, but I shouldn't have just…" She rambled, and then gulped down the bile that gathered in her throat. Derek looked away. The statement had clearly made him upset, maybe from the way she had put it out there or the fact that it was the truth.

"It's fine. I'm fine. I can handle the truth," He said firmly, but his voice was quivering. Meredith looked back forwards, staring at her hands in front of them as they shakily grasped the table. She bit her lip and silence sliced through the air, only the tiny chattering of the beeps of machines and typing of the agents floated through the air. Derek stared at nothing as his hope slowly began to dissolve beneath him. He gulped down the lump of bile that was beginning to form in his throat.

Meredith looked down at her shaking hands. She had said too much, and she knew it, and she felt bad. She didn't know if she _should _have felt bad, as she was just saying her opinion, just sharing what she thought. But either way, the look on Derek's face seemed to say everything.

Izzie's small voice piped up quietly, offering, "So do we have any ideas how to… I mean, what do we do?"

Bailey glanced down at the papers of notes her colleagues had been taking on the situation, squinting to read the fine print and numbers and charts and calculations of the problem. She sat there and thought for a while, until she began whispering knowingly to the fellow agents on the board. Meredith tapped her foot impatiently and it echoed on the floor. Derek's silence was making her nervous.

Bailey cleared her throat which gained the attention of everyone in the room, and Meredith stared up at her. Derek didn't bother moving his head to look at her. "Bailey," Meredith prompted impatiently.

"We are sticking to our original plan. We're going to wait until we have a well thought out plan to strike or make a decision. But, you've clearly displayed your discomfort with that option…" She sucked in her breath. "So, from this point on, you are both going into some sort of hiding. You will be taking a leave from the facility and going to your house, locking yourselves in, and not leaving the house. You'll be in close contact with our security branch of the facility, and they will provide you with your needs and necessities until we have come up with the safest and best plan for this situation." Meredith's jaw dropped open, and she could see Derek look up at Miranda in shock as well. "If the house turns out to be not safe enough, we will move you to a more remote location."

"But…!" Meredith began, but was cut off as Bailey's voice grew in intensity.

"No. You will do _as _I say until you hear otherwise. You will stay in the house and keep yourselves safe _until _we come up with the plan that we need in order to get through this problem. You will not defy me. Do not challenge me, Grey. Do _not. _Understood?" Meredith gritted her teeth as Bailey boomed, "Understood?"

"Fine!" Meredith said, her voice powerful and angry and loud. Bailey held her gaze, glaring back at her, daring her to say anything else.

Derek, on the other hand, felt like he was going to lose it. Meredith glanced over at him. His knuckles were turning a shade of white, and his eyes were squeezed shut, and it almost looked like he was contorted in pain. His feet tapped on the ground rapidly, the frequency increasing the longer he sat. Meredith reached over and gently placed a hand on his wrist, "Derek?" She whispered to him. He couldn't take it.

"I…" He forced out of his mouth. The word was intense and firm, but as soon as he spoke, he felt the weight of everyone's gazes pierce him, and the weight of the room pinned him down.

"Derek?" Meredith called to him, but her voice sounded distant and unfamiliar. When his tongue didn't seem to want to work, he spun on his heels, turned away, and fled from the room: He ran from them, from everything that he couldn't bare to face anymore. When he burst out of the stuffy room into the hallway, he didn't even know where he was aiming to go, he just knew that he needed to be out of there before he exploded.

He leaned against the wall and choked on his breaths. He reached up and tangled his fist into the chest of his blue shirt, twisting and pulling: His clothes had suddenly become too tight and restricting. His breaths began to quicken. The room had rapidly shrunk, and the ceiling was seemingly decreasing in size. He didn't have enough room to breathe. He couldn't. He panted and his fingers scrabbled down the wall.

Before he could process what was happening, Meredith was there, her hands over his and her eyes staring deep into his. "Breathe, you need to breathe," She instructed softly, holding tightly onto him, looking into his eyes, taking deep inhales to set an example for him. He followed suit and inhaled deeply, the exhaled, leaning back into the wall with a collapsed sigh. He let his hands relax into hers and he shut his eyes, breathing.

When his muscles relaxed and he finally calmed, Meredith couldn't stop herself before she said, "I'm sorry for saying that. I mean… I shouldn't have said it like that, so… blunt." She didn't know why she was apologizing. All she did was state her opinion, right? ….But, at the same time, it was hard not to apologize for anything when Derek was that upset. Her heart throbbed inside her chest.

"Don't," He begged. "Don't." He didn't _want _her to apologize. It just made him feel worse. It wasn't her fault at all, all she had done was spoken, used her freedom of speech, said the truth. And it was his fault he was worked up.

"No, really, I'm sorry," She insisted, putting a hand on his forearm.

"Don't be sorry, please, Meredith," He moaned, rubbing his face. Her eyebrows crinkled into concern.

"But I thought that you were… you're worked up, Derek. You're panicking because of what I said."

"It's not because of what you said," He sighed deeply, fluttering his eyes open and meeting her concerned gaze. "It's just… it's everything. It's my mom. It's Chris. It's…everything. The weight of everything is just… It… hurts. And I don't know what to do with all the stress that comes with it. And now, because of me, because of me we have to~"

"Stop right there," She said firmly. "It isn't your fault."

He flashed his gaze at her, "It _is. _It may have not been intentional, but it is. And I'm afraid for you, and I'm afraid for our baby and afraid for my family. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do with all of these feelings, I really don't know where I'm supposed to put it all. I don't want to take it out on you," He said broken, apologetically. "Me upset is not your fault. It never is."

Meredith looked down, shifting her weight, unsure of what she was supposed to say to that. He was hurting, and he was keeping it all inside, and she wasn't sure if she could help him with that. She wished more than anything she could. But in that moment, words left her, and she didn't have any syllables come to her lips. She bit her lips and looked back up at him, tears forming in her eyes sooner than she could stop them.

She pulled him into her arms for a quick kiss, and then enveloped him in her embrace, hanging tightly onto him and burying her face into his shoulder. She wept for the both of them for a few minutes as he cradled her gently but protectively, wishing he could defend her from all the dangers that threatened them and their child.

But Derek realized something. He was a dad. And a husband. And he wasn't going to let anyone, especially a terrible man as Chris, threaten that or any one of them. He was going to pull out all of his expertise, making sure that he carefully protected each of them, all at the same time as he made his plans to demolish Chris's horrible plans and operations and attacks. Although the fear he held in his heart was tremendous, it didn't outweigh how far we was going to go to defend him and his family.

**_A/N: So I would say this was mainly just a filler chapter, but clearly, interesting things are coming their way. Hiding away is going to be trying on them as a couple. Derek is obviously trying to cope with his fear while managing to stay as strong as possible, and I don't think Meredith has discovered how she is going to deal with everything quite yet. What do you think? How are you liking the story? Reviews are very encouraging =)_**

**_Thanks to everyone for reading!  
_**


	48. Chapter 47

_**A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to update. Like I said, it mainly comes from lack of motivation, and I wish I had more. But, on the bright side, I am hopefully getting back to my normal posting schedule (I hope). Thanks for reading. Big thank you to those who commented as well, it really is one of the reasons why posting is so worthwhile! Even with that said, **_**thank you so much **_**to all of you for continuing to read! This is mainly a little filler chapter, but the story is picking up the intensity again soon. Enjoy. **_

**-Hideout, Day 2- **

Derek held the shaking cup of coffee in his hand, watching as the liquid swayed, sloshing against the rims of the cup back and forth. He licked his lips and took cautious steps, carefully trying to balance the tremulous liquid. His steps creaked against the raw wood floors, and the sun was barely peeking outside as the rain fell down in cascading sheets of cool droplets. The windows fogged from dreary mist, and the sky loomed, gray and daunting above the house.

When he finally made it to the closed door of their room, he paused for a second, sucked in his breath, and knocked. Meredith had been in there for the entire night, and she hadn't said a word, nothing: She lay completely silent, frozen, staring at the droplets that trickled down the window and left slicks of wetness behind it.

He brought his free hand up to the wood door and rapped his knuckles against it three times repeatedly. "Meredith?" He called softly, hoping his voice carried through the thickness of the door. In the background, the patter of the rain was increasing in intensity. "Mer?" He tried again, knocking gently again a few times and sighing. He leaned his body against the wood of the door and looked down at the steam that floated up from the coffee in the cup.

Meredith hadn't been acting like herself since they had to go into hiding. She had gone into her own hiding, it seemed, quiet and dreary and alone. She wouldn't answer any of his continued attempts to get her to talk. Meredith was a private person, an avoider, and with every hour she lay there, staring, Derek grew more worried.

He clasped his free hand around the handle and pulled gently, and there was the small click as he released it. The room inside was cold, colder than where he stood in hallway. He took a step inside, and it revealed Meredith, snuggled and buried in their fluffy covers, staring up at nothing in particular, not even blinking when the floor creaked under his footsteps. He swallowed, and silence stretched unknowingly in the air. "Mer? I have… coffee. For you." She didn't respond, but barely made a gesture that was perceived as a nod. "Are you feeling okay?"

"No." She said coldly, unblinking.

"Do you need anything?" He tried.

"No."

He swallowed again and sighed, placing the mug on the bedside table and looking at her. She just…stared upwards, as if she was expecting something to happen, as if she was waiting for an answer to fall out of the sky. Nothing happened, though, so she continued to lay there aimlessly, wrapped in the tangle of blankets. She looked empty and exhausted, purely drained of all energy and motivation. Derek bit his lip and turned around slowly, dragging his hands through his silky hair. He sighed. He didn't know what else to do.

As he had concluded that Meredith was having some sort of psychosomatic reaction. She was making herself physically sick, but it wasn't from an infection, it wasn't from a virus, it wasn't from feisty germs. It was from all the stress that was piling on her in the last few days, it was making her sick and depressed. He had never seen her like this. He was so used to being the victim, and she was hurting more than he was. It was like the fear of everything had pinned her down, the weight of the world leaning on her shoulders and preventing her from going anywhere.

He turned and began taking steps towards the door, the room silent except for the falling sheets of rain that dove through the atmosphere outside. The floorboards creaked and he shuffled to the door, but before he stepped back into the hallway, Meredith's voice was soft and dry as she whispered distantly, "I feel sorry for our baby."

Derek didn't turn around, but he was horrified the words, and they struck him with a harsh blow. He visibly winced, unsure of what she meant, but at the same time knowing that it wasn't anything good. "What?" He said quietly, his words dripping with thick confusion. "What do you mean?"

She continued to stare up at the ceiling, and her voice didn't sound like she was directing her words at anyone in particular. She ran her fingers along the seams of her comforter and sighed, her words echoing in the emptiness of the atmosphere. "I feel sorry for it, that I'm bringing it into our insane life style."

Derek finally turned, and he swallowed. He rubbed his jaw and leaned on the wall, his voice strangled, "What are you talking about?" She didn't respond, just sighed and pulled her blankets higher up on her body. He gulped and his voice dipped low as he tried a different route, "You…don't want the baby?"

Meredith was suddenly alert again, and she shot up in bed. Her hair was matted and curly, shooting out in various directions, and her shirt was scrunched up past her belly button. Her blankets crumpled to her waist, and her eyes flashed at him. "Of course I want this baby!" She snapped, her voice veiled in defensive hurt. Derek straightened up and swayed on his feet, subconsciously rubbing his hands together. She glared at him, "I just know that the minute it comes out of me it's not going to be safe. Heck, it's not even safe now, because it's inside of _me, _Agent Meredith Grey. But the moment it's exposed to this world, I have no control over what happens. She won't be just a normal child, she'll be _our _child." Meredith said, but the moment she heard her last words out loud, she bit her lip. Derek's face contorted into a twisted hurt. Her voice softened, "Oh, Derek, I didn't mean… I didn't mean it like…that, I…"

"No," He said quietly. He looked away. "I get it, I see exactly how it is." He dragged the back of his palm across his face and inhaled sharply. His words were cold and hurt, "You ignored me for a day, wouldn't say anything, and when you finally do, this is what you say?"

Her voice broke, "It's not that. Derek, I'm so glad I'm having your baby, I can't even describe it…" She bit her lip. "I love you. And I love our baby. But I'm also terrified, because I know that she won't get to have a normal life, and I know that she won't have the luxury of having the freedom and laid back lifestyle of all the other kids. And…" She faltered. She knotted her fingers together, "And I just…" She faltered again and gave up, defeated by unsaid words. Silence stretched between them before he took another step back.

Derek didn't know what to say. What she had said at first was like a slap in the face. As she elaborated, though, her understood her completely- and agreed- yet, he was at a complete and utter loss of words. He didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do, and felt like he was frozen in time, while the world moved around him. He kicked softly at the floor, pursing his lips in anticipated words, but nothing came to him. He was empty. What she had said was offensive, and the words stung him in his heart: That was true. For a moment in time, he wasn't sure about anything at all.

"Derek, please," She said softly. Her plea was small and quiet, but it was meaningful and sincere. He shut his eyes and forced himself to stand there for a second, to weigh his options. And his choice was clear. He wasn't going to walk away: He was not that type of guy. It was clear she needed him, and it was clear she wanted him with her. He swallowed and turned back around, meeting her gaze. Her eyes were shining.

He sighed and gave himself up to her, making slow strides over to the opposite side of the bed. She pursed her lips and watched him as he lowered himself onto the bed, which squealed under his weight. He propped himself up on his hands as he sat diagonal to her, and they looked at each other. Didn't speak, just looked into each others eyes, their gazes locked together as the world moved around them. The rain pattered crisply on the roof, and the heater hummed from the vents. A few cars honked. Meredith opened her mouth to say something, but couldn't, she just bit her lip and exhaled shakily. It took her a moment to shake her head and force out, "I'm sorry, I swear I didn't mean~"

Derek scooted closer to her and pulled her into him, gathering her into his arms and enveloping her with an embrace. He collected her small body into the folds of his arms and buried his head against her hair, shutting his eyes and holding her tightly. He breathed in the traces of lavender that floated from her hair and she nestled into her softly. He cradled her and her baby like a child, rocking them back and forth. She submitted to him and shut her eyes, sniffling and feeling a sudden echo of protection throb within her. She put his hands on his chest, trailed her fingers down it slowly, and put her head in the crook of his neck and sighed.

Suddenly, Derek felt her break out of his grasp and flail off the bed, flying from underneath her mounds of sheets that covered her body. They floated back onto the bed when she bolted. Derek reeled back and frowned in sheer shock, and stared as she stumbled messily to the bathroom, barely tripping over her own feet. "Morning sickness," She managed out as she gagged and clamped her mouth shut, pressing her fingers to her lips in a futile attempt to seal them shut. She disappeared into the bathroom and Derek hopped off the bed and followed her, running, his feet sliding messily across the floor. He entered their bathroom just as she lowered herself onto the tile and retched into the toilet bowl, gagging and spitting and moaning. Derek couldn't help but to wonder _what _she was throwing up, as she hadn't eaten in a while anyway.

Derek sat down on the floor next to her, crossing his legs and leaning against the wall. He reached up onto the sink and felt around for a rough, stretchy ponytail holder that was sitting there the last time he was inside. His felt it and he pulled the black band down to him. He gathered Meredith's piles of unruly hair into the warm palms of his hair and twisted the ponytail around it until it held the clumps of dark brown out of her face for her.

She wrapped her arms around the rim of the toilet bowl and bowed into it, throwing up again. She clutched the bowl tighter, until her knuckles turned white, and gagged a few times as the spit drained into the bowl. Derek rubbed her back firmly and used his free hand to tuck her bangs out of her face for her. Her chest heaved and she groaned in discomfort, breathing heavily, but didn't let go of the bowl. "Ouch. Gross," She coughed out as she spit again.

Derek smiled softly at her and kissed her forehead. "I don't think you want to kiss me right now," She muttered, relaxing from her curled position over the toilet. Derek chuckled.

"You're beautiful."

"Ugh, no, I'm pregnant," She said as she rubbed her temples.

"Exactly," He smiled at her and helped her sit back up comfortably, and her breathing slowed. "Do you need anything?"

She shook her head and shut her eyes again, breathing slowly and regaining her composure. "You just being here… It helps." She reached out her hand, and Derek tangled his fingers with hers. A small smile crept across her lips and she sighed contently, her small hand fitting into Derek's like a puzzle piece. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yes," He said, and he leaned in to kiss her nose. "I love you too. Do you know that?"

"Yes," She said, and she opened her eyes to look at him. He smiled back. "I feel gross," She muttered, and rubbed her face. "And, I smell gross."

"I have an idea."

"Mmm?" She said drearily, looking up at him with curiosity flickering in her eyes.

"Shower?" He asked, but he knew it was more of a statement than a question. That quirkiness she recognized twinkled in his eyes as he grinned. She felt a sly smile creep across her face slowly, and she nodded. "I love you, Derek Shepherd."

_**A/N: So, what did you think? Clearly, Meredith is really stressed out right now too. Derek isn't in the best shape either. But at least we can see that they're trying to move through everything together. Comments are great, either way, thanks for reading! **_


	49. Chapter 48

_**READ ME please: This was at first going to be just an authors note, but I hate leaving those because I didn't want people to expect a new chapter: So, after this note there is a snippet of a chapter- about half the size of a normal one- that I wrote so you all would have a little something to read. Basically, I'm thinking about putting this story on an official hiatus, before the ending storylines. The focus has primarily been on my new fic, and I hate telling you all that I'll be back to my original posting schedule for this one when I just don't have the time. I know, it's not like I have been updating frequently anyway, but I wanted to make it official so you all know. I'm not sure how long the hiatus will be (there may be one more longer chapter after this one before the hiatus to give you a little more closure) because I don't know how much longer I'm going to continue this story. Don't worry, I won't randomly quit writing after the next chapter: I'm telling you all this because it will take a bit for me to come up with my ending storylines and create the outlines, etc… See? I hope you enjoy this little chapter, and thank you to everyone who has stuck with this fic, or even anyone who has just taken the time to read it.**_

"Something isn't right, Derek!"

Derek shook his head, full of exhaustion, and dragged a hand across his temple in frustration. He repeated, "Meredith!"

"Derek!" She countered, his condescending tone making anger bubble up in her chest.

"They haven't been here in two weeks," Meredith snapped, slamming down the mug that she had brought down from the cabinet to fill with more coffee. She was referring to the agents that had been assigned to bring Derek and Meredith food when they had been in hiding, as they weren't allowed to leave. They hadn't come in two weeks, and they weren't anywhere to be seen.

"Mer, they're busy agents, okay? Things like this probably happen all the time," Derek insisted.

"Something's up!" She repeated, yanking the last bit of coffee they had left and dumping it into her mug.

"Listen," He sighed. "I know you're a little paranoid after everything that's happened, but you need to~"

She cut him off, her eyes glaring so viciously that he could practically feel it. He swallowed as she said, her words dripping with rage, "Oh, no, don't you dare make this about me! This is not some deeply rooted problem of mine that you can try to dig down and fix. I'm being serious, something is not right." She glanced out the window again, with no signs of any agents or surveillance devices. "Plus, Cristina hasn't talked to me in a week, which is not a good at all."

"She's a spy," Derek huffed. "Spies are busy."

"It doesn't change the fact that she's also my friend. And it doesn't change the fact that this is _weird _Derek! It's so odd." She repeated again. She shuffled to the fridge and pulled the door open hard, the chill floating from inside and hitting her face. She widened her eyes and let out a frustrated sigh when she saw the contents, or lack thereof. There was a quarter of a gallon of milk, three eggs, two apples, and one piece of chicken breast. That's it. Nothing else. She ran her hands through her hair angrily and bit her lip.

"Meredith, let's try not to freak out about this, okay?" Derek said softly, but the way he drew out his words made something inside of her snap.

"Will you stop talking to me like that already?" She yelled, standing up quickly. Her hair fanned out in every which direction around her face, and she blew her bangs off of her cheeks. "It's obnoxious. Stop!"

"Meredith~" He began.

She wouldn't let him have it, "We have no food, Derek. What are we supposed to do now? Please, let me know, because if you have any ideas, it'd be nice to know. I'm feeding two people, remember? We're out of soap, shampoo, food, paper towel… and how are we supposed to…" She swallowed and her angry gaze met his.

"Lets not panic," He said quietly, but he knew he had lost the argument, so he looked downwards in defeat.

"Don't tell me not to panic, Derek Shepherd." She slammed the fridge door shut and propped her hands on her hips. She then paused for a second, and forced her brain to think over what she was saying and how she was acting. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, calming herself down momentarily. Her voice was quiet, but unwavering, as she asked, "Please, there's something wrong. You have to trust me on this."

He thought it over for a second, and her plea found it's own way into his heart. He sighed loudly and largely, but looked back at her. "Okay. Fine."

She exhaled and leaned back against the fridge, resting her hands on her stomach, her expression softening as she looked at him and nodded, "Thank you." Her soft words floated and dissolved in the air, seeming to melt away as

"I'll make you a deal," He spoke firmly, not meaning to ask, meaning to affirm. She blinked her eyes open and narrowed them.

"What?"

"We'll page the base. If they don't reply to our call in three hours, then… we can…" His words escaped him as he painfully realize he didn't know what he was planning to do in the first place.

Meredith inhaled in finished his sentence for him, "…we'll go in. To headquarters." His eyes widened and he shook his head immediately. She took her pager from her pocket and paged both Izzie, Cristina and Headquarters before they began to wait

"No, that's too dangerous~"

"We're spies, when if anything _not _dangerous!" She replied steadily, leaning forward on her feet and daring him to reply. "What else did you have in mind?"

"I…" He started, but he stopped, and scrabbled his hand tiredly across his forehead. "I don't know," He said, and he gave up. Just as he was going to protest further, as if she had the best timing, Meredith's phone rang. Izzie's name flashed on the speed dial, and Meredith's heart quickened. Derek's eyes widened, and she flipped the phone open. Her heartbeat sped up.

"Meredith."

"Izzie? What's the matter? Is everything okay? Why hasn't Cristina responded to me?" She braced herself for the worst.

"Are you sitting down?"

Meredith's color fell from her face, "What?" Her words were slurred.

"I said, are you sitting down? Sit down." Izzie's instructions were careful and firm, so Meredith dizzily obliged. She wobbled into one of the stools, the colors of the world mashing together. What was going on? She felt Derek's hand on her shoulder, supporting her, bracing her from falling over. Her stomach churned with worry, and she bit her lip.

"Izzie, what is it?" She prodded.

Izzie sucked in her breath, "I'm sorry, we weren't allowed to contact you until we were sure…"

"Sure of what?"

"Meredith… It's Johnson." Meredith's heart stopped. She felt her happiness crash to the floor and burn up. Her stomach dropped further. "He's… Mer, he's captured." Her voice dipped low into the phone, and Meredith felt her legs go as loose as jello. Relief swamped her, washing over her like a flood. She let herself drown in it as Izzie said, "You're safe."


End file.
